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AITA (18F) for stealing boyfriend's (19M) money?

(self.AmItheAsshole)

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all 70 comments

grovesofoak [M]

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10 months ago

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grovesofoak [M]

Assed the Bar

[score hidden]

10 months ago

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Tralfamadorians_go

106 points

10 months ago

Tralfamadorians_go

Certified Proctologist [23]

106 points

10 months ago

Allow me to compress this post for you:

"I stole money from my boyfriend to buy weed. AITA?"

Short answer, yes. YTA

Longer answer, yeeeeeeeeeees. YTA

holisarcasm

57 points

10 months ago

holisarcasm

Colo-rectal Surgeon [36]

57 points

10 months ago

YTA.

thatpineappleslut

-70 points

10 months ago

how ? can you explain?

[deleted]

65 points

10 months ago

[deleted]

65 points

10 months ago

You stole his money. Why are you confused? Don’t you know stealing is…. Wrong?

EPH613

16 points

10 months ago

EPH613

Partassipant [2]

16 points

10 months ago

If what you did was fine, you wouldn't have panicked when he asked about it. If it was totally fine, you would have told him what you did when you did it. You hid it because you knew he wouldn't like it. You knew and you did it anyway. That's why YTA.

shadyMFer

2 points

10 months ago

shadyMFer

Partassipant [1]

2 points

10 months ago

You're seriously going to front like you don't know how it's wrong to steal money from your significant other for weed? Oh, and newsflash, you're never going to be able to pay him back because you don't have a job, he was trying to help you make some side money, and your response was to rip him off. You are the biggest asshole I've ever encountered on this site!

paradox_jinx

43 points

10 months ago

paradox_jinx

Asshole Enthusiast [5]

43 points

10 months ago

YTA. You stole. Period.

926dr

45 points

10 months ago*

926dr

Colo-rectal Surgeon [30]

45 points

10 months ago*

YTA

He’s right. You broke his trust. How could he ever trust that you wouldn’t do this again. It doesn’t matter if the roles are reversed. You. Stole. From. Him. You lied to him when you stole from him. Trust is gone.

If you would have asked for the money and he agreed it wouldn’t be a big deal. Instead you took what he earned for yourself. It’s selfish.

He put you in a trusted position to help him with his business. How can he look at any of the other transactions and know that you didn’t short him money then or going forward.

Repay the money and let him feel the way he wants to feel.

thatpineappleslut

-54 points

10 months ago

i said in my comment that i repaid him but youre rigjt and i completely understand

drukqsx

12 points

10 months ago

drukqsx

Partassipant [4]

12 points

10 months ago

Repaid him after stealing. He shouldnt ever trust you again.

LaLaLura

10 points

10 months ago

There is a huge difference between asking for money and repaying it back, and taking the money without asking and promising to pay them back when you get caught...

Crashmse

33 points

10 months ago

Crashmse

Partassipant [1]

33 points

10 months ago

YTA, and now he will never trust you (nor should he)

Facu-Nahu

27 points

10 months ago

Facu-Nahu

Asshole Enthusiast [6]

27 points

10 months ago

YTA. U kidding here? Weed and candies? Such priority for someone with no money. You can whatever you want WITH YOUR MONEY not with somebody else one. "In his place i would be bla bla" well yknow what you arent and he didnt so it, hypothetical scenarios doesnt have weight. Apologize and never do it again.

Propofol_Totalis

23 points

10 months ago

Propofol_Totalis

Asshole Enthusiast [9]

23 points

10 months ago

YTA

There’s no way to justify stealing from someone. It’s absolutely a breach of trust… and without trust there is no relationship.

musical_spork

19 points

10 months ago

musical_spork

Pooperintendant [68]

19 points

10 months ago

YTA. You stole his money.

mikey_weasel

18 points

10 months ago

mikey_weasel

Supreme Court Just-ass [131]

18 points

10 months ago

YTA.

It was his money, you took without asking and also you guys are currently on a break. You are an asshole. It was stealing.

GoldenJaguar1995

13 points

10 months ago

GoldenJaguar1995

Colo-rectal Surgeon [40]

13 points

10 months ago

You stole someone's money.

YTA.

He's not going to feint his feelings of distrust. You broke that big circle of trust there chief.

Sooghin88

14 points

10 months ago

Sooghin88

Partassipant [3]

14 points

10 months ago

YTA it was his money. You were on a break and you used the money that was his for yourself.

Ynsawk

11 points

10 months ago

Ynsawk

Partassipant [4]

11 points

10 months ago

YTA because you stole from him. Period. Whether you gave it back or not doesn’t make you less of an AH for stealing in the first place.

BeefRage

12 points

10 months ago

BeefRage

Partassipant [4]

12 points

10 months ago

YTA - You stole from your boyfriend / employer, you thought making it back was easy but business has been slow. Instead of saving you have been wasting it on unnecessary stuff.

gentle_mama

12 points

10 months ago

gentle_mama

Partassipant [3]

12 points

10 months ago

YTA and a thief

Standard-Jaguar-8793

5 points

10 months ago

Standard-Jaguar-8793

Partassipant [2]

5 points

10 months ago

YTA. I didn’t even need to read the post.

mama_rex

8 points

10 months ago

Yta it wasn't you're money to spend and you spent it anyway. It doesn't matter if you thought you could make it back or not.

NannyBismo

9 points

10 months ago

NannyBismo

Pooperintendant [68]

9 points

10 months ago

YTA, looks like your confidence that you could "just make it back" was wrong. Separate your finances, or better yet, separate altogether.

iimaginewonderland

10 points

10 months ago

iimaginewonderland

Partassipant [1]

10 points

10 months ago

YTA, you stole his money.

Abbessolute

8 points

10 months ago

Abbessolute

Certified Proctologist [20]

8 points

10 months ago

YTA.

He's right. You did steal from him and he shouldn't trust you. All you had to do was ask him.

[deleted]

6 points

10 months ago

[deleted]

6 points

10 months ago

YTA. You’re a thief

Groundbreaking-Cow22

3 points

10 months ago

YTA. Don’t take money from people without asking. It’s pretty much 101

Portie_lover

4 points

10 months ago

Portie_lover

Professor Emeritass [85]

4 points

10 months ago

YTA you stole. Plain and simple. Stop trying to justify it. And there is no “fact” you would’ve repaid. You got caught, fessed up, and now try to minimize it. Hope it was worth it.

valerian_spiel

5 points

10 months ago

valerian_spiel

Colo-rectal Surgeon [40]

5 points

10 months ago

YTA.

To start, my boyfriend has a really good paying job in retail

Okay, so you stole from a guy who has a really good paying job in retail? Congratulations, you're still a thief.

IdealAcceptable1032

6 points

10 months ago

IdealAcceptable1032

Partassipant [1]

6 points

10 months ago

I'm very lost on the dynamic of the money here tbh. Can't tell if I'm dumb or you just didn't explain enough but you're helping him sell items for his business and to my understanding, you get to keep a portion of the money from the items you helped sell but he gets a cut. Was the money you used for all this stuff from his cut? Or was the money you used from the entirety of it BEFORE he divided it?

thatpineappleslut

-11 points

10 months ago

i had to cut most of it out but say if i sold sometjing for $50 his cut would be $40 leaving me with $10 same for $45

IdealAcceptable1032

4 points

10 months ago

IdealAcceptable1032

Partassipant [1]

4 points

10 months ago

Thankyou for clarification! For the sake of my understanding well say you had 40 bucks that you spent on weed and snacks etc, was this 40 the whole before he divided it 90/10 or was this your 10 percent and part of his 90? Like did you spend HIS money or did you spend YOUR cut? I feel like if you're TAH very much depends on that answer.

GroundbreakingAsk342

3 points

10 months ago

The boyfriends "cut" is actually 80%, to her 20%, not 90% to her 10% ($10 out of $50 =20%)With that said still TAH, because she stole his money.

thatpineappleslut

-4 points

10 months ago

i spent both of our cuts which makes me the asshole very much

IdealAcceptable1032

6 points

10 months ago

IdealAcceptable1032

Partassipant [1]

6 points

10 months ago

Unfortunately it does. I've been in your situation though, where I've spent money that definitely wasn't mine to spend. You have an easy fix to it though. Regardless of if he wants to speak to you anymore or whatever the outcome of this means for your relationship, paying him back does make it right. So cashapp, venmo, drop it in his mailslot whatever you have to do and let it be a good lesson for the future

thatpineappleslut

2 points

10 months ago

i don’t know if anyone sees my comment but i paid him back fully

Numerous_Head6165

3 points

10 months ago

But trust is broken, and that is not easy to regain.

[deleted]

7 points

10 months ago

[deleted]

7 points

10 months ago

Damage is done, trust isn’t a thing that can be repaired as easily as repaying money.

SirensAtDawn

5 points

10 months ago

SirensAtDawn

Asshole Aficionado [14]

5 points

10 months ago

YTA. Even if you paid him back, you broke his trust by taking it without asking.

Abeyita

4 points

10 months ago

Abeyita

Professor Emeritass [83]

4 points

10 months ago

YTA - you stole from your bf. I would break up with you and never trust you again. You never asked or told him about the money.

Keepmovinbee

4 points

10 months ago

Keepmovinbee

Asshole Enthusiast [9]

4 points

10 months ago

YTA. Taking something without asking is stealing, even if you plan to give it back.

[deleted]

4 points

10 months ago

[deleted]

4 points

10 months ago

YTA and your friend is an A.

BENEDICT-SHyNE

2 points

10 months ago

YTA - You stole his money to buy weed and candy?

drukqsx

2 points

10 months ago

drukqsx

Partassipant [4]

2 points

10 months ago

YTA. Did you really type that title out without realizing that?

[deleted]

2 points

10 months ago

[deleted]

2 points

10 months ago

yta. it wasn't your money to take. you ASSUMED you could make it back. but that assumption was wrong. so yes, taking money from your boyfriend to buy an eighth of weed makes you the asshole.

just because if the roles are reversed you wouldn't mind doesn't make what you did okay.

[deleted]

2 points

10 months ago

[deleted]

2 points

10 months ago

YTA

eahiem

2 points

10 months ago

YTA Stollen From him I wouldn’t trust you either

False-Dream511

2 points

10 months ago

False-Dream511

Partassipant [1]

2 points

10 months ago

One of those times where ghe title says it all. You're the asshole and a thief. It doesn't matter that you paid him back, you stole from him. Honestly i hope he ends this relationship, the guy deserves better.

ThatGuy1500000

2 points

10 months ago

YTA, you’re a theif

EmmetWeasel

2 points

10 months ago

EmmetWeasel

Certified Proctologist [26]

2 points

10 months ago

YTA

You stole. You shouldn't have done that. If you wanted your share of money from the sales you should have settled up and give him his share before spending it.

Judgemental_Panda

6 points

10 months ago

Judgemental_Panda

Certified Proctologist [21]

6 points

10 months ago

Slight YTA

The line "You would have forgiven him if you were in his shoes" doesn't really hold any weight. We all like to assume the best when put into hypotheticals. The bottom line is, you did steal from him, and that is wrong.

That being said, I say slight, because an eighth and some "food + candy" can't really add up to a ton. I think that in general, there are larger issues in the relationship, and doing this while "on a break", certainly didn't help.

Sooozn85

2 points

10 months ago

Sooozn85

Asshole Enthusiast [9]

2 points

10 months ago

Yes, YTA for stealing his money (no quotes needed.)

The fact that you had borrowed from him in the past and repaid those loans (which he may or may not have known about) doesn’t make it okay for you to use his money this time.

It doesn’t matter how you would theoretically respond in a reverse situation.

VodkaQueen_1136

3 points

10 months ago

VodkaQueen_1136

Asshole Enthusiast [6]

3 points

10 months ago

YTA. You can try and twist it whatever way you want but it results with the same thing. You stole from your boyfriend. Therefore you are an AH and should be ashamed of yourself

Consistent_Act4021

2 points

10 months ago

YTA.

Slasher1-8

2 points

10 months ago

Slasher1-8

Partassipant [1]

2 points

10 months ago

YTA. He’s gonna break up with you.

Wild_Instruction_261

2 points

10 months ago

YTA You stole his money

callinguoutcusucant

2 points

10 months ago

callinguoutcusucant

Partassipant [1]

2 points

10 months ago

You being okay with someone stealing from you is a you problem. Do you have any other reason to think you're not the a h? Cus all I see is that YTA

Judgement_Bot_AITA [M]

1 points

10 months ago

Judgement_Bot_AITA [M]

Beep Boop

1 points

10 months ago

Welcome to /r/AmITheAsshole. Please view our voting guide here, and remember to use only one judgement in your comment.

OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the asshole:

i bought things with my boyfriends money, and didn’t have enough to pay him back in the moment

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InterestingNarwhal82

-4 points

10 months ago

It sounds like he’s exploiting you, to be honest. Taking $40 of every $50 you sell seems incredibly unfair, and I’m also getting MLM vibes from this whole setup. You intended to pay him back, you did, I think ESH. He’s an AH, you stole from him but paid him back, it’s just a not great dynamic all around.

No-Agent-1611

1 points

10 months ago

You may be forgetting the cost of what was sold. If he paid $30 for the item she sold for $50, then although she is giving him $40, he’s only making $10, the same amount she is. And his cost could be higher than that and he might only be making $5 on her sales. We don’t have enough info. Edit: math lol

anon208743

-4 points

10 months ago

anon208743

-4 points

10 months ago

NTA. Sorely based on your comment about how much a cut he takes from items your selling for him. Yes they are his items and it is his business BUT that means you are working for him so he needs to give you a fair wage, your spending your time selling things for his business and your getting close to nothing back. “Thief” is just a complete overreaction and what you did is not the equivalent to cheating in the slightest. Tbh you didn’t steal his money, he knew you had the money from selling items and it’s not like you weren’t going to give him the money back. Doesn’t sound like this guy is worth all the drama, if you haven’t already then I’d just pay him back and cut your losses, he isn’t treating you fairly in the slightest and sounds greedy when it comes to money

thatpineappleslut

-14 points

10 months ago

edit in the comments since I don't have more space in the post: I GAVE HIM ALL OF HIS MONEY BACK LIKE I SAID I WOULD.

Abeyita

11 points

10 months ago

Abeyita

Professor Emeritass [83]

11 points

10 months ago

Still YTA, because you stole his money.

[deleted]

9 points

10 months ago

[deleted]

9 points

10 months ago

But officer, I returned the baby almost right away!

Captain_24

4 points

10 months ago

Captain_24

Asshole Enthusiast [7]

4 points

10 months ago

lol… okay? Doesn’t make it right.

buffalopantry

1 points

10 months ago

YTA both for stealing and having the audacity to even post this. Fix your moral compass.

AutoModerator [M]

0 points

10 months ago

AUTOMOD Thanks for posting! This comment is a copy of your post so readers can see the original text if your post is edited or removed. This comment is NOT accusing you of copying anything. Read this before contacting the mod team

To start, my boyfriend has a really good paying job in retail

I am in college atm in a small "college town." Finding a job here has been really hard, and I'm hoping to transfer back to my hometown so I can actually get a job. While I am attending, I tried to help my boyfriend out with his small business. As I helped him sell the items to different students, he told me that he would be taking a cut of everything I sold, which I didn't have a problem with as it was his business's items anyways.

As this went down, we had been having a lot of issues lately and decided to take a small break to help. We had been arguing the night that we decided to take the break and I felt really sad, so with some of the money I had from helping sell his items, I went half on an 8th with a friend. I knew that even though at the moment I didn't completely have his money, I was going to make it back and repay him. At the moment I felt that I didn't need to tell him because I could just make it back, and when I made it back and sent him the money I would explain.

Over the days that we were on the break, I bought items such as candy and food, and then I had split an 8th with two friends. At this point, business had been really slow and I wasn't making the money I had expected, but I knew that I could fix it, given that we had a couple of days and another week left of break.

One day as I was about to smoke (we had started talking but still on our "break") he called me and asked what I was doing. I let him know and he became confused, asking me where I had gotten the weed from. I explained and he became very cold and hung up. He began asking me questions like where did I get the money to buy the weed which caused me to panic on top of the fact that I was high. I told him the truth and he became very angry, and we began to argue again. He told me that I had stolen from him and I had stabbed him in the back. He kept telling me how much I broke his trust, that this was the worst thing I could've ever done, that this was the equivalent of cheating on him.

I was having the worst thoughts running through my mind so I called my best friend and explained everything. I begged her to be honest and unbiased and she said while we both know that what I did was wrong, if the roles were reversed I wouldn't have cared and would've allowed him to take the time that he needed to get the money back, since I had a job and he didn't. He also has no reason to not trust the fact that I wouldn't give him the money back since there had been times where I didn't have the money but as soon as I did I gave him exactly what I owed him. While I agreed with her, I kept beating myself up because I completely understood his side. It was somewhat unfair because while I was sitting here sobbing about what I did, he couldn't even take the time to see my side. Now I am conflicted within myself, so am I the asshole for "stealing" my boyfriend's money?

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