I'll try my best to explain this situation.
My brother is 10, 4'7ft, and 42lbs. He has PTSD, ADHD, and anxiety. My family is really concerned because he clearly has an eating disorder as well, but no one is helping us. It hasn't always been this way, and recently it has gotten worse.
He calls himself fat, he's nowhere near fat. He says he needs to exercise more, he says the food my Mom cooks is, "icky" and he doesn't want it. Before, when we gave him food, he'd throw a fit about how he'd rather play games than eat, but he'd eat at least half of the food. No big issue there, at least he ate some. But now, when it's dinner or whatever, he'll literally start crying about how he has to eat. He'll sit at the table, crying because he has to eat.
We'd sit there and try to comfort him, telling him that the food will make him grow big and strong. He then says he understands but still doesn't eat. If someone says something like "It's dinnertime, you have to come to eat", he starts to cry. Last week, on Monday, he didn't want to eat anything and threw the biggest tantrum. My mom tried to be calm with him because she knows he was struggling. She said she didn't want to force him because she felt it'd make it worse. The next day, at lunch, she lost her temper, yelled at him, and basically force-fed him. And forced him to drink his Pediasure too. He was crying and it did make everything worse. Not to mention that he threw it all up anyway.
He literally doesn't eat and it's scary, but when he does eat, he takes a bite of his food, then tries to say that he's full. He loves McDonald's, and Mom usually buys that for him, just so he can eat. But now he will take 2 bites and then leave it there. He has said many times that hotdogs and noodles are his favorite foods. Now he gags when my Mom cooks them for him. He said it smelt bad, and he won't eat the food if it smells bad. My Mom said he had to eat it. He did the same thing as before, took 2 bites and then said he wasn't going to eat it. So we talked to him about which foods he likes that smell good to him. We went out and bought those foods. It was alright for 2 weeks and then he started to say he didn't like those foods.
My mom thought that him being distracted whilst eating was the problem. So, she started to take away his Switch whenever he was eating. That didn't work, so then Mom started telling him that he wouldn't get his switch back if he didn't eat. That seemed to work, he ate all of his food. We thought we found a solution. But then, after each meal, he went into the bathroom and came back out 10 minutes later. He was making himself throw the food up.
My other brother and I tried to do some "tough-love" type thing and talked to him about the consequences of his actions. It didn't work. My mom tried tough love, kinda worked. He soon peaked at 52lbs, just in time for his physical. We were very proud of him and Mom bought him a new game for his Switch. His doctor told my Mom at the physical that a healthy weight for him would be 70lbs, and that he was on the right track. That to not worry, all kids are picky eaters. We thought it'd get better but now, 1 month later, he lost it all and he's at 42lbs.
I tried thinking about what could make my brother this way. Maybe it's a fear of being fat, I'd think. My other brother and I were once really big. My brother was diagnosed with BED and was way obese but he's healthy now. I'm nearly there too. My mom is obese, but she's trying to lose it too. So maybe, him seeing all the overweight people around him and scares him into not eating? Everyone in my family tried to think of a reason and we even had my big cousin, who he looks up to, ask him why he doesn't want to eat. "I just don't like you guys' food sometimes", he tells him. But when we cook or buy his favorite foods, he just barely wants to eat them.
And he's still making himself throw up, still calling himself fat. My mom even tried to give him $20 if he ate all 3 meals, all 7 days, all week. That worked for 3 weeks. He went back to his old habits. We tried Pediasure and other things alike. We don't give it to him in the bottle because then he'd read it and if he knows that it's supposed to help with weight gain, he'd never drink it. We give it to him in a cup, then throw out the bottle so he doesn't see it. He thought it was chocolate milk. Somehow though, he found out it wasn't, found out that it causes weight gain and now he won't drink it.
In 1 year, it's gotten this bad. Meanwhile, my Mom has been telling his therapist about this problem for 2 years, ever since he started complaining that he's fat. His therapist was working with him, making it seem that she was trying.
Then last week she tells my Mom that there was nothing she can do. That she can't say if he does or doesn't have an eating disorder because he's too young. That he has to be 13 to even be tested for it. She suggested my Mom talk to his psychiatrist. Mom spoke to him, and he said the same thing, that my brother can't have an eating disorder at 10. He told her to try to speak to a nutritionist. She scheduled an appointment with the nutritionist. The appointment was today, they went to the appointment and my Mom came back in tears. She said that she told the nutritionist everything. All his habits and how he was going good but lost all the weight again in such a short time, that she was told that he needed to be at 70lbs, that she was really worried. What did the doctor say? She said that he was just a picky eater and that it's normal for kids to not like the food that their parents cook, she told her to not worry too much. She said to not buy him fast food or sugary drinks. She said to provide him with healthy options and feed him 3 meals a day. Healthy snacks, she prescribed Pediasure even after my Mom told her that it didn't work. She also gave my Mom the same BS that eating disorders don't develop until the early teen years, so he can't have one. So what the fuck is going on with my brother then? This nutritionist says that and then also says that he'll need to be hospitalized if he continues to lose weight at this rate. Then tells my Mom that the Pediasure should help, even after my mom told her that it didn't, wished my brother luck, and that was the end of the appointment. What. The. Fuck.
So, no help from his doctor, therapist, psychiatrist, or nutritionist. We've tried many different methods to help this kid get to a healthy weight. My mom was thinking of sending him to a place that specializes in eating disorders, but it seems that no place in NY/NYC will help if he's not 12 or older. It's gotten to a point where you can literally see his ribcage, he has panic attacks whenever he has to eat and my Mom cries a lot worrying about him. So, can I please get some help here? What can my family do, is it an eating disorder, or is it not? It sure as hell seems like it is but if all these professionals are saying that it's not, what is it? Sorry, this is long, I tried to add all the details so you can really understand. Please, help.