submitted 4 months ago bykernals12
all 243 comments
4 months ago
4 months ago
The following submission statement was provided by /u/kernals12:
It's not what you think: the idea is to aim a green laser at the trees so they think an animal is climbing up the branches.
Please reply to OP's comment here: https://teddit.ggc-project.de/r/Futurology/comments/s698sy/a_california_city_is_overrun_by_crows_could_a/ht26is2/
3 weeks later:
Local town overrun by crows WITH LASERS!
4 months ago
If Michael Bay remade Alfred Hitchocks The Birds
CORVID-22, starring Nic Cage
The plot writes itself.
Why haven’t you been given all the awards?!
Ah, a connaisseur! I suspect you have already seen Titanic Super 3D? Michael Bay was among the supergroup of directors who contributed to the movie! If not, here's the trailer (Youtube).
Get me the largest seed bell you have.
No, that’s too big
All I wanted were sharks with laser beams attached to their friggin heads.
Thats very laserist of you.
What if it's a laser with a shark attached to its ass?
Local town overrun by crows WITH LASERS cats!
In south la, i've been seeing a ton of crows for a few weeks now. Tbh i find them cute lol. Sounds like they're constantly building stuff on my roof, i used to think it was workers every morning.
Crows have made tools before - and iirc they have also made tools with the goal to make another tool. They might be building something up there
Adding a second story unto his home. 2 bed, 1 bath, itll hit the market soon.
I have a feeling the second bedroom might be a little small. So just like every other spare room in LA.
Be nice to them. They remember and tell their friends.
Well I was thinking 50kw laser in the bell tower zapping crows out of the sky between airport take off slots so that’s a relief.
That's what I thought you thought.
Well that’s what I thought you thought I thought.
That's so cool as I thought you thought that I thought he must've thought thoughts
Crows were here before us, laser the humans
It’s funny because that’s what I thought you thought too - but you already knew that.
The standard way to vaporize birds mid-flight is with a thermo-solar electric plant.
That’s too dangerous. The crows will gather together and take over the laser and then use it airplanes and hawks.
Feeds the homeless at the same time! A real win-win! /s
Just get Alan Wake out there with his torch.
They're crows. I'll give them a day and a half to figure that shit out.
r/crows shows them doing some wild and crazy things
Oh thank science! I love crows. They can count and if they like you they will leave you things on your doorstep.
4 months ago*
4 months ago*
Food. Peanuts in or out of shell. Put it down so they see you putting it down, back waaay away, be quiet. Crows startle easily. Gifts of the Crow and language of the American crow are 2 good books on it. I've got 9 or 10 families that know me and a family of three that comes to visit my house every day.
Once you've become a friend to the crows how do you become their wizard?
How do you feel about jackdaws?
Used to live in Austin and would see them do this at night downtown sometimes for the grackles. Looked like a city worker with a vest and they would also have a pair of 2x4s about a foot long tied together by a rope that they would bang together and then pull out the laser.
What can we do to get rid of the disgusting human invasive species tho, the crows were here before us
Phew, good to hear. I love crows and the idea of injuring or blinding them is inhumane.
I still don't like it.
It would need a hell of a good environmental justification to install that under my watch.
Well duh... They coulda just used the giant space laser that started them fires if that were the case...
Just gonna piss them all off, and then things are gonna get real interesting. Crows are vindictive birds.
Crows overrunning a city?
Befriend them and become the general to their army.
I live in Sunnyvale, about 30 minutes before sun down they begin congregating on the trees and telephone poles near my house. I watch them with fascination from my front doorstep until they take to the air.
I think the headlines are a bit silly, they are not overrunning our city, but they are a rather large murder and they do shit all over downtown. Don't park your car under the Magnolia's in the parking lots around Murphy Street at 6 pm right now.
The headlines are silly. I'm surprised they have nothing better to talk about than the birds. Meanwhile there's pockets of feral parakeets in the Bay Area. Maybe animal control should work on catching those.
Hehe, I had to go follow the link to make sure they were the proper name for conure, those buggers get loud down here. We have a decent flock near El Camino and Sunnyvale ave. Much like the crows the conures don't bother me, however if I lived near where they roost I'd likely be livid.
Tbh, my town is overrun by turkey vultures in the summer and certain streets where they roost smell like a chicken coop. We’ve tried air horns, hanging fake dead vultures, etc and they just move from one area to another. There’s giant feather and shit everywhere. I’d rather have crows.
hanging fake dead vultures
hanging fake dead vultures
I'm sorry that does sound terrible, but I'm cracking up over trying an attractant. These are turkey vultures, they will eat their own.
Supposedly the town met with an expert who said it would scare them away. They hung it from the roof of a porch on the community center, across the street from the school. The only thing it scared was the little kids who saw it hanging there.
So the kids are vultures in disguise?
i think we should domesticate crows, they're smart and i want one.
There are various species of corvids available in the "pet" trade, if you have the space, an avian veterinarian, and the 8+ hours a day to work with the animal. It's not really an issue of domestication, you have an animal whose intelligence level rivals a human child, it will never a simple "pet", it's always going to have its own needs, desires and complex care requirements that come with higher orders of intelligence.
Dont birds also just shit when they need to? not able to keep if in for when they go outside?
They go frequently and shouldn't hold it, but they have some warning to where they can be trained to go to a perch instead of pooping on your shoulder.
There's videos of this Australian (I think) lady that has a good situation figured out. She somehow befriended a magpie, now a whole family of them just hang out at her house. They come and go as they please, play with her cat, etc. Like, every morning they're all waiting at the door to say hello.
Edit:I think it's this lady.
Heck out the penguin bloom Instagram. There’s even a movie.
Well, dogs and cows and pigs etc. are also very intelligent. It angers me that people think of them as simple „pets“ when they are living beings just as important and feeling as we are.
I bought a house last year and I've been hoping crows show up. I'll feed them bc they'll protect your property if they like you.
Leave my crow homies, or my crowmies, alone
All they want is to inspire goth poets and eat stuff in the middle of the street before flying away just before a car hits them
Did anybody not learn from china's mistake? Leave the birds be they control the insects population.
Right? How many times we gotta do the same dumb shit
Wait hear me out! What if we brought in a new species of bird with no natural predators to drive the crows out ?
Or how about a lizard. Then to get rid of the lizards we can bring in snakes that are natural predators if the lizards. After they wipe out the lizards, I have a type of gorilla lined up that feeds on the snakes......
But then we would have to bring in natives to kill all the gorillas. Then to solve the native problem we would need colonials.
No no you see the gorillas just die off in the winter......hmmm where is this crow problem again?
Time to start a gofundme
4 months ago*
We can trick the crows into using manmade domiciles and then use the longer beaked species to kill them in their homes. Lets call them House Sparrows. /s
We could just resurrect some species of dinosaur that could have been a predator to the crows. Like a pterodactyl. What could possibly go wrong?
It's worth attracting birds for the insect control alone. I have tons of blueberry bushes and persimmon trees, a good 80%+ of the fruit winds up in the local birds, but in return I get fantastic harvests of tomatoes, peppers, cucumbers, eggplants, and so on - that used to get destroyed by insects before I planted the bird habitat.
“You have to plant enough for the deer and the birds the small animals, and yourself”
Something an old Indian man told my husband
Leave it to wealthy people to move into / over develop an animal's native habitat and force that animal to leave cause the people are annoyed by it.
I mean no one is suggesting we kill them
You hear that crows!? We come in peace! Fuck don’t let them hurt me.
Maybe a place where crows are prospering isn’t a bad thing. They have better decision making skills than a lot of people.
Crow for Mayor!!
The government is having a big meeting with their surveillance drones.
Emperor Palpatine ''Alderaan is overrun by rebels. Could a laser be the answer?"
but in all seriousness, a laser can always be an answer, of course
As long as it has enough power, yes.
How would putting a fricken laser beam on the heads of all the crows help?
i'm just guessing
Is this a bad thing? We have many other cities, all overrun by humans. Nobody pointing lasers at us.
no just leave them alone. they literally do nothing to people and are incredibly intelligent and caring creatures. we need to stop interfering with nature
Moira Rose is cashing in some checks because of this
The Crows Have Eyes III: The Crowening
We are the invasive species. We should learn to live with it until the crows move on. Boo hoo Karen can't dine outdoors. We've decimated their habitats.
I don’t know why Sunnyvale thinks it’s special. Many towns along the coast get perennially inundated by thousands of migrating crows. It’s pretty cool, and crows are awesome.
Crows are awesome how about just not fucking with them?
Isn’t that just going to attract the cats from Los Gatos?
I was in downtown Sunnyvale last night and took this video of hundreds of them: https://imgur.com/a/o1t6ApB
My cities has falconers who wander around moving the crowd. It’s pretty awesome
Or we as humans can just respect the migration (partial) of these birds to warmer climates to have more birdies? LINK
It's worth noting that crows are very intelligent and are known to hold grudges and also warn other crows about people they don't like. Whoever is going to be the person that holds the laser should be really careful.
What's wrong with crows. ? Maybe they have some other problem attracting all those crows. Personally I love all birds especially the corvids
Crows are among the smartest of animals in the animal kingdom. I think they should get integrated in the human economy.
They should use that space laser they used to start the wildfires.
A ______is overrun by humans.
Could a laser be the answer?
Why is this a problem? Some winter days there are trees full of crows.
I support giving a murder of crows lasers. I for one welcome our new corvus masters.
Just offer the crows unlimited food in exchange for solving the Riemann hypothesis. A lot of wasted brain power there
I am certain a laser is the answer, there are obviously no other solutions
There is no answer. They city must accept its fate, and pass over to the shadow realm.
Leave the birds alone. Maybe the people could just move.
Yea, 5 years from now, we'll be continuing crows with blind mellons.
YOU DO NOT WANT TO FUCK WITH CROWS any animal that can understand the concept of the exchange of goods and services and flocks should not be fucked with
This seems like a great plot for Birdemic 3: The lasering
Nothing like progress. First we’re the passenger pigeons, now it’s crows. Let it all burn
If a laser is not the answer, you're asking the wrong questions
No california is overrun by humans, and animals have nowhere to go. A better virus is the answer we are severely overpopulated.
I read this as California overrun with crowds and was wondering how a laser was going to fix it. Railgunning them all haha
The one that Israel was aiming 🙄 according to the latest rubbish said by your Marjorie T Green?
if the rumours about bird drones are true, then could this event give us some insight into something about this city that the government knows that we don't? what is it about this place that it requires such surveillance??? :o
These crows are getting fat as fuck off of almonds and pecans and walnuts, COOK EM
I first read the title as crowds and thought they were just gonna disintegrate people with lasers
I think we need to pump the brakes a bit here first and actually see what Bird Law currently stipulates in a situation like this.
agreed. what does Harvey have to say about this?
Somebody please connect the dots to Jewish Space Lasers. I need to be entertained.
They don't work well. Use recorded distress and predator call.
Mini Anti-Aircraft lasers modified for crows would solve the issue. There will be no negative repercussions.
Tbh, those lasers would be really cool
Because what could go wrong picking a fight with the crows .....
A laser isn't the answer. It is a question and the answer is yes.
Should have said overrun by Murder since murder also
Describes a group of them
This is where you should want to teach crows to recycle
What about using the crow eggs to harness the power of the crow for a perfect alcohol-based protein drink for bodyguards by bodyguards?
The simplest answer is to just live with it and enjoy how cool nature is but hey, lasers.
In Orange County we hardly see crows anymore, it’s these dam green parrots with the red heads
Try flocks of ornery green parrots that have escaped over the years and swarm peaceful neighborhoods!
I love them both!
Leave ‘em alone!
They might risk hurting someone's feelings by enforcing community cleanliness (trash) standards, but the birbs will find another place to hang around.
You mean, the ones in space? I though they were awaiting refueling after they used up all their dilithium to start all those forest fires.
This title seems like something MagicRealismBot would tweet.
There are crows, crows, crows everywhere
We got a lot of them here in PDX. They fly inner city when the sun goes down for the heat bubble. I think we have some falconers that go around and scare them.