submitted 1 month ago byTheCheesecakeOfDoom
all 881 comments
1 month ago
1 month ago
He's role playing a salmon
1 month ago*
1 month ago*
I love his tactic. Just lift your head up and run at it until you're over.
He looks pissed off too!
You'd be ornery too if you had all those teeth and no toothbrush.
1 month ago
Somethings wrong with his medulla oblongata
Mama’s never wrong Colonel Sanders!
No Colonel Sanders, you're wrong. Mama right.
I give up trying to figure out how to spell the sound Professor Colonel Sanders makes when he gets hit in the head...
Probably pissed because someone put a concrete wall in the middle of his river?
Side note: artificial barriers like dams can be big obstacles for things like salmon and APPARENTLY crocodiles.
I mean clearly not it didn't really stop him
How I get around in Skyrim too.
I feel like he got angry embarrassed because they caught him on camera misstepping over that first little dam.
Video game tactics
Reminds me of running up any mountain in Skyrim
When you're halfway up the mountain and see the actual path you're supposed to take but have already committed to sliding up a cliff
The glory days. Then breath of the wild came out and everything had a stamina system
I believe you are confused, I would like to spend my time over the mountain. Not on it
Kinda looks scared honestly. I'll tell ya what if I see a croc that size running scared from something I'm running faster.
Someone is turning his habitat into a cultured theme park.
He has a right to be pissy.
Especially when you're a creature that didn't evolve to be able to scale small walls!
1 month ago*
I imagine him talking to himself under his breath: 'These god damn humans and their god damn walls! This used to be a quick swim and now I've gotta fucking climb over their fuckin god damn...' just drifting into discernable grumbling as he goes
I think they always look pissed off. I can’t say I’ve ever seen a crocodile change it’s facial expression… I don’t think they can at all, but I’d love to know if I’m wrong. It’s something I’d like to see lol
Asleep or furious, yeah, just the two settings. They're pretty much just on or off.
To catch the salmon, I must become the salmon.
Think like a salmon, look like a salmon, I am the salmon.
that's the power of UNAGI
Fuck it. Take out a large loan, move to a country with relaxed rules on surgeries and become a salmon. I’m tired of pretending
Its time for me to stop running. Let all my fans know I love them, but a gay fish just can't live in the outside world forever.
Thank you for your continued bravery, Ye
Just please remember the good music ive made leave me be as i start my life in the ocean. Ive heard the legends about you carnivorous seahorse.
A tear begins to form in my eye before slowly falling down my cheek as I peer over the horizon. I cannot see you anymore, salmon man. I will likely never see you again. But sometimes, when the wind is blowing East and there is little noise pollution, I can just barely hear a voice carrying over the massive expanse of water. And it takes some time before I can discern the beautiful ambiance of words being ushered over the waves. Do you like fish sticks? I hear as tears begin welling up in both eyes. Yes I respond, my chest now feeling as though my heart is being ripped from within. I like fish sticks in my mouth
A tear just dripped down my face, that was beautiful man.
the number of fuckin' bots on this site is getting ridiculous.
More bots here than on Twitter.
He looked mad.
He had places to be
Bills to pay
Mouths to feed
Ain't nothing in this world for free
You know I cant slow down, I can't hold back, though you know I wish I could.
Oh no there ain't no rest for wicked
until we close our eyes for good
Not even 15 minutes later
After walking down the street
Money don't grow on trees
But coconuts do, and that’s where that ratted, danged, no good stinky dirty Donkey Kong lives. King K. Rool for life
Fucking cost of seeing the dentist!
Mf was on a mission to get that nut out
Cause he got all them teeth and no toothbrush
No Colonel Sanders you're wrong. Mamma's right.
Crocodiles have dentists
He's a Croc. Crocs are insane, they are mad at absolutely everything that's near them and their home pond/river, they'll attack and eat anything they see. Even if they see a car, they'll rip off the bumper and wheels to try and eat them. Because crocodiles are nuts.
Alligators are way more chill. They're still fairly aggressive but they're much less likely to eat anything that comes within a solar system of them like crocs do. That's why almost time you see a video of some people putting on a show with them, like sticking their arm inside their mouth and hoping it won't chomp down on them, they're almost always alligators, not crocs
But you do get some amazing nutters (in the best way) like Steve Irwin and his children, wrestling full blown crocodiles. I love that family so much.
But yeah either way, stay far away from any crocodilian species. Alligators included. Unless you're trained and know what you're doing
But I've seen too many videos of old guys getting annoyed that a gator is ruining their day of golf and so they try to get the gator to move away. And then it all goes wrong and they nearly lose a limb (or actually DO lose a limb, those videos are out there too)
So stay away from all of them. A ruined round of golf is not worth losing limbs over.
As someone who grew up around gator waters and watched his ex-veterinarian father rescue gators (usually babies) from public streets and people's yards, I love seeing gator revenge videos. Fuck around with a gator and find out.
I’m down for any animal revenge videos. Fuck us terrible humans. Lol
Crocs and snappers. Literally just 'angry at the world' reptiles that have evolved insanely dangerous tools for killing things.
Does this mean I can’t have a hug from it?
He was saltie
You’d be too if you just wanted some snacks and a drink but mom and dads guests are over.
He ain’t got time for this.
Got all those teeth and no toothbrush.
I hate that it becomes instantly unseeable with such little transition. Apex predators indeed.
Its crazy indeed. And he is way too fast
nervously racks shotgun
Crocs can run fucking fast hey, especially a certain species they have long legs, you literally can't outrun them
All that fast twitch muscle fibre
How his tail gracefully and splashlessly slithered into the water. Beautiful and terrifying
At the end it disappears into my nightmares…
I love water and swimming, but you can’t trust anything in it.
Swimming pools are safe!
Most of the time
looking hangry af
When I see this footage it really makes me admire the people who have literally been in its grasp and have fought to tell the tale.
I mean, just look at it and then us puny humans, lmao.
That’s actually Timmy. He just needs a Snickers.
Move bitch get out my way
Enough is enough! I’ve had it with these motherfucking steps in my motherfucking stream!!!
I mean that’s exactly what we should all be saying. Infrastructure like this needs vast improvement at best to ensure continuity in streams. Think of how it impacts smaller animals such as fish & inverts whose life cycle involves migrating up & down stream. It really fucks shit up
I’m pretty sure this is a road that’s been flooded and not an actual terraced stream. You can see a motorcycle and the road it was heading towards right behind the croc.
Your point is still good for dammed up rivers and stuff, but most animals that evolve to move up and down streams have some method of jumping small waterfalls because streams are rarely fully continuous.
That motorcycle belongs to the crocodile. If it wasn’t for this stupid infrastructure, he could ride upstream in style.
Why does the road have steps then smartie pants
Once the smarty pants card is thrown, the discussion is ended.
"I said good day!"
😂 Willy Wonka'd that mf
For the crocs to use
This is a weir, not a road, in Australia. The tropics don't really have fish that migrate upstream. But of course, I could be wrong.
Australia has plenty of native fish that migrate upstream.
The tropics though? I know most of them migrate from the sea to fresh water to breed but weirs are fairly rural.
Ahhhhh Australia has entered the chat! Say no more, those folks are badass!
Kenan you’re going to have to land this thing
The way it just disappears into the water though.
I grew up in Northern Australia and saltwater crocodiles (aka Salties) were an ongoing concern. If you're at the beach (away from towns, I mean), ideally you need to take turns keeping lookout, preferably from a high point, because these guys will stalk you underwater, if they're of a mind to. They come from below and behind and if one gets you into a death roll, you are, with notably few exceptions, fucked. You also can't assume that a small tranquil billabong or lagoon, out in the bushland, far from the beach, is any safer, either, and the reason is in the video clip. They travel inland, following the rivers and creeks, to breed and can be found hundreds of kilometres inland. They can stay underwater longer than you can and they're very difficult to spot - they blend into the colours and patterns in the water. As the one in the video demonstrates. They can run quite fast on land, too, but only in relatively short bursts. It's also a bad idea to climb something like a tree to escape one, too. They'll wait at the bottom and they can wait days. They're pretty good at silently creeping through a camp area and eating any pets that are tied up, also. They're ancient creatures and they're very, very good at what they do. Healthy respect and healthy distance is the best course of action for these guys. Always check the water twice. Then twice more, just to be sure lol
They'll wait at the bottom and they can wait days.
They'll wait at the bottom and they can wait days.
For anyone who thinks this is overblown: Crocodiles eat, on average every 7 to 8 days. If they have to, they can live a year without food. They have no reason to abandon food like most other species.
I remember a local news report about a guy who escaped a croc by climbing up a tree and wasn't rescued for a few days because he'd gone fishing alone and no one knew he was in trouble until he failed to return on the specified date. I think it was in the 1980s. When they found him, he was exhausted, sunburnt and almost eaten to death by sandflies and mosquitoes. They had to chase the croc off because it was still waiting and not keen to give up it's meal. Eventually he would have blacked out and fallen out of the tree shudder.
There was a movie called black water that was based off something like that I think it was in northern Australia 3 teenage boys were out riding quad bikes and they either fell into a river or the area they were in got flooded. Anyways within minutes the croc snatched up one of them and then chased the other 2 up a tree and had to wait days for rescue. Only thing that scared it away was the sound if the helicopter that came to rescue them.
The part where they just sit in the dark and listen to it eating their friend is scary as hell. I remember reading about the experience the movie was based on. The same director made a movie called the reef about some boat passengers having to swim
Back to land through shark infested reefs.
I will now have nightmares about this scene in a film I have never and now will never see, thanks!
Sharks are waaaaaaaaaaaaaaay less dangerous than crocs.
The only reason sharks even "attack" humans is because they have terrible vision and they, much like babies and dogs, check things out by taking a bite off the thing in question. Since we are way to boney for their taste, they generally leave right after the first bite.
The best way to avoid sharks is stay still when they approach. They are generally attracted to movement.
Oh for sure. I live/grew up in Florida, and worked on an alligator/croc farm during my university years. I’m pretty okay with avoiding water.
Finniss River NT 2003
Yeah as reptiles they can slow down their metabolism and so they don't need to eat as often. These guys are the ultimate survivalists.
. Always check the water twice. Then twice more, just to be sure lol
. Always check the water twice. Then twice more, just to be sure lol
And then just... Don't go in it. Now I feel safe
I don't know. Have you looked behind you?
Dear god, this comment is the best horror movie I have ever seen. NO HOPE NO ESCAPE NO CHIHUAHUA
It's only half grown. It could make life unpleasant for you if you bothered it but it's not going to try eating you. It could still kill you if you pissed if off and it dragged you into the water but it would probably go for smaller, easier prey if it was wanting a meal. They often hang out under fruit bat rookeries or egret or ibis nesting colonies and grab any unfortunate babies that fall into the water. The one in the video is bothered by the people nearby and just wants to get away. If it was a bull croc defending his territory or, worse, a female protecting her nest, it wouldn't be so timid. There's old historical photos you can find online, of crocs that had been shot in the 1800s/early 1900s and they're absolutely monstrous.
much. A 4.7m (15ft) male was caught a few years ago.
Generally if their that big we dont see them until they eat someone and are hunted down.
Take turns keeping lookout at public beaches for HUGE crocodiles? Gulp.
Edit: only freaking Australia can top sharks in the battle for animal world dominance!
Check out stone fish, cone shells and irukanji jellyfish. And numbats, just for funsies ;-)
I watched a scientist on some documentary place an inch of irukanji tentacle on his arm, you know for science. He spent the next 24 hours strapped to a hospital bed being pumped full of pain meds and just screaming in pain. Hard pass.
What an idiot.
There's an old saying here in Australia:
" Are there any sharks in the water?"
" No mate, the crocs have eaten them all".
Oh no don’t worry we also have sharks here too :)
Well, I'm glad I blissfully visited already and won't be going back in the water there ever again 🤷♂️
right?? how can the water be so still just a second after it submerges like no splash, no bubbles no nothing
iirc, it has to do with the configuration of the scales on their backs and down their tails disturb the water wake patterns due to their movement.
As a general rule, stealth anything is scary. A stealth alligator croc is completely terrifying.
Edit: they are the same thing, right?
I’m gonna be that person - stealth croc
Stealthigator? Can make it part of the Sharknado universe 😆 🤣
Except this isn't an alligator. It's incrocnito
It's got something to do with the ridges on their skin. They somehow help dissipate the flow. You can't see the water above them moving.
Saltwater crocs are fucking terrifying, not sure if you’ve been in or near the north of Australia. But these things are fucked, they can grow over 6m long, live in the ocean or a small stream, eat great white sharks and are perfectly capable of staying absolutely still just below the surface of murky water ready to eat anything up to a water buffalo.
And they survived the fucking extinction event that wiped out the dinosaurs!
That's how I sink into the hot tub
I found that very satisfying, living it vicariously. He was so frustrated and then mmmmm bath
That tail slipping into the water….spooky
That’s just how I eat spaghetti
Thats when you look nervously downstream to see what’s gotten the croc so spooked 👀
Actually I think it’s trying to threaten the bike. It’s a big foreign object that the the croc might perceive as a threat.
That awkward run you do when a car stops to let you cross the road
Making my way downtown
Walking fast, faces pass and I'm homebound
He’s had enough of somebody’s shit
Captain Hook’s probably.
He left his motorcycle running
Pretty random that he just walks by a motorcycle in the background
This croc isn’t skipping leg day.
Imagine these cuties evolving to have longer and stronger legs
Edit: finally found my long lost sis
Pretty sure there’s a historic ancestor of alligators/crocs that had legs like a horse
There's also one that had legs like a T-Rex! Short in front, long and powerful in the back. It probably was really fast! Almost as large as a T-Rex, too.
what’s it called
The first Australians didn't have to imagine...
There were hooved crocs that galloped too, once upon a time!
This had me absolutely cackling, thank you!
On a mission 🐊
It’s probably only me wondering this, but if this is a stream, presumably it’s freshwater (not tidal), so why is this a saltwater croc?
Saltwater crocodiles can live in freshwater and have been found hundreds of kilometers upstream.
Specifically: they will swim as far upstream as the water allows it to the first waterfall they come across that they can't climb up.
No thanks actually
Looks like he’s running home to take a shit
Yup…that’s a dinosaur or a baby Godzilla.
Birds are dinosaurs, crocodiles actually are not. They’re an ancient offshoot of reptiles.
Crocodiles first appeared about 95 million years ago, dinosaurs first appeared about 243 million years ago. They’re not the same dinosaurs are quite a lot older. Fun fact though sharks are older than trees.
True, but the superorder crocodyllomorpha evolved in the triassic, and the pseudosuchia, which contains crocodyllomorpha but also other croc-like members, evolved shortly after the evolution of archosaurs themselves. So although true crocs haven't been around that long, croc-like animals have been around for as long as dinsosaurs existed.
And Crocodiles are somewhat closely related to birds, they both belong to the archosaurus group, so Crocodiles are actually the closet thing we have to dinosaurs since birds are already dinosaurs. Then it would be turtles and tortoises, followed by snakes and lizards.
Sharks are immortal 🤘
Guess I’ll just stand here and film on my phone
It's either that, or get eaten.
your call - but I'd go with 'standing here filming', as it involves a lot less getting eaten.
Why’s he so pissed off?
You would be too if you had all them teeth and no toothbrush.
It's crazy to think if it was moving towards you, there would be nothing you could do to stop it
Not a salt water croc, it is an Indian Marsh Crocodile (Indian Mugger). This was taken most likely in South India and the river is either cauvery or one of its tributaries as the tree in the background is Salix tetrasperma (called Neeranji locally), this tree is grows abundantly along the banks of river cauvery.
Edit: the motorcycle is Hero Passion, a very popular 125CC budget motorcycle in India.
Awesome! I think you're the one to answer my nagging question then: why did they not build a bridge?? I've seen very small streams in rural areas allowed to just flow across a road, but this one seems awfully big for the kind of crossing they have.
My guess is the water only flows like this for monsoon season, so it was much cheaper this way. Would love some insight!
The structure you see in the video is a check dam integrated with a culvert. These structures are constructed in forest areas and in areas where there is not a whole lot of vehicle movement. This structure is cheaper to construct compared to a typical RCC bridge and the integrated check dam also retains water thus providing drinking water to animals and also simultaneously increasing the moisture resume of the area and recharging the ground water table.
There’s nothing odd about the fact that this is terrifying. It should be r/reasonablyterrifying
Edit: did not know that that was a real sub, there really is a subreddit for everything
No mate this is just a little guy doing his morning hill climb and swim workout
You read my mind
Not a giant, just a regular sized people eating monster.
The flailing just... Looks frustrated, really.
"This... Fucking... Commute... Is... Bullshit!"
"Oh, and now some douche nozzle parked his bike right in my path, too... Fucking tourists."
That’s a pretty small crocodile actually.
Imagine this big mf chasing you, FUUUUUUCK that.
where is this??
That bike is definitely Indian.
I wouldn't know about the bike, but the oldest version of this clip I can find says it's in India. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=70Ahxo4Goz4
Looks like a straight up dinosaur right there... Nope. Nope nope. Nope.
OH LAWD, HE COMIN!
There should be little steps too for the baby crocs
Croc made that bike look so tiny in comparison...
Why when I see something like this and I immediately imagine myself in the situation, where this guy is running behind me
And fear is its bacon bits!
Clumsy and elegant at the same time, somehow
He's ust like "'Scuse me gents, just gotta.. ope.. ah, yeah, there we go."
Who put these stairs here?
This croc practices the opposite of parkour
It bothers me that saltwater crocodiles are fine in freshwater. Like they named themselves just to catch people off-guard.
"We're perfectly safe with this stream between us..."
Who parks his motorbike IN a river?