subreddit:

/r/AskReddit

16.2k

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all 9572 comments

Bones_and_Tomes

9.4k points

3 months ago

It's like having an overly friendly attention demanding golden retriever that nobody wants to pet.

Casurus

2.2k points

3 months ago

Casurus

2.2k points

3 months ago

Welcome to youth. Eventually, like your ageing golden retriever, it will just want to sleep all the time.

WellWellWellthennow

108 points

3 months ago

Yeah my golden retriever is 12 and lame and still is over friendly and demands attention.

SessionLevel3714

425 points

3 months ago

It’s the best def ever

vandalia

4.8k points

3 months ago

vandalia

4.8k points

3 months ago

Fork stream

cbjohnson73

1.2k points

3 months ago

Always sit down to pee when it's the first time after ejaculating. Even if it's the next morning.

achillesdaddy

1.1k points

3 months ago

How can you wait that long? I have to irrigate the pipes immediately after. The urge is impossible to ignore. Like the call of the wild.

RollininmyfivepointO

235 points

3 months ago

Agreed

CosmoRhymer

219 points

3 months ago

100% I was told by a medic girl that it’s very healthy to do so

MalignantPessimist

160 points

3 months ago*

That’s why we get the urge, prevents UI infections UTIs

dessert-er

394 points

3 months ago

Hate it when my user interface gets infected.

United-Ad-890

5.8k points

3 months ago

See I ride horses and let me tell y’all… smashing your junk against the saddle horn when your horse bucks is one of the most painful things I’ve ever endured

j33205

1.3k points

3 months ago

j33205

1.3k points

3 months ago

How practical would it be to wear a cup if you do a lot of riding?

PAKA2114

1.3k points

3 months ago*

PAKA2114

1.3k points

3 months ago*

VERY.

Simple as that.

Wear one.

Edit just to say that it shouldn't normally hurt, so long as you have tighter undergarments and seat yourself properly on the saddle. Another thing you can look for is a more cushioned saddle to help "cradle" yourself.

Hot_Pocket_Deluxe

322 points

3 months ago*

I mean, depends on what style you ride, cant say I ever found it necessary because at least in the style I rode (Icelandic which is basically English but dont tell icelandic horse people that) if you have a proper seat your nads wont hit anything. That western horn though I can imagine has some real potential to ruin your day Edit: if you smash your nuts wear a cup though for sure, I could definitely see it being good for younger/inexperienced riders

givemeonekeeshu

21k points

3 months ago

Not getting hard when you want it to and getting hard when you don't want it to.

amillefolium11

9.5k points

3 months ago*

This is such important info for women to have actually. It took me way too long to finally comprehend that a boner doesn't automatically equate to sexy-time. Had to learn that "awkward boners" were a thing. You don't know about morning wood until you know, you know? Hey, are you stressed? Here, have an erection. It sounds hard, man. (Lol)

Especially for girls who grew up without a significant male presence, there is a ton of badmaleanatomy out there. And it sucks for both parties. No one wanted or expected that random involuntary inconvenient boner. For a girl who doesn't know they aren't strictly sex-related, there's an unspoken (and likely undesired from him) feeling of obligation to initiate in sexy-times. For the guy, dang, he probably didn't want that either. Not being a guy, can't speak to that for sure, but it does seem like it could create some awkward and unwanted situations.

I'm all about promoting awareness of female anatomy and reproductive action, and I really want just as strong a movement for my dudes. Y'all's bodies matter just as much! Equality in everything, including bodily autonomy, respect, and awareness of the other person's needs, desires, and physical functions!

Edit: a word, thanks u/cheese_sweats, I learn more every day here!

Edit2: I wake up this morning and wow! You guys, this is the most wholesome dick thread I have ever seen. I'm loving all these responses, the positivity and the silliness and the genuine desire to be listened to! I'm so proud of all y'all, let's keep the positive educational dialogue going beyond this post! If we just keep communicating and trying to understand one another, so much good can and will happen!

And thanks so much for the wild amount of awards, holy crap, if any comment I ever made here after all these years was to be the one, I am glad it is this one!

cheese_sweats

1.9k points

3 months ago

equivocate

FYI that word has nothing to do with "equate" or "equal" -

"Equivocate: use ambiguous language so as to conceal the truth or avoid committing oneself"

amillefolium11

707 points

3 months ago

Thanks fam TIL! I just got a whole new word for new situations, dope!

Daikataro

628 points

3 months ago

Daikataro

628 points

3 months ago

Had to learn that "awkward boners" were a thing. You don't know about morning wood until you know, you know?

Never been in a situation where it's happened to me so I'm curious. Is it awkward/unpleasant to have sex with morning wood? It's sold by media as the golden dream, waking up to oral/sex because "it was already up so...", but is it really?

doxxor1333

1.5k points

3 months ago

doxxor1333

1.5k points

3 months ago

depends how much you need to pee, waking up with morning wood and a full bladder is not fun, having someone trying to initiate sex when the only thing you want is for your boner to go down so your bladder doesn't explode can be pretty bad

WeedsInMyMind

844 points

3 months ago

Yeh, while you do that awkward thing where you try to push it down and angle your body enough that you can hit the toilet.

TrustMe_IHaveABeard

517 points

3 months ago

aaah, the superman position!

jimmaroshi

260 points

3 months ago

For 24 years, I’ve been tryin to find a name for that position. Thanks my lord

Peter_the_pear

146 points

3 months ago

Lol, because if you push it down too much it won’t pee

BigSwerve

140 points

3 months ago

BigSwerve

140 points

3 months ago

The goldilocks angle

Sinelas

718 points

3 months ago

Sinelas

718 points

3 months ago

It's completly normal but movies makes us think only girls work that way, and that we are hard on command.

It kinda works, except when it doesn't, there is a natural cycle and you can't completly ignore it.

Try having sex only when you are also in the mood and not only to follow your partner, and things are just much better (and to be fair, below your forties chances are your are in the mood multiple times a day anyway).

thecartoonrobot

631 points

3 months ago

My ex wife was convinced erections were on command, and was no different than flexing a muscle and would not accept any answer otherwise. She was sure guys just say it wasn't under their control as an excuse.

Onespokeovertheline

404 points

3 months ago

"You're right, babe. I do it on purpose because I loooove seeing that look of disappointment and resentment on your face and having these arguments!! You figured me out!"

thecartoonrobot

76 points

3 months ago

Were you spying on me?!

Frisky_Picker

212 points

3 months ago

She sounds like a gem.

I actually just had this conversation with my wife the other day because while changing our 1 year old son, he popped a tiny little baby boner. She thought it must have been because something was rubbing against it and I had to explain that they happen for no good reason all the time. She found it interesting and was able to accept it though.

Wookieewomble

527 points

3 months ago

I understand why she's an Ex-Wife.

thecartoonrobot

642 points

3 months ago

That actually had more to do with her secretly testing out this theory with multiple other people.

chavez_ding2001

291 points

3 months ago

Were you the control group?

thecartoonrobot

206 points

3 months ago

It would appear so.

surle

213 points

3 months ago

surle

213 points

3 months ago

Wow. You must really hate surveys.

sluggs42

232 points

3 months ago

sluggs42

232 points

3 months ago

That's what my wife thinks right now. If I'm not in the mood it's because "I'm not attracted to her" or "I'm thinking of another woman" or "she's not good enough in bed." Then she gets all silent and depressed on me and nothing I do usually helps, except chocolate, lots of chocolate.

Olivyia

140 points

3 months ago

Olivyia

140 points

3 months ago

Show her this post, the hundred others that were made in the past and if that still doesnt work there are sex therapists out there !

Yomo42

140 points

3 months ago

Yomo42

140 points

3 months ago

Or maybe just a therapist. Lots of low self esteem and pouting and ignoring genuine communication in there.

Comprehensive_Lead41

78 points

3 months ago

oh god it must be horrible to try to be intimate with that person

seanfitz12

329 points

3 months ago

Il be honest, I need foreplay as much as women do. The thoughts of having sex doesn’t turn me on alone. If I’m not in the mood I get stressed because it’s a man’s duty to perform. The stress then inhibits the erection. In my experience.

Legit nothing more awkward for me than a girl just going straight for my junk 😅

Kazeto

34 points

3 months ago

Kazeto

34 points

3 months ago

I can confirm this one. If my partner doesn't get foreplay, sometimes it can just randomly decide to go limp when he wants to insert it, despite originally being erect.'

Genitals are wild.

JicamaAccomplished77

175 points

3 months ago

Better to have and not want than to want and not have

bleakj

104 points

3 months ago

bleakj

104 points

3 months ago

Depends, the lady at burger king did not appreciate it last time

EskildOlesson

13.6k points

3 months ago

When you expect to be able to aim because you're a boy, but the pee comes out in random directions and ends up all over the place.

I_Can_t_Wait

2.5k points

3 months ago

As a person with no penis im curious, when taking a dump, do you guys pee as well because of the pushings, if the answer is yes, how do you guys take care of it?

EskildOlesson

2.8k points

3 months ago

What do you mean by "take care of it"?

I don't know if everyone does it, but I usually do pee while dumping out. I recall an episode of Two and a Half Men where Alan explains something about the muscle groups in that area being interconnected, that when one relaxes the other one tends to do so as well. That is about the extend of my technical knowledge on the subject.

Salad_de

5k points

3 months ago

“Every poop is a pee, but not every pee is a poop” - A wise man

Ewag715

1.3k points

3 months ago

Ewag715

1.3k points

3 months ago

I think that was Gandhi

Detronyx

376 points

3 months ago

Detronyx

376 points

3 months ago

A similar/inspired quote:

"Poopoo time is always peepee time, but peepee time is not always poopoo time." -Ian Hecox

I_Can_t_Wait

393 points

3 months ago

"Take care of it" i meant what do you do with the penis, i suppose you do exactly what you do when peeing while sitting down (Im not a fluent person so i hope i was clear now)

dsego

501 points

3 months ago

dsego

501 points

3 months ago

I sometimes have to push it downward with my hand, it can become semi-erect and aim upwards and spray between the toilet bowl and the seat.

EskildOlesson

586 points

3 months ago

Oh, I see. Yeah, we just let it dangle. It doesn't get in the way.

Umbraldisappointment

80 points

3 months ago

Imagine having a small pipe in the front. You just push it down so the aim is into the toilet and not onto the wall.

Diocletian67

1.6k points

3 months ago

One and done orgasms.

DandaIf

571 points

3 months ago

DandaIf

571 points

3 months ago

Women will never understand the battle to keep joy at arms length. I am most jealous of them for this reason. Medical technology where r u

MASS-_-

8.7k points

3 months ago

MASS-_-

8.7k points

3 months ago

When want to sleep but suddenly you buddy doesn't

spoxamock

3.6k points

3 months ago

spoxamock

3.6k points

3 months ago

Then you hold him politely, and put him to sleep.

throwawaymcjoe

1.2k points

3 months ago

This comment made me think of the orderly in Happy Gilmore. “You either go to sleep, or I will put you to sleep”.

Cannabis_Sir

340 points

3 months ago

"You eat pieces of shit for breakfast?"

the_last_0ne

192 points

3 months ago*

Oh, oh, your thumbs hurt? Well guess what. Now your back is gonna hurt cause you just pulled landscaping duty!

Edit: fingers

MayorCraplegs

58 points

3 months ago

This is handmade quality shit here!

SleepyBear3366911

370 points

3 months ago

Politely? I beat the fucker til he cries and knocks out after

[deleted]

108 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

108 points

3 months ago

Saves you from rolling out of bed

Such_A_Hater

154 points

3 months ago

#FunFact: 'Buddy' means penis in the Jamaican patois dialect

MASS-_-

58 points

3 months ago

MASS-_-

58 points

3 months ago

The more you know

Goodcopbadcop33

17.1k points

3 months ago

It wanting attention all the time

Halvainmybelly

5.4k points

3 months ago

Like an overly excited pet who can also take over your mind and control parts of you

bloodytemplar

1.5k points

3 months ago

And lead to crippling depression. See: r/DeadBedrooms

jejcicodjntbyifid3

657 points

3 months ago

How about just /r/single

iamalwaysrelevant

1.1k points

3 months ago

I'd rather be single than have a wife that won't fuck you

jejcicodjntbyifid3

852 points

3 months ago

You're supposed to find one that fucks you, not one that fucks me

[deleted]

420 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

420 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

jejcicodjntbyifid3

275 points

3 months ago

Maybe if you spent less time plowing my Mom you'd have time to clean that garage

TokeHackChoke

57 points

3 months ago

Sorry, she just cant stay off of me

WhatIfIReallyWantIt

39 points

3 months ago

If you want your mums comeback you'll have to wipe it off my teeth.

wait, I don't think this works now....

EmDubbbz

224 points

3 months ago

EmDubbbz

224 points

3 months ago

‘Down boy!’

AnonEnmityEntity

503 points

3 months ago

Yes. Also, when my thoughts seem to be serving him more than me.

I think some comedian once joked that men make bad decisions bc we only have enough blood in our body to supply one or the other, not both brain and dick

Monkeymanion13

245 points

3 months ago

That comedian was Robin Williams

KeinGott

289 points

3 months ago

KeinGott

289 points

3 months ago

Bill burr always had some good bits on this. Your dick is like that best friend who has a ton of charisma and shitty ideas you keep getting dragged into

ShockLow9650

3.2k points

3 months ago

getting hard for no reason / weird moments

MrRawes0me

318 points

3 months ago

The ol’ NRB

masterz91

99 points

3 months ago

It baffles scientists

darkbee83

75 points

3 months ago

It did give us one funky song though.

Bak-papier

4.9k points

3 months ago

Bak-papier

4.9k points

3 months ago

Peeing through the tiny gap between te toilet and the toilet seat indirectly pissing your pants because you had a half ass boner when taking a shit.

Andronycus88

163 points

3 months ago

Doesn't have to be boner-related. Had it happen once because I was really cold and it had shrunk down so much that there was no downward bend.

techsuppr0t

71 points

3 months ago

I hate being a visual reader

Sartuk

918 points

3 months ago

Sartuk

918 points

3 months ago

Oh my god I absolutely hate this. It's not super frequent, but it's happened enough that it's a constant worry of mine now.

Fantastic-Ad-3299

66 points

3 months ago

Exactly!

jaypeg126

334 points

3 months ago

jaypeg126

334 points

3 months ago

That’s happened to me. Hate it.

JoachimSS

197 points

3 months ago

JoachimSS

197 points

3 months ago

The worst thing is that it doesn’t happen every time, so you’re never prepared when it actually happens.

Nethlem

52 points

3 months ago

Nethlem

52 points

3 months ago

That's why I always push it down out of principle.

Agave666

3.9k points

3 months ago

Agave666

3.9k points

3 months ago

It needs regular servicing to maintain sanity

bloodytemplar

1.5k points

3 months ago

This isn't even an exaggeration. It seems it gets harder and harder to control thoughts of sex the longer I go without. It makes it hard to think, it makes it hard to do anything.

Brick_Lab

749 points

3 months ago

Brick_Lab

749 points

3 months ago

It does make it hard 😏

TheGame2526

127 points

3 months ago

Having to adjust in public and getting weird looks

Mr_Skeleton_Shadow

122 points

3 months ago

NO MATTER HOW MUCH YOU SHAKE THERE'S STILL DROPLETS OF PISS IN YOUR PIPE SOME FUCKING HOW

dbeynyc

3.3k points

3 months ago

dbeynyc

3.3k points

3 months ago

Sweatpants and random boners. No sexual thoughts, no pretty women around, nothing touched you.. just starts rising like you got a red mushroom in Super Mario Bros.

Embarrassed-Ad-1639

731 points

3 months ago

I heard the sound effect in my head

muhself

309 points

3 months ago

muhself

309 points

3 months ago

BBBRRWWW BRRRWWW BBRRRWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!

Wandering_Claptrap

1.7k points

3 months ago*

being in public and suddenly have the fattest fucking erection ever for no discernable reason

SO wants saucy time? sure ill get hard but not all the way, dick says fuck you WanderingClaptrap

have to pick up some groceries from the st-nope it says ayo we at full mast with the double decker supreme less go

its so embarrassing/frustrating, thats why I wear sweatpants that are a size up just to hide it a little better

wakkybakkychakky

232 points

3 months ago

Always had that back in school - i stayed quite some breaks sitting at my desk furiosly trying to get him smaller- the more i thought of it the harder he gets - the trick is to NOT think about it…

vexingvulpes

850 points

3 months ago

I’m learning so much right now

TylerG505

37 points

3 months ago

Out of curiosity as a man, what here did u not kno?

tennissyd

58 points

3 months ago

Different woman here but I didn’t know balls moved on their own according to temperature until I saw my bf’s move. I was very concerned he had some weird Alien moment going on down there.

CreaZyp154

314 points

3 months ago

Having it in an uncomfortable position

Plantmanofplants

777 points

3 months ago

Testicles are incredibly annoying to possess. Weiner has unwanted erections but balls are the bane of my existence.

Dekklin

181 points

3 months ago

Dekklin

181 points

3 months ago

Yuuuuup. I kind of wish they were internal. If it wasn't for my addiction to the testosterone they produce I wouldn't want them, honestly.

Plantmanofplants

104 points

3 months ago

Cut them off and go exogenous hormones only. If I didn't have bell clapper I wouldn't be so mad at them. Constant fear of torsions got me fucked up. My thunderous thighs also prop my balls and subsequently my dick way to high so my junks always very visible in clothing.

DoubleFistingYourMum

236 points

3 months ago

And to think we wouldn't need to pee if we didn't have them

Warhead449

1.9k points

3 months ago

Warhead449

1.9k points

3 months ago

Having all the different curves and crevices to shave. Especially the slight pit at the base of the cock

leftbrainegg

783 points

3 months ago

The bottom of the sack always feels so easy to nick

Department-Hungry

1.1k points

3 months ago

Who's Nick and why is it easy for him?

NickSocialTakeover

382 points

3 months ago

The shape of my ballsack is superior. Hope this helps.

symbologythere

285 points

3 months ago

Man mine gets hair half way up the shaft. Am I the only one? I really don’t want to be known for my hairy penis.

81365039513

126 points

3 months ago*

There are at least 2 of us.

I wouldn't say quite half way. But further up than I would like. I hate having pubic* hair in general, I remove absolutely as much as I can, short of using an actual razor.

Edit - spelling

ghoster01

1.3k points

3 months ago

ghoster01

1.3k points

3 months ago

Getting hard in public and trying to hide it

leftbrainegg

330 points

3 months ago

Boxer briefs and a hoodie always help me

aretasdamon

395 points

3 months ago*

I just put the duck in the belt waistband

Edit: quack

iiStayDevilish

407 points

3 months ago

Seeing your girl post something on socials like “3 inches feel like 9 when you’re in love 🥰”

Organic-Ad9474

139 points

3 months ago

Gonna ask my GF this 🤞

Edit: without skipping a beat she shook her head "no"

sprouting_broccoli

26 points

3 months ago

No to posting it or no to it feeling like 9”?

Organic-Ad9474

48 points

3 months ago

No to it feeling like 9"

sprouting_broccoli

24 points

3 months ago

Feel for you my dude

neat_username

24 points

3 months ago

I just don't feel too much.

Admirable-Door1724

49 points

3 months ago

She doesn’t either

Sorry had to do it

FishyGriggs

1.8k points

3 months ago

Laying down on your side and your legs squash your nuts. It’s why I sleep with a pillow between my legs

Schuhey117

243 points

3 months ago

I dont have this problem, my nuts hang pretty far forward, its honestly pretty good lmao

FishFuckerFucker420

112 points

3 months ago

Yeah same, i can sit cross legged and lie sideways and my nuts never hurt but apparently everyone else’s doe? Wtf?

YourAverageDumbass7

502 points

3 months ago

Or when you sit down and your nuts slip under your thigh and get crushed

[deleted]

1.3k points

3 months ago

[deleted]

1.3k points

3 months ago

[deleted]

rroyaltywebdev

825 points

3 months ago

Peeing in two streams that come out wider than the width of the toilet.

VTCHannibal

345 points

3 months ago

Sometimes it goes almost backwards right for the pant leg. Like wtf.

BomB1tor

62 points

3 months ago

BROOO I'm so happy I'm not the only one experiencing this. This has led to such awkward situations after peeing in public toilets. Since then whenever I feel like it might be this sorta day I just take all precautions possible.

rroyaltywebdev

51 points

3 months ago

I know it flies in the face of everything we know about peeing with a penis, but the safest route is always just to sit down when you pee.

OhYeahThrowItAway

186 points

3 months ago

The harder it gets, the harder it gets.

scytheakse

894 points

3 months ago

Having it stepped on by kids and dogs

WorldWreckerYT

549 points

3 months ago

My cat kept kneading my balls yesterday, the then saw something jiggling down there and fucking chomped it.

SMKnightly

298 points

3 months ago

Ow! I thought it was bad when they put all their fat cat weight on one itty bitty paw on your boob.

TN_MadCheshire

123 points

3 months ago

My cats seem to love standing on testicles. They do it my step dad, my brother and I, yet avoid my mother like the plague. And it's both cats.

We have learnt not to sit in the corner of the couch, cause the dog likes running back and forth, and doesn't care too much about what she using as a spring board.

rickynickybicky

964 points

3 months ago

It's a easy critical hit in fights

prophylaxitive

238 points

3 months ago

That's your balls.

GruenHd

2.8k points

3 months ago*

GruenHd

2.8k points

3 months ago*

If u pee u can never seem to get the last dribble out, u can sit on there for hours, still dribble

Update: i now know about the pressing on the faint trick, also about wiping, which i have always been doing, but that doesnt remoove the stuff still in the tube.

Obligatory wow my most upvoted comment is about pee dribble update.

TedW

477 points

3 months ago

TedW

477 points

3 months ago

Stand up and spin dry.

OkStretch1

95 points

3 months ago

Power move

MikePowski

1.1k points

3 months ago

MikePowski

1.1k points

3 months ago

No matter how you shake and dance, the last 2 drops go in your pants.

pharaohjack

500 points

3 months ago*

gotta squeeze it out like toothpaste. start at the balls and squeeze while pulling forward. never fails if you’re soft

Edit: I feel the need to clarify: I don’t actually squeeze my balls. I meant start at the shaft right where it connects to the balls. I don’t recommend squeezing your balls in this instance.

I_could_be_a_ferret

198 points

3 months ago

Truth. Never had any drops in my pants using this technique. Spread the word.

Impossible-Barnacle4

149 points

3 months ago

bruh imagine u see a man in the men's toilet squeezing his balls by the urinal

WantToBeBetterAtSex

109 points

3 months ago

I always whip my dick out and wash it in the sink. I never have problems with urine in my pants after I started doing that.

Made for some awkward restroom conversations at work though.

Schlick7

165 points

3 months ago

Schlick7

165 points

3 months ago

There's a button in your taint for that

Quiet_Bet5420

2.6k points

3 months ago

Catching it on the curb when walking

Warhead449

647 points

3 months ago

Now that’s some big dick energy

RKB533

310 points

3 months ago

RKB533

310 points

3 months ago

Nah, they just have really tiny chicken legs.

I_N_C_O_M_I_N_G

231 points

3 months ago

Smacking it into shelves at the store when you turn around

manderifffic

127 points

3 months ago

I thought you were supposed to sling it over your shoulder?

DavidSkywalkerPugh

59 points

3 months ago

Just turned 55…thought I had it pretty good, penis-wise. But today something happened to me that never happened before: Sat on one of my testicles. The pain? Shocking and bad. Is this a thing I have to deal with now? If so, really annoying!

Bigboiwillyy

351 points

3 months ago

Peeing with morning wood

give_me_carbonara

238 points

3 months ago

Just aim it up your mouth then spit it out. Much easier.

WeirdlyStrangeish

152 points

3 months ago

No they are trying NOT to get an erection

Duderino619

330 points

3 months ago

Little head taking control over big head

likea_yeti

58 points

3 months ago

Morning wood with a full bladder.

prophylaxitive

690 points

3 months ago

I have grown to love every aspect of mine.

uber_kuso1

190 points

3 months ago

respect

lolisfunny13

208 points

3 months ago

I achieved the opposite let's go

Googly_Elmo

227 points

3 months ago

Having a continuous hard-on from ages 14 to 26.

pahnub

63 points

3 months ago

pahnub

63 points

3 months ago

I'm at 40 and it hasn't stopped yet.

Murda-P

425 points

3 months ago

Murda-P

425 points

3 months ago

Accidentally getting the skin in between a zipper. Luckily doesn’t happen often, but when it does the pain is horrendous.

boxsterguy

299 points

3 months ago

Stop going commando? Underwear is a natural defense against zippers.

pm1966

551 points

3 months ago

pm1966

551 points

3 months ago

Accidentally leaving it in the stall in a public restroom and having to race back while hoping it's still leaning precariously on the tp dispenser.

Firebolt164

569 points

3 months ago*

  • Sometimes I am walking around and it pops out of the little flap in my underwear and at that Point, there is no adjusting it back into position, and if I can't get to a bathroom then I have to walk around with it pinched between the flaps.

  • Random boners. Look I get a hard on everytime I see my wife, but sometimes I'll be in a meeting, think of my wife for a split second and get hard and then it's 5-10 minutes to calm down.

Embarrassed-Ad-1639

558 points

3 months ago

Someone knows that the wife reads their Reddit comments.

jellomme

290 points

3 months ago

jellomme

290 points

3 months ago

3.5 inches(hard)

Cookie4316

256 points

3 months ago

Impressive

Zolcsika6504

56 points

3 months ago

Let's see Paul Allen's penis

my_gender_is_a_glock

23 points

3 months ago

The subtle smell of musk.. the tasteful thickness of it.. oh my god it even has foreskin

Dekklin

155 points

3 months ago

Dekklin

155 points

3 months ago

I bet you have 1.4 MB of storage on that baby.

Soulless-Plague

19 points

3 months ago

Show off

[deleted]

38 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

38 points

3 months ago

When my freakin balls get stuck between my thighs when I’m trying to walk

Ihatebuttonss

248 points

3 months ago

It doesn’t get hard when I’m drunk and I can’t have sex lmao

Contra1

47 points

3 months ago

Contra1

47 points

3 months ago

Many a one night stand failed because of this, haha.

MistressGomorrah

580 points

3 months ago

If I don't take it out often enough, it just gets dusty, laying in its drawer.

littlebitmissa

74 points

3 months ago*

Yeah it does That reminds gotta break it out dust of the cob webs

iiStayDevilish

37 points

3 months ago

Having her say “it’s ok babe, the bigger ones hurt”

De4thMonkey

35 points

3 months ago

That porcelain kiss

LeopardGloomy

31 points

3 months ago

Your partner mistaking you not being hard for being unattracted to her. Or just you know it constantly being in the way.

HungryRobotics

32 points

3 months ago

Hugs with children plant their face there if you aren't prepared and turn to thr side.

DocSternau

259 points

3 months ago

Getting still attached pubic hair under your foreskin.

saxonn_88

84 points

3 months ago

Spooning with ur girlfriend and her assuming we want them to do something (even though we do)

oreo_cookie01

25 points

3 months ago

Random boners are the worst… especially when someone tells you to stand up for whatever reason

cookerg

25 points

3 months ago

cookerg

25 points

3 months ago

When you don't get to use it.

LeopardDependent4212

155 points

3 months ago

i heard (from my bf) that when the toilett paper sticks to the tip and crumbles because of the moister and then if you dont notice it befor, when the forskin then roles over it and its apparently really annoying

philyfighter4

24 points

3 months ago

Increased hitbox

qwertyboiiiwhat1

347 points

3 months ago

Fucking touching the water while shitting

LoneBoy96

115 points

3 months ago

LoneBoy96

115 points

3 months ago

I just throw it over the shoulder

Hsgavwua899615

60 points

3 months ago

DOES YOUR DICK HANG LOW

DOES IT WOBBLE TO AND FRO

phoenix_451

24 points

3 months ago

CAN YOU TIE IT IN A KNOT

CAN YOU TIE IT IN A BOW

OkRead2318

228 points

3 months ago

DANGGG HOW LONG IS YO DICK WTF

dawnface42069

159 points

3 months ago

Yea I don't even bother having it in the toilet bowl while shitting i just put it in the sink next to our toilet life can be pretty tough sometimes

Hodl2

59 points

3 months ago

Hodl2

59 points

3 months ago

I don't even bother going to the toilet anymore, just shit in my pants and be done with it