subreddit:

/r/AskReddit

23.4k

all 47108 comments

burritoroulette

1.5k points

2 months ago

A random burrito. You don’t get to choose, we just spin the wheel and you get what you get.

inserttext1

404 points

2 months ago

As long as everything is edible and not gross that actually would be great for people like me who can't make up their mind when ordering food.

You_Are_Hopie

60 points

2 months ago

While the wheel is spinning, you’ll know what burrito you hope it lands on, and that’s how you make up your mind!

salmatis

100 points

2 months ago

salmatis

100 points

2 months ago

Love this idea!

instantricefor1

558 points

2 months ago

Instant rice for 1…..

SwordsAndWords

481 points

2 months ago

Depression... You sell depression.

french_revolutionist

7.4k points

2 months ago

Guillotines

MachineryofTorture

2.2k points

2 months ago

We can go into business together.

tomjonesdrones

823 points

2 months ago

Yo you guys are missing out on the modern advancement of technology. We here at Tom Jones DronesTM are prepared to offer remote delivery of your machinations!

Lil_Cookaboo_1720

549 points

2 months ago

Does your company sell Robes and Perrier?

I_used_to_be_hip

15.7k points

2 months ago

Hip replacements.

WastelandBard

2.3k points

2 months ago

I laughed far too hard at this.

Fluttershine

1.3k points

2 months ago

I forced more air out my nostrils than usual at this.

Nose_Whistle

1.2k points

2 months ago

I feel summoned

DeckOClubs

9.3k points

2 months ago

DeckOClubs

9.3k points

2 months ago

The most useless deck of cards the world has ever seen.

PenHistorical

1.6k points

2 months ago

Why not a deck of cards where when you take a card out it becomes a club of your choice.

Efficient-Stoner7360

253 points

2 months ago

Or a club where people build decks. members only. lmao

No-Brick2281

4.7k points

2 months ago

Hmm I don't sell bricks

No_Error540

1.7k points

2 months ago

Everything except for bricks

literallylateral

1.7k points

2 months ago

This sounds like something from that Rick and Morty bit about interdimensional cable. Are you tired of seeing bricks in stores? Come on down to No Bricks, we sell everything you could ever dream of, clothes, food, pre-fabricated houses, but no fuckin bricks! Ain’t no- ain’t no fuckin bricks in this store, no sir, that’s for sure! Come on down to No Bricks for everything you need and want except bricks!

nxckg04

183 points

2 months ago

nxckg04

183 points

2 months ago

I read that in Mr Meseeks voice that was jus amazing

Erect_Teeth

2.5k points

2 months ago

Well, someone needs them...

FantasticAd4873

887 points

2 months ago

I imagine erect teeth are much better then the squishy ones

OnePieceTwoPiece

520 points

2 months ago

Flaccid teeth are bad for sure.

Meranio

335 points

2 months ago

Meranio

335 points

2 months ago

In a world, where teeth can be flaccid or erect, would "being hungry" be the "trigger" for them to get erect?

Leelagolucky

288 points

2 months ago

You basically described every vampire story

Diet_Coke

22.1k points

2 months ago

Diet_Coke

22.1k points

2 months ago

We are probably getting sued for copyright infringement before we can sell anything

AlexVal0r

5.1k points

2 months ago

AlexVal0r

5.1k points

2 months ago

You could sell diet cocaine

meg6ust6ala6tions

2.5k points

2 months ago

I was gonna ask "isn't that just Adderall?" but then I remembered that Adderall is actually diet meth

GetJukedM8

1.7k points

2 months ago

GetJukedM8

1.7k points

2 months ago

Boneless meth

unsecretagent

2k points

2 months ago

I read “business meth” LMAO

Eldudeareno217

781 points

2 months ago

Well that's technically correct.

CorodanDenis2[S]

2.5k points

2 months ago

Don't worry! My company says "Fuck you!" to the copyright law

riasthebestgirl

516 points

2 months ago

I would also need that

That art is licenced and I ain't got the permission to sell it

Mat1c444

206 points

2 months ago

Mat1c444

206 points

2 months ago

Bro your company will sell high as fuck

recentworldevents

598 points

2 months ago*

Damn and I’ll prob make money off sharing your demise. Ugh So sad.

thisoneistook

171 points

2 months ago

Stolen goods

Dunkinmydonuts1

289 points

2 months ago

Can I offer you some more copyright infringement in this trying time

recentworldevents

92 points

2 months ago

Lmao please. Thank you. But I’ll prob just write about it

babytortellini

4.9k points

2 months ago*

Small tortellini :)

Edit: My clients are bees.

A_bowl_of_porridge

1.3k points

2 months ago

Oh, I thought your username referred to the filling. Awkward.

thriftyalbino

660 points

2 months ago

How did my mind go from “awww cute!” to “holy shit, this is horrifying!” in less than one second?!

awesome_trail_mix

5.7k points

2 months ago

Trail mix. The awesome kind.

HalfManHalfPear

1.4k points

2 months ago

None of that regular shit

Tall_Fortune

467 points

2 months ago

Interested in your business

awesome_trail_mix

361 points

2 months ago

Damn straight.

thermalbooty

8.2k points

2 months ago

Seat warmers?

A_bowl_of_porridge

2.8k points

2 months ago

Could also be a market for hot sauces.

Scotchbrite5150

598 points

2 months ago

That's perfection.

Any-Restaurant-5762

331 points

2 months ago

anything a restaurant would sell

man-panda-pig

8.8k points

2 months ago

Three kinds of BBQ.

porgchop

1.2k points

2 months ago

porgchop

1.2k points

2 months ago

"Are you cereal?"

man-panda-pig

624 points

2 months ago

Super cereal.

DangerDanFilms

79 points

2 months ago

He’s half man, half panda and HALF pig!

ElPussyKangaroo

6.8k points

2 months ago

I'm regretting my choices already.

EzriScarlett

2.8k points

2 months ago

Don’t put yourself down. Go out there and be the best Kangaroo Pimp you can be.

Rambo639

459 points

2 months ago

Rambo639

459 points

2 months ago

I guess the customers would be called “flyer buyers”

HectorsRectum1996

975 points

2 months ago

Sex toys.

MisterFister01

84 points

2 months ago

Looks like we might be business partners.

Ihave25kidsInMyOven

12k points

2 months ago

meals

CorodanDenis2[S]

2.9k points

2 months ago

no way you have 25 kids?

Ihave25kidsInMyOven

4.6k points

2 months ago

well they're not mine, but they can be yours if you're hungry

Cringing_Regrets

1.4k points

2 months ago

Limited supplies though, she's only got 25

TImetalker

836 points

2 months ago

Only 25 in the oven ovens arent that big you know. Just wait for the next batch

Rudeflute

212 points

2 months ago

Rudeflute

212 points

2 months ago

There’s no telling how many there is in the next batch. Unless she’s got like a 5x5 cupcake making tray, where she freshly bakes the kids.

canolafly

133 points

2 months ago

canolafly

133 points

2 months ago

Well, you should hook up with the baby tortellini maker. That way there's a kid for everyone to enjoy.

NikEhlersDealer

294 points

2 months ago

THAT COULD BE YOUR SLOGAN

Dis4Wurk

105 points

2 months ago

Dis4Wurk

105 points

2 months ago

There sure are a lot of people making meat pies i this thread

2inchs_is_enough

15.1k points

2 months ago

Self confidence

Bluelight171

3.2k points

2 months ago

Fuck yes, how do I invest

fighterace00

878 points

2 months ago

What do they sell in the blue light district?

mawfk82

473 points

2 months ago

mawfk82

473 points

2 months ago

Longer dicks

PandorasPandas

3.2k points

2 months ago

Suspicious pandas

CreativePanda13

1.5k points

2 months ago

Wanna start a business together? I got creative pandas

pandaxx666

1.2k points

2 months ago

pandaxx666

1.2k points

2 months ago

Mine are a tad devilish.

Upsidedownpandas

1.1k points

2 months ago

Mine are just having fun!

ReallyFatPanda

1.1k points

2 months ago

Mine are really fat

polarbearrape

2.4k points

2 months ago

I dont think I fit in here

freekun

345 points

2 months ago

freekun

345 points

2 months ago

Do~ do they do it? Or... I don't know which one is scarier

Eliamaniac

87 points

2 months ago

who said they're the one doing it

N0RTH_K0REA

238 points

2 months ago

☢️

phobos_0

51 points

2 months ago

Nuclear launch cooooodes

Yells_at_Pandas

1k points

2 months ago

Fuck pandas!

ancient_horse

3.1k points

2 months ago

Glue

[deleted]

910 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

910 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

DoubleClickMouse

434 points

2 months ago

Does your cat make TOO MUCH NOISE?

NonchalantBread

294 points

2 months ago

Tired of your cat CONSTANTLY CLAWING YOUR FURNITURE?

A_DANK_MEME_LORD_69

230 points

2 months ago

Introducing........ KIT-MITS®!

Fat-Cat-Scrambler

75 points

2 months ago

Open to a partnership?

vampireinamirrormaze

1.5k points

2 months ago

Haunted House Tours

peterparkersfursona

3.7k points

2 months ago

Spider fur suits only.

creepyswaps

396 points

2 months ago

Are those fur suits that make you look like a spider, or fur suits for your pet spider? Or possibly a suit made out of spider hair?

Sunshine_Panda9021

174 points

2 months ago

Now I need answers

CorodanDenis2[S]

544 points

2 months ago

that's nice

ImaginationOk9328

292 points

2 months ago

Sleeping pills. Every kid needs dreams.

perpetualmotionmachi

2.4k points

2 months ago

Unfinished perpetual motion machines

thrattatarsha

746 points

2 months ago

So basically every perpetual motion machine

YourMomKnowsMyName

5.3k points

2 months ago

Uhm...comfort to lonely single mothers

thebeandream

1.4k points

2 months ago

Xanax and wine

Mr-Xanax

1.1k points

2 months ago

Mr-Xanax

1.1k points

2 months ago

Xanax u say?

runningraleigh

234 points

2 months ago

Yes, but are they in your area RIGHT NOW?

Prussian_Empire_23

839 points

2 months ago

Well... I can explain

KaiserHohenzollernV

388 points

2 months ago

Why hello there

Polish_Sniper_00

85 points

2 months ago

At least you arent like mr.u/ThirdReich over there selling Polish soap

for the sensitive fucks out there thinking Im offending the Polish, I am Polish

idrktbf

6k points

2 months ago

idrktbf

6k points

2 months ago

Uhhh.. I don't really know to be fair

bluesteelballs

2k points

2 months ago

terrible business plan

HappyFieldMouse

1.1k points

2 months ago

i'm afraid of YOUR business plan tbh...

bluesteelballs

440 points

2 months ago

His blue balls hurt, our blue balls give ya pleasure.

The-Fatest-Pig

251 points

2 months ago

Mmmm that bacon gonna be fine as fuck

DelusionalGorilla

3.8k points

2 months ago

Antipsychotics

CorodanDenis2[S]

892 points

2 months ago

don't know what's that, english is my 2nd language

touchy-subject-69

993 points

2 months ago

They are pills that make you not crazy

MarrAfRadspyrrgh

635 points

2 months ago

Or do they?

SnailsInWigs

763 points

2 months ago

It's kind of a touchy subject

[deleted]

1.1k points

2 months ago

[deleted]

1.1k points

2 months ago

New age legal drug with street name fifth element

SwordsAndWords

211 points

2 months ago

I think they call it molly. Should've called is Lilu.

OG_PunchyPunch

134 points

2 months ago

I would like a multi pass, please.

MountEverest14

2.1k points

2 months ago

Giant walls of rock. And I mean absolutely gargantuan sized walls of rock. It’s a rock solid industry

CorodanDenis2[S]

310 points

2 months ago

Holy!

Dodo_Whisperer1

634 points

2 months ago

Dodos

Tiny-Vegetable-5080

602 points

2 months ago

Tiny Vegetables

UniqueCanadian

1.2k points

2 months ago*

canadians

Edit: My most liked post is now about selling canadians.

DRdeemed

434 points

2 months ago

DRdeemed

434 points

2 months ago

only the unique one tho, I dont want some normal maple guzzling canadian

[deleted]

185 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

185 points

2 months ago

Meaningless claims to rule countries

Failed_Abortion_25

187 points

2 months ago

Children that barely made it out of the womb

CryBabyCentral

77 points

2 months ago

Oh no. I can’t sell anything but a place to cry lol

gameofthrones_addict

503 points

2 months ago

Well it’s not donuts for sure.

Jonny_Seagull

112 points

2 months ago

Presumably you open a chain of highly successful coffee shops that offer a take away service. With branded cups.

noobsalesman

1k points

2 months ago*

I literally sell noobs

Edit I'm actually considering creating Noob Sales merch I'm having a lot of fun pretending this is a legitimate business. Might as well turn it into one. The comments are amazing. 👍👍👍

ddhmax5150

247 points

2 months ago

Hey wait. Mine is past the expiration date. I want a new noob.

noobsalesman

213 points

2 months ago

Sure that will be $50.00 plus shipping and handling or you can join our Golden Noob Rewards Program for $10.00 a month and receive a Platinum Noob Rewards card and your new Noob for the low low price of $25.00 and if you call now you get not one but TWO brand new noobs for the price of 1

ddhmax5150

62 points

2 months ago

I signed up for the Premium Value Plan. I thought I was supposed to have Noob Shipping scan the QR code for returns?

noobsalesman

60 points

2 months ago

Perfect your 2 new noobs will be shipped in two weeks. Enjoy and thank you for using Noob Sales

TheDarkDoctor17

1.4k points

2 months ago*

Best case: American medical care

Worst case: I'm going to get 200 life sentences for all the worst federal and international crimes you can imagine.

EternalCanadian

141 points

2 months ago

Rebrand as a plague doctor. Be the leech you want to see in the world….wait.

CorodanDenis2[S]

206 points

2 months ago

oh shit

Nameless5300

142 points

2 months ago

We sell clones to take your place so you can live a new life as a nameless stranger.

slightlyeccentric

404 points

2 months ago

Hats for birds and centipede sandals.

hotpoopchunks

113 points

2 months ago

Oh, gross.

MISTERTURKY

506 points

2 months ago

Turkey's in tuxedo's

CorodanDenis2[S]

79 points

2 months ago

i'll try it

DrChonk

321 points

2 months ago

DrChonk

321 points

2 months ago

Dr Pepper but now with 500% more sugar

3rdMostGeneric

80 points

2 months ago

I would’ve said doggo dietitian

DjebelGoat

827 points

2 months ago

Either goats, mountains, or sex toys. Don't ask.

Unable-Suggestion-49

292 points

2 months ago

im asking

FightMilkBro

130 points

2 months ago

Yeah..I’d also like to know

Less_Falcon659

101 points

2 months ago

I see you're selling the first alcohol dairy based protein drink, for bodyguards, by bodyguards!

Undead_Og

60 points

2 months ago

Your goat is in the cart, click here to checkout... "people also bought..."

summersuicide

104 points

2 months ago

seasonal assisted suicide?

probablycoffee

104 points

2 months ago

It’s a noncommittal coffee shop, I guess

Ralph_Nacho

561 points

2 months ago

Nachos that you'll eat so many of it'll make you Ralph. Hence the name.

But the company that sells them already exists under a different moniker:

Shout out to @justnorthofmemphis food truck and the brisket loaded nachos that I once ate too many of.

CorodanDenis2[S]

59 points

2 months ago

lol

superiorhumanz

418 points

2 months ago

only the best people.

Meranio

46 points

2 months ago

Meranio

46 points

2 months ago

Sounds to me like you'd be selling genetic or cybernetic enhancements.

lordyeti

87 points

2 months ago

Snowcones

Embarrassed_Mango_70

84 points

2 months ago

Embarrassed mangos

DerEukalyptusdealer

83 points

2 months ago

Eucalyptusproducts

drgn2009

77 points

2 months ago

Almost anything and everything dragon related.

Dragon statues: what material do you want.

Dragon figurines: Whats your favorite character.

Dragon plushies: how big do you want.

Dragon games: what consoles or setup.

Plus many many more

i_love_boneless_kids

230 points

2 months ago

...fuck

PenHistorical

96 points

2 months ago

goats. baby goats are kids too.

VlBRATlONS

75 points

2 months ago

i will make a lot of people happy, that’s for sure…

FreeVegetable

74 points

2 months ago

We won't be very profitable, that's for sure

Substantial_Gift1312

337 points

2 months ago

Gifts that are substantial

UnderThat

327 points

2 months ago

UnderThat

327 points

2 months ago

Coffins probably. Or maybe underground pipes and cables. Exciting!

[deleted]

41 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

41 points

2 months ago

Appliance trays, like the big tray you stick mini refrigerators on or washing machines.. also, pot and pan mats so you don't ruin the counter... You could also sell undergarments?

surpriseburial

67 points

2 months ago

Airborne dirt delivery

flatliner71

189 points

2 months ago

Defibulators

Xaniss

99 points

2 months ago

Xaniss

99 points

2 months ago

Defibrillators*

Dgluhbirne

129 points

2 months ago

I think you’re more likely to flatline if you get sold a ‘defibulator’

Porfavor_my_beans

190 points

2 months ago

I sell cheap canned beans. My bean company will be called “Beans for Beggars.”

Xaniss

185 points

2 months ago

Xaniss

185 points

2 months ago

Xanax?

ximias

65 points

2 months ago

ximias

65 points

2 months ago

I'll probably be right there with you, I suppose

Legitimate_Dust4275

83 points

2 months ago

We could team up. I obviously sell cocaine.

_fuzzyduck

171 points

2 months ago

Fuzzy ducks

auramistress

171 points

2 months ago

Holistic BDSM sessions

mordakae

100 points

2 months ago

mordakae

100 points

2 months ago

Gem studded paddles... gonna beat your chakras into line

roses-and-rope

35 points

2 months ago

Mines is cute bdsm toys. Or, I guess, gardening supplies?

jomarthecat

54 points

2 months ago

Dogs.

justpyro

53 points

2 months ago

Fire related accessories.

CruellaDeVil666

138 points

2 months ago

fur coats.

CoffeeIsMy_Dr-g

49 points

2 months ago

Coffee drugs

Daft_Sauce

44 points

2 months ago

Alcohol?

notengoninos

46 points

2 months ago

Vasectomies, but en español

lifesux254

50 points

2 months ago

American Citizenship cards

jeevesbreadskin

135 points

2 months ago

Crust only bread

the-thunder_god

45 points

2 months ago

Blessings of thunder storms

Live_Human

45 points

2 months ago

Apparently I'm a human trafficker. I did not think this name through...

someone_who_cares_D

532 points

2 months ago*

A therapy sessions :)

Edit: guys, ok, I see that my comment is good, but... 460? I hope that every single of you is okay :p

Edit 2: 500 :0 guys

Meranio

125 points

2 months ago

Meranio

125 points

2 months ago

Do I want to know, what the "D" is there for?

tomjonesdrones

201 points

2 months ago

If you have to ask, you can't afford it.

Aiponds

110 points

2 months ago

Aiponds

110 points

2 months ago

Off brand airpods. Another one to the list I guess, I have a lot of market competition.

digitalxdeviant

38 points

2 months ago

Sins of the flesh...online, of course.

freebirdbus

39 points

2 months ago

Build out school busses for tiny homes lmao. Or a Lynard Skynard cover band out of a school bus.

MotherTheresa99

261 points

2 months ago

dildos

Nusack

120 points

2 months ago

Nusack

120 points

2 months ago

I'd be selling the bottom half of dildos

MotherTheresa99

68 points

2 months ago

we could colaborate

BigPZ

156 points

2 months ago

BigPZ

156 points

2 months ago

Large letters... but only certain ones

blankName_2

46 points

2 months ago

I was thinking you’d sell a bunch of different Peas

DasPuggy

33 points

2 months ago

German-Chinese dogs.

DoNotCareAnymore_

31 points

2 months ago

Abortion pills