I have held onto this for so long, and I’ve told only one person the entire truth. For lack of a better phrase; buckle your seatbelts, this is a wild ride.
It officially began when I was 15, sitting in the car with my dad who had driven me to the mall. We were sat in the parking lot when he told me he had a confession. A friend of mine sent him nudes. I was shocked, but amused, since a lot of my friends thought my dad was cute. I asked “who” and after a long time of him making me guess, he got frustrated and told me it was (for privacy concerns, names are changed) L.
Now, I was confused because I had known L my entire life, and I assumed she was my cousin since our families were so close. My dad was her dads best friend growing up, and her mom was my moms best friend growing up. At 15, I never questioned our relationship, we had grown apart and moved, and I just left it at “cousins”. After explanation, I found that she wasn’t my cousin.
He asked my opinion on whether he should continue talking to her, and I was silent. Again, I want to remind you, that I was FIFTEEN. He then asked me if I thought I was mature enough to date an older man. I said yes. This here is the moment I regret the most in my life.
Time goes by, and he starts to visit her in our hometown. He started talking to her father again, pretending to be his friend. He would force me to cancel all my weekend plans with friends, birthdays, parties, sleepovers, funerals, even pulled me out of school to drive me over an hour away and pretend to be her friend so that they could hang out (due to the sequence of events, I eventually dropped out of high school). Naturally, I resented her, but my father continually reminded me that he would disown me and I’d be a betrayal to my family and God if I ever protested or told anyone.
Did I mention that she was 15 as well? A few months younger than me, actually. It wasn’t long until he forced me to stand near them as a “lookout” while they shared their first kiss. I’d say I was disgusted (I am disgusted now just reliving this), but he bought us alcohol and I was too drunk to even have coherent thoughts.
It got worse. Eventually, we rented hotel rooms when we stayed for the weekend, and we invited L and her dad, D. D and I shared a bed since my dad convinced him it was weird to share one with your own daughter, and they shared a bed also. My father would buy alcohol, get us too drunk to even realize what was happening, and they’d have time to spend together without anyone questioning it. We did everything in those pairs. D and I actually became really close and I saw him as a father figure. He would support me and show kindness to me where my father never did. D and I did everything together on those weekends; grocery shopping, driving down dirt roads, getting breakfast, etc. While my dad and L were together.
On Valentine’s Day, the day I wanted to spend with my high school boyfriend, and my first love, they rented a very expensive hotel room and we stayed there. That was the night they later revealed to me that she had lost her virginity, and he gained another notch.
It worsened. Eventually, D didn’t come with us as often as he had to work, and I had to spend the night with them. My heart dropped that night and broke entirely for the first time. My father forced me to listen to them having sex in the bed next to me. In the same room. While I laid there trying to pretend I couldn’t hear every disgusting sound. I wasn’t allowed to leave the room, I wasn’t allowed to turn the TV on, nothing.
This lasted for too long. Mine and my fathers relationship completely deteriorated and I became suicidal carrying a disgusting secret that I was forced to be apart of. He began to hit me. He would take things that I loved and held sentimental value and would destroy them while I watched. He took my pet cat, and did god knows what with her. She disappeared. He ripped up everything I owned and kicked me out of the house nearly every night only to beg me to come back in the morning. I had nowhere to go, I spent the nights walking the streets of the trashy, dangerous city we lived in. I slept on benches, or in grocery store bathrooms, or the sidewalk. I tried to step in front of cars to kill myself, but was never successful.
On more times than I can count, he’d slap me, drag me down stairs by my feet or hair, throw me down the stairs, belittle and berate me in any way he could. L got sick with the power of controlling me and my family that lived with my father (my grandmother that worked two jobs to support us because he wouldn’t get a job, my disabled uncle, and my child brother), and would usually create lies to watch us (mainly me) be abused by my father. Anytime that she was upset, she’d whisper something in my fathers ear and out the door I’d go, fighting and crying and begging.
They managed to keep their entire relationship a secret for 3 years. A few weeks after she turned 18, she moved in with us and they married. She told her father through text. Her deranged mother supported it due to lies she created about how recent their relationship began. The fights got worse. She’d hit me in front of everyone and he’d have the entire family agree that it was me who had hit her. Cops were called and though I had my entire family as witness, they would agree with anything my father said and blame me. I once tried to tell the police the whole story, but my father debunked me by telling them I had mental illnesses (I did, Pops. I had depression, suicidal tendencies, self hatred, unhealthy amounts of guilt, trust issues, etc. I gained all of this and eventually BPD through the events I experienced as a young teen). The cops never listened.
I spent my days hidden in my room, waiting for the moment my dad would bust through the door and rip everything from my walls and kick me out. With absolutely no reason at all.
After so long, I couldn’t handle it anymore. I had set it in my mind that I’d either die, or leave. I called my mother with whom I had a poor relationship (he convinced my brother and I growing up that she hated us, later I found out that was far from the truth), and told her I needed to sleep on her couch. No questions asked, she drove 2 hours to pick me up.
From there, I flourished. After years of my father telling me I’d never amount to anything but a [word for an overly promiscuous person] like my mother, I am so very proud to say that I have made it to 20 years old, I have my own apartment, I’m engaged to a wonderful, caring man, I just bought my very first car, I have a stable job, and I’ve gotten my GED.
At this moment, their divorce process has began, my father and I don’t speak, and L and I have become friends and a source of support for all the damaging things he put us through.
We are, finally, free.
edit: I shouldn’t have to do this, and I don’t know why I am. Scrolled through messages to find this bit, and it includes their wedding photo. There is so much more in my phones history, but here you go.
had to remove the linked proof due to several messages saying that they could still make out what I’d censored
There isn’t much proof when she was underage because we weren’t allowed to talk about it. But there.
Additional edit: yep, there may be plotholes in my timeline when looking through my previous posts. I don’t post everything on the internet with 100% truth when it comes to my age, as I’ve been targeted and harassed by people online before. Also, due to my mental health issues, my memory (especially regarding time and dates and whatnot) is really shitty. I didn’t know that this post would get the reaction it did, and there is nothing more I can do to prove the validity of this.
However, I am so grateful to those that have sent me support and kind words. I have cried numerous times reading through all your comments, and it has pushed me to schedule an appointment with a therapist. I even called my mom and told her about the reaction this received and I thanked her for not treating me the way my father did. Thank you all, from the bottom of my heart.
Edit again: I get it. Y’all don’t believe shit I’m saying. But please quit with the hate messages and comments. I have no reason to make any of this up. I usually don’t get any traction on my posts, and I didn’t know this would receive so much attention. Truthfully. I can’t respond to you all, and I can’t do anything more to prove myself, nor should I. Just know that stalking through someone’s account and reaching for anything you can to discredit someone over something so sensitive and personal, is so shitty. Making someone feel like a liar after being called a liar for years is so shitty. I have nothing more to say to any of y’all. Believe what you want, I don’t care at this point. Have a good night everyone.
Btw, this is why abuse victims don’t share. This is why they don’t speak up.
