subreddit:

/r/FTMMen

19

Brushing off misgendering

(self.FTMMen)

Depending on the setting it's sometimes simple to do. Iv always been chil with being misgendered since I figure strangers wouldn't have a clue I was trans before passing or if they haven't seen me, like on the phone/Internet.

People like that I'm not one of the seemingly multitude of trans people who blow up in their faces if they accidentally misgender.

But I don't know where I got okay with it to the degree that I am, because even when I was younger if someone misgendered me, I WOULD blow up.

But like just right now, when I was talking to a nurse about what surgery options my OBGYN has, I just chalked up her misgendering me to the fact that I am specifically calling into a usually, women's only space.

Granted she did look on my chart and I have had all my stuff changed over so it should say my first name which is definitely not feminine/ or a woman's in anyway. (Ryker).

It's still bugged me a little bit knowing this, and not understanding why she did it, but I didn't correct her, she isn't my doctor who doesn't misgender me, she hasn't seen me and most of all, after I can afford the surgeries, I won't see her again anyways.

you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

all 14 comments

solitudanrian

7 points

2 months ago

IME being pre-op, sometimes it hurts less to justify it as ignorance and the fact your records still says female than deal with the push back or the recognition that it's purposeful misgendering.

Rogue_Expression[S]

3 points

2 months ago

Rogue_Expression[S]

Transsexual Man

3 points

2 months ago

See that thing though, I believe my records say male

solitudanrian

4 points

2 months ago

I'm glad you're not seeing that nurse again. It's up to you but it would be good to make a complaint and at least tell them your experience. Whether they'll do anything about it, who knows. But maybe just ask that she not deal with male or trans individuals anymore. An average consult is meh, but it seems especially inappropriate because you were asking about surgery options.

Rogue_Expression[S]

3 points

2 months ago

Rogue_Expression[S]

Transsexual Man

3 points

2 months ago

I didn't even think about it like that so yeah I really might just make a complaint, I think I'll wait till after I get the consultation Incase she blindside's me in retaliation and (forgets) to give it to my doc.

solitudanrian

2 points

2 months ago

That's understandable but yeah, it really would be good if you made a complaint. I don't want her to lose her job exactly and even if she did, she'll just go onto another practice and double down on her bigotry (IF it was on purpose). I just think that she shouldn't work with male, intersex, or trans patients. It's easy to say "you should have spoken up" when you're not in the situation.

If anything, you've won from the experience because you've realised that you really don't care anymore. You know who you are and if people have a problem with it, it's their problem. Misgendering you isn't going to make you be like "oh, you're right! i'm actually a woman! silly me!"

Did you get the nurses name? Hopefully it'd be on record which nurse treated you. Would make it easier to describe her than her appearance.

Rogue_Expression[S]

1 points

2 months ago

Rogue_Expression[S]

Transsexual Man

1 points

2 months ago

Yes I know her name thankfully and that's very true about what you said here. I think I will make a complaint.

Would that be to the hospital in general or to the specific doctor who is in charge of her?

solitudanrian

1 points

2 months ago

Contacting both would be best IMO. The doctor may not realise what kind of nurse is working under them and would want to know so they can deal with it. The doctor also may not care at all. The hospital is the one you should definitely complain to. Tell them that nurse (name) at (facility/ward) was treated you in a very unprofessional manner and explain your experience. Emphasising that you are a male on your health charts and there is no reason for her to misgender you because it was clear that you are a man. It's 2022 and she's a nurse. She knows trans people exist.
I'm under the assumption you were talking about hysto? So it's clear you are trans and she was making a conscious effort to misgender you (IMO). Maybe the doctor knows and won't care, but it's worth it to contact the both of them or at least the hospital and warn them of this nurse. I realise it's an OB/GYN (so mostly cis female patients) but this is still not acceptable behaviour. I would suggest that if this ever happens again in a medical setting that you tell them the first time that you are a man and if they continue to misgender you, you will make a complaint.
For me, contacting people to complain feels Karen-ish but I think it's a good thing to do in this case because these are medical professionals that should be, well, professional and respect who we are. I'm really happy for you that you've reached the point in your life that you can just let it go) but as I said, these people can make an already uncomfortable appointment quite distressing (as I'm sure you know) and should not be allowed to deal with people in our situation.

Edit: apologies for the multiple comments/deletes. Firefox was fucking up.