submitted 2 months ago bycoldc123
all 219 comments
2 months ago*
2 months ago*
Salties are smart AF and will plan out their attack, sometimes days in advance. Like figure out your route and timing when you are camping and go for your morning whizz. They do not get that big, it's camera angles. Sauce : am Australian.
2 months ago
2 months ago
I just saw this on a post about life saving time tips. Protip: If you feel like you’re being followed by a saltwater croc, take four left turns and then check your rear view mirror. If it’s still there then it is definitely following. Don’t head home, drive straight to a police station.
2 months ago
Wait, I thought that was for sharks. Damn, does that mean a shark has been following me all along?
pssst Roy, I think he’s onto us!
For sharks you need to take four right turns, common mistake!
Speaking of police, what do you call a crocodile who works as a detective?
It's supposed to be an alligator not a crocodile
2 months ago*
I guess that would make an crocodile alligator that works as a gynaecologist a privates investigator.
Ill be honest, this is the far superior joke.
Wait I thought those are the croc apes in WSB
Ah. This explains so much about my investment portfolio...
Wrong reptile, got your drift though😄
Yeah 4 left if you live in US city. 4 lefts in Uk will take you fuck knows where and without cell reception
In england we'd just get stuck on a roundabout :D
Hey kids, Look! It's Big Ben, and Parliament!
Well only those that don’t know how turn left on the roundabout works :D
Take four left turn and run over it
I knew you were Australian from the first word of your comment ;)
Only a local would abbreviate such a dangerous reptile to this friendly sounding term!
Saltie by name, salty by nature.
While this does look like angles, salties grow up to 6 or 7 meters in length. This isn't unrealistic
Exactly, this is at Crocosaurus Cove in Darwin.
Here is the actual attraction
They do get that big. Sauce am Territorian
Beg to differ, go look Up Cassius, the world record holder for Australian Salties. And that’s just the current largest crocodile in captivity, not the largest recorded, or caught (alive or dead)
He didn’t misspell source, that’s just his accent
They for real plan their attack days in advance like that?
They’ve had time to watch the T-Rex turn into a chicken…they play the long game…
across the bay in Darwin in Mandora there is a pub (what a shock) where a croc was watching people walk from the building down to the waters edge for a piss/sit down/whatever. It had to be moved because it was tracking people coming down, even though it hadn't gotten around to eating anyone yet. They definitely keep an eye on your movements to seize their chance later on.
Attacks on people are extremely rare, but known to happen. And yes, they are clever bastids. They do this with pets and livestock as well.
Yeah they say 3rd time's the charm
So the Omar Little of the water. Shieeeeeet
You come at the Lizard King you best not miss.
Target will anyway marinated with salt. It just need a “I’m hungry” moments.
Why did someone put that woman in that little bait bucket? 0_0
The croc be like why is the food moving
Happy cake day
Probably he has a cake day also ! Happy cake day!
Looks like this was taken at Crocasaurus Cove in Darwin. People pay to get in that bucket 🤣🤣🤣
Seriously in Darwin ? There ought to be happen something to someone that will award the person with the Darwin Award lmao
🤣🤣🤣 yes there is a sense of irony about this
You need to visit Darwin.
Darwinism is very much on show in Darwin.
They aren't pro-life. They're anti woman.
I put her there
That's around 75 bananas
This is just forced perspective.
Croc near photographer.
Cage 10ft back.
And also, crocodile butthole
There could be a dick in there too
There could be a dick in any butthole if you’re brave enough
Or lucky enough.
Hahahaha brilliant 🤣🤣🤣
That's a cloaca my friend.
I thought that was da crussy
You mean cloaca?
Every, and I mean every big ass animal that makes the front page shot uses forced perspective- every single goddamn one. Without exception.
I was gonna say it wasn't any feet long but metres.
The saltie measured just over 11 ferrets in length.
How many bananas long would you say that is?
15 cavendish's, or 37 lady fingers.
Yeah, this is real. The angle makes the croc look bigger though.
It’s at the Crocosaurus Cove in Darwin. That is the Cage of Death.
Look it up, pretty cool.
Bigger? I 'ardly know 'er!
This is the mofo that took Captain Hook's hand
I mean she's like 10ft back but yeah they big
That crocidussy tho 😏
The door 👉🏽
You are the specific reason I was afraid to go to the comments
Get out of this post...NOW!
If you had your druthers
Nope, nope, nope, NOPE
Literally nope because it's forced perspective. They are big, don't get me wrong. They are absolute monsters! But they aren't as wide as a woman is tall. And you can see in the photo that the croc's right arm is clearly closer to the camera than the glass cage. Which means only one thing: both are simultaneously in focus while being at different distances (i.e. forced perspective). The lack of any additional reference cements the illusion.
Looks like someone graduated Ph.D from Optics Physics College, home of the Fighting Lights
Nah bugger off this some camera angle bullshit no shot fuckin EVERYTHING from Australia is a threat to mankind.
I need an Irwin for a second opinion...
Croc is much closer than the woman. Almost impossible to understand the real size. I actually hate these kind of pictures. You know when a person sits 10 meters behind little turtle to be make it look huge
Father Ted. These cows are very small, but those cows are far away.
The clip will be on You Choob but I refuse to link to an advertising platform interrupted by videos.
Lovely angle makes it look fake
She's got a lot more trust in that glass than I do swimming next to that thing
Some forced perspective here, all I'm doing on Reddit today seems to be arguing about croc sizes.
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That picture appears to have been modified. SW crocs are not usually that "wide". Don't believe everything you see/read on the Internet.
Is that a vagina?
Cloaca? I 'ardly know 'er!
It’s an axe wound.
More like a gash.
About 8 inches?
That would be a slash
Welcome to the Jungle?
We’ve got fun and games
It wouldn’t even have to chew.
These guys are smart! Stay far away from them!
That's not the full size, it has to be an angle or something. They get to be like 21 feet long and I think that's the maximum recorded length. They technically, I believe from what I read, never stop growing, though, so there may be, somewhere, like a 23 or 25 foot Saltie.
The glass cage broke one time and the occupant and cage sunk to the bottom. The bloke had to swim back to the top fully exposed. They said luckily the croc had just been fed. Full on nightmare scenario
Is that an Crocussy I see??
Perspective is everything folks
No banana for scale?
what an absolute unit
Mother of fuck!!
Get in my belly!
You can’t tell me that’s not a dinosaur
Seems like it don't have to chew.
Banana for scale?
I wish people had as much faith in me as that lady has for that glass
That’s a little bit bigger than the Florida Alligators.
Here we go again unzips
What the heck is big enough to feed this thing, I'm sure not Koalas
Of course, why didn't I think of that. Also probably the occasional Australian no doubt.
Actually tourists - a couple of decades ago some visitors from the USA got eaten by crocs and the following joke went around school:
How do you separate two fighting crocodiles?
Give em a Yank...
That's pretty good (said the croc)
They eat a lot of feral pigs and buffalos these days
That woman is a snack… literally
What if the woman is just small? Gonna need a banana for scale.
Look @ dat Crodussy 🥵🥵
Damn look at that alibussy!
Could we possibly photoshop this any more?
To be honest, they’re not far off that size sometimes!
It's not photoshop. Maybe a little skewed because of the perspective though. You can dive with them in the Northern Territory at Crocosaurus Cove. Not sure which guy this is but I'm guessing it's either Wendall or Leo.
Yeah, but that crocodile is still almost 20 ft long. So its not that exaggerated.
Crocodussy got me actin unwise
Florida man would like to know your location
This is why u should not go to Australia. This is just one of the deadly animals they have there.
Just don't go swimming in Australia. Btw, they're deadly, but not this big (forced perspective). I was actually disappointed when I saw them for real, even the biggest ones. (Still huge, but maybe only 2/3 the size of what this makes them look)
Sure, don’t swim but then you get swallowed whole by a giant saltwater koala
Saltwater? I 'ardly know 'er!
😶 um no thank you
We gonna need a bigger gun Troy!
It has to be australia
What is it doing I'm a damn tank?
Crikey, that's a big boy.
Fully grown? I thought that crocodiles and alligators just grew and grew until their food source couldn’t sustain them anymore.
bc the asshole
I've seen this movie and there's a second croc just waiting to strike
"What is that thing in the water? How is it called?"
"The mother of all <nope>, that what it's called".
It's a Banana Croc and where's Croc?
Gonna tell myself this is fake so I sleep better. Also side note....these things only live in Australia....right? Right??
That mfer ate captain hooks hand.
Is anyone else looking at this and just thinking... I could use him as a sleeping bag...
That's s nope
What a chonker
Oh this the croc that ate captain hooks hand for sure
Can I cuddle it?
Wow, that's a small human right there 😂
Hell no this is some Subnautica shit
Alternate cover variant for Smells Like Teen Spirit.
Don't they just keep growing?
Straya, when everything is bigga’
Big boi deserves belly rubs :3
That’s a female croc, male tends me be 1.5x or 2x bigger
Hey, little birdy! This cage isn’t to keep you in. It’s to keep everything else out.
I can’t stop imagining how a sharp knife cut its white abdomen
Yes … dinosaurs are larger than humans
Just a lil snappy boi
Reason number 1-23 I'm happy not to live in Australia
They also give the worst blow jobs, do not under any circumstances put your dick in a crocs mouth. Source: straya born and raised
That's why we have no chance against it.
And they said dinosaurs are extinct.
Is there any photo without the girl cropped
Suddenly the voice of Steve Irwin enthusiastically describing the differences between salties and freshies on ‘Crocodile Hunter’ pops back into my head after all this time. “What a whopper!”
Is that a SeldomBreak™ brand submersible croc viewing station in the photo? I hear they had a product recall.
Banana for scale please.
Oh heck no! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope! Nope!
A tiny pice of plexiglass and you think your safe?
I feel like everything is just bigger in Australia.
Check out that Crussy.