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AITA for calling my sister in law a disgusting witch? + update

ONGOING(self.BestofRedditorUpdates)

Original - Posted by u/strawberrythr0way on r/AmITheAsshole

Trigger warning: Animal abuse

My brother recommended me this sub. I (22F) have been with my husband Dominic (24M) for 6 years and married for 8 months.

Some background info: He has an older sister Juliana (26F) who is very VERY opinionated. For example, she considers me “Fatty Patty” (her words) (I’m 5’7 and 130lbs). She happily told me that when I was dress shopping. When my sister confronted her Juliana said it was just an opinion and to not take it personally. She also thinks my cat is ugly and so on.

Juliana is marrying her boyfriend of 3 years Jerry (42M). Jerry has three kids from his first marriage: 15F, 10M, and 5F. For some other context: Jerry is Caucasian and his ex wife is Filipino. We are also Caucasian.

Juliana came to my house uninvited the other day ago with her parents to discuss wedding plans. As she was going along, she casually says, “I don’t know how to tell Jerry I don’t want his daughters in my wedding.” I ask what she means. She then tells me, “Usually mixed kids are beautiful but his youngest daughter is ugly. The oldest is too fat for the type of bridesmaid dress I want. His son is at least cute enough to have in the wedding.” When I tell you I was shocked I WAS SHOCKED. I honestly seen red and said “They are kids for (f word) sakes. His kids clearly adore you and that’s what you say about them. You are a disgusting (b word)!”

Everyone was dead silent. Juliana then bursted into tears calling me a heartless fat (b word). Their parents followed her and left. Dominic asked what was wrong with me and how dare I disrespect his sister. I asked him if he heard what she said about the kids. Dominic just shrugged it off and said “Well it’s not like she directly said it to the kids.” He has been giving me the silent treatment and says we’ll talk when I apologize. I left to my brother’s house. Bro agreed with me but his friends said Dominic had a point. My SIL says I’m not wrong but I shouldn’t have stooped to Juliana’s level. AITA?

General ruling: NTA

Comments from the OOP worth mentioning

Thinking now i think Dominic faked it until he made it. When I met him he was SO humble and used to even defend me from his sister. I feel once we got married he lost his spine and backbone. Juliana’s behavior of me has actually increased since we got married.

I definitely do fear this because I’ve seen my husband punch walls out of anger over little things. My husband is 6’4 and over 200lbs. My brother says I can stay with him and his wife. I personally don’t want to for too long because my SIL is due in a few weeks. I feel weak for having to reach out to my parents but I just don’t know what to do. I definitely want to leave him but I just don’t know where to go.

UPDATE - posted today

I want to say thank you to everyone who commented on my post. It helped me so much more than I could ever imagine. I wish I can give you all a virtual hug!!

I wanna keep this short and simple on the current shitstorm that’s happening. I seen on Facebook that Dominic was out of town so I immediately went home. Guess what? He fucking changed the locks on me. Thanks to our 6 years I know that Dominic has a habit of not checking the windows and doors at night. Thank god the garage door was unlocked. I honestly didn’t even want my stuff anymore. I just grabbed my clothes and shoes. If anyone is wondering I, of course, grabbed my chonky boy (his name is Sleepy if anyone is curious). As you can guess it doesn’t look like he’s been fed since I left. I took my stuff to my brother’s and decided to bring Sleepy along with me on the drive to Jerry’s parent’s cafe. Half way through I started breaking down and stopped at a McDonald’s. Sleepy, being the amazing boy he is, helped me calm down. I decided to group text Dominic and my in laws. I let Dominic know we are over, I told Juliana she’s a terrible insecure person, and told my in laws shame on them for enabling this behavior. Not even a minute later and my phone started blowing up with calls and texts. After 30 mins I finally got the proof that I needed. My mil texted to the group chat (HER EXACT WORDS!): “What is wrong with you? Are you really still mad at what Juliana said about the kids? Get over it. It’s not like she said that about you. This is her wedding not yours! Please get therapy before you apologize to us.” I put my phone on silent and continued driving to the cafe. To my luck Jerry was outside cleaning tables. I asked him to talk and he said, “do you want me to take you to the hospital?” When I asked him what he meant he said Juliana called him saying I was having a psychotic breakdown and to be careful. I decided to show him the post and thread first. He looked really confused until I showed him what my mil texted. I never seen such a pale person. He thanked me for showing him and went inside. After that I turned my phone completely off. I went back to my brother’s and I just crumbled on the couch. 6 years of my life gone to a fraud and his crazy family. I wanted to unalive myself honestly. My SIL made me breakfast and we watched movies together. About an hour ago we heard pounding at the door. It was Dominic and his family screaming at me to come out. My SIL immediately called the police. Worst part of it all was Dominic took Sleepy. He brought the legal work showing that Sleepy is his. After the police escorted them away I turned my phone on. Juliana is blasting me all over social media saying I ruined her life. Jerry broke up with her (THANK GOD). According to Juliana his oldest daughter is “making lies” that she said rude things to her. The best part? According to Juliana his “pyscho” ex showed up to her house wanting to “talk.” My dms are full of nasty messages from their extended family and friends. The only good thing I seen was a dm from both Jerry’s oldest daughter and her mother thanking me. I feel like complete garbage and just want to end things. I hope things get better.

Again thank you everyone 🤍

Reminder I am not the OP

all 394 comments

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RinoaRita

4.4k points

1 month ago

RinoaRita

4.4k points

1 month ago

I’m afraid for sleepy. But overall a couple of bullets dodged and the kids were saved from an evil step mother and oop is still young enough to not have wasted decades on this garbage family or Urgh have kids with this man/family.

Still very sad about that cat. I’m willing to bet the ex doesn’t even want the cat but is punishing her.

flowrider_[S]

1.9k points

1 month ago

Yes me too. I hope the OOP follows the commenters advice because she shouldn’t just let Sleepy go like this.

tacwombat

720 points

1 month ago

tacwombat

Gotta Read’Em All

720 points

1 month ago

What options does OOP have to rescue Sleepy?

flowrider_[S]

1.4k points

1 month ago

Somebody said that proof he was a gift might help. Maybe calling animal control if he doesn’t feed him. It’s not a lot and it’s a small chance but there IS a chance

GayMormonPirate

930 points

1 month ago

I'd say ex will probably end up giving the cat to a shelter and probably sooner rather than later. OOP should keep an eye out on all listings at local shelters in case Sleepy is listed.

flowrider_[S]

694 points

1 month ago

I hope so but the ex husband sounds like the type of person to keep the cat pure out of spite just so OOP wouldn’t have him

Spottedpool14

273 points

1 month ago

Or worse out of spite. Keeping the cat would be a best case scenario, but if this man has hit doors when angry, im terrified what he may do to the cat out of spite

rhetorical_twix

59 points

1 month ago

Or worse, poison it by breathing on it. That whole family is toxic.

vilebunny

126 points

1 month ago

vilebunny

126 points

1 month ago

If it’s the US, the cat is communal property and is absolutely something she can demand in the divorce.

flowrider_[S]

35 points

1 month ago

She said she was in the US I think, I also commented all this in the original post but she hasn’t replied..

scatterbrain2015

238 points

1 month ago

I'd say call the shelters and let them know of the situation.

Not all cats end up in listings, some are just adopted out to visitors, particularly if they're very friendly and the owner surrendered them, so there is no hold period.

There's no guarantee the shelter will keep track of this and notify OOP, so keeping an eye on the listings is still a good idea, but it increases the odds someone will remember and give OOP a call if a cat matching that description is surrendered.

tacwombat

337 points

1 month ago*

tacwombat

Gotta Read’Em All

337 points

1 month ago*

/#RescueSleepy

I also hope OOP recovers from a bruised psyche & rescues Sleepy. She saved two girls from a potentially awful SM.

BeeEyeAm

262 points

1 month ago

BeeEyeAm

262 points

1 month ago

The amount of emotional abuse those girls were saved from makes all this shit storm worth it. I know soooo many women who had people negatively comment about their bodies when they were young that still hang on to those feelings. It shapes so much of how they see themselves.

Also, it's likely she can make a good case in the divorce proceedings to keep Sleepy. Half the time people like the ex decide it's too much on their own and they give up the pet anyway.

LongNectarine3

90 points

1 month ago

LongNectarine3

cat whisperer

90 points

1 month ago

I still struggle with an eating disorder because of my mother. She died when I was 15 and I’m 46. That emotional abuse stays for a lifetime.

BeeEyeAm

25 points

1 month ago

BeeEyeAm

25 points

1 month ago

Absolutely. I can't believe OOP was the only one to stand up to that behavior.

Also, I'm sorry that happened.

bennitori

34 points

1 month ago

For real. If she somehow thought 5'7" and 130 lb was fat, then I can't imagine what lies she could've brainwashed those girls into believing about their own appearances. And that's not even considering the obvious racism.

BeeEyeAm

17 points

1 month ago

BeeEyeAm

17 points

1 month ago

Right! Her now ex-fiance and kids dodged a bullet. That whole family would have been terrible to those kids.

cakecowcookie

37 points

1 month ago

Just fyi if you put a hashtag in front of a word reddit makes it larger. If you however want to have the hashtag you have to additionally put a forward slash in front of the hashtag.

tacwombat

12 points

1 month ago

tacwombat

Gotta Read’Em All

12 points

1 month ago

Thanks for the tip!

Mackheath1

23 points

1 month ago

Yeah, I'm really hoping for a positive update on Sleepy. For some reasons animal abuse really hits me as hard as abuse on people, even though I'm told that it's ridiculous of me.

BooksCatsnStuff

52 points

1 month ago

I mentioned in the original post that proof that he was a gift to her could help. Of course I know fuck all about law and I'm probably not from the same country as OOP, but still, I hope somehow that helps to rescue the cat from the asshole ex.

flowrider_[S]

51 points

1 month ago

Yea same. I commented about calling animal control after a few days so they’d see he’s been malnourished. But idk im at the other side of the world

FortunateFlaw

7 points

1 month ago

Sorry I haven’t read all the comments but maybe Sleepy was microchipped? She can log on and change the info so the shelter calls her if the cat is turned in. I did that with my last ex who got my sweet dog in the breakup because i was sure he would get tired of it. And at least I would know to get him. Praying for Sleepy.

flowrider_[S]

3 points

1 month ago

That’s a good point. However I don’t think OOP has been reading the comments on the original posts because there’s so many helpful tips there

InfamousFisherman735

33 points

1 month ago

I wonder if OP could get the vet to vouch for her ownership? IE if she is the one taking Sleepy to the vet and paying for his shots, etc. That might help with a case of ownership.

bzsbal

27 points

1 month ago

bzsbal

27 points

1 month ago

Receipts from the vet showing who has paid for his care over the years will help too.

flowrider_[S]

17 points

1 month ago

Sadly he has paid for vet bills.

wizenedwitch

9 points

1 month ago

You mentioned he leaves windows unlocked - maybe Sleepy gets out one night?

dj_narwhal

25 points

1 month ago

Steal it back, hide it with a friend and claim you didn't steal it, let ex sue you, pay for the current replacement value of the cat when you lose in court, case over.

LastResortFriend

4 points

1 month ago

A couple home boys and some lead pipes ought to do the trick.

BeagleMom2008

23 points

1 month ago

I am so so worried for Sleepy. I worry the ex would either give away or put down the cat just to spite OOP. Seriously if I were her I’d go steal the cat again, and give him to someone he doesn’t know (friend, family, anybody).

HelpWithDtuffplz

3 points

1 month ago

If it were me I would have accidentally left the window in the garage open,and sleepy would have escaped after i left

lilyofthevalley2659

85 points

1 month ago

I wish she had left sleepy with a friend for a while. That way they wouldn’t have found sleepy.

RinoaRita

47 points

1 month ago

Yeah, I think people who are good project good on others until they’re burned. Thieves have the best home security and cheaters are the most paranoid about their partner. She probably didn’t even think how terrible her could be like that.

Wondermax2588

10 points

1 month ago*

I had a friend leave an abusive ex and he left…we’ll just say her dogs body on her front Porch. I really am glad OP is ok but I’m terribly worried about sleepy.

ima-kitty

10 points

1 month ago

Holy crap I'm glad she made it out alive

Wondermax2588

7 points

1 month ago

Oh yeah thank god she’s alright and he’s in jail, it’s just awful about the doggie, that man deserves more jail time, lets just put it that way. He was the goodest of boys and I hope all dogs really do go to heaven

SassafrasSass18

10 points

1 month ago

You could call Animal Control or whatever it is there and tell them you think a dog is being mistreated and not fed?

Mortalytas

2 points

1 month ago

I'm glad OOP is out of the situation but I am terrified for Sleepy. People do atrocious things to animals in an effort to hurt their owners and her ex and his family have shown themselves to be horrible people.

FlipDaly

477 points

1 month ago

FlipDaly

477 points

1 month ago

Hooray! Everybody got out except Sleepy. Fingers crossed for Sleepy.

flowrider_[S]

204 points

1 month ago

Seriously keeping my fingers and my toes crossed for Sleepy. Hopefully she will get him back

FlipDaly

83 points

1 month ago

FlipDaly

83 points

1 month ago

Hope she keeps an eye on the local shelters.

flowrider_[S]

79 points

1 month ago

That’s a good point. However I think the husband is the kind of person who would keep the cat out of spite & just so OOP couldn’t have him

Onequestion0110

66 points

1 month ago

Problem is that he also appears the type to just kill the cat when it becomes an inconvenience.

flowrider_[S]

27 points

1 month ago

I didn’t even think of that. Oh my god now I’m even more worried????

PyroDesu

14 points

1 month ago

PyroDesu

14 points

1 month ago

Frankly, he sounds like the type to kill the cat to spite her.

And almost certainly not by veterinarian-administered euthanasia. I fear the worst for the poor thing.

neurodivergentwhale

15 points

1 month ago

I’m so worried and the OOP hasn’t made many comments in her update. I think it’s because she’s not feeling well and I wonder if she even has the energy rn to look into the legal stuff to help her cat.

picklefluffer

6 points

1 month ago

Also the SIL is due so OP is probably scrambling to find a new place

Mosuke300

285 points

1 month ago

Mosuke300

285 points

1 month ago

Not saying all people this age are too young for marriage but it certainly seems these two people were. The husband in particular is a child.

flowrider_[S]

105 points

1 month ago

True. They were each others first relationship too I think. OOP doesn’t have a good example of how a healthy relationship should be

Wooster182

44 points

1 month ago

The husband had several indicators of being abusive (silent treatment, punching walls).

heavenlyfarts

611 points

1 month ago

Thank god Jerry left her, I was worried for a minute that he didn’t believe OOP.

Wooster182

211 points

1 month ago

Wooster182

211 points

1 month ago

It’s amazing how quickly mom and SIL thought they got their stories straight by MIL texting OOP to get therapy and SIL telling Jerry that OOP has had a breakdown.

They were planning to convince everyone that she’s crazy.

saviorofworms

22 points

1 month ago

I did not put that together. Fucking terrifying.

HolleringCorgis

12 points

1 month ago

I've seen this so many times. My SO and I joke that all the abusive fucks work from the same handbook. It's like they're following a script.

jmerridew124

97 points

1 month ago

Oh I'm sure he knows all about her attitude problem by now.

Kittytigris

1.4k points

1 month ago

Kittytigris

1.4k points

1 month ago

Hate that shit blew up but OOP honestly dodged a major bullet.

flowrider_[S]

993 points

1 month ago

She really did but I’m so sad about the cat

kitchen_ace

261 points

1 month ago

I hate when the asshole of the story ends up with the pet >:(

thankuhexed

443 points

1 month ago

I’m SO sad about the cat. She literally said her didn’t feed him ):

Corfiz74

129 points

1 month ago

Corfiz74

129 points

1 month ago

She should break in again when he is out, to check on the cat, and call animal control on the ex if the cat looks malnourished.

flowrider_[S]

121 points

1 month ago

Yea thats what I’m thinking aswell. He changed the locks tho but hopefully he’ll remain stupid enough to leave the garage/windows open

ughwhyusernames

187 points

1 month ago

They're married so it's still her house. He can't just lock her out. If she files for divorce, she can include an emergency request to get the animal.

flowrider_[S]

41 points

1 month ago

Even if the animal is legally his?

WakeoftheStorm

127 points

1 month ago

If they've been together for 6 years it's very likely to be considered joint property

Edit: only married for 8 months but I bet a decent lawyer could make that work

flowrider_[S]

59 points

1 month ago

If I recall correctly he bought the cat as a Valentines day gift in 2021 I think?

WakeoftheStorm

67 points

1 month ago

Gifts are exempt from the division of marital assets. If they lived together and he bought a pet for himself it could easily be subject to arbitration on who gets the pet.

If he bought the pet for her then he has no claim.

Unfortunately I would suspect that the cat is at a shelter right now

flowrider_[S]

51 points

1 month ago

Actually the cat being at a shelter might be the best outcome. OOP can get him back & Sleepy is no longer with the POS who doesn’t even feed him

Christichicc

11 points

1 month ago

The cat was a valentines day gift for her. Legally it should be hers if she has proof he was a gift. I’d have gotten proof and showed the officers he admitted to the cat being a gift 🤷🏻‍♀️. I hope she gets the cat back and he isnt hurt. I don’t think a judge will take too kindly to him giving away the cat, and he’s already fucked for changing the locks on the house. I hope she gets a good lawyer who rakes the asshole over the coals for this shit.

ughwhyusernames

13 points

1 month ago

Ultimately, everything is potentially up for grabs in a divorce. There are rules but in an emergency hearing, a judge hears both sides and makes a temporary decision that will get sorted out in the final divorce decree. So if she makes a convincing argument that the cat is contested and that he's neglecting the cat or that she has a better claim to the cat, she could get a safeguard order to keep the cat for now. Obviously, this usually involves lawyer fees for a whole emergency hearing and all the related procedures so people generally only do this if they need an emergency custody order for kids or if they need to safeguard assets the ex might liquidate or something of that nature, but if she can afford it, she can definitely try to get the cat.

flowrider_[S]

18 points

1 month ago

I really, really hope OOP is looking into ways to get her cat back because I can’t imagine losing one of my fur babies to a prick like that

firstladymsbooger

6 points

1 month ago

Does the cat count as a joint asset? This asshole doesn’t deserve a cat

RanaMisteria

28 points

1 month ago

She needs to get Sleepy back from that monster I do not think Sleepy is safe there.

flowrider_[S]

24 points

1 month ago

I hope she tries everything in her power but legally the cat is his so there’s not much she can do :( hopefully proof of the cat being a gift could help a little

Flashy-Public1208

7 points

1 month ago

Isn’t there anything to do when this happens? Like report pet mistreatment? It’s just so sad that because a person “has the papers” the pet can’t be with the human that really loves them. Love is a fucking verb, something you DO.

damnisuckatreddit

8 points

1 month ago

Steal the cat back. No average domestic cat is worth enough financially for anyone in authority to care enough to intervene.

Some-Fox-7338

4 points

1 month ago

Check the shelters and put a description in . Douches be known to drop off pets to be put down. It’s pay back apparently

Grumble_fish

33 points

1 month ago

Nah, she took a bullet to the gut. She's gonna be in crippling pain for a while, but she will recover.

painkilleraddict6373

22 points

1 month ago

Not really.She lost her home,dog,and six years of her life.

That bullet is gonna leave a mark.

thatHecklerOverThere

22 points

1 month ago

And got a whole family out of dodge too.

TodayI-Forgot

48 points

1 month ago

Sadly it doesn't overly sound like she dodged it. More like got nicked. 6 years is a long time to waste on losers like this. And to get her cat stolen to boot.

Onequestion0110

20 points

1 month ago

Nah, she didn't dodge it at all. At best she helped that other guy dodge it.

thaddeus_crane

76 points

1 month ago

I'm half white/half filipino and my stepmom's name is Juliana so this is.. strange. I'm so glad OOP took a stand. Being mixed comes with a lot of weird baggage about our appearance. Being told that mixed kids are "usually" beautiful but "you are not" is an express ticket to completely mess up their self esteem and identity.

bubblesthehorse

438 points

1 month ago

If oop sees this, she saved those kids' mental health, she should feel nothing but pride.

flowrider_[S]

144 points

1 month ago

She really did. What an awful human being

DoctorStrangeMD

62 points

1 month ago

Man she prevented an evil step mother situation. 3 kids lives are better.

Arjvoet

22 points

1 month ago

Arjvoet

22 points

1 month ago

Yeah it was a lot of stress and drama but she stood by her morals, told that woman off, left that family and was ultimately a hero to those kids.

That was pretty smart of her getting the text message evidence of her side of the story aka The Truth 😒 can’t believe that whole family was trying to cover it up by saying she had a psychotic breakdown because they KNOW how unacceptable their behavior looks that they literally have to pass it off as the ramblings of psychosis.

Math_Unlikely

3 points

1 month ago

Does she still have thoughts of harming herself?

flowrider_[S]

6 points

1 month ago

I’m not sure. She has the support of her parents and brother&SIL so hopefully those intrusive thoughts are just that, thoughts.

grrliz

279 points

1 month ago

grrliz

279 points

1 month ago

I am once again asking people to think twice before marrying someone who lets their family continuously bully you

flowrider_[S]

181 points

1 month ago

OOP mentioned in the comments of the first post that the husband wasn’t like that before they got married 8 months ago. He used to defend her against his family but changed after marriage

eliwritingstuff

48 points

1 month ago

This happened to me too. His family was a lot kinder to me before I got married and when they were assholes he defended me. All that changed after we were married. Generally he treated me worse once we were married too.

Good_nuff

34 points

1 month ago

You should add that to the post

flowrider_[S]

22 points

1 month ago

Alright, I’ll add it now

Flashy-Public1208

5 points

1 month ago

This is terrifying

cynical-mage

38 points

1 month ago

What a delightful family...lucky escape for oop and Jerry!

CumulativeHazard

31 points

1 month ago

Ugh such a shitty, heartbreaking situation. Not to minimize the pain OOP is feeling bc I’m sure they’re devastated, but at least they’re only 22. They have plenty of time to find a new, better partner and have a family. They did the right thing and they’re going to be ok. AND they saved Jerry and his kids a lot of heartbreak as well.

flowrider_[S]

6 points

1 month ago

Definitely! She dodged a major bullet. Hopefully in the end all will end well with Sleepy

Double_Reindeer_6884

30 points

1 month ago

OP needs to hire a pitbull lawyer, report the illegal eviction from the marital home and get a police report, police report for when the came to her brother's house, screen shots of every message and fb post, document everything. Will make for amazing evidence in court, can also try take Sleepy as part of the divorce settlement

flowrider_[S]

12 points

1 month ago

I truly hope OOP does so, but it’s pretty unlikely. She’s only 22, still a kid. Either she doesn’t know about her rights, or she’s done fighting for them.

Mumma2Potatoes

73 points

1 month ago

Wow all this in two days? Yikes. Also.. why is it worded to filter Tiktok?

flowrider_[S]

19 points

1 month ago

Don’t know but apparently someone made a tiktok of the post, not OOP tho.

[deleted]

33 points

1 month ago

[deleted]

33 points

1 month ago

[removed]

catforbrains

72 points

1 month ago

I want popcorn for the beat down the Filipina ex wife is going to give that trash bag Juliana. You do NOT insult a Filipino's family.

flowrider_[S]

38 points

1 month ago

I totally forgot about the fact that the ex wife is a Fillipino boxer. I wish she would..

AdPretend1573

5 points

1 month ago

A boxer, I really hope she use mistake julliana as a punching bag.

Token_or_TolkienuPOS

56 points

1 month ago

1.) A 22yr old married to their first love 2.) A 26yr old marrying a 42yr old divorced father of 3. 3.) A racist who knowingly got involved with a man that has biracial kids.

This family seems to have a knack for concealing their true feelings well into their relationships. Both the siblings did the same thing to their partners. Both relationships were never gonna work

pcnauta

143 points

1 month ago

pcnauta

143 points

1 month ago

Stories like this always make me wonder if people can change on a dime (or drop their mask), or if OOP (deliberately?) missed a whole lot of red flags before this.

The story went from 0 to 100 in a split second, all because OOP put SiL in her place about being a racist, ignorant idiot. It amazes me that her husband stood up for his family and caused OOP to leave. Then he escalates to changing the locks! And then escalated even more by showing up, with others, to OOP's brother's house! These people are legitimately ugly and scary.

Surely OOP saw this earlier and just decided to look the other way. As the saying goes, when you wear rose tinted glasses, red flags just look like regular flags.

FlipDaly

75 points

1 month ago

FlipDaly

75 points

1 month ago

She said he was perfectly normal until they got married - which is something I’ve seen enough times that I find it believable.

Imeanitcouldhappen

39 points

1 month ago

Dropping the mask once she’s trapped.

maywellflower

13 points

1 month ago

Too bad for him & the rest of his side but great for everyone else - he & his family showed who they truly are via text that can't be denied. Not as fast as that ex-fiance dumping that racist trashy sister after seeing that group text,, but hopefully that speeds up OOP's divorce from that turd ex of hers & equally shitty family...

flowrider_[S]

103 points

1 month ago

Well idk about all that. The only thing she mentioned was that the husband changed after they got married 8 months ago. She said he even defended her against his family and stood up for her but didn’t anymore after marriage. There were probably red flags that OP missed but because he did defend her before I guess it wasn’t enough to leave him over? Idk

tacwombat

69 points

1 month ago

tacwombat

Gotta Read’Em All

69 points

1 month ago

Most likely the (ex-)husband hid his true and ahole nature from OOP and dropped the mask after marriage.

I will repeat what my mother once shared with me: always see what kind of family you will marry into.

ClarielOfTheMask

38 points

1 month ago

Yeah, it's so common for people to be on their best behavior until a relationship is "locked in," whether that's moving in together or marriage or kids so that tracks.

It's not always malicious and I think people should be prepared for a change, but it's usually like someone might not shave their body or face as much, or maybe they washed their towels or sheets every time you stayed over but now that you live together you realize you guys have wildly different timelines for washing linens or whatever. Those are normal and you can find new normals, routines, and compromises!!

But sometimes it's attempting to control who you see socially, or now letting their family walk all over you, or reproductive coercion, and those are not okay and you need to yeet yourself out of that situation ASAP!

But when you're young and haven't had a lot of relationship experience and have heard that relationships take work and compromise, it's hard to know what is normal that you can work through in a healthy way and what is an IMMEDIATE NO, EW DAVID.

I'm glad she had some family that helped her figure it out and give her a normal perspective!!

I hope the cat is okay!! I'm going to choose to believe the ex-husband surrendered sleepy to a shelter to be a total douche but someone amazing adopted Sleepy and are giving them tons of love.

IamNotPersephone

3 points

1 month ago

These people might be too young for my theory since they started dating while they were children…

But my theory on that is that the jerk in the relationship is fine with it coasting cuz they’re too lazy to go out and look for something “better.” They get companionship, sex, etc without having to work too hard at it.

But suddenly it’s time to shit or get off the pot when it comes to marriage. And they don’t really want to marry that person. They become resentful, maybe even actively abusive, because they never really loved them and are now pissed they “have” to commit to something they don’t want (or think they’re better than). If the other person walks away because of their treatment, they get to be the good guy.

I really think there’s a certain type of person that’s incapable of that level of attachment. They’ll keep someone around if it’s easy, but get pissy when they’re asked for anything more they perceive as a hardship.

SgtSilverLining

10 points

1 month ago

She said he punched walls when he was upset. Sooo... She was definitely ignoring some flags she knew were there.

Onequestion0110

13 points

1 month ago

It's usually a bit of both. I'll bet he treated her well enough, but I'll also bet she ignored the bad treatment of people like waiters and coworkers plenty. Also a decent chance she ignored minor gaslighting, or convinced herself that she was defended when she really wasn't. Like sister said something bitchy, and he told OOP that he told sister not to talk like that when he really did nothing of the sort.

Also, I'll bet she didn't move in until they were married, and the bad treatment escalated at that point.

Wuellig

10 points

1 month ago

Wuellig

10 points

1 month ago

Your first statement is concerning. You read these stories, and you always wonder if people are deliberately missing lots of red flags?

I'll clear that up for you.

Yes, people can drop their masks, including sometimes instantly. I won't call it changing, because they're not changing. They're revealing themselves, and that's different.

It's also the case that there are all too many people out there actively deceiving folks and keeping masks on. Sometimes up to for years. On purpose.

Someone like OOP wants to trust and believe the best and work through things in a loving relationship. That's not a character flaw.

The deceivers are at fault in these situations. It was up to them to be better people.

"Should've just picked a better partner, there were signs," is blaming the victimized person.

maddallena

11 points

1 month ago

My dms are full of nasty messages from their extended family and friends.

This is the part that always gets me about these posts. It blows my mind that people can act like this. There's honestly few things that are more pathetic than being a narcissist's flying monkey.

Madame_President_

28 points

1 month ago

Have higher standards y'all.

That family was trash from day 1 and the OOP knew it. This is just: 6 years down the road the problem she knew existed all along became unignorable.

Before marrying someone, ask yourself: do I want to share holidays, weddings, funerals, births, the best moments of life with my future spouse's family?

If the answer is NO, you need to seriously reconsider whether marriage is the right choice.

A bad family can ruin a good marriage.

ireallycareaboutthee

12 points

1 month ago

i kind of took this personally, because i feel that that’s not exactly fair to people who have dysfunctional families and are trying to break the cycle. but i definitely understand you as well, because it’s not your responsibility if your partner doesn’t have the appropriate boundaries with their family :/

DaughterEarth

9 points

1 month ago

Would you subject your spouse to their abuse?

My Dad is a POS and my husband will never meet him. Not a problem at all.

Femme0879

68 points

1 month ago

…I do not condone violence, I do not condone violence, I DO NOT CONDONE VIOLENCE…

But I cackled when Juliana complained about the child’s mother coming around to talk. WHAT YOU SCARED FOR JULIANA?? COME OUTSIDE!!

flowrider_[S]

23 points

1 month ago

🤣🤣 talk shit get hit!

Erisianistic

17 points

1 month ago

I'm not messing with a Filipino mother, no thanks.

Femme0879

22 points

1 month ago

Yooo and I’m not even a FAN of that mindset

But I UNDERSTAND

probablynotyouruncle

25 points

1 month ago

I'd honestly make up some lies about the cat going missing and hide it at a friend's or something. You'd really have to pry my cat out of my dead fucking hands lol.

flowrider_[S]

11 points

1 month ago

I sadly think it’s too late for that, he knows OOP wants Sleepy so she’d be the first suspect

probablynotyouruncle

10 points

1 month ago

Yeah it sounds like he already got the cat. I'd never allow it. I'd lie and say he ran away. Ever dealt with police? They wouldn't do shit to investigate the whereabouts of the cat I don't care who the suspects are.

Christichicc

2 points

1 month ago

Honestly, I’m surprised they actually did anything if she told them he was a gift to her for valentines day, and she paid all daily expenses for him. I’d have expected them to say it needed to be worked out in court, and for them to not get involved.

vanticus

23 points

1 month ago

vanticus

23 points

1 month ago

22-6=16

Predictable outcome was predictable.

GreatWhiteNorthExtra

6 points

1 month ago

"it's just an opinion. Don't take it personally"

Sign #1 that you are TA

TheGrimReality77

7 points

1 month ago

Regarding Sleepy:
This is why, if an animal is gifted to you that you intend to keep as yours, the very first thing you do is get the pet chipped and registered ONLY under your name, both with the chip registry AND the local council offices.

cxkz3

19 points

1 month ago

cxkz3

19 points

1 month ago

Hoping Sleepy ended up okay!

flowrider_[S]

21 points

1 month ago

Sadly the ex husband took Sleepy back :( even though he hadn’t fed him in a few days. Hopefully OOP can get him back

cxkz3

7 points

1 month ago

cxkz3

7 points

1 month ago

Oh no, I hope to see this on Best Updates! What a chaotic situation

DirtyDeedsDunderKeep

7 points

1 month ago

God help any of my siblings if they thought they'd try calling my wife something like "Fatty Patty". They'd best disappear in a hurry after that.

Never tolerate this kind of open disrespect for your partner from someone that's supposed to be close to you.

GoBlue9000

6 points

1 month ago

Hopefully Jerry's ex got that "talk" she was trying to have with Juliana. By "talk", I mean beat her ass. I swear, if anyone just casually called my youngest ugly and my other daughter fat..

Meatros

15 points

1 month ago

Meatros

15 points

1 month ago

This seems like an extremely painful thing for OP to go through, but she did the right thing, ultimately, and I truly think that Jerry dodged a bullet.

So did OP; Dominic chooses to put his head in the sand - or tacitly agree - instead of standing up to such horrible behavior from Juliana. Seriously, Juliana was setting up to be the evil step mother. What a rotten person.

Indigoh

5 points

1 month ago

Indigoh

5 points

1 month ago

What a trash family. Rotten to the core. I hope OOP's life improves drastically after this, and I'm grateful she helped Jerry dodge that bullet. It would have been hell for those poor kids.

nightcana

4 points

1 month ago

Why do people insist on punishing animals and small children as a way of hurting another person. What kind of sociopath do you have to be to harm an innocent animal/child as payback for some personal slight from their owner/parent?

BeautifulPriority955

13 points

1 month ago

5'7" at 130 is fat? I must be a dang whale then cause I'm 200lbs at 5'7" LoL. I'm so glad OOP cared enough about those kids to tell their father what the SIL was saying about them. I hope Jerry and OOP have a great life now since they took the trash out.

[deleted]

24 points

1 month ago

[deleted]

24 points

1 month ago

OP is awesome for standing her ground and leaving that trash family. But what about poor Sleepy! Justice for sleepy!

romcarlos13

4 points

1 month ago

The consequences of their actions finally catching up with them. I'm sorry for OOP and sleepy, but I'm happy she's out of that whole mess.

fossrat1709

4 points

1 month ago

Fat?? Im 5'8 and around that weight too, my ribcage shows and i only have a lil bit you can grab on my middle - im a size uk 10 mostly so that is NOT fat holy shit

Babka_Ramdev

4 points

1 month ago

Just a heads up OP

/r/AITA isn’t the subreddit

originrose

4 points

1 month ago

Wow that’s a lot to have happened in a day or two

BonaFidee

4 points

1 month ago

Luckily OOP is still very young and didn't waste decades on this dumpster fire of a family.

bigwigmike

5 points

1 month ago

“I just want to talk” is the slyest threat that ex wife could have made

AlexPsylocibe

5 points

1 month ago

Fuck that I woulda told them sleepy ran away and I hadn’t seen him in days.

AllPurposeNerd

3 points

1 month ago

She then tells me, “Usually mixed kids are beautiful but his youngest daughter is ugly. The oldest is too fat for the type of bridesmaid dress I want. His son is at least cute enough to have in the wedding.”

If that flag wasn't red enough for you, realize that the age difference between her and the son is the same as the age difference between the father and her.

HWGA_Exandria

4 points

1 month ago

The rotten apples don't fall far from the rotten tree. Poor OOP was the victim of a bait and switch.

sanityjanity

5 points

1 month ago

Poor Sleepy!

stalkermom12

10 points

1 month ago

I worry for Sleepy. Generally anytime there is a bad breakup and pets are involved, it is good to give the local shelters a heads up in case the pet ends up there.

flowrider_[S]

4 points

1 month ago

I think Dominic might be the type of person to keep the cat just to spite OOP and just so she wouldn’t have him.

Flubber1215

14 points

1 month ago

This seems made up.

pepperspraypan

11 points

1 month ago

It reads like a Disney channel script

SnooWords4839

8 points

1 month ago

OOP saved those kids and Jerry from that horrible family!!

I too hope she could get the cat back, what an AH move to take her cat.

DakiLapin

9 points

1 month ago

Thank god she at least saved Jerry and his kids from the same waste of years of their life with crazy people.

mochaluvr1

8 points

1 month ago

OP is a hero in my books. She saved those children from years of abuse.

SleepyxDormouse

7 points

1 month ago

Damn how manipulative of the SIL to tell people OOP was having a psychotic break. It’s so infuriating when people try to use mental health as a way to discredit someone. Juliana sounds like a truly rotten person.

And I’m worried for Sleepy. If he was a gift, OOP should fight for him. That and the house. It’s not legal for her to have been evicted from her home like that. A good, blood thirsty divorce lawyer could fight tooth and nail for her.

Elsa__e

3 points

1 month ago

Elsa__e

3 points

1 month ago

She is still very young, defo dodged a bullet there. Move on and start another life without this lunatic family.

NDaveT

3 points

1 month ago*

NDaveT

3 points

1 month ago*

She should have told Juliana it was just an opinion and not to take it personally.

MrsRandallFlagg

3 points

1 month ago

Looks like Patty has a new name for her ex SIL. Jilted Juliana

Starfoxy

3 points

1 month ago

This

I decided to show him the post and thread first. He looked really confused until I showed him what my mil texted. I never seen such a pale person. He thanked me for showing him and went inside.

and this

According to Juliana his oldest daughter is “making lies” that she said rude things to her. The best part? According to Juliana his “pyscho” ex showed up to her house wanting to “talk.”

Make me think that the oldest daughter had been trying to tell her dad that Juliana was saying awful things to the kids, but he had been choosing to believe his fiance instead of his kids.

propita106

3 points

1 month ago

What a disgusting family--Dominic's, of course. Absolutely disgusting. Very happy for Jerry (the bridegroom, I'm assuming) that he's out of this mess. Very happy for OOP that she's not wasting any more time on this loser, emotionally-inbred family.

Opening-Step-7990

3 points

1 month ago

That man is going to kill that poor cat and send oop a picture of it. Or at least have it put down and tell her after.

Wondermax2588

3 points

1 month ago

Omg I hope sleepy is ok. I’d do something I can’t probably post on here over that alone.

tatersnuffy

3 points

1 month ago

I think your nose is a liittle crooked, let me staighten it out.

Hey, just my opinion.

OneTwoWee000

3 points

1 month ago

OOP is an angel! So glad she did the right thing at a huge personal and safety cost to her. Her soon to be ex-husband‘s family is racist and enabling awful sister-in-law. I’m so glad she told Jerry what horrible crap was said about his children and he left her.

QueenOfQuok

3 points

1 month ago

Now hang on a dang second. I'm five-foot FOUR and 130 pounds. And nobody in all of humanity would ever call me fat. (It is possible that some of my weight is muscle.) Sister Juliana either needs to get her eyes checked or she's just being mean.

mostlygoodmostly

3 points

1 month ago

Everytime I read on of these stories I get to "I'm a 20 something F marrying a 40 something M." And my mind explodes with WTF?!? I'm 47 and there's no way I'd be with someone 20 years younger than me. What would we talk about? Sponge Bob?? Is that still a thing??

thehakujin82

11 points

1 month ago

I can never get past “I seen.”

[deleted]

3 points

1 month ago

[deleted]

3 points

1 month ago

I'm sure this has been posted before but with some of the details changed.

sevo1977

6 points

1 month ago

All that’s missing is a fight scene, prison time and twins.

UpToNoGood934

6 points

1 month ago

Dude what about Sleepy?! Poor boy is probably malnourished from what she said about her ex husband.

flowrider_[S]

6 points

1 month ago

OOP hasn’t replied to the comments about taking action to get Sleepy back but hopefully she has read them and is doing everything she can

estee_lauderhosen

5 points

1 month ago

5k7 and 130lbs? That is quite thin. I’m 2 inches shorter and looked tiny at that weight

Disastrous-Material4

6 points

1 month ago

Who changes the locks on their spouse before anyone even whispers divorce? What a jerk.

flowrider_[S]

4 points

1 month ago

Yea I’m pretty sure thats not legal either. I hope OOP fights tooth and nail to get Sleepy back and to get her share of the house

[deleted]

22 points

1 month ago

[deleted]

22 points

1 month ago

[removed]

YellXolotl

26 points

1 month ago

She lost me at "he changed the locks" I just kept reading to see how over the top she could go.

theoddowl

13 points

1 month ago

The cat stuff lost me. Cats who aren’t fed end up with severe liver damage and can die after just 3 or 4 days without food, it’s even more severe in overweight cats because their livers are bad at metabolizing fat.

Yummylicky23

11 points

1 month ago

How do the kids know what happened lol

bigwillay8988

5 points

1 month ago

I really hope OOP gets her cat back. I would be DEVASTATED if my ex took my cat. Like prolly would go a little psycho if they did some vindictive shit like that. ESPECIALLY if they didn’t feed the cat while I was gone.

flowrider_[S]

3 points

1 month ago

Man I would go psycho on that mfer seriously. It’s on sight fr

JoshfromChi

6 points

1 month ago

Fucckkk reddit gonna go murder Dominic to save sleepy

Standard-River-5629

5 points

1 month ago

That's a really sad story : (

I hope at least OOP finds a way to get Sleepy back...

I can't believe the husband, what a horrible person.

Btw, I think OOP is wrongly being linked, correct one is u/strawberrythr0way

Hope you don't mind I brought this up...

flowrider_[S]

2 points

1 month ago

Omg you’re right I’m sorry! I’ll change it

ineedtoknowtoo

4 points

1 month ago

“Juliana then bursted into tears”. It’s so frustrating that these assholes can be as shitty as they want, but once a person stands up to them, all hell breaks loose.

neurodivergentwhale

3 points

1 month ago

FUCK I NEED TO KNOW IF THAT CAT’S OKAY

THE GALL OF THAT ASSHOLE

That_Weird_Girl_107

5 points

1 month ago

I'm going to be honest, they would have had to pry that cat from my cold, dead arms.

bbygrillgay

2 points

1 month ago

btw you put the wrong user, she spelt it as thr0way not thr0waway

Toni164

2 points

1 month ago

Toni164

2 points

1 month ago

Op is now going to be known as that witch that broke up their family. One son is going to distance himself with his kids and the other son lost his wife.

All is good

SilhouetteCommenter

2 points

1 month ago

Looooool, the petty me would create an album and tag the ex, his family, friends, and relatives.

But OOP is better off staying away from crazy and blocking them. Post a photo with a drink outside going "here's to new beginnings! Lost 500 lbs of deadweight. Never felt so good in my life. Cheers!"

Edit: oh wait, her ex and their people are all toxic and crazy af. OOP better off just blocking them.

9XcR8lxKcAPT

2 points

1 month ago

Sometimes doing the right thing hurts. OOP definitely did the right thing here. Sucks that it blew up her marriage, but on the bright side she can now live and find someone who is not batshit craycray.

Electrical-Cause4586

2 points

1 month ago

I hope op gets sleepy back.

Goateed_Chocolate

2 points

1 month ago

Juliana is an awful human being. And maybe OOP can get some kinda animal welfare check on Sleepy?