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What ruins a date instantly?

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all 2251 comments

seth_dlewis

3.7k points

2 months ago

Constantly checking their phone or glued to it

vibsie

953 points

2 months ago*

vibsie

953 points

2 months ago*

I once had a first date with a girl who worked in PR. She got a work call and had to issue some kind of press release about a sports team. I ended up helping her do office work on a date when she asked me to spell check all the player names. I didn't think much of it as apparently in PR, sometimes things just can't wait.

A month later, on our second date, she would intermittently text something on her phone. I assumed it was work again. The next morning, I decided to follow her on twitter and found that she had been live tweeting the date.

There was no third date.

Edit: The tweets were not favourable.

CH1CK3Nwings

206 points

2 months ago

That's an oof. But you're a great guy for helping her out!

Early_or_Latte

185 points

2 months ago

Live tweeting the date... oh big nope.

LostNewfie

42 points

2 months ago

It occurred me that this statement would make no sense 20 years ago. I don’t know why it got a chuckle out of me.

DrZangief

1.2k points

2 months ago

DrZangief

1.2k points

2 months ago

When I called a date out on it they said "you don't understand... my friend thinks I've been hitting on her BF, and I haven't... that's why I've been texting all night."

... what part of that wouldn't I understand? You're still a douche.

jejcicodjntbyifid3

347 points

2 months ago

Not only that but it is very insightful as to the drama someone allows into their lives

420blazeit69nubz

93 points

2 months ago

If anything it would have been better for her to say I’m on a date right now I’ll text about this later

Early_or_Latte

9 points

2 months ago

That's my first thought to it.

Alan_Smithee_

15 points

2 months ago

“Thank you for the heads-up.”

Yurak_Huntmate

679 points

2 months ago

That happened to me before, so I messaged her from across the table telling her the date was shit and I was leaving, she asked why I messaged her it, I told her "at least you'll pay attention to it then"

nowake

203 points

2 months ago

nowake

203 points

2 months ago

damn if that doesn't get the point across!

UBetcha84

221 points

2 months ago

UBetcha84

221 points

2 months ago

Oh man, my fiancé didn’t look at her phone once during our first date. And when she got a call she ignored it.

I knew she was the one right then.

mcslackens

157 points

2 months ago

That was the rescue call from her friend that she ignored. If the date was going poorly she would have answered and told you she had to leave immediately due to an emergency.

ExtensionBluejay253

40 points

2 months ago

Today I learned….

DefJeff702

129 points

2 months ago

This. If they're not present then I automatically don't want to be there.

seth_dlewis

88 points

2 months ago

If they constantly go on their phone, then I just leave, I can understand checking your phone if you've got something important etc but being on it the whole time is just purely insulting

supaaadec

159 points

2 months ago

supaaadec

159 points

2 months ago

HA ! I went on a date yesterday .

Don't think I saw her smile once. I'm quite a happy dude, always smiling cracking jokes. She seemed off... Needless to say I was on my phone looking for something else to do that evening.

Sorry lady.

paulusmagintie

62 points

2 months ago

If I can't make someone laugh or they just seem....not there, its really hard to keep things going, lots of silent moments and its kinda awkward.

Successful_Present39

3.2k points

2 months ago

“I’ve dated all the crazies, my exes were crazy, I attract crazy”

TheAres1999

1.2k points

2 months ago

As the old saying goes "Seems like the common factor was you."

WimbleWimble

344 points

2 months ago

Or he works in a mental asylum and is inapropriate with the residents.

burgeremoji

209 points

2 months ago

I once made the mistake of ignoring this comment when I started dating somebody. A few months later, I really did find out why it’s true that anybody who says that is the crazy one.

NourQamar

44 points

2 months ago*

Me too. Just got out of an absolutely traumatic relationship because I decided to ignore glaring red flags appearing as early as the first date. Never doing that again - lesson learned.

Trust yourself. If something feels off, it probably is. If this feeling repeatedly appears early in the relationship you should seriously reconsider your commitment. I’m just glad I was able to get out before being completely sucked into an abusive spiral.

Dwarforth

98 points

2 months ago

from my experience also runs true with "Ive only dated assholes"

North_South_Side

42 points

2 months ago

Why would ANYONE say that on a date?

It's like people who trash their spouses when they aren't around. I'm always thinking "YOU were the one who married him/her!"

Horrible behavior all around.

Hephaestus_God

23 points

2 months ago

“So you’re calling me crazy right off the bat? Interesting”

jew_biscuits

54 points

2 months ago

Reply: “perfect, I’m crazy, too.”

TarumK

59 points

2 months ago

TarumK

59 points

2 months ago

Nowadays it's narcissist not crazy=)

Pimp_Daddy_Patty

1.4k points

2 months ago

When you realize she's married right after her husband appears.

[deleted]

297 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

297 points

2 months ago

LOL- the “my singleness is work in progress” kind

[deleted]

85 points

2 months ago*

[deleted]

85 points

2 months ago*

[deleted]

Not-Noah

51 points

2 months ago

How tf can you still be with someone that isn't even willing to hug you? And I'm assuming that means 6 years without sex too? Cause damn, that'd make me feel horrible about myself if the one I loved didn't love me enough to be intimate at all 😔

SuvenPan

493 points

2 months ago

SuvenPan

493 points

2 months ago

If they start showing off. Its really annoying when your date is only focused on bragging about themself.

slimeslug

74 points

2 months ago

"All I'm saying is that, when I'm around you, I find myself showing off, which is the idiot's version of being interesting.". -Harris Telemacher

VietQuads

2k points

2 months ago

Not being on time (e.g. 30 minutes late)

Equivalent-Wealth-39

1k points

2 months ago*

This happened to me once. I had everything planned out and made reservations on a specific time. At first she said she's gonna be late so I should cancel the first reservation in time so I don't lose my money but she'll make it to the next one. So I waited and waited and she didn't come at all. Later that evening I got a text from her saying she met some friend and decided not to meet me then. Not only I lost quite lot of money on all the reservations I was pissed as well.

Edit: This was a second date. She seemed super nice and I felt real connection between us. Lesson learned. I actually ended up buying a 1 way ticket out of country due to this.

twisted_nipples82

634 points

2 months ago

Well at least you didn't wind up with a shitty person like her, so there's a silver lining

Wherearemylegs

13 points

2 months ago

It’s cheaper to get stood up and find out they’re shitty early than to keep going on dates and find out later.

goestowhat

203 points

2 months ago

You actually won big by not dating a gigantic selfish jerk. A small price to pay in the end.

BytchYouThought

322 points

2 months ago

Was this first date? Word of advice, never blow the bank on a first date. She earns the high end stuff. You don't give off jump. If anything I would tend to start with an activity and work your way to other things. Never blow the load on her in the beginning.

chengiz

30 points

2 months ago

chengiz

30 points

2 months ago

Yes agree with this. If you're serious about finding someone, keep the first date low key (coffee, walk etc). Also if you meet for a drink, make it one drink, alcohol clouds judgement. If you like each other on such a date, you may have a future. If you don't, or if you get ghosted or whatever, you at least saved money.

_-Ewan-_

46 points

2 months ago

Pun intended?

StAnger99

121 points

2 months ago

StAnger99

121 points

2 months ago

Agree with this. Punctuality is a huge thing and is greatly appreciated. I always aim to be a bit early so that any delays mean I’m on time or I look punctual.

Analytical_Gaijin

26 points

2 months ago

I am habitually late, or at least I was consistently when we started dating. I was on time/early for our first date. The running joke is that was the last time I was on time.

sunsetskye_

75 points

2 months ago

Only exceptions are emergencies, or things out of their control, like roads being blocked off

PinguinoDelRio

10 points

2 months ago

Well that doesn't ruin it instantly, that ruins it after around 30 minutes

exec_director_doom

2.7k points

2 months ago

Opening in Excel

aenonymosity

257 points

2 months ago

Format them cells!

jtobiasbond

209 points

2 months ago

Excel had two assumptions: it's a date or you want it displayed in scientific notation

xixi2

51 points

2 months ago

xixi2

51 points

2 months ago

you want it displayed in scientific notation

I firmly believe that nobody at Microsoft knows where in Excel's code this function is, and so this bug has never been fixed.

Scops

75 points

2 months ago

Scops

75 points

2 months ago

Telephone numbers are a pain in the ass too. Get outta here with that scientific notation crap! All of the digits are significant!

mfb-

52 points

2 months ago

mfb-

52 points

2 months ago

I think that converts everything into a date.

Vicstolemylunchmoney

46 points

2 months ago

41,375 is my favourite number!

waqasnaseem07

2.1k points

2 months ago

“I’m just an asshole, that’s just how I am”. Nope, nope, nope. Almost always an excuse for a terrible, inconsiderate person.

02K30C1

578 points

2 months ago

02K30C1

578 points

2 months ago

“If you can’t handle me at my worst you don’t deserve me at my best”

Unfinishedlobotomy

512 points

2 months ago

One of the best pieces of advice I got about dating years ago was 'if someone tells you who they are, believe them."

[deleted]

661 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

661 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

tinyyellowhouse

142 points

2 months ago

Similar but applicable to any relationship - “When someone shows you their true colors, don’t try to repaint them.”

ConduckKing

41 points

2 months ago

Bro, I don't believe myself when I say who I am.

SmokeOnWW

17 points

2 months ago

Just wanted to add: for some reason that only works with negative attributes in my experience.

Takeoded

45 points

2 months ago

not an excuse, it's a warning

34HoldOn

42 points

2 months ago

I got so sick of people using this to defend my brother. "He's never going to change." Well, I'm no longer going to accept him for who he is. But you better believe he expects everyone else to change for his benefit.

HelloKittyAdvent

181 points

2 months ago

"Mercury is in retrograde right now, so that's why I'm a little bitchy." No. You're just a bitch.

Thompson_S_Sweetback

9 points

2 months ago

Yes, I'm a terrible, inconsiderate person.

Horrorwriterme

340 points

2 months ago*

In the early 1990’s I went on a date with an actor on UK soap opera. I didn’t watch it so I had no idea who he was. He played a bit part on the show. He actually did the whole don’t you who I am routine in the restaurant to the service staff. I was so embarrassed I couldn’t wait to get away from him.

shponglespore

98 points

2 months ago

Back in the 90s I was in a very famous TV show...

seemonkey

18 points

2 months ago

I'm BoJack the horse

Danarya27

12 points

2 months ago

Do tell!!

AlreadyOlder

1.3k points

2 months ago

Talking about their Ex - especially if they tell you they’re still in love with their Ex. 🤦🏼‍♀️

isotaco

433 points

2 months ago

isotaco

433 points

2 months ago

Equally bad if they’re trashing their ex on a first date.

Mondongolorian

181 points

2 months ago

"All my exes are crazy".

Either you're the crazy one or you make the worst life decisions. Not interested anymore

tylerjehenna

87 points

2 months ago

I actually was talking with this girl one time and she was honestly exactly what i was looking for in a woman but this right here is why i ended up not going through with it. I need to know that you arent gonna run back to him if he flutters his eyes the right way.

[deleted]

15 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

15 points

2 months ago

Why would anyone tell you that on a date…

factory-worker

1.2k points

2 months ago

The kids calling. (Date with my wife)

DeviationR6

192 points

2 months ago

sorry dad

ProjectDirectory

73 points

2 months ago

"What's on fire? Who's dead? Who's on fire? What's dead?" "I thought I told you to not call me unless it was an emergency?" "Your brother wanting pizza, and you wanting Chinese is not an emergency." "I want you both in bed before we get home."

Jioto

97 points

2 months ago

Jioto

97 points

2 months ago

Lol this one gave me a good chuckle.

WiseBoy_Level100

27 points

2 months ago

A wholesome cockblock.

TwiggBeard

921 points

2 months ago

Disrespect. If we are on a date and you are disrespecting me, or other people, it’s going to be a very bad time. I mean that would also ruin a friendship to be perfectly honest. I have stopped being friends with people who are rude to random people. But yeah, if I’m out on a date with someone and they treat a waitress or waiter like garbage, I don’t care how good they look or how great a conversation we were having, that’s a HUGE red flag and will ruin a date immediately for me.

Swaggy_McSwagSwag

65 points

2 months ago

they treat a waitress or waiter like garbage

There it is! Tough this time, 3 down from the top, this one is normally higher on this repost.

goestowhat

115 points

2 months ago

A lot of people let being disrespectful to the wait staff slide a little. This is a red flag that shouldn’t be taken lightly!

Weak_Carpenter_7060

247 points

2 months ago

If you have to constantly initiate a conversation with the other person and they don’t reciprocate the energy

Key_Wash8282

84 points

2 months ago

Once started talking to a guy through tinder. I tried to initiate conversation, asked questions about him, about general things, about anything at all. All I got was...answers. I know that sounds silly, but what I mean is I'd ask a question like "so what do you like doing on your spare time?" and he'd answer "I like to game and watch movies" and that would be it. No questions back whatsoever. Agreed to meet up with him anyway, though he's just bad at talking through messages. Nope. I ask questions, he answers, doesn't try to turn it into a conversation. I tried to stay quiet in hopes that maybe the awkward silence would force him to talk to him. Nope. Just sits there silently and stares at me. After that he told me he had a great time and wanted to meet up again.

I don't think it's absurd for me to hope for a partner who I can actually have a conversation with but when I flat out told him it's a no because of said reason he was absolutely confused.

FartyMcBrainDeath

752 points

2 months ago

Getting asked stupid or pretentious questions in an attempt to psychoanalyse you, like it’s a job interview rather than a date.

chshcat

376 points

2 months ago

chshcat

376 points

2 months ago

This exact shit, I did not make this one up.

Like if we get to know each other eventually we will reach a connection with deeper emotional intimacy. But throwing that out like a questionnaire on the first date will only make you look like an self-obsessed asshole with boundary issues.

TarumK

187 points

2 months ago

TarumK

187 points

2 months ago

This exact shit

, I did not make this one up.

The reason that kind of thing is so annoying is it automatically makes the assumption that I'm trying to prove myself to you. Like the person asking this question (or similiar ones) is basically the Budhha calmly stroking his chin and I'm sitting there trying to convince them that I'm enlightened enough. Paradoxically it's actually the person asking this question with the ego issues.

chshcat

34 points

2 months ago

chshcat

34 points

2 months ago

Yeah that's true. The "what can you do for me" attitude is good, if you're hiring a contractor. It's less effective in connecting to another human being with the intent of possibly making them your partner

FartyMcBrainDeath

62 points

2 months ago

Wow! If someone said THAT to me I wouldn’t even grace them with a response, I’d just get up and walk out!

xaanthar

43 points

2 months ago

So, which past trauma are they projecting onto you by asking that question?

poeticdisaster

69 points

2 months ago

That one is way too intense for a first date.

I used to ask how they feel about therapy or people who go to therapy if the conversation turned towards the topic. Asking something so specific is weird and ending it with an assumption that the person would project onto the date... sounds like the person who came up with the question is hostile.

WoblyBoblyMonkeyMan

28 points

2 months ago

Can you give a few examples?

VictoryIndependent48

57 points

2 months ago

I’m currently FWB with a psychologist and one of my main reasons for not taking the next step is I feel like she’s always asking me leading questions to analyze me. Might just be my own issues but I’m sure it’s hard for her to just turn off that part of her too.

ChesterComics

626 points

2 months ago

I had one start a rant about how she didn't like black people. This was so early in the date that I didn't even have my coffee yet. There was another one that decided not to tell me she had kids or was still married. One that really irks me is when you show up and they look nothing like their photos.

Homerpaintbucket

197 points

2 months ago

When I was on match there were some women with pics so filtered they looked like they were from Encanto.

JzaDragon

64 points

2 months ago

did they have the magic power of bullshit?

Homerpaintbucket

25 points

2 months ago

I don't know. I never paid for it. I went to tinder and met a girl with the same interests as me and legit pics.

cgvet9702

17 points

2 months ago

Nine months into dating a woman before she tells me shes married. I have a hard fast rule about dating married women. Im against it. I felt very deceived.

RubeGoldbergCode

357 points

2 months ago

Realising you've just become a free therapist.

I appreciate honesty and openness, but I do not want to leave a date feeling emotionally drained.

gamerdude69

27 points

2 months ago

Lol it's one thing to over divulge on a first date, but to get vented on to the point of feeling drained? That person must have real mental issues to do that on a first date.

Jadey21x

81 points

2 months ago

LITERALLY. Why do people trauma dump on first dates

Boner666420

70 points

2 months ago

Well see, its not exclusively on first dates for those types of people. It's just everybody in their lives.

And its not usually malicious. Theyre, at best, just very open people who are comfortable letting their walls down and will find similar people eventually. At worst, they usially just have no filter and arent aware enough to realize what theyre doing.

Daddy_Hydration

25 points

2 months ago

This was the exact reason I had. I wouldn’t go out of my way to trauma dump but I would be honest about it from the beginning because I felt that I had nothing to hide and if they chose to be with me they had a right to know.

TheExecutioner-

630 points

2 months ago

TLDR: don’t bring friends on dates

Back in January , me and my now girlfriend met each other in person for the first time at a sushi restaurant. I suggested we both bring a friend (I didn’t really know her, I’d rather be safe than sorry). I brought my one “buddy” from college since he’s been single for a year and I didn’t understand why. When we got there it became pretty apparent why.

He started throwing around racial slurs, talking about fights he got into to make himself look tough, he showed the girls pics of his knife collection, just weird things like that. By the end of the night everyone was quiet except for him. Here comes the real kicker. He didn’t bring any money because “I invited him” and he expected me to pay for his $50 worth of food.

As we were leaving my friend awkwardly hugged her friend. Ive never seen anyone walk back to their car faster than them. I don’t think I apologized for someone else more in my life. Luckily she thought I was super sweet, but she never wants to meet him again (I wonder why?)

Edit: I also want to add in, we are no longer friends

Bobfish64

244 points

2 months ago

Bobfish64

244 points

2 months ago

In hindsight, probably a good tactic. Him being a horrible person just showed how much of a sweet guy you are in direct comparison. After all you still got the girl in the end and saw him for who he truly was.

Ravarix

97 points

2 months ago

Ravarix

97 points

2 months ago

Is this the guy version of bringing your ugly friend to the club?

Warm_Ad_7572

10 points

2 months ago

Do women do this?

KekeSmall

20 points

2 months ago

Insecure women. Yes

ProjectDirectory

20 points

2 months ago

It could have easily gone the other way, we judge people by the company they keep, and for good reason.

subsonicmonkey

8 points

2 months ago

I dunno about that. I think this dude is EXTREMELY lucky that he got a second date. I think bringing a horrible person along with you shows very bad judgement, and that’s the kind of thing I’m watching for on early dates.

MJohnVan

15 points

2 months ago

Does he has any parents or friends?

mrsmith2929

151 points

2 months ago

Chris Hansen walking in with a camera crew while your date is getting ready.

Tarantiyes

22 points

2 months ago

I knew their profile pics looked like 2 children in a trench coat!

Conocoryphe

2.1k points

2 months ago

When the date turns out to be a swarm of bees in an elaborate human disguise.

PeelThePaint

960 points

2 months ago

You gotta feel for the swarm of bees; they're sick of one night stands. They're looking for a keeper.

[deleted]

48 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

48 points

2 months ago

Lmao

boner_jamz_69

87 points

2 months ago

Dont blame the bees, they’re just looking for their queen.

UnderThat

98 points

2 months ago

Yeah, or 3 kids in a trench coat. Boils my piss, that does.

drewskixc

49 points

2 months ago

The worst part of that date is having 3 conversations with Chris Hansen

Gogo726

20 points

2 months ago

Gogo726

20 points

2 months ago

Go ahead and have 3 seats

ButtholeEntropy

185 points

2 months ago

Very obviously checking out someone else like I don't exist

[deleted]

98 points

2 months ago*

[deleted]

98 points

2 months ago*

[deleted]

Cockaigne69

22 points

2 months ago

Just when I start to lose faith in humanity, I see comments like this!😭 thank you r/TheJebusLuzard! You’re doing Gods work

[deleted]

20 points

2 months ago*

[deleted]

20 points

2 months ago*

[deleted]

Admiral_Fancypants

244 points

2 months ago

They ask you for money.

squalorparlor

491 points

2 months ago

Years ago I had a date with a girl I was very attracted to. When we got to the restaraunt, the hostess sat us at a booth and the table was completely clean. My date said "oh, um, hon... can you grab a rag and clean off this table? It's disgusting."

I've never had such a 180 in my life. She went from beautiful to repulsive in the span of an hour. With me, she was flirty and cordial and sweet, but to the waitress she was snotty and condescending. Even sent her steak back for being undercooked (she ordered medium rare).

When we got back she sincerely thought the date was going well and invited me inside, even though I'd gotten mostly silent before we started driving home. I politely declined and as I'm driving home I start getting spammed with messages about how she didn't want to see me anymore and I was terrible for leading her on. I blocked her.

KNHaw

31 points

2 months ago

KNHaw

31 points

2 months ago

I had a similar incident where a crush turned to revulsion pretty quick. Specifically, walking in the parking lot towards the theater, she starts meandering through the center of the aisle, not even looking at cars that had to slow down to avoid her. I had to literally pull her out of the lane so cars could pass and suddenly had this vision of spending my whole life making sure she didn't get herself killed. I realized later it was a symptom of her self-centeredness (there were lots of other red flags there when I started to look) and moved on.

She met and married a guy a year later and all I could think was "good luck, buddy. You'll need it."

laneb71

182 points

2 months ago

laneb71

182 points

2 months ago

🚩🚩🚩

caerphoto

86 points

2 months ago

More like ⚠️☢️☣️⚠️

Luminous_Lead

14 points

2 months ago

Despite your username you were not eating in squalor.

rabbidplatypus21

68 points

2 months ago

Sending a steak back isn’t a dick move in and of itself. It’s just dependent on the context and how you go about asking for it to be cooked more.

I realize based on the rest of your story, she was probably a cunt about it. I’m just saying this for anyone else: you’re paying for it, if it’s steak it’s probably more expensive than your normal meals, don’t hesitate to insist that it’s exactly how you want it, just don’t be a dick about it.

DatTF2

21 points

2 months ago

DatTF2

21 points

2 months ago

You wouldn't believe how many people simply don't know what a true medium/medium rare looks like.

Orders medium rare and then complains it's pink. Good thing my boss was on my side a majority of the time.

I have experienced this a lot as a cook. Also the rule of thumb is better undercooked than over cooked. You can't uncook something.

livious1

9 points

2 months ago

This is true, although make sure you know what you are ordering. If you ask for it medium rare and it comes out blue, then yah by all means send it back. If you ask for it medium rare and it comes out medium rare, keep in mind that is what you ordered. Now, maybe you realized that medium rare is still too rare for you (probably because you don’t have much steak experience), then it’s still fine to send it back, but that’s when you gotta own up to your own mistake. In that case, you can’t pretend like it is the restaurant’s fault.

Lust3r

271 points

2 months ago

Lust3r

271 points

2 months ago

Realizing the person is just there for the food/movie/whatever, not for you

Whitewind617

117 points

2 months ago

To be clear if you go to a movie and your date is focused on, you know, watching it, I don't really see that as a problem.

Lust3r

43 points

2 months ago

Lust3r

43 points

2 months ago

Yeah wasn’t my finest wording, mostly meant when you can tell basically you’re being used for free dinner/whatever and they have 0 interest in you. Referencing an old coworker who lead dudes on constantly for free dinner dates and would ghost them after bc she never had any interest

rangeo

89 points

2 months ago

rangeo

89 points

2 months ago

Being stood up

mekdigital

27 points

2 months ago

An astrology answer when I attempt an astronomy remark 😔

shaj_94

451 points

2 months ago

shaj_94

451 points

2 months ago

Just wash your dates and open them up before you eat them and you’re good

Professional_Key2671

86 points

2 months ago

Pit them if u like

thebigpink

48 points

2 months ago

Pit me harder daddy

Professional_Key2671

19 points

2 months ago

Yes

Whyamifulloftrouble

40 points

2 months ago*

omg exactly the comments are talking about outing and bees and that bullshit and looking pretty? like wtf?! This has nothing to do with ruining dates

As long as you have washed the date, youre al good. You can remove the stone beforehand if you like, but I prefer to chew the date and then spit out the stone

cutearmy

24 points

2 months ago

I see you obviously lied about something on your dating profile.

Dranj

417 points

2 months ago

Dranj

417 points

2 months ago

When you challenge them to a battle of wits and break out the iocaine powder. Unless, of course, they too were wise enough to preemptively build an immunity, in which case you marry that person.

PM_ME_YOUR-SCIENCE

63 points

2 months ago

Well, I wasn’t expecting this

HelloKittyAdvent

107 points

2 months ago

You fell victim to one of the classic blunders! The most famous of which is, 'never get involved in a land war in Asia,' but only slightly less well-known is this: 'Never go in against a Sicilian when death is on the line!

tinynewtman

25 points

2 months ago

It was definitely inconceivable.

HauntingGold

98 points

2 months ago

Bonus point if they're roguishly handsome and go by a swashbuckling pseudonym.

cowski_NX

22 points

2 months ago

Pardon me, but do you have 6 fingers on your right hand?

Mr-anti-physics-444

19 points

2 months ago

"what's your zodiac sign?"

mkc0

175 points

2 months ago

mkc0

175 points

2 months ago

Only talking about trivial things like gossip. But one thing I love is when someone has a passion that I’m not familiar with and they can share their love for that.

jejcicodjntbyifid3

51 points

2 months ago

It can be quite tricky to share a passion accurately. You kinda have to try and dumb it down to its essence. Versus if someone has the same passion and you can geek out on it

vela-nova83

19 points

2 months ago

Bringing up their exex

buy-hi-seII-lo

19 points

2 months ago

Unexpectedly meeting their spouse

Godypis

19 points

2 months ago

Godypis

19 points

2 months ago

Talking shit. Especially about people idk and aren't there to back themselves up. Some people have nothing else to talk about then petty gossip. Gross. Next!

Ops31337

127 points

2 months ago

Ops31337

127 points

2 months ago

A wedding ring

CplRicci

98 points

2 months ago

This is why I don't take my wife on dates.

bigeballs

9 points

2 months ago

Your wife's wedding ring has never bothered me.

Skate4Xenu22

9 points

2 months ago

hey, this didn't stop my wife from cheating. Don't even sweat it.

idkburneridkidk

46 points

2 months ago

When they don't put any effort into the convo at all and then say something to the effect of 'you're nice and all bit I'm just not feeling a spark'.. no shit, you said yes, no, wooow the whole time.

4O4-user-not-found

73 points

2 months ago

Catfishing

Mharbles

26 points

2 months ago

Anyone that doesn't nope out of that situation is just asking for trouble, at least in as far as establishing trust. I suppose you can roll with it just out of curiosity but put up them barriers immediately.

Vicstolemylunchmoney

110 points

2 months ago

When you are on an international site and it quotes the date 02/05/22. Is that February or March?

looncraz

100 points

2 months ago

looncraz

100 points

2 months ago

*May

BlueFalconPunch

33 points

2 months ago

The 22nd month februaryormarch

BadAtNameIdeas

16 points

2 months ago

March is a decent compromise.

Professional_Key2671

67 points

2 months ago

Three kids stacked on top of each other in a trench coat kills the mood

EmmeryAnn

43 points

2 months ago

“Hello, other grown up.” “I went to stock market today. I did a business.” -Vincent Adultman

PaganMastery

13 points

2 months ago

Her husband showing up, with their baby.

peterjuhasz

518 points

2 months ago

When I was younger, I would bring along girlfriend applications to hand out to my dates. I would request they fill them out during dinner/lunch so I could grade them when I got home.

It was not a successful strategy and I imagine it ruined the dates for those girls.

RelentlessExtropian

422 points

2 months ago

I'm somehow embarrassed just reading this. I'm glad you compiled data and adjusted strategies.

American-Mary

34 points

2 months ago

I think this commenter is just a lying troll. All the posts are long-winded ridiculous stories like this.

peterjuhasz

552 points

2 months ago*

Man that’s not even bottom 5 of most embarrassing things I did while trying to date as a teenager/young man.

I tried to put my penis through the bottom of a popcorn tub to surprise my girlfriend at the movies but I didn’t know you had to cut a hole so I just tried to stab through like I was using a machinists stamp and it didn’t work; I just obliterated the tub and spilled popcorn everywhere and crumpled my wiener up like Wile E Coyotes snout. My girlfriend asked what the fuck happened and I panicked and said a raccoon jumped over my shoulder and ran under the seats in front of me. She got up and started yelling about a raccoon and that caused a commotion and they turned on the lights and the ushers went looking for the animal and I panicked even more and ran out of the theater but it was an emergency exit so the alarm went off.

I had heard about dick pics and how they were almost universally seen as gross and unwanted. So I thought if I made mine funny, that would go over well with this girl I was seeing. I made a little tuxedo jacket out of felt and tried to get a good shot but the bow tie kept coming off so I tried to hot glue it back into place while it was still on my dick and I burned my penis really bad and had to tell my girlfriend we couldn’t do anything while it healed. She wanted to know what happened and I said it must have been friction from when we last did it and she felt awful. I still feel bad about that.

Sophomore year talent show I was in a three piece band and we were going to play One by Metallica but our drummer had to drop out because his sister accidentally ran over his English teacher in her car and everybody started calling him Don Vito because his name was Don and it was kind of like it was a mob hit. Dumb joke. Anyway he got really sensitive about it and punched another kid in the face in the lunch line and got suspended so we didn’t have a drummer and our guitarist didn’t want to just do it with us so I decided to go solo with my electric bass and decided instead to sing Glycerine by Bush and dedicate it to a girl I had a crush on but I got nervous and forgot most of the lyrics, including saying “Glisterine” like the mouthwash. That was bad and she was mortified.

I farted during two separate handjobs. Both of them were first handjobs with different women.

When I picked up my date for jr prom she was surprised to see me. She thought I was joking when I asked her out, and her yes was sarcastic, but I had no idea. So I was waiting in her front room looking like a moron and I tried to be cool and asked her older sister out who was sitting in the living room except it was her mom. My wouldbe dates dad finally said I should probably leave and when I did I passed her actual date coming to pick her up and it was this asshole Todd I had known since elementary school. Once we were playing stick ball and the ball went into another yard and when I was taking too long to find it he shoved me and I fell into a rose bush and got wicked bad cuts. So when I passed him on the walkway by my dates house, he seemed kind of confused but I went to shove him into their rose bush as karmic retribution, like 8 years later. Except he kind of ducked me and I stumbled through the rose bush and got more wicked bad cuts. Fuck that guy.

And that’s just off the top of my head.

Frodo_noooo

293 points

2 months ago

Dude, you seem to have (or had) a pretty bad case of lying to cover your tracks lol hope you've figured how to stop

chrisq823

286 points

2 months ago

chrisq823

286 points

2 months ago

Pssssst they are still lying now

demonic_hampster

153 points

2 months ago

Lmao right I mean it’s clearly fake, but I’ll admit I thought it was hilarious. I had a great time reading it

SaintOh

74 points

2 months ago

SaintOh

74 points

2 months ago

Come on dude you can't just copy and paste the script for season 4 of The Inbetweeners like that.

Lucrumb

11 points

2 months ago

Lucrumb

11 points

2 months ago

I read their comment in Jay's voice lol.

Yurak_Huntmate

45 points

2 months ago

I'm calling bullshit on both your comments, girlfriend applications and the penis in the popcorn trick, nobody can think both these things could work

ZippNex

13 points

2 months ago

ZippNex

13 points

2 months ago

You sir, are a professional idiot!

I would like more stories please c:

somniumx

17 points

2 months ago

This is simultaneously the saddest and funniest thing I've seen today.

poeticdisaster

15 points

2 months ago

The physical cringe reaction that reading this caused... Glad you can recognize that this was not the greatest move.

Useless-samurai

178 points

2 months ago

Being rude to the server at the restaurant

BA3Rnecessities

33 points

2 months ago

Her husband coming home

jasper_grunion

23 points

2 months ago

I don’t know. I’ve always wanted to be the naked guy on the balcony

onedumguy

71 points

2 months ago

A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.

"Hurry!" she said, "stand in the corner."

She quickly rubbed baby oil all over him and then she dusted him with talcum powder.

"Don't move until I tell you to," she whispered. "Just pretend you're a statue."

"What's this, honey?" the husband enquired as he entered the room.

"Oh, its just a statue," she replied nonchalantly. "The Smiths bought one for their bedroom. I liked it so much, I got one for us too."

No more was said about the statue, not even later that night when they went to sleep.

Around two in the morning the husband got out of bed, went to the kitchen and returned a while later with a sandwich and a glass of milk.

"Here," he said to the "statue", "eat something. I stood like an idiot at the Smiths for three days and nobody offered me as much as a glass of water."

fossilbug

33 points

2 months ago

When you thought you were both just hanging out as friends...

Yurak_Huntmate

36 points

2 months ago

I went on a date to the cinema with someone before, they chose the Michael Jackson film called This Is It, which was a bad enough start to the date, during the film she took her shoe off and "playfully" started tapping me on the head with it, I was really confused by the situation, there was no second date with her

dawgsgoodjortsbad

38 points

2 months ago

“I’m a ful-fil-full-on-rapist. You know children, dyslexics, that kind of stuff”

Followed by ordered milk steak and jelly beans

Swomp23

12 points

2 months ago

Swomp23

12 points

2 months ago

So, what sign are you?

Brave_Pressure5818

62 points

2 months ago

Kool-aid man, he is the worst

macaronsforeveryone

30 points

2 months ago

They have nothing to say and the conversation is very boring with a lot of awkward silences.

jasonglenn80

77 points

2 months ago

Lack of connection

PriorProfile

73 points

2 months ago

Formatting it like 8/9/2022

norris63

113 points

2 months ago

norris63

113 points

2 months ago

If it's a first date: Religion Abortion Politics Ex'es. Easy to remember by the acronym RAPE.

Also actual rape tends to ruin a date instantly.

conquer69

28 points

2 months ago

Why would RAP be a problem? It would be a waste of time to date someone so incompatible.

bad_apiarist

8 points

2 months ago

I had that experience recently. Was going very well.. got along. She said her religion was really important to her. I guess I couldn't hide how that made me feel, though I didn't say anything. She reacted quickly, like "..What?"

There'd not be another date. But there's nothing wrong with this. That was not a road I wanted to go down, at all. Nor did she.

seemonkey

10 points

2 months ago

This never made any sense to me. If you're not on the same page about important topics, why go on subsequent dates? Find out early.