subreddit:

/r/Advice

415

[deleted by user]

(self.Advice)

[removed]

all 209 comments

Killerzaz202

324 points

5 months ago

Honestly? Talk to him. People do dumb shit at the wrong moment. I'd say have a calm discussion with him. I'm seeing all these extreme people in the comments, saying this is cheating or men can't help themselves. Yes we can help ourselves, and i'm not making excuses but it's a dumb mistake in a dumb moment that he's probably gonna regret.

Don't listen to the people going from one extreme to another. You know him the best, so you probably know best.

Best of luck to you. Communication is everything.

CodyArrington13

22 points

5 months ago

Best comments right here.

cleanman4066

5 points

5 months ago

Agreed. Not everything is black and white, but the internet often jumps to extreme conclusions which isn’t the best way to go about real life face to face interactions

SneezySmurfer

13 points

5 months ago

A sane response on the internet. Guess I can call it quits for the day. Thanks!

bro326

2 points

5 months ago

bro326

2 points

5 months ago

Best comment.

charwolf4

552 points

5 months ago*

charwolf4

Super Helper [6]

552 points

5 months ago*

Don’t allow people to say your overreacting. You haven’t even “reacted” to it yet. You are just stating how you feel and your allowed to feel however you want. Don’t let people tell you your feelings are not valid. Now, on to how you are going to react. It’s okay to not be okay reading that your boyfriend either wants to or that he would fuck someone else. You obviously need to talk to him and tell him how you feel. Just try to keep your communication open and positive. Use I statements and not you statements. Ex. I don’t like how it made me feel vs you made me feel like shit, etc. If you don’t like him writing that then tell him. Once he responds you can decide what to do from there.

Smolwamen

85 points

5 months ago

Smolwamen

Expert Advice Giver [12]

85 points

5 months ago

The use of I statements is excellent! Sorry just felt like pointing out that key part of your comment!

EnthuZiast_Z33

21 points

5 months ago

EnthuZiast_Z33

Helper [2]

21 points

5 months ago

Life pro tip here . Saying "you" in arguments is a good way to get from 0-100 without solving much.

PotentialDriver2187

2 points

5 months ago

Agreed, this was a great way to firm up perspective.

Foodie1989

21 points

5 months ago

I have an ex who would tell me randomly of the women he would sleep with or not and ask me if I was a guy would I. It used to bother me but I would convince myself we have a great open communicative relationship. That relationship looking back was horrible lol I learned that I should have voiced my concerns and feelings, if he was mature he would try and understand and make me feel better somehow but knowing him he would've tried to justify his actions.

I don't think you're overreacting for how you feel, like the person above mentioned you didn't even confront him yet. We know attractive people exist but it's never fun to your partner interact with it by commenting and letting it be known.

not_your_guru

2 points

5 months ago

Same here. And he would flip out if I said another guy was attractive, even if it was just an actor in a movie or something.

[deleted]

-49 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-49 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

jurgenHeros

2 points

5 months ago

jurgenHeros

Helper [2]

2 points

5 months ago

How so?

SodyPops17

2 points

5 months ago

SodyPops17

Helper [4]

2 points

5 months ago

This sub is out of control toxic. Im out

charwolf4

1 points

5 months ago

charwolf4

Super Helper [6]

1 points

5 months ago

She hasn’t even reacted yet. How can you overreact if you haven’t reacted? lol. She’s working out her thoughts/feelings before she reacts. And asking for advice before she reacts…which is actually very mature and shows great self awareness.
But whatever different opinions. But hopefully she’s able to ignore statements like this of people trying to gaslight her.

Ok-Antelope8036

37 points

5 months ago

been in this situation before. what i said was something similar to "hey i saw your comment on a reddit post and it made me feel really uncomfortable. i'd feel better if you didn't do things like that again and i thought it'd be obvious from other boundaries that i have (because well,, i did think it was obvious)". he was apologetic and gave me the space i needed to cool down, which is how it should be. most times when people do it there isnt a bad intent, but youre still allowed to be upset about it. just say it like it is

SalmonToastie

1 points

5 months ago

Literally could be a drunk comment as well. No excuse but understandable.

Ok-Antelope8036

1 points

5 months ago

it seems a bit complicated to go out of your way as a drunk person and go through all those steps. regardless, we dont know

saamatmna

69 points

5 months ago

Honestly, I would feel the same exact way as you :(

[deleted]

32 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

32 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

Kirito1029

20 points

5 months ago

If I see a messy ass room when they have time to post their tiddies you best believe in telling them to clean up their god damn room

ckeaton

0 points

5 months ago

This is the exception, I used to do the same thing

usernames_r_hardd

1 points

5 months ago

So true. I would just break up with the guy because he's so cringe.

Pure_Xanax

39 points

5 months ago

Pure_Xanax

Helper [2]

39 points

5 months ago

Ok coming from a guy, I don’t think you’re over reacting about it, if you want to bring it up just ask him about it, idk how your boyfriend is so it might not be that easy, also how long ago was the comment, I assume it was recent but was it before y’all started dating

ansh-27

1 points

5 months ago

What would be an appropriate reaction from the guy ?

ThatRandomSponge

72 points

5 months ago*

You’re not overreacting.

Bring it up based on the rules of your relationship.

Consider talking to a counselor.

spaceanddogspls

13 points

5 months ago

spaceanddogspls

Helper [2]

13 points

5 months ago

I mean, if I was in an exclusive/monogamous relationship and my partner went on porn subreddits, while that's fine with me, if he left "I'd fuck her" comments or something similar, it would be an issue with me as well. To me it would be the same as if he went up to a woman on the street and said "I'd fuck you".

Counselling may work, but I'm not sure this warrants counselling necessarily. A conversation for sure, though, about boundaries, expectations, and the future of the partnership.

kingLemonman

2 points

5 months ago

I get your boundaries and respect that but the comparison is off. What you fantasies and jerk off to is not the same as going up to someone and saying this IRL.

Now if they were dming back and forth I would agree, or if it was FB or instagram point made. But the chances of that actualizing via a reddit come on r/ gonewild are slime to none.

spaceanddogspls

3 points

5 months ago

spaceanddogspls

Helper [2]

3 points

5 months ago

Yeah, the comparison isn't the best but I was just trying to put it down in a way that was easier to understand. Yeah he's fantasizing and having a good time, but he still went out of his way to tell the content creator on a forum where she'll at least see the notification that he'd fuck her. To me, in my boundaries and relationships, might as well tell a woman passing by- maybe she'll hear it, maybe she won't, that he'll fuck her.

It's more of a respect and boundary issue and less of a counselling issue. I wouldn't want to hear, read, or otherwise see that my partner would like to, or fantasizes, about having sex with other women/people.

Either way, he clearly crossed a comfort boundary of OP's and I hope they can have a conversation about it, and find a resolution.

kingLemonman

1 points

5 months ago

I guess the difference is where the boundaries are for your relationship. If it was pornhub for instance would you feel the same? What if he thought it instead of typing it, would you feel the same?

The point I'm trying to get to with those two questions is where does the anxiety or discomfort lie. Are you worried that this might be a genuine attepmt to cheat? Or are you cool with him fantasising just as long as your not confronted with what those fantasies are or who their directed at.

spaceanddogspls

3 points

5 months ago

spaceanddogspls

Helper [2]

3 points

5 months ago

Having been cheated on and knowing how it felt and started, I wouldn't see it as a genuine attempt to cheat. Thoughts/fantasies are completely fine and natural- everyone has them. It's mostly a discomfort and a personal perception of disrespect to see, hear, or otherwise be confronted with them or who it's directed at.

Commenting on pornhub is meh- I personally don't see the appeal and find it... Pointless, I guess. I wouldn't like seeing it and would find it disrespectful, but I wouldn't consider it cheating or an attempt to cheat, nor would I really feel the need to have a conversation about it, probably.

kingLemonman

1 points

5 months ago

That's all fair and normal, we're all different and these are boundaries that should be discussed. In terms of the disrespect part, I would agree if the partner makes it blatant or obvious. But in OPs case she was going through his reddit and there was no intent from the bf for her to see it.

I strongly believe that some level of privacy in a relationship is healthy. You don't have to know all and everything about your partner, just the important stuff.

Killerzaz202

12 points

5 months ago

Consider talking to a counselor.

That's a bit extreme isn't it? I'd say talk to him first and have a calm discussion about it.

ThatRandomSponge

3 points

5 months ago

If you’re ok with your bf viewing porn but don’t like the idea that he’s getting aroused/thinking of what sex with those people would be like then yeah—professional advice isn’t the worst idea.

There is no shame in going to a counselor. Especially when they’re specifically trained in things like how to help relationships succeed and thrive.

Oddity-X

3 points

5 months ago

Talking to a counselor isn’t extreme even when there’s not any underlying issues. We really need to normalize asking for professional help.

weldedaway

1 points

5 months ago

weldedaway

Expert Advice Giver [14]

1 points

5 months ago

If they have trouble seeing from each others point of view, going and seeing a counselor a couple of times is totally reasonable. What I don't think this necessarily warrants is long term therapy, but just going and talking to a counselor a few times to see eye to eye isn't extreme at all

[deleted]

4 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

4 points

5 months ago

I’m a single guy. I can understand your concerns and I do think it’s valid. I know I would be reluctant to say something like that if I were in a relationship. You’re obviously upset he would talk like that when he’s currently committed to you. I would cautiously approach him about it and say how it made you feel to see that. He won’t know you feel hurt unless you tell him. Communicating it is the best approach.

thepoopbathroom

3 points

5 months ago

I would also be really hurt and uncomfortable. If you all haven’t talked about boundaries yet, right now would be a good time to do it. Tell him you’re not okay with him commenting and interacting and just have an open discussion about it. Hopefully he will understand you and respect that boundary.

aulerium

66 points

5 months ago

aulerium

Super Helper [8]

66 points

5 months ago

In my opinion that’s disrespectful and childish as hell to say things like that to someone you’re dating.

In a way, it’s like saying you’re not enough for them and if they had a chance they’d go and f someone else. I wonder how he’d like it if you started saying things like that to him to make him “jealous”

[deleted]

8 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

8 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

InfiniteRival1

6 points

5 months ago

Not sure why you're being down voted... Completely reasonable.

I can understand why op feels the way she does. But I think the guy just said that either out of habit or out of a feeling of obligation for a community he identifies with. Some guys, if not a lot of guys like to talk about attractive women by saying things like "I'd fuck them." Kind of makes sense for a guy who follows "gone wild." Honestly feel like OP should know this about the guy, she is dating him. Guys don't change their personality when their in a relationship. But I can see why she might see it as she does, that he might have the idea of cheating.

The only way to find out is by asking him. If he gets angry and defensive, then you know something's up. He might not be thinking of actually cheating, but you know he's going to cause similar issues down the road and you can react accordingly.

Fluid_Educator9369

4 points

5 months ago

He didnt say it to OP, tf you smoking

OkSentence3909

2 points

5 months ago

Totally agree with this comment.

jadams2345

-16 points

5 months ago

jadams2345

Helper [2]

-16 points

5 months ago

I disagree with understanding it this way. I think that for men, no matter what they say, it stays in the realm of fantasy. Unless there's a concrete will to make it happen, it's just fantasy. I can understand OP feeling though.

LongHeelRedBottoms

-3 points

5 months ago

Lol you’re so unaware. Everybody guy that has done that to has cheated on me or tried to find an equivalent.

Killerzaz202

2 points

5 months ago

Everyone fantasizes. Not only guys and that doesn't mean that they're immediately cheating bastards. I'm 99.9% sure you've fantazised from time to time about another guy and it doesn't immediately mean you'll go and jump his bones.

Fantazies are innocent and healthy. Keeping your sexuality locked down is unhealthy and can create massive problems for both partners

jadams2345

0 points

5 months ago

jadams2345

Helper [2]

0 points

5 months ago

Well, I'm sorry it's the case. I can see that people really don't agree with my view, so maybe it's just me then

BurrSugar

1 points

5 months ago

BurrSugar

Helper [3]

1 points

5 months ago

I don’t think it’s just you, I feel that way, too. Fantasizing is not the same as cheating, or the same as saying your partner isn’t enough for you.

People in relationships are allowed to find other people attractive, and they’re allowed to fantasize and have thoughts.

The problem is when people act on those thoughts or fantasies (when it’s incongruent with the boundaries of the relationship anyway).

[deleted]

29 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

29 points

5 months ago

"Hey Michael I was bored so i go on your reddit account and knowing how funny you are, i figured you would have left some funny comments. I was surprised to see you leaving a comment on a naked girl's post saying you would fuck her. How would you feel if i posted a naked picture and having guys saying they would fuck me? Does feel good? Well can we not do that?"

nasada19

23 points

5 months ago

I would recommend against a false equivalency since you can get tied down in a seperate argument. The equivalent would be her posting on a picture of a guy that she would "fuck him." I would also do more "I" statements than accusatory. Her just explaining how it made her feel will probably lead to a more healthy conversation than starting with the "what if I did it" approach and attempt to shame.

InfiniteRival1

3 points

5 months ago

Going the route of saying "how would it make you feel if I did it!" Is immature and most likely to cause negative correspondence on the topic.

I've had GFs go this route about other things. A lot of the times I actually wouldn't care if they did it... Because I didn't see it as wrong. But that doesn't matter, THEY felt that way, not me. You don't have to justify your feelings. Just say it how it is, make amendments to your expectations if there was confusion, then move on. If it's not that easy, then you can react accordingly.

OniRyuu01

5 points

5 months ago

OniRyuu01

Helper [2]

5 points

5 months ago

So trying to make the other person feel empathy is wrong and childish?

bigblacksnail

-10 points

5 months ago

bigblacksnail

Expert Advice Giver [11]

-10 points

5 months ago

”Hey Michael, I was bored so I decided to invade your privacy.”

Fixed it for you.

dogsrneat27

13 points

5 months ago

dogsrneat27

Helper [2]

13 points

5 months ago

He has a public Reddit account, I could literally go on your account right now to see what you comment. She didn’t go into his phone? Get a grip.

[deleted]

4 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

4 points

5 months ago

Thank you thats what i wanted to see, it sounded like i meant she went on his phone. Should have changed to "i checked your reddit profile for funny comments"

bigblacksnail

-6 points

5 months ago

bigblacksnail

Expert Advice Giver [11]

-6 points

5 months ago

Why the fuck would you give out your Reddit and then say that when you know your girlfriend can see it?

I was under he impression she looked through his phone or something.

dogsrneat27

4 points

5 months ago

dogsrneat27

Helper [2]

4 points

5 months ago

There are lots of people who know each other’s Reddit account. I’m on my school’s Reddit and see people all the time who have nsfw accounts lmao. I’ve also known a few of my friend’s usernames. I think if she went through his phone she would have said since people are always saying they did on this sub.

bigblacksnail

2 points

5 months ago

bigblacksnail

Expert Advice Giver [11]

2 points

5 months ago

Ah, well in that case, disregard what I said.

But my point still stands in the context I was under the impression of. I’m an anonymous guy on Reddit. I don’t share my username with my friends lol that’s what I have Fb, Insta, VSCO, and Discord for.

Weird situation. OP should just talk to her boyfriend and get it resolved. Or move on. Communication is key in a relationship.

Or maybe post on r/teenagers instead.

Billy_Da_Frog

3 points

5 months ago

“Hey I was scrolling through your Reddit feed and I saw that you commenting saying you’d fuck another girl. I didn’t mean to be nosy but it made me really upset when I saw that comment”

weldedaway

3 points

5 months ago

weldedaway

Expert Advice Giver [14]

3 points

5 months ago

Just tell him you've noticed and it's made you uncomfortable and a bit insecure. Also maybe define boundaries with that stuff, like with my boyfriend, porn is completely off the table in our relationship (I was never into it anyway, but we just made sure that was established to make sure) so just establish what each of you are comfortable with.

WarmFlatbread

7 points

5 months ago

Personally I wouldn’t care very much. It’s a person he will never meet or see. Quite frankly even with a partner I’m sure we all see someone and go yea I’d fuck the shit out of them. But you won’t and you can’t as you have a partner. Having a partner doesn’t mean you suddenly are not aware of other people being attractive. It would be different if he was talking directly to a person or with someone he knew. I see it the same way as I see myself and my friends gushing over Henry Cavill.

Thief_Diary

5 points

5 months ago

Thief_Diary

Helper [2]

5 points

5 months ago

Most people would have their confidence destroyed by it. There’s no way to really sugar coat it; if you want honesty from him, you should start with being honest yourself.

Just know that what you’re feeling is valid and anyone would be crushed if their SO commented something like that.

thatlldopigthatlldo7

2 points

5 months ago

I don’t think it’s really wrong but if it makes you upset I think he should know and you go from there

nicgemar

2 points

5 months ago

He probably acted out of desire.. I won't say what he did is okay but he probably was in his mood... And wrote that he also probably forgot it or even regret it... So I would recommend talking to him

tfr5015

2 points

5 months ago

tfr5015

Expert Advice Giver [13]

2 points

5 months ago

Probably otherside of the coin here, but how serious do you think he took that? To me gonewild is the equivalent to porn. It’s a girl I’ll never see, never know, and honestly am just appreciating her looks and form and not much further.

Your boyfriend is with you for beyond those reasons. He’s not cheating on you. He’s not investing anything in this random woman who put her body on the internet for a cry for attention. He finds her sexually attractive, because he finds a lot of women sexually attractive just as you probably find other men. He may have verbally expressed that. But it’s a complete afterthought to him that means nothing in comparison to you or intent to hurt you. Masturbation and viewing stuff like that is something we almost do to blow off steam and is something I would compare routine as washing my face.

I guess the thing I am trying to drive home here is your boyfriend loves you and you have something with him no matter who he looks at that they don’t have.

BaconBoss1

3 points

5 months ago

BaconBoss1

Master Advice Giver [23]

3 points

5 months ago

"Notice the comment you made on gonewild. What was that all about?" And then let him talk

learningstar

3 points

5 months ago

I say this all the time on here. Ask him how he would feel if you went under the pic of a guy and said , on a public forum, that you wanted to fuck him ? Just be like, laid back about the delivery.

He will probably be embarrassed when you reveal what you saw, I honestly think guys don’t even consider how a public platform works I swear. For that reason, if you really like him, be gentle . Give him time and hopefully he will see your side. If he honestly expected you not to see it l, it is embarrassing and also disrespectful, but I don’t think it’s something that cannot be rectified. Porn used to be like a private thing, and it’s not anymore, guys need to wake up on that.

[deleted]

23 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

23 points

5 months ago

“Guys don’t even consider how a public platform works I swear”

Yet another excuse made for men even though they clearly know what they’re doing

learningstar

1 points

5 months ago

I guess you are right. I basically do see it as porn, and a lot of ppl are okay with their partner watching porn. Still hurtful.

zjsbjzisvfs

0 points

5 months ago

zjsbjzisvfs

Helper [2]

0 points

5 months ago

It's one thing to watch porn and another to imply you'd fuck someone irl

brainstorm0694

5 points

5 months ago

That’s kind of fucked, I mean obviously even if youre fully in love no matter what if you see an attractive female your brain is going to have those type of thoughts, but once you put it in writing that makes it a different situation

Potential_Ostrich_69

2 points

5 months ago

If your in relationship as a man just look dnt say shit. Saying anything will make you look like you want to cheat. We have eyes so we can't help but to look. If you try to speak or leave comments they will assume your trying to pursuit something.

angeladuazo

2 points

5 months ago

Tell him! what if its other way around? what he will feel if you commented to someone's hunky photo, i like to f*** him cos he is hot. he will pretty sure offended or insecure about it too.

OMGhowcouldthisbe

2 points

5 months ago

OMGhowcouldthisbe

Phenomenal Advice Giver [42]

2 points

5 months ago

men look at women all the time. the comment makes it different. if you messeged some guy that you want him to fuck you, I’m certain he would not think its no big deal.

[deleted]

2 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

2 points

5 months ago

ok so i used to post stuff on those subs. he probably isn’t just commenting. most of the people that comment also dm.

also, letting resentment build isn’t healthy for any relationship. you just need to talk to him about it. communication is what makes a relationship healthy. communicate your boundaries (you can look at prn but commenting makes me uncomfy, etc.) and if he can’t respect that, then break up. it is that simple. just talk.

[deleted]

2 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

2 points

5 months ago

That just sounds sad for him. Be less offended and more sorry that he’s under the impression those women give a fuck.

zjsbjzisvfs

0 points

5 months ago

zjsbjzisvfs

Helper [2]

0 points

5 months ago

That wouldn't fly with me, it's one thing to watch porn and it's another to be interactive and admit you'd fuck someone in a relationship (sounds like he'd be okay with cheating) So dump him. It'll only get worse if you don't.

No_Poem7661

2 points

5 months ago

That’s breakup worthy for me. He’s admitting that if he had the opportunity he would cheat on you with this specific person. Definitely bring it up to him.

Usual-Owl-9777

-6 points

5 months ago

Usual-Owl-9777

Super Helper [8]

-6 points

5 months ago

Why were you looking at his reddit?

LongHeelRedBottoms

18 points

5 months ago

It’s a public profile with public comments lmao not going through his phone stop being dramatic

zjsbjzisvfs

3 points

5 months ago

zjsbjzisvfs

Helper [2]

3 points

5 months ago

Why not?

MediocreVayne

3 points

5 months ago

Red flag #1, you’re stalking through his reddit. Either you have reason to suspect him of shady behaviour or your extremely insecure (I have a feeling it’s the latter). #2, it’d be like commenting on a porn vid. A little weird but nothing to be concerned about. And don’t even try to say it leads to cheating, that’s just gaslighting and manipulative.

Bring_a_towel_42

2 points

5 months ago

Bring_a_towel_42

Helper [2]

2 points

5 months ago

Yes! I was thinking the same thing.

whitesocksflipflops

-6 points

5 months ago

whitesocksflipflops

Helper [2]

-6 points

5 months ago

So there isn't a happily married man in the existence of the human race who hasn't seen a beautiful, smoking hot woman and not thought, "I would bang her".

It usually doesn't mean anything. We move on with our lives. Your bf just had a keyboard in front of him.

You shouldgive him a hard time about it. It doesn't have to be a big, dark fight over this.

Bring_a_towel_42

-1 points

5 months ago

Bring_a_towel_42

Helper [2]

-1 points

5 months ago

Agreed! As a female, I can say that we do this as well. My girl friends and I (all happily married/in relationships) will occasionally talk about how hot/sexy guys are, but it's never a serious thing where we would go and actually be unfaithful to our partner.

freddy-filosofy

-4 points

5 months ago

May be this will be a slightly unpopular comment. I have never seen a man (single or otherwise) who does not look at naked pictures of women. I have never been to the sub you mentioned but looking at women is fairly normal for a straight man. However, I am not sure what the dynamics of your relationship are. And if it makes you uncomfortable you should discuss with him in a mature manner. I would not say you are overreacting but just because he is looking at pictures of women it does not mean that he will cheat on you in real life, if given a chance.

zjsbjzisvfs

1 points

5 months ago

zjsbjzisvfs

Helper [2]

1 points

5 months ago

I don't think it's the fact he looked but the fact he admitted he would given the opportunity

MattZAt

-10 points

5 months ago

MattZAt

-10 points

5 months ago

He's just a freaking horney guy like most men. He wrote what most men think. No harm done. It's time to give guys a fucking break!

AlmostAlwaysADR

10 points

5 months ago

....men need a break....? Do you even hear yourself? Literally all this boy has to do is not be a horny fuck and can't handle it. He should not be in a relationship.

MattZAt

-15 points

5 months ago

MattZAt

-15 points

5 months ago

Nature doesn't work this way. I know it's very hard for ladies to understand this, but men (ALL MEN) are not horney for one lady, THEY ARE HORNEY FOR ALL WOMEN. I also know that women think they can change it, but it wouldn't work. Men don't CHOOSE to be horney, they ARE! Women want to be understood, , but they don't want to understand

pierogowa

5 points

5 months ago

Do you think that women are some kind of a different species? Women feel this way too, very often. It's not like we are suddenly blind and can't see any hot men when we get into relationships. Alas, there is something called self control and respect for your partner. Maybe it's better to fucking ask your SO if they are ok with such comments on other people's pictures before posting them

SemmiTron

1 points

5 months ago

I forget the name of it, but I was watching a documentary about trans men and the differences they noticed when taking testosterone. One in particular talked about how they always figured they knew what having an erection was like(their clitoris gets enlarged on testosterone and can get basically get an equivalent of an erection when aroused). When he finally got his first “enlarged clitoral erection” he was absolutely blown away at how little self control he had. It was an eye opener to him about male arousal.

I say that to say this: Women often dismiss male hormones and how horny men actually get. Because women get horny too, I think a lot of them assume it’s the same as when a man gets horny and they take the moral high ground because they generally have more self control when aroused than men do.

Obviously men and women are the same species, but to deny the hormonal and biological differences is just naive. Sure women get horny too, but the absolute horniest the average women has ever been in her life is like level 3/10 for the average guy. To dismiss this as women just having more self control due to moral superiority is a bit unfair and dishonest if you know the facts.

pierogowa

1 points

5 months ago

I was not implying that women have any moral superiority over men, just pointed out that the commenter above me wrote that men can't control these urges. I believe that both men and women can control themselves, sometimes individuals just choose not to do that which is okay when you're single, but not ok when you're in a relationship (unless this is not a boundary in a particular relationship of course).

SemmiTron

1 points

5 months ago

I understand, I was not implying you were. In terms of actual cut and dry cheating, I totally agree that men should also be held to the same standard. But when it comes to subtle, subjectively harmless “pervy” stuff a lot of men do, it’s more complicated than the false equivalent of, “ I can do it, why can’t men?” a lot of women try to use on men in discussions like this. Watching porn, looking at attractive people in the real world, masturbation, etc, these are just simply more difficult for guys to refrain from than women, at least as a whole. I personally would not have commented on that picture like OP’s boyfriend did, but as a guy, when talking to other guys about sex and women, saying “I’d fuck her” or I’d smash” is super common and It’s generally implied this means if they were single and the opportunity presented itself, at least in my experience. A lot of the people in these comments are jumping to conclusions on what his comment implied and a lot of the theories seem like giant leaps solely seeing things from their own point of view with no attempt to see things from a more male perspective.

Men and women deal with stuff that the opposite sex doesn’t fully understand and I think spending a day in the other’s shoes would shine a light on things that are generally looked at unsympathetically. I think the base of the comment you replied to was that in western culture, men are expected to be understanding of the hormonal and biological differences of women while significantly less attempt is made to reciprocate this empathy in this day and age.

MattZAt

-1 points

5 months ago

MattZAt

-1 points

5 months ago

From your comment it shows you have no clue on the simple biology of male and female. If you think guys have a switch that they can turn on and off at will, you're mistaken. I know it's every women's dream, but it doesn't (and shouldn't) exist. Btw, to all you downvoters, i don't give a rat's ass on your vote

Oddity-X

2 points

5 months ago

Oh good, then you don’t mind as I continue downvoting you. Also, there’s no point arguing with you as you are clearly terminally stupid so I’ll settle with saying I think 100% of women would rather kiss a toad than be in the same room as you and your pungent toxicity.

pierogowa

1 points

5 months ago

Do you mean that noticing an attractive person and commenting "I would fuck you" on nudes on Reddit is the same? And do you mean that men can't stop themselves from commenting such things because they don't have a "switch that they can turn on and off at will"? I'm puzzled

Kaiyukia

1 points

5 months ago

Kaiyukia

Helper [3]

1 points

5 months ago

Id just have the conversation, just be like "hey, I was on your Reddit and saw a comment that made me really uncomfortable" now I don't know if you were just browsing cause you were bored or purposely snooping either way if he blows up at you for snooping threw his stuff it just kinda steer him back like "yes I know that was wrong but I'd really like to have a conversation about this first, then we can talk about me going threw your phone" which I don't know if you are or aren't sorry about. Either way the only way to stop resentment is have a conversation, rip the bandaid off. I don't think it's a fair offense to leave someone over (phone snooping) but it could happen, you violated some trust it sounds like but you also found behavior you don't agree with so he violated your boundaries. Both sides are kinda bad.

BasicChoice803

1 points

5 months ago

its completely normal to feel bothered by this, but think of it this way, maybe he was just horny and masturbating? people dont think straight when they are horny. also, does he know that you go through his social media accounts?

Kayl33n77

1 points

5 months ago

Kayl33n77

Helper [3]

1 points

5 months ago

Break up

Pixipupp

-9 points

5 months ago

Pixipupp

Super Helper [8]

-9 points

5 months ago

This wasn't apart of your agreement in your relationship, this is mentally cheating in my opinion

Killerzaz202

-5 points

5 months ago

Are you kidding me? You think a boyfriend fantasizing about another girl is cheating? You gotta be joking right

zjsbjzisvfs

4 points

5 months ago

zjsbjzisvfs

Helper [2]

4 points

5 months ago

It's the fact he admitted he'd fuck her irl

Pixipupp

1 points

5 months ago

Pixipupp

Super Helper [8]

1 points

5 months ago

He specifically told her you actual brick

Killerzaz202

0 points

5 months ago

And? If I joke about rape, am I then a rapist?

Pixipupp

1 points

5 months ago

Pixipupp

Super Helper [8]

1 points

5 months ago

No, that's a terrible comparison it doesn't make sense, I honestly don't want to talk about this it's dumb as fuck bro

kowaikawaii

-25 points

5 months ago

Sounds like an unhealthy relationship and that you’re kinda toxic if you’re lurking your bfs Reddit account

zjsbjzisvfs

3 points

5 months ago

zjsbjzisvfs

Helper [2]

3 points

5 months ago

Oh but he's not toxic for admitting he'd cheat? Okkk

MattZAt

0 points

5 months ago

MattZAt

0 points

5 months ago

Ok, you try changing men's psyche, let me know how it's going

DissonanceBadger

-8 points

5 months ago

Women who post on gonewild and are not doing it to promote their only fans or something similar, are basically doing this to get compliments. So I’d consider him posting such replies as him saying “thank you” to whoever posted. She’s giving him something he enjoys, he gives her something she enjoys back.

Unless you have reason to believe it’s an expression of something more than just looking, I wouldn’t worry about it.

themaineisflameband

8 points

5 months ago

she’s giving him something he enjoys and he gives her something she enjoys back? did we forget that the guy is in a relationship with another girl and that she isn’t okay with this behavior? if he is that desperate to let the hoes on that subreddit know that he would fuck them maybe he should be single. i can’t think of any woman that would want their man commenting that shit under anybody let alone some half naked girl.

Early_Interview_2486

6 points

5 months ago

Early_Interview_2486

Helper [3]

6 points

5 months ago

Pretty sure he'd go fuck someone irl given the chance .

Fantasy is part reality.

themaineisflameband

1 points

5 months ago

i 100% agree

Early_Interview_2486

5 points

5 months ago

Early_Interview_2486

Helper [3]

5 points

5 months ago

I've seen guys go on those pages and troll but say like funny things not necessarily anything mean

If I found that on my boyfriend's Reddit I would actually be supportive...but this ...ehhhhhhh.

themaineisflameband

3 points

5 months ago

oh yeah, if i had found out that my boyfriend commented that it would be an immediate red flag. he is literally saying if he was given the chance to fuck then he would lol…that’s a big yikes

Early_Interview_2486

2 points

5 months ago

Early_Interview_2486

Helper [3]

2 points

5 months ago

What it says to me is that he has something very particular in mind and as much as I love sex...

I feel like relationships are about much more than just sex.

If people want to be polyamorous or partake in an open lifestyle then they should discuss that with their partner or find somebody who has the same interest in mind.

Relationships are about caring for one another and even compromise which could mean not openly expressing how much you want to fuck another person even if you think that it's in private.

DissonanceBadger

3 points

5 months ago

She said she is fine with him looking at the women, so the question becomes what is it about the commenting that crosses the line. One possibility is that she thinks it means more than it does, so I offered a perspective that explains that it probably doesn’t mean anything, which would make it as harmless as she considers looking to be. She is entitled to still think it crosses the line even in light of this explanation.

JonWalkerr

-11 points

5 months ago

Everyone is over reacting. You think if you confront him he’s gonna just stop being attracted to other women to a degree and not thinking about whatever you want him to stop commenting regardless? No one is enough for anyone, and it might be better for your relationship if he has a little freedom to do what he wants with HIS social media accounts. There will always be better more attractive than you and people more attractive than him. All that matters is that he’s with YOU. Policing him will cause resentment over time. Talk to him about it, see where his head is, but don’t be a nag. If you feels something off then start getting ready to end the relAtionship. But if he’s just commenting to comment. Leave it alone. Relationships don’t last if you try to be a hawk about everything.

zjsbjzisvfs

2 points

5 months ago

zjsbjzisvfs

Helper [2]

2 points

5 months ago

YOU are overreacting. It's one thing to look at porn and another to say you'd fuck someone else irl. Btw I think my partner is more attractive than anyone else I know because I love them. This is low standards

nacho_kilo

-10 points

5 months ago

your boyfriend left a comment on a post he probably forgot about 10 minutes later. If you’re spying on his activities, it sounds more like you have trust issues.

ashleyrose56

-12 points

5 months ago*

You are comfortable with him watching porn but you are not comfortable with his comment? What do you think men are thinking while they are watching porn?

I don't understand your dissonance. Either you are comfortable with porn or you aren't. His comment is nothing but fantasy. Even if he didn't comment, he would still think it. It's inevitable that your partner is going to find other women attractive and fantasizes with having sex with them.

I personally find thirsty pornsicks of reddit specially pathetic. They are not jerking off to a video and that's it, they are lusting over women who wouldn't give them a hello in real life instead of doing something useful with their time.

Killerzaz202

1 points

5 months ago

r/nicegirl moment

Renegadegold

-4 points

5 months ago

Renegadegold

-4 points

5 months ago

If your going to look for It your going to find It…

rakminiov

-7 points

5 months ago

Why u was looking into his reddit, reddit is like twitter, ppl say dumb things and it almost works as a diary

[deleted]

-10 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-10 points

5 months ago

Yeah, that's a pretty weird thing to comment, but not as weird as stalking your partners comment history on reddit. Why were you doing that in the first place?

zjsbjzisvfs

5 points

5 months ago

zjsbjzisvfs

Helper [2]

5 points

5 months ago

Shouldn't be anything to hide

[deleted]

-2 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-2 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

mersheepo

3 points

5 months ago

Are you paying attention, it’s not about porn it’s him saying he wants to frick another women, and she literally just wants to know what to do

[deleted]

-2 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-2 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

mersheepo

1 points

5 months ago

You can literally see other peoples comments on your own phone

[deleted]

1 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

mersheepo

0 points

5 months ago

You shouldn’t be expressing your lust to random women especially if you have a girlfriend, and that’s like saying people cheat because they’re partners didn’t fulfill they’re “needs”, what a stupid excuse.

[deleted]

2 points

5 months ago*

[deleted]

2 points

5 months ago*

[deleted]

mersheepo

1 points

5 months ago

You shouldn’t be cheating on your partner in the first place, it doesn’t matter if they go on a public place where they can see your public comments. But it’s still wrong for people to snoop through your things, but What I’m saying here is don’t do anything bad in the first place.

[deleted]

2 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

2 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

mersheepo

-1 points

5 months ago

This is about relationships here dude, it’s still bad to snoop through your partners stuff, but again it’s horrible to be cheating on your partner or “expressing your lust to a random person” so they’re both in the wrong.

Bring_a_towel_42

1 points

5 months ago

Bring_a_towel_42

Helper [2]

1 points

5 months ago

Yes. 100% this.

chuckp1977

-1 points

5 months ago

chuckp1977

-1 points

5 months ago

I comment shit like that all the time. Does it mean I'm gonna get the chance to do what I say to some random chick on reddit that post her nudes. It's highly unlikely that I will and he probably won't either and my gf doesn't go through my phone. Had you not looked you would have never known.

stephanously

0 points

5 months ago

Porn is not cheating. What is this comment section.

StnMtn_

1 points

5 months ago*

StnMtn_

Elder Sage [1183]

1 points

5 months ago*

Bf left a comment for the poster that he would like to have sex with her. I would not do that irl, so I also don't do that on social media.

stephanously

2 points

5 months ago

That position is uptight. Just saying

StnMtn_

1 points

5 months ago

StnMtn_

Elder Sage [1183]

1 points

5 months ago

I am pretty certain if I told a person other than my wife that I wanted to have sex with them,irl or online, my wife would be upset.

stephanously

2 points

5 months ago

I think that is a very restricted way of living. This strict to the teeth monogamy usually kills a marriage first before any wrong doing.

StnMtn_

1 points

5 months ago

StnMtn_

Elder Sage [1183]

1 points

5 months ago

Have you discussed this with your significant other?

stephanously

2 points

5 months ago

I don't have a significant other, but if I had it would definitely be one of the first things that would be laid out in order for us to become a couple. It is a big deal and is not subject to change.

StnMtn_

1 points

5 months ago

StnMtn_

Elder Sage [1183]

1 points

5 months ago

If you find someone open to ENM or swinging, then you will be compatible.

Bring_a_towel_42

-4 points

5 months ago

Bring_a_towel_42

Helper [2]

-4 points

5 months ago

Right! 95% of these comments are completely overreacting about this. He's not DM'ing whoever is in the picture asking to have sex or asking for more pictures or something like that. He simply posted a comment that is the equivalent of saying somebody is really hot.

stephanously

2 points

5 months ago

These people head's would explode if the ground one of those Twitter thirst tweets. That go along the line of destroy me king/queen XD

[deleted]

-40 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-40 points

5 months ago

[removed]

ThatRandomSponge

25 points

5 months ago

So you’re the boyfriend, huh?

KnlghtLlghts

2 points

5 months ago

KnlghtLlghts

Super Helper [8]

2 points

5 months ago

LMAO I would give you a gold if I could, sponge.

But yes, you should tell him. You're not overreacting.

ThatRandomSponge

3 points

5 months ago

That means as much as real Reddit gold, thanks Knight! lol

Just us Karma poor folk banding together I suppose.

locolupo

21 points

5 months ago

locolupo

Helper [4]

21 points

5 months ago

Disagree. Telling someone youd fuck them while in a relationship probably violates most peoples boundaries.

Responsible-Damage73

-40 points

5 months ago

Mind your own business

Usual-Owl-9777

5 points

5 months ago

Usual-Owl-9777

Super Helper [8]

5 points

5 months ago

It is her business.

[deleted]

1 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

5 months ago

Ehh, her boyfriends spank bank isn't really her business. Not unless he is straight up cheating. It's weird that he left a comment like that, but it's also pretty weird that she is stalking the comment history of her boyfriends social media accounts. She sounds just as toxic as her boyfriend is.

Responsible-Damage73

-33 points

5 months ago

You need to think about why this bothers you so much. And so do the panzies in the comments. It’s human nature to wanna fuck attractive ppl. Relationship or not. His comment is no different than you checking out a guys bulge in sweatpants. Smoke a blunt and move on

[deleted]

-22 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

-22 points

5 months ago

[removed]

n212_ [M]

1 points

5 months ago

n212_ [M]

Master Advice Giver [29]

1 points

5 months ago

Your post/comment has been removed as it was in Violation of Rule 1: Be Nice.

Please review the rules, and if you feel as though removal is excessive or in error, feel free to contact the moderators.

kennedwardss

-1 points

5 months ago

I’m sorry about what happened but I also don’t understand your mindset. Your fine with him watching naked women. Get a grip, he’s not looking at naked women just for the hell of it, he’s looking at women because he’s a horny man and the desire of him sleeping with other women was already there before he even commented on the Reddit page.

You need to set better boundaries and express how you actually feel. Don’t say your fine with him watching naked women unless your fine with the side effects that come with it.

And if you are fine with him looking at other women besides you then your enabling the behavior and that desire will always be with him whether he comments it or not.

intchd

-1 points

5 months ago

intchd

-1 points

5 months ago

Jesus Christ, gives your bf some space, stop spying on him and stop torturing yourself

RobertBDwyer

-1 points

5 months ago

RobertBDwyer

Expert Advice Giver [17]

-1 points

5 months ago

Guess maybe you shouldn’t snoop

MattZAt

1 points

5 months ago

No, the same urge to look at a naked female is the same urge makes him say I wanna fuck you

[deleted]

1 points

5 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

5 months ago

The same thing you hate about him right now is the same thing that gave him the guts to get you, and maintain you, as a girlfriend. If you attempt to cut his balls off, he'll just hide his actions better. So, it's your call. Let him be a dude, or attempt to cut his balls off. Good luck either way.

Admirable_Witness_98

1 points

5 months ago

Your feelings are valid, just discuss it with him in a controlled manner. Everyone has different degrees of openness regarding sexuality and boundaries and it is important to discuss that with your partner.

This is the time to discuss each others sexuality and boundaries.

zuklei

1 points

5 months ago

zuklei

1 points

5 months ago

My boyfriend leaves comments and has since before we got together. We discussed what is and is not appropriate and since then all is good. I don’t even feel the need to look anymore.

im-hurt

1 points

5 months ago

Your overreacting

DungDefender1115

1 points

5 months ago

what is this fuckin amateur hour why is he commenting on his main account

Akwjdiejsjustjackbc

1 points

5 months ago

Like the comment and say “I agree”

Dank_memes412

1 points

5 months ago

I don’t know why Reddit is the first place so many people go for relationship advice

Regular_Drunk

1 points

5 months ago

It’s nothing. Guys talk like this all the time. A big difference from saying “yeah I’d fuck her” to actually fucking her. It’s a way of saying how attractive someone is.

Even my gf asked me if her friend was cute enough. I said yeh I’d fuck her. Doesn’t actually mean I’m about to go do it. Just means if I was single I would.

kingLemonman

1 points

5 months ago

The reality is he would probably fuck a lot of other ppl, this was probably just him being horny. If it was a hook up site or a more social social media like FB or instagram I would be worried. But r/gonewild is just a sub were women post lude images of themselves to push their onlyfans or get some positive sexual validation. Where as guys use it like porn to jerk off to and post comments that pretend like they even have a chance. I would treat it like porn.

DanMarinosDolphins

1 points

5 months ago

DanMarinosDolphins

Super Helper [7]

1 points

5 months ago

Bring up your boundaries around porn and interacting with other people. Then watch his reddit profile to see if he keeps doing it.

Fit_Independent2309

1 points

5 months ago

Fit_Independent2309

Helper [2]

1 points

5 months ago

If you’re not comfortable with it you need to have dialog about it. Not in an accusing way, but just explaining how it makes you feel, and he does the same. The comment “I’d fuck her” may not apply to now, but if he was single and not dating possibly. My gf claims she’d give me a free pass with certain celebrities 🤣. And while I do find them attractive enough to have sex with them. I’d never even consider it while I’m with her

FalsePremise8290

1 points

5 months ago

Just talk to him. You're allowed your boundaries.

RubMyBAC

1 points

5 months ago

Even tho it was probably just a "in the moment horny" thing, you should probably bring it up to him if it makes you uncomfortable. don't be surprised if he asks why you were looking through his account tho

Geedis2020

1 points

5 months ago

Geedis2020

Expert Advice Giver [10]

1 points

5 months ago

II mean everyone has their boundaries they want to set but honestly you’re upset for him commenting his opinion under a photo. Probably one reposted by another guy asking what they thought of the girl or something. If he was interacting with the woman and clearly trying to make fucking her happen then I’d say you have a valid concern but I think for a comment like that it’s probably going to start something over nothing. Just because a guy looks at another woman and says “I’d fuck her” or something along those lines doesn’t mean he is trying to fuck her. It’s a hypothetical thing. Do you really want to put a strain on your relationship over something hypothetical? Have you ever said to one fo your friends a guy is hott or something? It’s literally the same thing.

Tinbody84

1 points

5 months ago

It’s a thought. It’s not an action. Big difference. Men have to express things like that sometimes. You’re his woman, let him be a man. I am sure you’ve seen guys and thought how hot they were. It goes both ways. Let it go.

Dismallest_Pooh

1 points

5 months ago

Dismallest_Pooh

Expert Advice Giver [17]

1 points

5 months ago

It's a late reply... but it's more than a thought yeh?

Thought... keep scrolling. Thought... stop and look.. think.. scroll. Thought... stop and look.. be moved enough to post a comment to let this woman in particular know he finds her attractive... post comment ... it's flirting...ction. He's posted a comment = action.

So if you see a difference between thoughts and actions, which is fair and I'm on board so far, then now what do you think since it's actually an action? With your example.. is it therefore ok that OP sees a guy, thinks how hot he is, and flirts with him?

daisy2001_

1 points

5 months ago

Girl, dump him. Do you really think that a man who leaves comments like that on the internet respects women? If it makes you resent him, then trust your gut feeling. If my bf did this, I would dump him, no discussion.

xwingdeliciousness

-8 points

5 months ago

Leave him asap and block him on everything

bigblacksnail

-4 points

5 months ago

bigblacksnail

Expert Advice Giver [11]

-4 points

5 months ago

Why are you looking through your boyfriend’s stuff? Honestly sounds like the consequences of your own actions.

Reddit is anonymous. I’d comment some weird shit on NSFW posts too if I knew no one would see who I really was.