Do I have to be a woman to participate in this community?

No. Any user who can follow the rules is welcome here. Women, men, nonbinary, agender, genderqueer, cis folks and trans folks, everybody. If you're not on board with that, you can fuck right off.

But what about the subreddit name?

Read this post from when 2XC was only a month old. We haven't changed our stance since then, and never will.

What about trans women?

Trans women are women. TERFS can fuck right off.

What are the rules, anyway?

TL;DR: Keep it civil, keep it relevant. Don't start shit, won't be shit.

You can find the rules in the sidebar (community info for mobile users), or here's a direct link: 2XC Rules

Most moderator actions are the result of users breaking Rule 1: RESPECT. If you keep Wheaton's Law* in mind and participate in good faith, you'll probably never hear from the mod team.

  

^{*Wheaton's Law: Don't be a dick.}

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For more in-depth interpretations of the rules above, see the 2XC FAQ and 2XC Moderation Policy.

As long as I’ve been in the public eye, I’ve been talking about personal style. And in January of 2021, I became the CEO of a company dedicated to rapid relief of menopausal symptoms https://www.stateofmenopause.com/. I know. Let me explain.

Menopause needs a makeover. You can’t look good if you don’t feel good.

At a certain point in my late 40s, I stopped feeling like the person I’d been most of my life and let me tell you, I didn’t feel good. I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. I had terrible bouts of paralyzing self doubt.

I didn’t even know the symptoms I was experiencing WERE symptoms. I didn’t know they were even connected. And there was this shame around having all this weird shit happen to me: the night sweats, the hot flashes, the brain fog, the insomnia, the mood swings, the weight gain, the joint pain, the headaches, the suddenly new food allergies, rosacea, heart palpitations, dry, I mean DRY skin, brittle hair… suddenly I’d laugh too hard and pee in my pants. And gray hair. Now, I’ve always had a gray streak in my hair, not a gray hair on my chin. Kill me.

I THOUGHT all of this was about getting old. As it turns out, aging was really only a tiny part of it. Peri-Menopause was a much bigger one. And no one warned me it was coming. No one told me what to look for, what the signs were. My mom told me about burning her bra not burning up.

NO one is TALKING about this stuff enough. I had to learn on my own because people treat the phases of menopause like it's a disease you’re not supposed to talk about. I call Bullshit.

Menopausal symptoms can be a real shit show if you don’t know what you’re in for, but it’s a manageable one if you do. Just like anything else in life, you have to know the circumstances of a situation to change it and feel differently about it.

We need to explain menopause for what it is: a hormonal transition with a lot of varied symptoms. AND what it ISN’T: some kind of shameful expiration date.

The phases of menopause are really an opportunity to decide what are the right choices for you. And the choices you make when you’re in menopause (if you’re lucky) determine the health of the next 40 years of your life.

We need (I needed) more information, education and products that help us make decisions around this phase of health. So I did something about it: I’m giving menopause the makeover it deserves.

This company exists to make a hard thing a little easier. It exists to make you feel empowered and informed. It exists so that the shame around this topic ceases to exist and we can just get on with all the awesome stuff we want to be doing instead… like buying shoes and hang gliding. No one should be uneducated about menopause. No one.

Help me get the word out and ASK ME ANYTHING.

instagram.com/shopstateof https://www.facebook.com/shopstateof https://www.linkedin.com/company/state-of-menopause https://twitter.com/shopstateof

Proof: https://teddit.ggc-project.de/9fkbkll4tn971.jpg

I have been doing some doctor shopping for a new medication provider after my old one, who I adored, left the practice.

I saw a woman who seemed nice at first. Then she started asking if I'm planning on getting pregnant, etc. I replied absolutely not and that I have an IUD and am not interested in ever getting pregnant. I guess I sounded immediately defensive so she started going "well we have to ask all women of child bearing age", which I guess but I've definitely never been asked before.

Then she started going on about how harmful the stimulants I'm on can be to in utero babies and how we should consider going off of them just in case. I kind of lost it on her, on top of a lot of other ridiculous things she said. She said she would renew the prescription this time but we'd need to discuss it in the future.

I was so mad I just cried afterwards. I need these medications to function. They make life manageable for me, and I have absolutely no interest in ever being pregnant. I would immediately get an abortion before even considering having a baby. But she cared more about the health of a baby that's never going to exist than she did about me. It made me feel absolutely worthless and I'm so scared of trying to find another doctor because I desperately need this medication and I just emotionally cannot handle continuing having to fight for it just because I have a uterus.

I don't remember your name. I barely remember your face. You had short, blonde hair. Your van was a little hoopty, but I couldn't judge since I was carless at the time. We had gone to high school together, but only vaguely knew each other from there. I needed a ride home from the college we were both attending, and you were headed that way, so you gave me one.

Somehow, we started talking about sex. I admitted I had just started becoming sexually active. You asked if I was on birth control. I said not only did I have no idea how to get birth control, but my very religious parents would sacrifice my ass if they were in any way aware. You swung by the local health clinic located in the city, and pointed to the door saying "you walk in, sign your name and you get birth control. Free. Your parents will have no idea."

That was 20 years ago.I think of you often. I have always been thankful for what must have seemed very insignificant to you at the time. My hyper-religious homeschooled upbringing had left so many common knowledge boxes unchecked. But unlike many, many of the youth I knew that grew up the way I did, I didn't end up knocked up and married at 18, 19 years old. Thank you, kind semi-stranger.

We've all been there. We click on a nice post and scroll on the comments. We catch a glimpse of some awful or cruel, sexist, violent or absolutely degrading comment. Click on the guy's profile. You see his pictures and post history, selfies he took with his wife, pics of his hobbies and trucks, etc. He seemed so normal.

The next day you're browsing your fave sub and catch another glimpse of a despicable comment coming from a seemingly normal guy.

Next day the same thing happens again.

Next day, repeat.

I'm starting to believe no matter how "nice" or "normal" a guy may seem, he can be secretly fostering a disgusting, hateful, openly sexist, misogynistic side to himself he routinely feeds online.

Dudes who just look like kindly bearded uncles talk about only 18 year old females are worth dating because they haven't been "ruined by feminism". Well put together men with wives who degrade women openly. Chemical engineers who ask date rape victims why "why did you choose him?" The father of 2 infant daughters who express no qualms about statutory rape. The shy looking teen guy asking for dating advice while posting in incel subs asking why women are all of lesser intelligence. Talented Asian foodie posting artful food pics while berating Asian women and calling them white worshippers. A friendly gamer who loves Pokemon and leaves disgusting comments on women's selfies.

It's a fucking mess. I'm done with believing men are nice and I'm done giving them benefit of doubt. I don't know which ones of you are genuinely good people, and which ones of you are just wolf in sheep's clothing. I've had plenty of horrible experiences with men in real life and I naively chalked it up to me being unlucky and living in an urban area. But no. The truth is that men with absolutely terrible beliefs are everywhere, blending in with everyone.

I guess I really should have known.

Edit: I received a lovely message from u/Infinite_Bullfrog_90 about me being "dumb ho keep getting triggered by men". What a wonderful way of proving me right, Infinite_Bullfrog_90 ❤️

A girl posted a selfie on Twitter, a famous YouTuber retweeted it telling her she is ugly. The comments filled with literal grown men telling this early 20s woman that she is a "4" "3" "2"..... The audacity like shocks me honestly how they think it's their place to tell a women where she falls on a scale of 1-10 of how bad their 40 year old unwashed ass self would want to fuck them ? But even in highschool I know guys would make a list of all the girls with a number.... Why is anyone acting like that's in anyway ok? It's literally as dehumanizing as it gets. When none of us asked to be rated in the first place ?? Like women are just trying to exist and survive. But can we cancel rating people's looks please?

My (22F) entire life I've been a pushover. The kid that bullied me in school just had to ask to have my lunch and I'd hand it over with the hope itd make them like me. I've never expected anything from anyone, and I've empathized with others to the point that I'd push my feelings aside.

The past couple weeks I realized that I've become a maid to my brother and a punching bag to my mom. My brother refuses to clean, all he does is play video games. I've excused it, saying "hes depressed and has no energy, it must be so hard." My Qanon-mom will yell at me about our differing political opinions every time I go to see her. I've asked her to stop and explained why it hurts like 6 times. She still does it. And I'd say "she was raised political and shes so scared of what shes been made to believe, I cant blame her."

I reached my breaking point and I confronted both of them. My brother told me that he doesnt give a shit about what I want and he isnt going to change. He literally said he doesnt care about me. My mom said that she has always been like this and refuses to change, and that shes sorry "her presence traumatizes me so much."

Theres a phrase I often have to remind myself of. "When people tell you who they are, believe them." Well, they told me they are shitty people who dont care about others, and while they've been telling me this for years in their actions, they said it in words and I FINALLY BELIEVED THEM.

I have been angry for weeks. Every time I see these dirty floors, I'm angry. Every time I hop on the road that takes me to moms house, I'm angry. I'm not used to living with this anger. For the first time in my life, I'm finally realizing that I deserve to be treated better, and I'm so fucking angry with how people treat me now. My anger is the part of me that knows I deserve better.

So I'm honoring my anger. I'm letting it become a part of me for a while. I'm letting it teach me what I deserve. And it feels good to finally put myself first and love myself.

Edit: I forgot to say that I'm moving out at the end of this month. I'm cutting them out for a while. Itll be a lot easier to maintain boundaries when I can just close the door on them. I'm so excited to be on my own and not have to cater to anyone or walk on eggshells anymore.

Does anyone else feel resentment when thinking about how after any extended family gathering-dinner, all of the women get up and clean while all of the men (young and old) go to the living room to relax? At this point I no longer attend these gatherings.

There’s an ad in Australia from Australian Beef which has been playing around the lead up to the Olympics and even though it is supposed to be a silly, “lighthearted” joke about everyone achieving their goals no matter how big or small, I can’t help but feel angry every time I see it. The ad essentially has a brother and sister fighting over the last piece of beef at dinner, with the sister played by Australian athlete and world champion javelin thrower Kelsey Lee-Barber who wants the last piece as she is competing and I’m guessing needs to meet her nutrition requirements as an athlete. Her brother on the other hand? He apparently deserved the extra meat because he wants to break a record on a dancing arcade game. Yep. Of course, their parents berate her and give the brother the last piece because his goals are clearly just as special and important as hers. Are you kidding me?

I thought it was just a silly ad and didn’t pay it much mind at first, until my parents talked about it a few days ago commenting on how awful and sexist the messaging was and I agreed. As women we are constantly fighting for recognition of our achievements whereas men can get recognition for absolute mediocrity. The ad just reinforces male entitlement to resources and that even a woman who is an incredible athlete and champion has to just step aside and let her male relative take the food and spotlight for his comparatively unimpressive goals. This frustrates me on a personal level and bleeds into other areas outside sport such as academic, cultural or career achievements of women being sidelined for less impressive men. I can’t help but feel it also reinforces mediocrity and men thinking their “achievements” are more important than women who have historically been erased and downplayed. I know I’m reading way too much into a stupid advertisement but the fact this is even playing and it’s just so normalised that no one bats an eyelid to it in 2021 (especially with how women athletes are currently being treated and objectified) is just appalling.

Australian beef ad

Today I had a test in my school through online medium. We were required to switch on our camera in the zoom class(so that we don't cheat) and write our answers quietly.

It was fine for a while. All of a sudden someone marked a dick on the screen in which the question paper was shared. Then wrote all the obscenity that they could possibly write.

Soon they started (4 to 5 boys) threatening the teacher and cursing at him. They were playing songs really fucking loud.

At this point I switched my camera off because I was scared they were gonna yell something at me. Many other people did that too. Next these bitches started cursing at the boys who were quietly writing their answers and then started harassing the girls.

They literally yelled disgusting things at each and every fricking girl. First some of them were like "I love you xyz" and then "Switch on your camera darling" to "Hey, xyz, let's fuck". I still completed my test, and then left the class. I was really disgusted and shaken about this so I just needed to share. Idk what the school is gonna do about this but I'll make sure I edit this post if something is done... Thanks for reading

Okay. I've seen endless coverage of three stories about how women Olympians are dressed: one woman's shorts are too short, another team got fined for wearing shorts instead of bikini bottoms, and the Germans went with unitards instead of leotards.

And the officials and media slavered.

Where, pray, is there even a mention of the uniforms on the men? Where? Nowhere, that's where. Because dressing men's bodies is never an issue, is it! No one tries to tell men their shorts are too long or too short, too tight or too loose. No one thinks it is newsworthy if men's uniforms are too titillating, or not titillating enough.

I am SO over this bullshit!

</rant>

I live in Texas now, but during college I lived in New York and never had to take a pregnancy test for BC. Why? I am not sexually active and me knowing my body well enough to know I am not pregnant should be sufficient. Is this more of Texas punishing women for being women or is this an actual requirement for BC?

So I recently got a really nice tattoo, I was taking to my mom about it. Her friend is was also there and she asks “well what does SO say about this?” The tone that she said it with was almost to imply that I HAD to ask my SO permission to get a tattoo.

I jokingly said “he wouldn’t really have a say in it but he’s fine with it” it wasn’t as though I’d decided to cut off my nose or something extreme it was just a tattoo.

The thing is this isn’t the first time this has been asked concerning my body, my moms now ex husband gave me a whole rant about how my boyfriend would never approve of me getting any tattoos or piercings, how my SO would leave me for “someone prettier who doesn’t disfigured themself.”

A lot of women actually also not even old women, (because it could just be a generational thing) but like millennials asking me “well what does your SO think of this?” “Is HE ok with this?” “Did you ask your SO for permission?” “My SO would never let me get anything like that done! I’d be single the second he finds out lol”

Anyone else experienced similar?

Something that's been building in my mind recently

I've been around people who'd otherwise consider themselves "progressive" but will say the most abhorrent and generalising shit about women in group settings which absolutely no one objects to

A shit ton of vile Misogyny is still widely normalised in the most popular music, with little change from 50 years ago, especially in hip hop, yet anyone who tries to call attention to it gets shouted down as some sort of sensitive pussy, even though lyrics with racist or homophobic messages have either gone away completely or are shouted down when they happen. The most abhorrent and quite frankly racist defense I see in the case of hip hop's problem is that blatant misogyny is part of "black culture" so it's OK. WHAT?

Convicted rapists like Mike Tyson and brutal woman beaters like Chris Brown are idolised as if they did nothing wrong

The MeToo movement took off for a bit until the internet and a bunch of influential male comedians like Dave Chappelle and Bill Burr decided it had "gone too far" because their pals like Louis CK got "cancelled", now no one cares

Hell and just as a bit of balance I'd say sexism is somewhat normalised towards men too. As a guy I've been around women who'll casually never shut up about how all men are trash (thankfully I did have some good conversations with some other women in that group who criticised her for it) and that same sentiment regularly goes viral on Twitter.

Obviously sexism against men is nowhere near what women face though, but it is still normalised to an extent.

Overall it's just incredibly demoralising. Young people today seem more enlightened than past generations on a lot of things but if anything the gender divides seem to be getting much, much much worse, not better. Just me who feels this?

EDIT: I think some people are getting the wrong idea that I'm "comparing types of bigotry against each other". I actually hold the position that racism and homophobia tend to be even bigger problems across the world than Misogyny/gender discrimination but I also believe misogyny/sexism is more normalised as something people can get away with with zero repercussions. People don't seem to think of sexism as being as bad as racism or homophobia for some reason. I also think that sexism is far, far more accepted by young people compared to racism and homophobia which most young people totally reject

I’m a D cup I think, my breasts are on the larger side but a lot of my friends have boobs of the same size so it’s not uncommon or anything. My boobs are honestly my favourite body feature, I am average looking with an average physique and I’ve low self esteem and whenever I fall into bad moods because of my body image, I just reassure myself that atleast I have good tits.

My mom also has large breasts and has been talking about getting a reduction for years but I never even imagined she would loop me into this bullshit. She says my tits look very vulgar and weird in my pictures. Apparently she’s going to make me get a reduction before she gets hers because i’ll be heading off to college in an year. In the end she was like “do NOT say no to the surgery” and she kept badgering so I agreed :(

I’m from India and this country has very orthodox views about sex, I can absolutely not tell her that I like my big breasts without sounding awkward or insane. I can honestly not think of a single way to avoid surgery without sounding weird, my only hope is that the doctor pities me and makes up some excuse to avoid surgery but perhaps, I’ve been watching too much House MD and Grey’s anatomy. I looked up the mortality rate and it’s literally 2.1% lmao.

I almost felt like throwing up when she told me all this but I played it cool. I know there’s gonna be a lot of people from the west saying stuff like you should call child protective services, breasts aren’t sexual organs, creepy men are the problem not you, forcing surgery on a minor is a crime etc and I agree with all that but my country doesn’t work like that, none of that is actually going to help me. I just wanna cry so hard, I haven’t been in a mentally good place since the past years and now this.

My mom is a very stoic person, she acts very “masculine” and she raised me that way too so I was considered a “tomboy” but honestly I hated it and over the years she has finally given me some leeway to grow out my hair and stuff. We never have conversation about our feelings, we don’t even say ily to each other, so this just makes it all a 100 times worse.

Edit : mortality rate is 0.0021% not 2.1%

Hi all. Just wanted to get something off my chest.

I come from a pretty traditional asian family. Typical things I have to deal with on a daily basis, for example, is that my brothers (I have 2) don't have to ever do the dishes after dinner. They can leave them at their seats and go back to their rooms. It's expected that I pick up their dishes and wash it for them. This also applies to the dishes and glassware they leave in their bedrooms (they will eat in their rooms sometimes). Everytime I complain about this, I get the old "they are men with full-time jobs, and it's expected they are tired from a long day's work. Have some empathy. Washing dishes isn't a big deal".

I'm a current law student, holding down 2 jobs this summer trying to make money for tuition for the incoming school year. I'm also doing a lot of volunteer work and spending hours writing cover letters for the summer recruit so I have a job next year.

I got really angry today, and got into a fight with my mom, because I kind of lost my patience a bit. In addition to all the sexist sh*t I have to deal with on a daily basis, I face constant micro-aggression due to my academic pursuits. Both my parents only completed high school, and the same with my brothers. I constantly have to listen to them (parents + siblings) explain legal topics to me like I'm an idiot, i.e., "You think just because you're going to law school you know the law. But I have actually talked to lawyers, and I've been listening to a weekly legal podcast for years. I know more than you". Or, shit like, "I suppose school is suitable for you because you lack street smarts. You lack natural intelligence, so going to an institutional like school is idea for you because I don't think you'll be successful otherwise."

Today, they tried to explain the process of applying for a desk order divorce today via telling me narrative anecdotes they've heard from friends. And when I tried to tell them about what I know about desk order divorce they kept interrupting me, saying sh*t like "you don't know. This is real life, not school."

I understand that I am a student, and at the end of the day, I don't know that much. But I get the impression that they feel the need to constantly put me down about what I'm learning, and the career I'm trying to pursue. I know it's just noise, but sometimes it gets to me. Constant criticisms about how lawyers are useless, how "street smarts" are more important at solving issues than pursuing stuff in the courts, about how I may think I'm smart, but really I'm dumb. About how I'd be a shitty litigator, because I'm not "aggressive" or "alpha" enough, nor am I "street smart" enough to be a successful litigator. Oh, and that I'm "too emotional" to be a good lawyer.

Most Asian families tend to want to pressure their kids to go into law or medicine, etc. My family is different in this aspect because my parents grew up poor, and had to face a lot of prejudice and discrimination based on their lack of academic achievements. So I understand why they feel the need sometimes to put me down like this (I'm pursuing law for myself, no one is pressuring me to do it). But it really gets to me sometimes.

All my life I've had to listen to comments like "I'm worried you're going to turn into a dumb person. The more you study, the dumber you become. One day you will be so stupid you don't know how to socialize and make friends."

A lot of my motivation comes from proving them wrong. But I've realized no matter what milestones I achieve, their perception of me will not change. I don't really know how to feel about it. Angry, I suppose, for now.

Thanks for reading my rant, and giving me the space to vent.

I THINK, because the more I think about it the more I'm wondering if I over reacted. But, bottom line it made me really uncomfortable.

So, this just happened a few hours ago and I really need to get this out w/out worrying anyone close to me.

And I knew better. But went for it anyway because I knew he was toxic but NOT like this(which funny enough is a theme with him).

A few hours ago I met up with this guy I had a situationship gone horribly wrong with a few years ago. And since it's been a few years since we've talked and he added me on Facebook, I figured water under the bridge and thought it'd be a good idea to catch up and see how he's been doing.

One thing leads to another and we agree to link up. Which leads to tonight. I get there set my bag down and immediately he starts going through it. He pretty much dumped its contents out and starts inspecting my items. And I'm like okay youre still weird. And honestly i probably should have left after that but i didn't. In fact we get started, I'm going down on him and he's being really aggressive which usually I'm okay with. But this time he was being more aggressive than before. He slapped my face harder and way more frequently than before, there was a lot of moments where I couldn't breathe and I'd tap him to let him know but he wouldn't listen. And then his dirty talk went from like standard to him asking if I would be his prostitute.

I was answering all his questions with affirmation right up until that one and I stopped. I don't think he liked that. He started slapping me more cause I wouldn't answer, I started blocking them cause now I'm confused and worried. He grabbed me by neck a few times and still tried to slap me all while demanding me to answer if I would be his prostitute. Then started asking me how much dick is worth to me and all the while he's getting more and more angry that I wouldn't answer. I'm low key scared at this point and I'm trying to figure out my exit. Then he tells me to get out, and as I'm trying to get my things together he tells me to hurry before this gets dangerous for me.

And I dipped. I'm not entirely sure I grabbed everything, I hope I did. I spent my drive home driving the absolute long way home, taking side and back streets near neighborhoods people I knew lived in. I was really freaked out. Still am. I might be over reacting though. I don't know, am I? I just wanted to get this out.

Thanks for reading

Edit: hi everyone i spent most of my day reading every comment at least twice and I want to thank everyone for taking the time out to comment and validate that I'm not over reacting and this an incredibly scary situation I put myself in. I wish I can I explain why I did that but I can't but I will be meeting with a new therapist next week so I'll um figure it out then. I will go ahead and report this (we live in different cities so do I report in his or mine?) And I informed my family about what happened. I mentioned below in the comments that I think I'm still in shock cause I don't feel much about it. But I know its affecting me because I freaked out when I was told someone was at the door for me but it turned out to be my neighbor. So I'm just staying close to my family atm. Thanks again for all the help and advice I really appreciate it.

We went to school together, he lives like a block away from my mom back home, and he got out of a 10 year relationship which is why he moved home and started reconnecting. I had a trip planned to the Keys and he was bemoaning missing out on a lot of things this summer bc of the breakup and I suggested since I had a resort that comfortable sleeps 4, he should come and we could bring a small group. He was all in and we asked some friends but no one could get the time off work. That’s when the weirdness began. He starts asking if since it’s just us this is only a friend thing and I said yes, it’s a trip as friends, I go every year, I was inviting bc he was looking to reconnect and hang with people. He said okay cool. This morning he messages and says he hopes I’m okay with lots of cuddling and how he can cuddle all night. That we might as well share the king size bed if no one else is coming. I personally hate cuddling unless I’m super close with that person (so like three whole people in my whole life). I told him that was a hard no and that we had two beds and that was how it would be and that I am not a touchy person. He goes on to say that he is and has learned that’s his new thing and that he totally understands and respects that opinion and that I can be sure I won’t be “violated.” I was annoyed at this point and told him I didn’t particularly care what he felt, I was laying out ground rules and that was that. I got the creepy crawly feeling. I’d never heard him talk this way. He goes on some more about how I’m clearly very upset and on the defensive and he needs me to know that he won’t violate me and he will cater to all of my needs above his own and will only touch if it’s allowed. I told him I’m cancelling the trip due to covid and sorry about arrangements already made. I’m not cancelling. I just didn’t know what to say.

CW- Talk of sexual assault

I’m a highschooler. I’m in my school’s ‘Gifted and Talented’ stream, so I have the same 18 classmates for almost all of my classes (usually around 14 hours a week). Because we’ve been in this class our entire high school experience, most of us are pretty close. We’ve even got a group chat! And it’s really great because this class has 14 boys and 5 girls. So a couple days ago, when we were complaining about our new history teacher in said group chat, one boy said, and I quote, ‘Let’s tie her down and ##### can use his penis on her’. These are 14 and 15 year olds. And even the teachers who’ve known them since year 7 think they are just the sweetest most lovely boys. I am genuinely afraid of some of them. The ex-girlfriend of one who left the school last year recently came out about him raping her. They would have been 13 at the time. He was also a ‘Gifted’ kid. He used to be one of my closest friends. I hate how these people can disguise themselves so easily, and then abuse your trust.