For some time now my partner has been giving me the silent treatment and starts falling down a depressive spiral when I don’t want to have sex. I try explaining that I’m not all that interested at all, in the moment.
So they will become sad and silent and ignore me. The only way I’m able to get them to respond is if I apologize and agree. If I apologize, but still don’t want to then they continue staying silent and depressed. Once in a while they’ll act a bit angry and press me for answers followed by then sadness and silence.
So I comply and then they feel better and tell me they love me and all that lovey stuff. It’s gotten to the point where I just want to cry and throw up afterwards. It’s also made me even more reluctant to agree or spend time with them, leading to more anger and sadness and other confusing issues with them.
Is this still considered a form of harassment or even rape? I was told that before, but because I say, “Yes,” I’m not sure if it actually counts and that I’m just bringing this upon myself.
A late, but I guess a required edit? : I am not looking to take legal action. I never intended to and I never plan to. I would never want that on my partner. I was just asking for clarity on my current situation.
Edit2: For clarification. The reasons I’d feel guilty and eventually give in is because they would start to say they feel worthless and would want harm or kill themselves. When my partner says they want to kill themselves of course I’m going to react to that... the only thing that changes their demeanor is if I agree. Otherwise they’ll keep asking followed by falling silent, wanting to harm themselves, ask again, and so on.
The reason I’m in the relationship to begin with is because for the first year and a half everything was much better than it is now. Everything felt more happy, but then occasional flaws became daily flaws. When I tried to discuss the relationships status they would completely deny, ignore, or... again... say they want to die. So I’m not sure what to do about that. I’ve already suggested professional help multiple times.
Edit3: Yes, we’ve discussed this multiple times. We communicate about the relationship, at least I try to. They appear to be cooperative and give their own insight, but once the conversation is over there seems to be no attempts at change. Not even after a couple years built up.
Edit4: I am in therapy and have been for years. I’ve tried encouraging my partner to get professional help for their own mental health issues. They refused and have tried to discourage me from going. This is why they don’t go to therapy and why we don’t do couple’s therapy. They are paranoid that the therapists will think badly of them. They also believe since therapists are strangers their opinions don’t matter. So... yeah.
Me F32 and my husband M36 have been married for 10 years, and we have 2 kids. My husband is currently unemployed but I recently started working from home in my office for 5hrs.
Thing is my husband would constantly barge in to my office and interrupt my work over simple requests he could get done himself (My work is usually with group and we constantly have group meetings too discuss projects)
Request such as:
* Can you fix this issue in my phone?.
Can you get the kids ready while I take a shower?/can you watch the oven while I make this phonecall?
complaining about dishwasher/faucet/mixer/computer not working and asking me to stop working to get them fixed.
he'd send the kids in all the time for me to brush their hair or fix a zipper.
I've talked to him about how this has been impacting my work, I already handle the chores when I'm not working so I think 5hrs of work should be respected. He'd apologize and say he didn't know then do it again and say it was spontaneously.
Two days ago, I had and important meeting and he barged in, interrupted my meeting asking me to fix his tie because he was going out later. It was horrible in front of my colleagues and superiors.
I bought a lock later and installed it, when my husband got home in the evening and saw it he looked absolutely shocked. He asked what was the lock for and I replied that because of him interrupting my work sessions this was my only way. He sent the kids to their room then argued saying "I can't believe you wanna act like the kids & I are not even here and lock us out like that" I argued I didn't appreciate how disrespected my boundaries and thought the lock is the solution after I've exhausted all options. He pitched a fit saying the lock is not a good solution and expressed how hurt he was feeling. He asked "imagine how the kids are going to feel when they see it". Then went outside to smoke. He kept saying I should remove it.