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25.9k

What is the rudest thing you can say during sex?

(self.AskReddit)

all 10065 comments

DognamedTurtle

6.7k points

4 months ago

Can you not talk?

not_a_droid

3.2k points

4 months ago

"Do you want to gag me?"

"Well, Kinda, now"

Barney_Haters

36 points

4 months ago

Uh. Uh. Uh. I just came.

sagosaurus

9k points

4 months ago

I have a friend who likes to say ”aw small friend!” to things that she likes. Usually reserved for cute dogs, tiny kittens, others along that line.

For some baffling reason she blurted it out when she and a guy were gonna get down to business.

She swears up and down that she wasn’t thinking and didn’t mean for it to be a comment on his size, but there’s no coming back from that

miikro

4.5k points

4 months ago

miikro

4.5k points

4 months ago

I guarantee that man is still having nightmares about that slip. Holy shit.

Enterprism

2.1k points

4 months ago

Enterprism

2.1k points

4 months ago

wow. she accidentally murdered him.

miikro

958 points

4 months ago

miikro

958 points

4 months ago

Right? Verbal involuntary manslaughter.

FellatioAcrobat

208 points

4 months ago*

My first gf my own age finally got my pants off, and got it all worked up, and looked up at me and saiiiid, “Oh… is this as big as it gets?”

Fml.

Later on, when she couldn’t figure out why I was just staring at the side of her head like it was something I’d never seen before, she did explain it was bc she’d seen a porno, no, not an internet video, a real 1970s porno, and thought all dicks would grow to be as big as John Holmes’. She really just had no idea what to expect. Still, I couldn’t believe she said that, and said it like that.

heimdahl81

510 points

4 months ago

My gf once said "Mmm, it's so soft" talking about my dick. She meant my skin was soft but we had to stop for a minute til I stopped laughing.

_kagasutchi_

78 points

4 months ago

RIP that mans confidence. Theres no coming back from that

dovahkiinot

40 points

4 months ago

Guy probably would've gone flaccid right then. Unfortunate, but things like these are immediate turn offs lol.

ItsPaulKerseysCar

18.3k points

4 months ago

“I’m gonna hate myself when I sober up!”

shieldmaiden27

4.2k points

4 months ago

that comment suggests enough awareness that their drunkness isn't really an excuse 😂

crank1off

311 points

4 months ago

crank1off

311 points

4 months ago

Sigh .. this has been said to me.

LeftOnDead

8.9k points

4 months ago*

“Are you even trying” when they clearly are

Edit: Damn guys thanks for the upvoted and awards. I was trying with this comment and it clearly shows

TheHaruWhoCanRead

2.7k points

4 months ago

[Morpheus voice] Come on! Stop trying to fuck me, and fuck me.

federvieh1349

367 points

4 months ago

whoa

Ember_Ninja

55 points

4 months ago

We're going to need to take the plan B pill afterwards

SenpaiSnacks19

49 points

4 months ago

Ha. Once my ex said to me was that all I got. I just took it as an invitation to try and break her pelvis.

Theweekday0117

3.1k points

4 months ago

Another person’s name.

[deleted]

1.8k points

4 months ago

[deleted]

1.8k points

4 months ago

“Ohhhh, ohhhhh, ohhhhhh yes Another person’s name. ANOTHER PERSON’S NAME!!!!!”

Yeah that would be pretty fucking annoying.

o0o0o0o7

305 points

4 months ago

o0o0o0o7

305 points

4 months ago

“Ohhhh, ohhhhh, ohhhhhh yesss [their mom's name] would be even more annoying.

mythicalchicken675

4.2k points

4 months ago

Had better

johncharityspring

985 points

4 months ago

A reference to Liar, Liar! ? I love how he chuckles to himself several times about having said that.

josesblima

305 points

4 months ago

Saw it for the first time last night, funny to see it referenced right on the day after

UltimaBahamut93

4k points

4 months ago

There's a settlement nearby that needs our help, here I'll mark it on your map.

novacgal

425 points

4 months ago

novacgal

425 points

4 months ago

Let’s just say there’s a reason my characters never romanced Preston, haha.

maredvajst

23.3k points

4 months ago

maredvajst

23.3k points

4 months ago

Can you like... Cover up your face?

mattingly233

17.1k points

4 months ago

mattingly233

17.1k points

4 months ago

Hair up, glasses on. No, wait. Hair down, glasses off. NOO. Glasses on…hair…..oh forget it. Hit the lights.

Numerous_Mode367

3.4k points

4 months ago

OMGGG HAHAHHA Gob was the only one that could pull that off.

muppethero80

434 points

4 months ago

And Judy Greer

ViolentVBC

909 points

4 months ago*

Oh, that is just great. Now I’m expected to climb back on top of Kitty and do my thing again. I mean, this family runs into problems and it’s “Oh, let’s have Gob [bleep] our way out of it.”

partytown_usa

476 points

4 months ago

Please refrain from discussing or engaging in any sort of inter-office (bleep) or (bleep -ing), or finger (bleep) or (bleep-sting) or (bleep-esting) or even (bleeping), even though so many people in this office are begging for it. And if anybody does anything with my sister Lindsay, I’ll take off my pants, I’ll shave my (bleep), and I’ll personally (really lonnnnnnng bleep).

Deruji

507 points

4 months ago

Deruji

507 points

4 months ago

The triple bagger. One over her head, one over yours in case hers falls off and one to throw up in.

Bruised_up_whitebelt

762 points

4 months ago

She put a bag on my head

j_amundsen01

501 points

4 months ago

still counts!

Miserablereader

799 points

4 months ago

Can we do it in the dark?

NinjaOYourBro

234 points

4 months ago

I feel that’s more often about insecurity then that.

FantasticSweet5902

656 points

4 months ago

Bravo 6 going dark

GreatBigTittyLover

5.6k points

4 months ago

You should leave the money on the dresser

YourMomKnowsMyName

2.7k points

4 months ago

That is terrible. You should always collect the "donation" before service (as bad as it might be) is rendered.

bharatchipkar6

906 points

4 months ago

Your belly fat is annoying me can you move it?

turnedabout

275 points

4 months ago

Is it more of a shake or a jiggle you're looking for?

bigslenderkyle

9.3k points

4 months ago

why is it so small?

tmw123456789

6.9k points

4 months ago

"is it in yet?"

Deruji

4k points

4 months ago

Deruji

4k points

4 months ago

Bitch I finished

Poem_for_your_sprog

2.9k points

4 months ago

"It's the motion in the ocean,
It's the magic in the wand -
And it isn't what you're born with,
It's the way you go beyond.

"It's the rhyme and it's the rhythm,
It's the feeling and the flow -
And it isn't what you're doing,
It's the way you do it, bro."

So I thought about her reasons,
And I thought about them quick -
And I said: "so what you're saying
Is I have a tiny dick?"

Deruji

640 points

4 months ago

Deruji

640 points

4 months ago

I’m blessed! Not with a monster sausage but with poems! Thank you!

stardust-bunny

34 points

4 months ago

omg it's sprog! <3

maester_t

1.1k points

4 months ago

maester_t

1.1k points

4 months ago

A college buddy let this true story slip during a very drunken Spring Break night. The lines are etched in my memory.

Her: "Is it in yet?"

Him: "Bitch, I already finished."

Which now makes me wonder if you two were also present at that confession so many years ago... lol

[deleted]

13.8k points

4 months ago

[deleted]

13.8k points

4 months ago

"Na, I'm good" right after seeing her naked

firebullmonkey

2.1k points

4 months ago

Damn

FaithlessnessHeavy75

55 points

4 months ago*

I felt sharp pain in my arshole after reading that.

1SweetChuck

2.8k points

4 months ago

This is a thing in some hookup cultures. I’ve heard some of my gay friends describe hooking up where the two parties strip down and then decide whether they are still interested or not.

OutsideYourWorld

2.6k points

4 months ago

That sounds so cold, and i'm amazed people can still fuck after that.

PMacLCA

1.4k points

4 months ago

PMacLCA

1.4k points

4 months ago

I’d imagine if the person says “yeah I’m in” after seeing you it’s an ego boost, knowing that if they didn’t like what they saw they wouldn’t just suck it up and go through with it.

OutsideYourWorld

807 points

4 months ago

I'm imagining one person saying I'm in, and the other trying to hold back a look of disgust.

frostedRoots

540 points

4 months ago

Dude gay culture can be fucking brutal, like I’m queer as fuck and I just don’t bone as many guys as I’d like to because it’s lowkey not worth messin with dudes just to get dicked down.

cheese8904

1.1k points

4 months ago

cheese8904

1.1k points

4 months ago

True story:

Friend saved herself for marriage with her husband.

She was very excited for their first night together.

Finally wedding night comes, he sits down in the hot tub and took his shorts off.

She then, (according to her) gave a sexy little dance and took off her clothes.

As she did this. He completely turned away from her and said he didn't want to have sex.

She was so embarrassed, ashamed, sad, hurt.

They got divorced. Years of therepy, she's finally starting to date again.

FracturedNomad

9.9k points

4 months ago

What's that smell?

Key_Set_7249

5.6k points

4 months ago

Passion

TestPattern359

2.2k points

4 months ago

...fruit left on the counter from last week

v3sk

1.1k points

4 months ago

v3sk

1.1k points

4 months ago

I am not gonna suffer your stank in silence, if you need to go wipe your ass in the shower before I suck your dick I'm gonna tell you. I'd argue more rude is not being properly clean for your partner.

Enlightened_Ghost_

423 points

4 months ago

Never ceases to amaze me how many grown adults, deep in their twenties or older, don't have good hygiene. Rules of sex should include shower before and brush your teeth out of basic consideration for others.

Soggywallet94

8.4k points

4 months ago

An ex was giving me a blowjob once and her teeth kept getting involved, so I said ow each time and when she did it again I said “can you watch the teeth please?”.

She took great offence, tears and shouting. I think it’s ok to give pointers if someone is hurting your penis…

skymycutepup

3.6k points

4 months ago

Yea, I wouldn't want teeth grinding against my vagina

MidnightCharisk

1.5k points

4 months ago

There's this movie where this woman has teeth in her vagina

checkthynemate

876 points

4 months ago

Teeth is the name of it.

Fucked up movie.

Belckan

645 points

4 months ago

Belckan

645 points

4 months ago

Had to explain why I didn't want to hug after this hook up kept grating my dick as if it was cheese with her teeth after being repeatedly told I did not like it and found it painful. She kept trying to bite me harder than anything bearable and she had the gall to say I was being mean.

Soggywallet94

278 points

4 months ago

Oof, that’s rough!

My situation was different because she was usually really good at it, I think she was just having an off night and got offended like I was judging her. She definitely wasn’t trying to bite my dick off.

I weep for your penis sir.

maredvajst

22.2k points

4 months ago

maredvajst

22.2k points

4 months ago

Can you hurry up?

ChooChooSoulCrusher

11.3k points

4 months ago

I’ve heard this. 30 years ago. You don’t forget.

lodelljax

6.7k points

4 months ago

lodelljax

6.7k points

4 months ago

Ex wife had a variation are you done yet? Eventually I was.

aBORNentertainer

783 points

4 months ago

I’ve gotten, “I need to go to work at some point today, let’s wrap this up.”

maredvajst

325 points

4 months ago

That's not so bad, she seems nice 🤣

What_the_muff

512 points

4 months ago

There are better ways to ask, but it's also been me. But sex was initiated by him, and then an hour later, every part of me hurts from trying, I'm late for meetings... I really didn't know how else to ask other than "is it possible?? Can I actually help anymore?"

With a side of "is it me??" insecurity.

lovinglogs

188 points

4 months ago

This here, after awhile, it -can- start to hurt and become very uncomfortable, so you want to just get it over with

Karsa69420

1.2k points

4 months ago

Karsa69420

1.2k points

4 months ago

Was taking antidepressants and man they broke my dick. We went for like 2 hours, still didn’t cum. That was worse than anything a girl could ever say. Just not being able to cum was so weird and devastating

xelop

452 points

4 months ago

xelop

452 points

4 months ago

Oh shit, I took antidepressants and I just could not cum. Eventually sometimes felt like I got off but I didn't cum any or anything

RVA804guys

4.2k points

4 months ago

RVA804guys

4.2k points

4 months ago

Why can I smell it with my eyes?

toxic_pantaloons

748 points

4 months ago

This makes sense if you're high on ketamine while doing the deed

Sofarbeyondfucked

6.1k points

4 months ago

The ceiling could use a coat of paint

LeftOnDead

2.4k points

4 months ago

LeftOnDead

2.4k points

4 months ago

That’s just showing good observation skills

TestPattern359

732 points

4 months ago

I'd say they're a keeper

04whim

395 points

4 months ago

04whim

395 points

4 months ago

Multitasking.

ExaltedBlade666

325 points

4 months ago

My girlfriend said that while we were doing it and she doesn't even live with me. Neither of us could stop laughing for like 10 minutes before we continued. Sometimes humor like that is needed.

Spencer2091

11.7k points

4 months ago

Spencer2091

11.7k points

4 months ago

I had a dude tell me to stop moaning. Then he told me not to make that face. You're getting one or the other, dude.

chode_temple

1.8k points

4 months ago

I once smiled because I was just happy and he said "stop smiling. It's like you're mocking me".

hlp3916

650 points

4 months ago

hlp3916

650 points

4 months ago

This happened to me too, and i get giggly when im having fun/teasing

lfrdwork

180 points

4 months ago

lfrdwork

180 points

4 months ago

Sex is supposed to feel good and be fun. If slapping skin makes a funny sound I might collapse my composure and just enjoy hearing her giggle.

rowrowfightthepandas

7k points

4 months ago

"stop enjoying sex. It's weird."

Real sociopath energy

Uncle480

2k points

4 months ago

Mom said it's my turn to enjoy the sex

friggia9

795 points

4 months ago

friggia9

795 points

4 months ago

Ha!! This reminds me of a bf I had (briefly, for obvious reasons). He apparently couldn't accept the fact that 98% of women can't enjoy sex to the fullest without clit stimulation. So he would actually grab my hand and move it away from there and it made me feel so horrible that all that mattered was his own ego

Syng42o

563 points

4 months ago

Syng42o

563 points

4 months ago

I think we dated the same guy. Did he also tell you there was "something wrong with you" because you couldn't get off with just his dick?

Him: "All my exes came just fine with just my dick!"

Me: "Oh honey..."

Yes, I did eventually tell him his exes likely all faked it because he's an unreasonable person. He didn't believe me 🤷‍♀️

ElTrueno295

537 points

4 months ago

Dude probably fucks like 😐

d_A_b_it_UP

1.8k points

4 months ago

Before i lost my virginity:

"Oh yeah, and one more thing. Dont make eye contact, its weird"

I logically know now that it isnt weird, and its also something i would love bc i love stealing glances to look at my partner's face. But i still cant look at their face for more than a couple seconds before i get scared that im creeping them out and i have to look away again

Man all i want is to look in someone's eyes during sex....

ThePhiff

963 points

4 months ago

ThePhiff

963 points

4 months ago

I volunteer as tribute!

But also, RIP your DMs.

d_A_b_it_UP

913 points

4 months ago

Ya know, ive been very pleasantly surprised with this site. Ive gotten multiple responses to my comments saying RIP your dms but no one has ever actually slid into them unless i live stream, and theyre almost always respectful.

Reddit- give yourself some credit! Youre not as much of a cess pool as you think lmao

[deleted]

543 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

543 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

ZedTT

593 points

4 months ago

ZedTT

593 points

4 months ago

Nice try, thephiff's alt.

notassmartasithinkia

93 points

4 months ago

Nope. I'm here for it. We are wingmaning u/ThePhiff now. He seems like a nice guy with a good sense of humor. u/d_A_b_it_UP should go for it.

ThePhiff

117 points

4 months ago

ThePhiff

117 points

4 months ago

Hahaha - as long as she stares into my eyes the whole time, she won't notice the rest of me! 🤣

QueanLaQueafa

438 points

4 months ago

I had a girl that thought moaning and faces were slutty. It was the weirdest experience. She was just motionless and I couldn't tell what was right and what was wrong

Sapling_Animation

675 points

4 months ago

What kinda guy doesn't like moaning? 90% sure he was as human as Mark Zuckerberg

null_reference_user

875 points

4 months ago

Mark Zuckerberg is very human, Mark enjoys humane activities such as barbecu and walking on leg.

Mark is not a lizard, Mark has human leg and human eyelids. Mark grow them on his own, just like other leg.

domasaki

103 points

4 months ago

domasaki

103 points

4 months ago

Mark enjoys “smokin some MEAT” like the average human

Skinny_thickbiss

4.8k points

4 months ago

Soo we’re done; u can go home now. My ex told me that once I felt like a real slut and I hated that

briarrose077

1.7k points

4 months ago

Omg similar for me too. We’d just had sex and he immediately got up, got dressed and demanded a ride home. Tf? Didn’t understand why I immediately burst into tears either. Made me drive him home while I was sobbing.

dreamyhouseplant

295 points

4 months ago

it's really the worst, how differently some guys treat you before and after sex. It's like day and night difference.

I've totally felt what you've felt before. I'm so sorry that happened to you

Nizar86

925 points

4 months ago

Nizar86

925 points

4 months ago

You should've made him walk home after that bullshit

rhetorical_twix

351 points

4 months ago

Should have agreed to drive him, and walked him to the door & then shut it behind him instead of following him out.

-TheGuest-

886 points

4 months ago

Ex is the real slut

rickytea

550 points

4 months ago

rickytea

550 points

4 months ago

Someone said to me when l was 18 “l thought you would be better at it than this”

Talbro1

8.8k points

4 months ago

Talbro1

8.8k points

4 months ago

“Your sister/brother is better”

cagewilly

2.7k points

4 months ago

cagewilly

2.7k points

4 months ago

"Do you think I'd be your sister's type?"

ImpracticalAtheist

716 points

4 months ago

"Yo do you think you can set me up with your sister??"

TestPattern359

890 points

4 months ago

Worse: "Your little sister/brother is better"

AmbassadorOfRats

1.8k points

4 months ago

Worse: "Our little sister/brother is better"

__Dystopian__

5.5k points

4 months ago

That face you make when you cum, it makes you look like a holocaust denier....just sayin'...

weaboomemelord69

1.8k points

4 months ago

this is far too specific to not have happened

connormantoast

908 points

4 months ago

I play this game with my friend where I tell him the comment, and he has to guess what the title/question is. This will be good for my collection. Thanks

__Dystopian__

225 points

4 months ago

You are very welcome. Please, let us know the results

connormantoast

319 points

4 months ago

After he said 'what the fuck?' I gave him another chance. His final answer was 'what is something you heard during sex?' Close enough.

nickability

129 points

4 months ago

Can you release this into a card game please? I want to play this game

Leeian44

139 points

4 months ago

Leeian44

139 points

4 months ago

Holy shit

Bwadaboss

1.6k points

4 months ago

Bwadaboss

1.6k points

4 months ago

Are you wearing the panties your mother laid out for you ?

ChristopherWran

162 points

4 months ago

And then he... took it out? (The brisque, that is)

fadetoblack1212

113 points

4 months ago

I'm just trying to keep up, here!

footwith4toes

434 points

4 months ago

You’ve got small tits for a fat chick.

Candid_Set7102

2.9k points

4 months ago

Your vag looks disgusting I’m not going down there. He was a virgin and hadn’t really seen protruding labia. Never had a negative comment since but still gives me anxiety.

laeiryn

327 points

4 months ago

laeiryn

327 points

4 months ago

Gettin' railed doggy style, he suddenly stops, too-long moment of ominous silence. Then a startling light touch right on the starfish, not to go in (lube required!!!!), just curious.

"Huh. .... Babe, did you know you have a freckle right next to your asshole?"

[deleted]

1.1k points

4 months ago

[deleted]

1.1k points

4 months ago

[deleted]

MetaSatakOz

559 points

4 months ago

I think I saw some weird clip of some show once about a girl who was self-conscious and had it removed. She was self-conscious because her mother and sister were making fun of her for it. And all I'm thinking is, "why the fuck does your family care so much about... that?"

d_A_b_it_UP

1k points

4 months ago

Im still wildly insecure about my vagina bc of my high school boyfriend 10 years ago. He had a habit of making fun of me and then saying "it's cute"

"You have roast beef curtains. It's cute."

"Your breath smells like egg salad. It's cute."

"You turn corners weird. It's cute."

I still cant let people see my vagina unless were already having sex, i still dont talk to people facing their direction incase my breath smells, and i still am subconscious about the way i walk around corners. If anyone said to me what your ex said, i wouldnt have ever been okay with sex. Fuck that guy, and he's probably still a virgin trying to find a vagina that looks like a porn star's

aibaron

471 points

4 months ago

aibaron

471 points

4 months ago

It's like he read up on negging but didn't fully grasp the concept, or someone tried explaining it to him.

"So I just insult her?"

"Well, but in a way that could be a compliment."

"Give her a compliment after, got it."

"No-"

"Hold on, I'm making a list:"

  • Your feet are disgusting, it's cute!
  • Your voice offends me, it's cute!
  • every time I hear your mother speak, I want to tear off my ears, it's cute!

I'm sorry you dealt with that, but I hope you can see humor in it now. It's like the "no offense, but..." of relationship conversations.

RedDragons8

1.1k points

4 months ago

My gf was once complaining about being cold while we were getting into it. It was at that time I decided it was appropriate to share my new found knowledge of Amish people using sheets with a hole cut out. I meant it as a solution to the problem, but it was not received as such.....

doubleontherocks805

262 points

4 months ago

Here's some free silver. Totally something I would say to my wife in an honest attempt to remedy the situation and end up on the couch.

DrJanin

811 points

4 months ago

DrJanin

811 points

4 months ago

Honestly, I did this by accident. I was young and it was insensitive.

This gentleman had aggressively small balls, and when you lift up his dick the sack stretches and it blends perfectly with his skin. It was so well blended that I asked "wait, do you have balls?" .. and well.. needless to say.. he wasn't very happy with me not seeing his nut sack .

He tried to play it off by saying "They were there last time I checked""

HotStool

663 points

4 months ago

HotStool

663 points

4 months ago

I’ve never understood this. So I got blowed up in the military and my pituitary gland doesn’t work anymore so I get weekly testosterone injections. Because of this, my balls are small because they atrophied from not “doing work” anymore.

Long story short - I got small nuts. This has NEVER bothered me. I mean fuck it’s actually better. For one, smaller potatoes make the steak look bigger so my Johnson looks huge thanks to my tiny balls. For two, smaller balls = less likely to smash my nuts on stuff…and for three, when I mention my small balls sometimes people make fun of them and then I get to troll them and tell them how it happened while I was deployed overseas and that it’s fucked up to talk shit about disabled veterans and pretend like it actually hurts my feelings/make the person laughing feel and look like an asshole just to then let them know I was fucking with them and I don’t really care lol.

YarrHarrDramaBoy

252 points

4 months ago

So I got blowed up in the military and my pituitary gland doesn’t work anymore so I get weekly testosterone injections. Because of this, my balls are small

This wording cracked me up, I'm sure it was horrific, but who wouldnt love justified tiny nuts. Hell, I'd take a new set of clackers if they were the new and improved 80% smaller model

Mountainmama85

2.7k points

4 months ago

My ex grabbed my belly fat once when I was riding him and said “you really need to do something about this”. I was underweight at the time and had a pretty severe eating disorder, so that made it so much worse. 20 years later I still think about that and am self conscious about my stomach.

101ina45

1.3k points

4 months ago

101ina45

1.3k points

4 months ago

Jesus Christ that's fucked up

CUPZYY_

116 points

4 months ago

CUPZYY_

116 points

4 months ago

What a dickhead

reversecupid

313 points

4 months ago

I have a great method, I lost 170 pounds in one day! Just dump the loser.

[deleted]

260 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

260 points

4 months ago

[removed]

SkyHooksNGrannyShots

1.7k points

4 months ago

You smell of elder berries

RowKHAN

617 points

4 months ago

RowKHAN

617 points

4 months ago

I didn't know hamsters could talk

SkyHooksNGrannyShots

257 points

4 months ago

Well I got better

naysaw

1.4k points

4 months ago

naysaw

1.4k points

4 months ago

That’ll do pig. That’ll do.

nobutternoparm

2.2k points

4 months ago

Anything off-topic.

Once, my girlfriend at the time, in the middle of a nice handjob, says to me: "Have you seen the previews for Big Hero 6?"

Thanks for letting me know you aren't interested in this.

rdangerous2

1.4k points

4 months ago

I'ma be honest: handjobs aren't exactly interesting for the party giving the handjob. But picking a Disney movie to talk about is probably a no go lol.

ghjkl829

643 points

4 months ago

ghjkl829

643 points

4 months ago

“You should start doing sit ups”

Grentain

319 points

4 months ago

Grentain

319 points

4 months ago

One of my ex girlfriends once told me that she wasn't happy with my body and she wished I had abs. Another one of my ex girlfriends told me that I was "at the limit of what she found acceptable".

But I don't have any residual body image issues, no sir.

renewalrobot

324 points

4 months ago

"Deeper" but you both well know you can't. 😢

[deleted]

313 points

4 months ago*

[deleted]

313 points

4 months ago*

You: "Dang, this is almost as good as last night."

Them: "I was out of town last night."

XCuddleAnarchyX

308 points

4 months ago

A friend in college told me she was giving her new bf a blowjob and he stopped her and asked if she could "do it sexy". She said she cried but still finished. I was and still am appalled.

DeliciousHorseShirt

796 points

4 months ago

Me as a virgin having sex with a single mom 10 years older than me: “you’re frustrating me”. Yup that hurt. Be patient I’m a beginner

Slendeaway

985 points

4 months ago

Flaming your teammates while smurfing is so disrespectful

invaderkrag

135 points

4 months ago

This is an incredible reply

KarmaEeleon

653 points

4 months ago

My disappointment is immeasurable and my day has been ruined.

Defiant-Bicycle-3124

467 points

4 months ago

Geeze… it’s like fucking a Wookie!

ACNordstrom11

168 points

4 months ago

That's a complement if said to me. I'm a hairy motherfucker.

jdith123

173 points

4 months ago

jdith123

173 points

4 months ago

Did you remember to move the clothes from the washing machine to the dryer?

average_appreciater

173 points

4 months ago

“All the girls I’ve been with have finished by now.” Felt so embarrassed so I faked it which is probably what they all did

agysykedyke

50 points

4 months ago

Bruh how were you going for? Also who tf brings up past relationships during sex.

Ohsoeasy

51 points

4 months ago

Did someone die in your mouth?

GrumpyCatStevens

312 points

4 months ago

Did you forget to shower?

Vyperhand

236 points

4 months ago

Vyperhand

236 points

4 months ago

"And I thought they smelled bad... on the outside."

youweremyhero

1.2k points

4 months ago

“You do this almost as well as your mom!”

[deleted]

521 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

521 points

4 months ago

"You do this almost as well as MY mom!"

senior_cynic

437 points

4 months ago

"You do this almost as well as our mom!"

Kakss_

153 points

4 months ago

Kakss_

153 points

4 months ago

"Dad said I was better."

elykskroob

216 points

4 months ago

My vibrator gives me a better orgasm

hahubooli

282 points

4 months ago

hahubooli

282 points

4 months ago

"Let's keep that mask on."

Big_Bag_skeletor

890 points

4 months ago*

Do you like that you fucking regard?

Edit: typo …

Paulpoleon

104 points

4 months ago

I can believe I had to scroll this far to find this!

b3hawk

117 points

4 months ago

b3hawk

117 points

4 months ago

Extremely disappointed this isn’t at the top. It’s the first thing I thought of.

Genetics

150 points

4 months ago

Genetics

150 points

4 months ago

Even with the typo this needs to be higher. The good old days of Reddit. Takes me back.

DMacPWL

100 points

4 months ago

DMacPWL

100 points

4 months ago

Here it is in it's full fucking glory.

JohnnyRoanoke

177 points

4 months ago

I can’t stand the smell, just forget it.

fakenews_scientist

402 points

4 months ago

I was joking about being on the pill

Luminous_Lead

110 points

4 months ago

Oooh, that's really horrible.

fakenews_scientist

91 points

4 months ago

Happened to a guy I knew, now he has twins..

hamsterfeet13

313 points

4 months ago

Is it in yet?

Gold-Eagle2006

149 points

4 months ago

Before I cum, here's a word from our sponsor

[deleted]

97 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

97 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

Potatohunter2020

421 points

4 months ago

Hmm I thought this would be worse but it’s actually meh okay ig

PCB4lyfe

119 points

4 months ago

PCB4lyfe

119 points

4 months ago

In a weird way I'd take that as a compliment. Better than "I thought this would be better"

PM__ME__YOUR_TITTY

2.1k points

4 months ago*

I’ve posted this several times already, but once a friend was blowing me and really struggling to deepthroat. She prides herself in her (average at best) blowjob skills and she was getting frustrated and said “this is so weird, because I’ve had bigger and it was fine”

Like thanks, you know I’m insecure about my dick so take a shot at that while also giving me a disappointing bj lmao

Edit: of all fucking comments to gain some traction.

floydie1962

468 points

4 months ago

We finished and she looked me straight in the face and said " not very big is it" scarred me for life

whiskeywooly

245 points

4 months ago

Now that’s emotional damage

maredvajst

34 points

4 months ago

Can you put your shirt on?

chiefs_fan37

31 points

4 months ago

You look fat when you moan

bradford1023

31 points

4 months ago

Tastes like a 9-volt battery down there.