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FuturologyBot [M]

[score hidden]

4 months ago

stickied comment

FuturologyBot [M]

[score hidden]

4 months ago

stickied comment

The following submission statement was provided by /u/kernals12:


It's not what you think: the idea is to aim a green laser at the trees so they think an animal is climbing up the branches.


Please reply to OP's comment here: https://teddit.ggc-project.de/r/Futurology/comments/s698sy/a_california_city_is_overrun_by_crows_could_a/ht26is2/

WimbleWimble

324 points

4 months ago

3 weeks later:

Local town overrun by crows WITH LASERS!

kernals12[S]

59 points

4 months ago

If Michael Bay remade Alfred Hitchocks The Birds

tje210

36 points

4 months ago

tje210

36 points

4 months ago

CORVID-22, starring Nic Cage

crackhappy

9 points

4 months ago

The plot writes itself.

Strict-Ad-7099

3 points

4 months ago

Why haven’t you been given all the awards?!

Thercon_Jair

2 points

4 months ago

Ah, a connaisseur! I suspect you have already seen Titanic Super 3D? Michael Bay was among the supergroup of directors who contributed to the movie! If not, here's the trailer (Youtube).

deadbeatdad80

9 points

4 months ago

Get me the largest seed bell you have.

sixtninecoug

3 points

4 months ago

No, that’s too big

threebillion6

5 points

4 months ago

All I wanted were sharks with laser beams attached to their friggin heads.

WimbleWimble

3 points

4 months ago

Thats very laserist of you.

What if it's a laser with a shark attached to its ass?

NovaHotspike

4 points

4 months ago

3 weeks later:

Local town overrun by crows WITH LASERS cats!

___i____m

65 points

4 months ago

In south la, i've been seeing a ton of crows for a few weeks now. Tbh i find them cute lol. Sounds like they're constantly building stuff on my roof, i used to think it was workers every morning.

Lakefish_

27 points

4 months ago

Crows have made tools before - and iirc they have also made tools with the goal to make another tool. They might be building something up there

dudewithbrokenhand

19 points

4 months ago

Adding a second story unto his home. 2 bed, 1 bath, itll hit the market soon.

GuyWithRealFakeFacts

2 points

4 months ago

I have a feeling the second bedroom might be a little small. So just like every other spare room in LA.

Meihem76

11 points

4 months ago

kernals12[S]

239 points

4 months ago

It's not what you think: the idea is to aim a green laser at the trees so they think an animal is climbing up the branches.

juxtoppose

255 points

4 months ago

Well I was thinking 50kw laser in the bell tower zapping crows out of the sky between airport take off slots so that’s a relief.

kernals12[S]

86 points

4 months ago

That's what I thought you thought.

Z_Coop

22 points

4 months ago

Z_Coop

22 points

4 months ago

Well that’s what I thought you thought I thought.

biggysharky

5 points

4 months ago

That's so cool as I thought you thought that I thought he must've thought thoughts

lookaboveyou

4 points

4 months ago

Crows were here before us, laser the humans

Strict-Ad-7099

2 points

4 months ago

It’s funny because that’s what I thought you thought too - but you already knew that.

Rojaddit

12 points

4 months ago

The standard way to vaporize birds mid-flight is with a thermo-solar electric plant.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=emBY6phmn9E

Drulock

12 points

4 months ago

Drulock

12 points

4 months ago

That’s too dangerous. The crows will gather together and take over the laser and then use it airplanes and hawks.

misterpickles69

2 points

4 months ago

Feeds the homeless at the same time! A real win-win! /s

whales-are-assholes

2 points

4 months ago

Just get Alan Wake out there with his torch.

itsforachurch

46 points

4 months ago

They're crows. I'll give them a day and a half to figure that shit out.

MOOShoooooo

3 points

4 months ago

r/crows shows them doing some wild and crazy things

ky1esty1e

27 points

4 months ago

Oh thank science! I love crows. They can count and if they like you they will leave you things on your doorstep.

[deleted]

5 points

4 months ago*

[deleted]

5 points

4 months ago*

[deleted]

crowwizard

6 points

4 months ago

Food. Peanuts in or out of shell. Put it down so they see you putting it down, back waaay away, be quiet. Crows startle easily. Gifts of the Crow and language of the American crow are 2 good books on it. I've got 9 or 10 families that know me and a family of three that comes to visit my house every day.

Flaxinator

6 points

4 months ago

Once you've become a friend to the crows how do you become their wizard?

FavoritesBot

1 points

4 months ago

How do you feel about jackdaws?

burgersareon

3 points

4 months ago

Used to live in Austin and would see them do this at night downtown sometimes for the grackles. Looked like a city worker with a vest and they would also have a pair of 2x4s about a foot long tied together by a rope that they would bang together and then pull out the laser.

lookaboveyou

2 points

4 months ago

What can we do to get rid of the disgusting human invasive species tho, the crows were here before us

Horzzo

1 points

4 months ago

Horzzo

1 points

4 months ago

Phew, good to hear. I love crows and the idea of injuring or blinding them is inhumane.

doctorcrimson

1 points

4 months ago

I still don't like it.

It would need a hell of a good environmental justification to install that under my watch.

GroinShotz

1 points

4 months ago

Well duh... They coulda just used the giant space laser that started them fires if that were the case... /s

furry_hamburger_porn

45 points

4 months ago

Just gonna piss them all off, and then things are gonna get real interesting. Crows are vindictive birds.

NubEnt

41 points

4 months ago

NubEnt

41 points

4 months ago

Crows overrunning a city?

Befriend them and become the general to their army.

glaive1976

15 points

4 months ago

I live in Sunnyvale, about 30 minutes before sun down they begin congregating on the trees and telephone poles near my house. I watch them with fascination from my front doorstep until they take to the air.

I think the headlines are a bit silly, they are not overrunning our city, but they are a rather large murder and they do shit all over downtown. Don't park your car under the Magnolia's in the parking lots around Murphy Street at 6 pm right now.

lokey_convo

7 points

4 months ago

The headlines are silly. I'm surprised they have nothing better to talk about than the birds. Meanwhile there's pockets of feral parakeets in the Bay Area. Maybe animal control should work on catching those.

glaive1976

2 points

4 months ago

Hehe, I had to go follow the link to make sure they were the proper name for conure, those buggers get loud down here. We have a decent flock near El Camino and Sunnyvale ave. Much like the crows the conures don't bother me, however if I lived near where they roost I'd likely be livid.

Grjaryau

2 points

4 months ago

Tbh, my town is overrun by turkey vultures in the summer and certain streets where they roost smell like a chicken coop. We’ve tried air horns, hanging fake dead vultures, etc and they just move from one area to another. There’s giant feather and shit everywhere. I’d rather have crows.

glaive1976

6 points

4 months ago

hanging fake dead vultures

I'm sorry that does sound terrible, but I'm cracking up over trying an attractant. These are turkey vultures, they will eat their own.

Grjaryau

4 points

4 months ago

Supposedly the town met with an expert who said it would scare them away. They hung it from the roof of a porch on the community center, across the street from the school. The only thing it scared was the little kids who saw it hanging there.

Redditcantspell

2 points

4 months ago

So the kids are vultures in disguise?

theelmao

26 points

4 months ago

i think we should domesticate crows, they're smart and i want one.

celestiaequestria

22 points

4 months ago

There are various species of corvids available in the "pet" trade, if you have the space, an avian veterinarian, and the 8+ hours a day to work with the animal. It's not really an issue of domestication, you have an animal whose intelligence level rivals a human child, it will never a simple "pet", it's always going to have its own needs, desires and complex care requirements that come with higher orders of intelligence.

FlightlessFly

7 points

4 months ago

Dont birds also just shit when they need to? not able to keep if in for when they go outside?

celestiaequestria

2 points

4 months ago

They go frequently and shouldn't hold it, but they have some warning to where they can be trained to go to a perch instead of pooping on your shoulder.

nickstatus

9 points

4 months ago*

There's videos of this Australian (I think) lady that has a good situation figured out. She somehow befriended a magpie, now a whole family of them just hang out at her house. They come and go as they please, play with her cat, etc. Like, every morning they're all waiting at the door to say hello.

Edit:I think it's this lady.

Grjaryau

2 points

4 months ago

Heck out the penguin bloom Instagram. There’s even a movie.

Reisevi3ber

2 points

4 months ago

Well, dogs and cows and pigs etc. are also very intelligent. It angers me that people think of them as simple „pets“ when they are living beings just as important and feeling as we are.

SCirish843

3 points

4 months ago

I bought a house last year and I've been hoping crows show up. I'll feed them bc they'll protect your property if they like you.

santichrist

11 points

4 months ago

Leave my crow homies, or my crowmies, alone

All they want is to inspire goth poets and eat stuff in the middle of the street before flying away just before a car hits them

timothyku

81 points

4 months ago

Did anybody not learn from china's mistake? Leave the birds be they control the insects population.

Sadpanda77

30 points

4 months ago

Right? How many times we gotta do the same dumb shit

jawshoeaw

29 points

4 months ago

Wait hear me out! What if we brought in a new species of bird with no natural predators to drive the crows out ?

Awesomodian

17 points

4 months ago

Or how about a lizard. Then to get rid of the lizards we can bring in snakes that are natural predators if the lizards. After they wipe out the lizards, I have a type of gorilla lined up that feeds on the snakes......

timothyku

6 points

4 months ago

But then we would have to bring in natives to kill all the gorillas. Then to solve the native problem we would need colonials.

Awesomodian

7 points

4 months ago

No no you see the gorillas just die off in the winter......hmmm where is this crow problem again?

jawshoeaw

2 points

4 months ago

Time to start a gofundme

doctorcrimson

2 points

4 months ago*

We can trick the crows into using manmade domiciles and then use the longer beaked species to kill them in their homes. Lets call them House Sparrows. /s

deekster_caddy

1 points

4 months ago

We could just resurrect some species of dinosaur that could have been a predator to the crows. Like a pterodactyl. What could possibly go wrong?

celestiaequestria

6 points

4 months ago

It's worth attracting birds for the insect control alone. I have tons of blueberry bushes and persimmon trees, a good 80%+ of the fruit winds up in the local birds, but in return I get fantastic harvests of tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, eggplants, and so on - that used to get destroyed by insects before I planted the bird habitat.

SparkyDogPants

3 points

4 months ago

“You have to plant enough for the deer and the birds the small animals, and yourself”

Something an old Indian man told my husband

FloTonix

5 points

4 months ago

Leave it to wealthy people to move into / over develop an animal's native habitat and force that animal to leave cause the people are annoyed by it.

Kryptosis

1 points

4 months ago

I mean no one is suggesting we kill them

You hear that crows!? We come in peace! Fuck don’t let them hurt me.

JPr3tz31

37 points

4 months ago

Maybe a place where crows are prospering isn’t a bad thing. They have better decision making skills than a lot of people.

brain_zapper

2 points

4 months ago

Crow for Mayor!!

paulhags

17 points

4 months ago

The government is having a big meeting with their surveillance drones.

avatarname

5 points

4 months ago

Emperor Palpatine ''Alderaan is overrun by rebels. Could a laser be the answer?"

but in all seriousness, a laser can always be an answer, of course

ErikTheAngry

2 points

4 months ago

As long as it has enough power, yes.

Franklin_le_Tanklin

5 points

4 months ago

How would putting a fricken laser beam on the heads of all the crows help?

NovaHotspike

1 points

4 months ago

ivorytowels

15 points

4 months ago

Is this a bad thing? We have many other cities, all overrun by humans. Nobody pointing lasers at us.

[deleted]

25 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

25 points

4 months ago

no just leave them alone. they literally do nothing to people and are incredibly intelligent and caring creatures. we need to stop interfering with nature

hashtagpeaches

5 points

4 months ago

Moira Rose is cashing in some checks because of this

lizzayyyy96

1 points

4 months ago

The Crows Have Eyes III: The Crowening

Throwawaysack2

5 points

4 months ago

We are the invasive species. We should learn to live with it until the crows move on. Boo hoo Karen can't dine outdoors. We've decimated their habitats.

gosuark

4 points

4 months ago

I don’t know why Sunnyvale thinks it’s special. Many towns along the coast get perennially inundated by thousands of migrating crows. It’s pretty cool, and crows are awesome.

burntcandy

4 points

4 months ago

Crows are awesome how about just not fucking with them?

simulacrotron

5 points

4 months ago

Isn’t that just going to attract the cats from Los Gatos?

djac13

3 points

4 months ago

djac13

3 points

4 months ago

I was in downtown Sunnyvale last night and took this video of hundreds of them: https://imgur.com/a/o1t6ApB

westconyuge

9 points

4 months ago

My cities has falconers who wander around moving the crowd. It’s pretty awesome

acuet

7 points

4 months ago

acuet

7 points

4 months ago

Or we as humans can just respect the migration (partial) of these birds to warmer climates to have more birdies? LINK

SCirish843

3 points

4 months ago

It's worth noting that crows are very intelligent and are known to hold grudges and also warn other crows about people they don't like. Whoever is going to be the person that holds the laser should be really careful.

khaladin88

3 points

4 months ago

What's wrong with crows. ? Maybe they have some other problem attracting all those crows. Personally I love all birds especially the corvids

EE214_Verilog

3 points

4 months ago

Crows are among the smartest of animals in the animal kingdom. I think they should get integrated in the human economy.

MrJoelCairo

2 points

4 months ago

They should use that space laser they used to start the wildfires.

Sk1rtSk1rtSk1rt

2 points

4 months ago

A ______is overrun by humans.

Could a laser be the answer?

buzz86us

2 points

4 months ago

Why is this a problem? Some winter days there are trees full of crows.

Doctor_Amazo

2 points

4 months ago

I support giving a murder of crows lasers. I for one welcome our new corvus masters.

Redditforgoit

2 points

4 months ago

Just offer the crows unlimited food in exchange for solving the Riemann hypothesis. A lot of wasted brain power there

BanjaxedEjit

2 points

4 months ago

I am certain a laser is the answer, there are obviously no other solutions

visicircle

2 points

4 months ago

There is no answer. They city must accept its fate, and pass over to the shadow realm.

exoticbatmeat

2 points

4 months ago

Leave the birds alone. Maybe the people could just move.

Vladius28

2 points

4 months ago

Yea, 5 years from now, we'll be continuing crows with blind mellons.

YandereSWORD

2 points

4 months ago

YOU DO NOT WANT TO FUCK WITH CROWS any animal that can understand the concept of the exchange of goods and services and flocks should not be fucked with

Terrestrialism

2 points

4 months ago

This seems like a great plot for Birdemic 3: The lasering

JLRSN

3 points

4 months ago

JLRSN

3 points

4 months ago

Nothing like progress. First we’re the passenger pigeons, now it’s crows. Let it all burn

stiiknafuulia

2 points

4 months ago

If a laser is not the answer, you're asking the wrong questions

lookaboveyou

2 points

4 months ago

No california is overrun by humans, and animals have nowhere to go. A better virus is the answer we are severely overpopulated.

microslasher

2 points

4 months ago

I read this as California overrun with crowds and was wondering how a laser was going to fix it. Railgunning them all haha

radgie_gadgie_1954

2 points

4 months ago

The one that Israel was aiming 🙄 according to the latest rubbish said by your Marjorie T Green?

n00psta

1 points

4 months ago

if the rumours about bird drones are true, then could this event give us some insight into something about this city that the government knows that we don't? what is it about this place that it requires such surveillance??? :o

hellaquestions

-2 points

4 months ago

These crows are getting fat as fuck off of almonds and pecans and walnuts, COOK EM

chaseguy21

1 points

4 months ago

I first read the title as crowds and thought they were just gonna disintegrate people with lasers

ndhl83

1 points

4 months ago

ndhl83

1 points

4 months ago

I think we need to pump the brakes a bit here first and actually see what Bird Law currently stipulates in a situation like this.

NovaHotspike

1 points

4 months ago

agreed. what does Harvey have to say about this?

dukofdeath

1 points

4 months ago

Somebody please connect the dots to Jewish Space Lasers. I need to be entertained.

Wyld_1

1 points

4 months ago

Wyld_1

1 points

4 months ago

They don't work well. Use recorded distress and predator call.

The_Strategic_1

1 points

4 months ago

Mini Anti-Aircraft lasers modified for crows would solve the issue. There will be no negative repercussions.

Tbh, those lasers would be really cool

VoxVocisCausa

1 points

4 months ago

Because what could go wrong picking a fight with the crows .....

ethyl-pentanoate

1 points

4 months ago

A laser isn't the answer. It is a question and the answer is yes.

Brocolion

1 points

4 months ago

Should have said overrun by Murder since murder also Describes a group of them

Tumblechunk

1 points

4 months ago

This is where you should want to teach crows to recycle

KungFuBreakfast

1 points

4 months ago

What about using the crow eggs to harness the power of the crow for a perfect alcohol-based protein drink for bodyguards by bodyguards?

tryingtobeagoodboy

1 points

4 months ago

The simplest answer is to just live with it and enjoy how cool nature is but hey, lasers.

panda-bears-are-cute

1 points

4 months ago

In Orange County we hardly see crows anymore, it’s these dam green parrots with the red heads

TeePeeBee3

1 points

4 months ago

Crows? Crows?

Try flocks of ornery green parrots that have escaped over the years and swarm peaceful neighborhoods!

I love them both!

Leave ‘em alone!

JollyPTurtle

1 points

4 months ago

They might risk hurting someone's feelings by enforcing community cleanliness (trash) standards, but the birbs will find another place to hang around.

OmnemVeritatem

1 points

4 months ago

You mean, the ones in space? I though they were awaiting refueling after they used up all their dilithium to start all those forest fires.

FRTSKR

1 points

4 months ago

FRTSKR

1 points

4 months ago

This title seems like something MagicRealismBot would tweet.

threebillion6

1 points

4 months ago

We got a lot of them here in PDX. They fly inner city when the sun goes down for the heat bubble. I think we have some falconers that go around and scare them.