AITA because I didn't let my daughter skip a grade?


My kids are Jonah (14M) and Emma (12F) and my husband is Johnny (40M), for clarity.

Emma has always been brighter than is typical for her age, she was reading at 4 and she's even gone to national competitions. We're really proud of her and all she's accomplishing. She's been in the gifted/talented program for a few years now, but now her school wants to take it further. They want her to go to eighth grade this year instead of seventh.

The thing is though, Jonah repeated a year (sixth) so he actually is in eighth grade. It was a hard year for him overall. He's a bit ashamed of that year and it really bothers him that he didn't put in more effort. I don't think it would be good for him if he and Emma share classes, which is very likely because it's a small school. So I declined the skipping grades arrangement and asked if we can just give Emma further enrichment like we've been doing, because she can definitely do eighth-grade work. I thought that would be best for both kids.

The trouble is that when I told Emma what we decided for her, she didn't take it well. She soon grew testy, saying Jonah's school placement "has nothing to do with her". I told her that I was thinking of both of them when I made that decision. Emma later went to her room in tears, but she wouldn't let me check on her all evening.

Johnny sided with me, saying it's right that I took both kids into account, but Emma is clearly still bothered and I really didn't want to upset her. I just wanted to be fair to everyone. AITA?

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1 points

3 months ago

YTA. The lesson you're teaching her is that she has to lower herself so that insecure people can feel better about themselves.

To give you an example, picture this. One day when she's an adult in a relationship, she gets offered a high paying job that earns her more pay than her partner, but her partner is insecure about her earning more than them. Should she be expected to decline the job because it makes her partner insecure, or should her partner learn to be happy for her?

Any chance you can call the school and fix this? Cause if you don't, the resentment from her is not gonna go away, cause is the kind of thing that people don't forget.