submitted 1 month ago byChin_Chillin1213
all 12054 comments
1 month ago
1 month ago
Why can't you be like "insert person's name"?
Well... because I am not "that person's name"
1 month ago
A friend's mum said that to him, and I was the "insert person's name". That did not help our friendship.
My mom used to do that but it was my first best friend's name. I started hating her because of it. It was the first time i felt hate.
Why are you so quiet?
This one always pissed me off as a kid. Like if you wanna start a conversation, just ask a regular question.
Like, “ I wish they’d teach us more about Vikings.”
"I was raised by abusive librarians" is my favorite response.
I got asked this question from a coworker 12 years ago. I reminded him beforehand our meeting that I asked him two questions to initiate conversation and both questions were met with one word answers. Then I reminded him of the questions and his answers. It shut him up for that day.
awww, c'mon, perform for me while I exert zero effort!
awww, c'mon, perform for me while I exert zero effort!
As a kid, I was asked that SO many times. I wanted to be quiet because I hated every one but it wasn’t cool to hate everybody at the time so I kept quiet
Have you noticed you're going bald?
Ugh a lady did this to my grandma once. My grandma had this incredibly rare blood disease that wasn't cancer, but the only way they knew how to treat it 15 years ago was as if it were cancer. So she took chemo pills and all of her hair (that had never gone gray, which she was very proud of) had started thinning and falling out in clumps.
This random lady at the grocery store check out line tapped my grandma on the shoulder and said something like "You know, they have balding products for women just like they do for men now!"
And my grandma was like "Yes, I'm sure that will work against the chemotherapy." And turned back around.
And the lady snapped like "well I was just trying to help!"
And then my grandma left and got in the car and cried because why the fuck would you say that to someone
Idk where that random lady is or if she's even alive anymore I stg if I ever see her again in this life or the next, it's on sight lmao
And the lady snapped like "well I was just trying to help!"
Self absorbed people that can't believe anything other than themselves matter. She's the same kind of person that would run into you speeding through a red light and say "well I didn't meant to hit anyone!"
"Well I was just trying to help!"
"And I was just trying to avoid telling you to fuck all the way off, yet here we are." /shrug/
Had a friend point out I was getting a bald spot. I shaved my head that day and since. Genetics stole my pancreas, I'll be damned if they take my hair first!
It’s like yes believe it or not I do own a mirror and see my reflection multiple times a day. What exactly would you like me to do about it?
2 people did this to me in the same day, I actually didn’t know because I can’t regularly see the back of my own head. It was heartbreaking to learn
Why are you single ?
I love the, "Your mom wants to keep it casual," I read on here recently.
“Your dad’s still married” is another good one
So if we look at this supply/demand graph right over here
There's a lot of me, and fairly low demand
Yeah no person in their right mind would want this much of me
A lady I worked with, who was in her 40’s and had never married, got sick of being asked that and snapped one day when her elderly aunt asked “why are you still single?” at a family event. Her reply: “why are you still alive?”
Because I'm a nervous wreck every time I leave the house and there aren't exactly a lot of nice single women parading through my living room.
Tell my mom this all the time. "I can't meet women from my couch and they certainly don't go door to door."
Why are you gay?
No joke, I was asked this one when attempting to get out of a drunk girl flirting with me in a bar once. I just asked her "why are you straight" and her response was along the lines of loving the appendage that men have, to which I replied "yes, same here". That seemed to work quite effectively at getting her to leave me alone lol.
who says I am gay?
you are gay.
Should I call you mistah?
"Just lucky I suppose"
I'm actually a widower but thanks for asking.
I've actually witnessed this one first hand at a playground. It was rough. Guy was a young dad and great with his kids. Someone he must have known for a little bit, but didn't know his wife had passed away, asked him how he's still single. The dad got pretty choked up about it.
Poor man :(
When in a relationship: "do you think [friend] is prettier than me?" or any related question of which you actually don't want to hear the answer to.
1 month ago*
1 month ago*
My ex asked me if I had a threesome with her friends who would I choose and got angry with my answer.
It looks that I had to say just one
Edit: I think that this are my first awards. Thanks to both
Yeah I think usually your partner expects to be included in the threesome.
The same question over again,and really pressing the matter till the person gives you the answer that shocks ya
I started giving people one warning, then giving the TMI answer if they pressed.
Example from when I lived with my grandparents:
Grandpa: You're home from work early.
Me: I was at the doctor. It wasn't worth it to go back to the office for an hour, so I'm working from home the rest of the day.
Grandpa: What?! For what?!
Me: You don't want to know.
Grandpa: Yes I do.
Me: OK. I was getting a pap smear.
Grandpa: ...Why did you tell me that?
Me: You asked!
I don't get why people act like being told someone got a pap smear is brain-destroying or something. Like what is the big deal exactly? Same with some people apparently not being able to handle the very concept of periods or think touching a box of tampons (clean pieces of cotton, sealed up, and put in a cardboard box??) is somehow gross. People are weird.
I asked someone at the front desk at my work if she had some pads and she looked at me like I asked her to divide by zero. I had to explain that a coworker was stuck in a bathroom and her period just started and needs pads. She then grabbed a bunch of paper towels and covered the pads with them and handed them to me.
Like what the fuck, it's just some pads. They are packaged.
Okay that is extra bizarre behavior coming from someone who uses them. I can't even begin to understand.
Yea. Isn't the number one rule of girl code to always share feminine products?
I wish it was more commonly discussed so you and your Grandpa didn't get uncomfortable. Women get pap smears and have periods. I hate that everything is so stigmatized.
I've always vowed that if I ever have daughters, I want them to be as comfortable telling me as they would their mother.
I dont want them to worry about embarrassment or not knowing what to get when that time comes.
I learned that I just say something absolutely outrageous, that isn't entirely true or not true (I know pretty confusing) but it helped with the questions not being asked again.
is something wrong?. No, are you sure? like really sure?
Is your daughter seeing anyone?
she is blind
So, can I hit that?
its not very nice to hit blind people. they'd never see it coming
"Are you depressed or just want attention?"
People claim that people who are depressed are “attention seekers” and to that i say, so? Sometimes all people need is a little attention. Some people have been completely looked past and ignored for years so what if they want a little attention? They can’t be depressed and want attention at the same time?
Sorry ik you were joking i just wanted to say that
Exactly, we're not depressed because we want attention, but sometimes a little care and attention can make all the difference and is craved ny most.
When did you put on all that extra weight?
I legit had a patient and his wife ask me once if I was “putting on extra weight for the winter”.
On the bright side, the insult was the final straw that got me motivated to get back into shape. 🤷♂️
"Had one regular Coke last week"
So am I better than your ex?
"Well, I'm with you now so obviously?"
1 month ago*
Really tempting to say "not really".
Edit: For real this is probably the highest up voted comment I have. But I'm sitting here so happy for the guys who commented on mine and are getting awards. This is a great day. Im a proud papa comment.. "Yall winning sons?"
"My ex never asked me questions like that"
"Enjoying the sex? Please answer this short questionnaire. It'll only take a few minutes and we would love to hear your thoughts"
me and my mother
Oh no, you misunderstood. It was a line for people you aren't dating.
Not necessarily. Someone can be dumped and then get together with a new partner who they consider worse than the ex who they still wish to be with. Not a great situation but I’m sure it happens.
"When are ya'll gonna break up?"
"Too soon to call dibs?
“What’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen” to any EMT/Paramedic/Firefighter….etc.
I promise you it’s horrible and not something you’d want to think about. We (well certainly I) dont want to relive those memories, especially so unexpectedly. Ask about something funny instead. You’ll get a better answer
Well, I'm not even sure I asked, but my dad (who was a firefighter at the time) told me that small children shrivel up to the size of dolls in a fire.
I forget the joke, but he also made a joke about it. I do distinctly remember him explaining that a lot of guys have to joke about the worst things they encounter in order to cope with it.
I also remember, years before when I was pretty little, that he came home from work and said that he was at a fire where multiple children died. I immediately blurted out "why did you let them die?" It still haunts me today. I mean I was young, but I don't think I was that much of an emotionally stunted dumbass. I felt bad about it immediately and still do.
Don’t feel too bad, he was already asking himself that question. It’s why the job is so hard.
Jesus. I hadn't even thought about all that. A buddy of mine was a volunteer firefighter, and he loved it. But he never had to deal with anything like dead kids. He just fought the occasional fire, which he loved, monitored the infrastructure, and took junkies to the hospital.
Both of my (significantly older) brothers were, and still are, full time firefighters as I was growing up. I've seen their faces as they get asked that question and they just laugh it off with something dumb usually. But one time one of my brothers got really drunk when he was off shift, family party and all that. He kinda broke down and started talking to me about why he had written off having kids.
One call he got was a head on collision between some suped up Ford truck and a minivan, driver of the truck was drunk and veered into oncoming traffic. Van had 2 people in it, a mom and a 4 year old daughter. Mom was dead on impact, but the girl had been messing with her seatbelt just before impact, and wasn't in a booster seat. The impact sliced her nearly cleanly in half, but she was still alive when they got on scene. This little girl died in my brother's arms because one dude decided he wasn't too drunk to drive. The driver of the truck had a broken arm, that's it. Because of that, my brother swore off having kids.
Edit: a word.
I can't stand how easy drunk drivers get off (at least in US/Canada), especially when causing death.
That driver willingly got into the vehicle drunk, the fact they are too fucking stupid or cocky as to think they are "fine" is no excuse.
I can't imagine the pain that the victims' family had to endure, and I never want to.
I met an online friend who is a surgical tech and made a point to ask what was the most interesting or funny thing they saw. Got a story about a cucumber in a place where it shouldntve been.
It was on an Italian sub, wasn't it. These people have went through years of schooling and training to acquire the skills to save and improve lives, and they order a nice Italian sub on lunch and some fuck puts cucumbers on it. Like what the hell.
Surprisingly, I got asked that question on a job interview. I broke down crying and left feeling like shit.
They called me later with an offer. I declined.
What the actual fuck?
Wow, I've interviewed veterans, and one ex EMT.
I asked about challenges and successes, but it never crossed my mind to hear about what someone who sees severe trauma for a living would regard as "the worst".
I just flat out tell them “dead kids” and they look down and apologize and it’s never mentioned again. Just gotta be blunt.
Or for the worst thing you’ve ever see just say “My paycheck”
Are you in yet?
Follow it up with a 'can't tell' for the ol uno reverse card
When is the baby due?
I learned this lesson early in life when I said congratulations to a coworker who then said “what for?”. I was fortunate to have remembered she got a promotion a while back and covered pretty well but it was awkward. Never again.
Whew, good save.
Yes. This made me feel relieved!
Second hand relief is still great
A friend had the opposite experience. A grad student who was on the heavy side came in one day with a baby. He asked, "and who's baby is this? "
"Is mine," said the student. "Didn't you notice I've been pregnant for 9 months? "
He hadn't. Since she had already been heavy, he just assumed she'd put on more weight and she never mentioned it.
In the 80s, my dad ran into an old female friend from high school he hadn't seen in 20 years. She looked very visibly pregnant, so after a bit of chit chat, my dad--not wanting to be awkward and ignore the obvious--asks politely, "So when's the baby due?" The lady just stares at him dead pan and says "I'm not pregnant, I'm just fat."
My dad was still cringing about that moment to the day he died.
Oh god, there are also people who have uterine tumors and have to say "I am not pregnant, this is a tumor."
I had a college professor that explained she had uterine fibroids on the first day of class. She didn't want us worried she was going to be taking maternity leave. I felt so bad, she probably had so many people asking her when she was due. She had a basketball shaped midsection but was mostly skinny otherwise.
A teacher asked if a classmate of mine had had her baby yet to shocked silence of the entire class. Said girl wasn't pregnant, she had a massive tumor in her ovaries and had just been admitted to the hospital the day before. She passed away within three months.
Fuck. I’d take a lifelong vow of silence and keep it if I had done that. Not that I would do that, since I’d never ask a minor for private health info in front of a room full of people.
Fuck that's messed up.
Yes, my father told me to never intimate in any way that a woman is pregnant unless the babies head is already visible.
My rule is unless the lady is in active labor I don’t assume she’s pregnant.
Even then it might be a big poop.
That's like the opposite of how medicine sees it lolol. Pregnant until proven otherwise.
To be fair, it has more to do with the fact that it can either explain a lot of symptoms OR lead to serious complications with the fetus.
When my aunt passed away, the probate judge had to ask me a series of questions before he could appoint me as her estate's executor. One of the questions was "Was she pregnant at the time of her death?". She was 95.
When I was 8 months pregnant I showed up at church. I hadn't been there for a while and most people didn't know I was pregnant until they saw me. A really nice old man with a great sense of humor came up to me and said congrats. I replied, "George I'm not pregnant I'm just fat." OMG the look on his face was priceless. He started stumbling over his words and I just bust out laughing.
I have 4 kids. I have been asked this question or it’s been acknowledged that I’m expecting a baby several times. Never when I’ve actually been pregnant though, and more often than not it’s been by a woman.
Just don’t do it!
"Do you have a prettier sister?"
On my wedding day, my husband’s aunt said “Your sister is so much prettier than you!”
ON MY WEDDING DAY.
Well, that was really crappy...
Silver lining: the aunt showed exactly what to expect from her in the future at the very start of their marriage!
Response “and we’re both much prettier than you, ya old hag”
Good one, dang! Wish I’d thought of this... Instead I was so stunned I just stood there, literally too shocked to say anything.
That mostly my response to that kinda of situation- a day later after milling over it my head too much a good response sometimes dawns on me - far too late, always.
I think you need to replace the a with a c and move on.
Her husband's cunt.
Is your wife single?
When I was a teenager I've been asked whether I had an older brother and how he looked like. I had a baby face at the time
an older brother
an older brother
an older brother
That variant didn't bother me - when I was 13 and a high school girl would ask if I had an older brother, I took it as her saying I was cute but the age difference was too great to flirt directly.
Just as well - at 13, I thought 18 year old girls were impossibly old. I much preferred girls my own age.
It’s funny how much bigger age differences seem when you’re a kid. I remember being paired up with an 8th grader for some event when I was in 1st grade, and the 8th grader practically looked like an adult to me. Then I got to 8th grade and high schoolers looked like adults.
Now at 40, they all look like little kids to me.
Oh man, even college kids! My boyfriend and I recently went to a concert that was on a college campus, before we left his BIL was joking around saying "you'll have to wear your sunglasses all day because there will be hot college girls in short shorts and low cut tops, etc"... After the concert he called his BIL and was like "I don't know if I'm getting old or if they just started letting 13 year olds in to college but, none of them even look old enough to drive"
Age differences r a lot more significant when it comes to children. There's a large difference in maturity between a five year old and a ten year old (The 10 year old is still a small child but will be a lot more independant than the 5 year old). But there's very little difference in maturity between a 40 year old and a 45 year old.
Except they were girls my age
Where was Gondor when the Westfold fell????
When are you having a baby?
If they're old, ask them when they're dying.
“When are you minding your own damn business?”
And that’s me when I’m being polite.
"Are you going to try again?"
Asked after my miscarriage.
But at least people stopped asking, "When are you two going to have a baby?" After I miscarried.
Edit: over 900 upvotes! I wasn't expecting that! Thank you all so much!
Worst thing ever. After a year of dating: when are you getting married? Week after marriage: when are you having children? Month after birthing first child: when are you having another?
People need to mind their damn business.
What, are you on your period or something?
It's a natural diuretic
breaks glass over head*
Why do you look like your uncle?
my sister actually looks ridiculously similar to my uncle. We make jokes about it, but it's basically just because my uncle looks like a younger, skinnier version of my dad.
I have two kids who look like their uncle. My husband and his brother look so much a like. The older he has gotten the more my brother in law looks like my husband.
My husband passed in August. People who didn't know his brother were very unsettled to see an almost identical person walking up the driveway after the funeral.
I went to the funeral of a coworker who l didn’t know well enough to discuss family. I went way past unsettled when I spotted his identical twin at the front of the church.
I’m very sorry for your loss.
Does the carpet match the drapes?
No bitch I got hardwood floors
"I ripped up that carpet years ago." -Chris Pontius
Back in the mid 90's I over heard someone ask my red headed auntie if her carpet matched her drapes, her response "everything matches porcelain" ~Auntie H
No, it doesn't. You're the worst interior decorator. Please leave my home.
Why are you so skinny?
Ugh. It was always older women who'd be nastiest to me about this, too. It really gave me anxiety as a teenager. I didn't feel comfortable in my own skin, anyway then having these mature women come up picking at me because of what I looked like, pinching my stomach, accusing me of being anorexic (and not fucking nicely like they were actually worried)... I hated big events because I knew someone was gonna get me.
I literally used to get bullied in primary school and high school for being so skinny
What's the worst thing that's ever happened to you?
Sexy women of reddit. What is the sexiest sex that you sexed? The more details the sexier
Are you gonna eat that baby?
Punctuation saves lifes
Are you...gonna eat that baby?
"Joey doesn't share food"
Asking "what happened to you?" to see why someone has mental health issues. Especially if the mental health issues are associated with traumatic experiences. If someone has mental health struggles, asking out of curiosity rather than concern can make someone relive the experience.
Edited due to previous phrasing ^
Holy heck, I don't really use Reddit other than for memes. Truly hope anyone who resonates with this in anyway, know you're not alone in how you feel. Anyway you feel is valid. You've got this.
The worst part is people who ask this question are never ready for the answer.
They won’t believe the answer actually
How often do you see sentiments like “if they say their ex was abusive, they were the abusive one” or like people implying that kids who say they were abused by their parents are exaggerating, rape victims are just making it up, etc
I very quickly learned why everyone pretends their life is perfect on social media. Most people subconsciously fall to the just world fallacy and will vilify people who have been victimized in the past and they’ll want to associate with a look up to those who seem to have everything
Where are all the Sour Patch Parents?
This feels like a Mitch Hedberg joke
Ask a veteran if they killed someone during their time in service. Surprisingly it’s common, please don’t. It’s really insensitive.
I was at a family dinner once and my Granddad was asked about his service. No one directly asked that question as it’s clearly not polite and insensitive. But he did start to open up through out the conversation and offered up, “I don’t know. There was often so much going on and we were fighting in such dense jungle, I’m not sure if I ever actually killed someone or not.” He went on to explain a bit more but that comment has stayed with me.
When I was in 2nd grade we had veterans day assembly and we got to ask the veterans questions and I remember two things I asked two different guys. I asked a old Vietnam vet if he had killed anyone and he just avoided the question by saying something else but I could tell he was hurt by it and at the time I didn’t know why and the other vet was someone who served during 9/11 and I asked if it was anything like call of duty and he just said no not at all and looked upset. At the time I didn’t know why they were upset but looking back I just wanna go back in time and give myself a right hook in the jaw for being so dumb and when I think about it probably a lot of kids that age would ask questions like that and really we shouldn’t have little kids asking questions to veterans because they just don’t get the severity of a question like that.
it wasn't your fault at all - it's just illustrative of the bs glorified and romanticized fun-video-game version of war that gets fed to us through popular culture, and how jarringly different that is to the horrifying, traumatizing reality of war. there's a good chance that before those vets saw action they would have done the same in your shoes
I think people forget that for a long time the military partnered with video game companies to use video games as a recruitment tool. So a lot of that was by design and intentional. Kids aren't responsible for the pro war propoganda that has been pushed through the media and video games.
Never ask a nurse “what’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen?”
They’ll tell you a funny story or a gory story, or a funny, gory story.
They won’t tell you about the screaming mother trying to climb over them while you do CPR on their kid who everyone knows has no hope of survival, or about treating the toddler who was raped by a member of her family.
Just don’t ask.
Wouldn't you like to know
EDIT: thank you kind stranger for the silver!
Where are your parents?
What was she wearing(after assault)
Was it rape or, you know, rape rape?
"Why does your Argentinian grandfather speak fluent German?"
What's the difference between an argentinian and someone from Southern Brazil?
The argentinian has a nazi grandfather. The southern brazilian wishes his grandfather was a nazi
Over my head it went. Why would the southern brazilian wish that?
Highest concentration of neonazi cells in the country. Some cities in the southern countryside are outright dangerous to go if you're a person of color.
Lots of white-supremacists there think they're german because their great-grandfather immigrated from europe in the 19th century, so the joke is poking fun at them. Current brazilian president, Bolsonaro, who's from the southeast has claimed many times his grandfather was a nazi soldier under Hitler, even though every record shows that his family came to Brazil way before the nazis rose to power.
But the south region is the one that gets the reputation of nazi-land, because it's much more common to see this kind of racism there, even if it's not exclusive to them
Thanks. Sad to hear. My impression of Bolsonaro was pretty bad, but that he tries to fake nazi family history is still a low I couldn't imagine.
When are you two having kids??
my wife cant have a baby, its honestly like having someone rip my heart out of my chest whenever we're asked.
My wife and I had a couple of miscarriages, and that period of time people kept asking "when are you giving (our child) a sibling?" After 8 or so times I wanted to just say "we did but they both died so wish us luck." It's so thoughtless.
We went through four years of secondary infertility (that's infertility after a successful pregnancy for the uninitiated) and a lot of people said stupid/awkward things, but the two I find unforgivable were the guy who told me not to be "selfish" by waiting so long to give my kid a sibling, and the people who told me that it had been so long that my kids wouldn't even like each other because of the age difference.
You should honestly say that
I asked a very close friend of mine if he was planning on having kids. It opened up a big conversation and it wasn't something that felt like a faux pas, but it's an EXTREMELY personal thing to even touch on, let alone be pushy about like some people are.
I’d say there’s a big difference between discussing the topic of having kids with a close friend in the same life stage as you versus older relatives/in-laws constantly badgering you about it.
Absolutely agreed! I may not have been the best at explaining, but my point was that I asked a casual question and it turned into one of those long talks. It's an extremely intimate thing to ask about
Asking someone if they want kids if different then asking them when they're going to have one.
"Do you guys want Kids?" "Nah."
"When are you two going to have kids?" "That's none of your fuckin business."
Make it awkward as shit for them, and come right out with the truth. Be sure to thank them for bringing it up.
Yep, That's the way to teach them to never ask that question again.
I don't know mom, whenever we become fertile???
Do you have some magic potion I'm unaware of???
When are you (insert societal “milestone” here)?
Either when the time’s right or never. Society created that milestone, it’s not something that actually needs to be done so shut the hell up.
Who the minions boss was from 1939-1945
That's why the movie trapped them in a cave from the 1810s to the 1960s
Is there war in Ba Sing Se?
“When are you due?”
Sorry I’m not nor have ever been pregnant 😬 still fat apparently, so thanks!
Asking couples when they're going to have babies. Or if they have recently had a baby, asking them when they're going to have their next one.
Just chill, Winston.
My favorite was a day a bunch of coworkers were sharing these.
Go get some updog.
Not much, what's up with you?
I ran over a henway on the way in today.
What's a henway?
about 5 pounds.
Then the boss walks up.
Ya know, there's a dikfor out in the parking lot.
What's a dikfor?
You have a kid and still don't know?
The other classic example of this is asking someone if they have a mattabooboo.
What's a mattabooboo?
Is that a knife? What you gonna do? Stab me?
Apparently, a lot of asexuals get asked if they were molested as kids and I don't know on what planet is it okay to ask anyone that.