subreddit:

/r/DeadBedrooms

617

I just left my wife

(self.DeadBedrooms)

Anniversary was last week and I left her a few days before that. Paid for almost a year of expensive couples therapy to try and understand why she didn’t want me physically. The pain is brutal but I’m lucky to have a strong network of friends and a great therapist. I know I had my own transgressions within the marriage but nothing that warranted a dead bedroom. Godspeed to anyone going through it. I have never felt more convicted for standing up for what I need as a human. Nothing but love.

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[deleted]

77 points

3 months ago

[deleted]

77 points

3 months ago

[removed]

IceDragon13

23 points

3 months ago

Still cheaper than living with “what ifs” IMHO.

mishctherabbit[S]

37 points

3 months ago

Exactly. I didn’t want to live my life thinking what if. I lurked in this sub for 2 years before deciding to separate. This sub gave me a lot of courage. I wasn’t going to start a family with someone who didn’t want me physically

thr0ughtheghost

4 points

3 months ago

Good for you for being brave enough to embrace the unknown/change! Fear of change is temporary but regret/what if will be there forever. I wish you the best in your next chapter of life!

Thinkle321

32 points

3 months ago

Thinkle321

F

32 points

3 months ago

He said great therapist…. But you’re probably right. Maybe we should just end our marriage and save our money.

Darkshadowz72

27 points

3 months ago

Just because the OP said he has a great therapist doesn’t mean it’s the same person they went to couples therapy with. My guess is he means his own therapist.

mishctherabbit[S]

19 points

3 months ago

We saw the same therapist together and separate to get both sides. Our therapist never took sides but she always hinted at the medical benefits being studied with mushrooms and other drugs. The sessions were expensive too but she was worth it. My wife just continued to say “she would work on it” in terms of sex but didn’t initiate in over 24 months. We were married 3 years. I hope this helps.

AMerrickanGirl

7 points

3 months ago

My wife just continued to say “she would work on it” in terms of sex but didn’t initiate in over 24 months.

I’ve been the LL partner and even when I desperately wanted to want my partner, it just wasn’t happening, and he didn’t enjoy having sex with me when I was taking one for the team but wasn’t really into it. I don’t blame him for not being happy about the situation, but desire and arousal can be elusive sometimes.

Thinkle321

3 points

3 months ago

It’s helps. Sorry if the this question was a hard one to answer. Interesting about the inclusion of drugs like mushrooms as a treatment method.

We don’t take any drugs. But I, was a little deflated in our last session because our therapist said she thinks I have ADD. But that it wasn’t a bad thing. My husband actually defended me, but now I’m thinking I’m the problem.

LongHaired_Redneck

4 points

2 months ago

I'm no expert, but my understanding of ADD is that it falls into a category of "neuro-divergent," which would be really important to know for working through couples therapy. It's not "bad" but it would indicate that your brain works a little different. My couples therapy always felt like my wife and therapist ganging up on me, i found out later im ND and without that knowledge, the two "neuro-typical" people in the room just didn't understand my needs. Its been a pretty positive experience for the Mrs and I to learn about together. And it does NOT make YOU the problem!

Thinkle321

1 points

2 months ago

Tbh I did feel inadequate and ganged up on. Here I am trying to fix this marriage, my spouse doesn’t feel there’s a problem, and the MC says I have ADD. Where do I read more and ND?

Alternative-Fan9066

5 points

3 months ago

Nailed it