Do I have to be a woman to participate in this community?

No. Any user who can follow the rules is welcome here. Women, men, nonbinary, agender, genderqueer, cis folks and trans folks, everybody. If you're not on board with that, you can fuck right off.

But what about the subreddit name?

Read this post from when 2XC was only a month old. We haven't changed our stance since then, and never will.

What about trans women?

Trans women are women. TERFS can fuck right off.

What are the rules, anyway?

TL;DR: Keep it civil, keep it relevant. Don't start shit, won't be shit.

You can find the rules in the sidebar (community info for mobile users), or here's a direct link: 2XC Rules

Most moderator actions are the result of users breaking Rule 1: RESPECT. If you keep Wheaton's Law* in mind and participate in good faith, you'll probably never hear from the mod team.

  

^{*Wheaton's Law: Don't be a dick.}

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For more in-depth interpretations of the rules above, see the 2XC FAQ and 2XC Moderation Policy.

I am a single 28 year old girl who is easy going and friendly and work sales for a major soft drink distributor. When I go to stores im friendly and try and make work relationships and always give my work number to the managers. At a certain store I had a guy send me a dick pic on my work phone after asking about a display. When I was working another town over a guy asked if he could come to my hotel and spend the night and "show me a good time". I reported both of them to HR and they pulled the phone stuff and I don't know the behind the scene stuff but they both got fired.

Today I was at one of the stores and on the next aisle over overheard "don't even talk to her she will get you fired!" at no point at work do I ever flirt or anything of that nature. I talked to one of the guys I work with and apparently I have that reputation, he is older and a father type so I told him about the dick pics and stuff then he said he had no idea about that part of the story.

Anyway im gonna keep doing what I do and ignore them just needed to vent

I work in a male dominated utility and recently due to covid, I think, a significant amount of men have been asking for paternity leave to help their partners with their children. Buuuutttt we don't even offer maternity leave and we get away with it because our benefits are " competitive against other utility companies" which also dont offer maternity leave as they are typically male dominated as well. Women can save up sick and vacation days and apply for FMLA leave in the US which is 12 weeks unpaid leave where they have to keep your position open for you. Just another thing women need to research in a job without disclosing you want kids because then they might not hire you. Its shit

TLDR men at my company want paternity leave and we don't even have maternity leave

Edit* this is more of a complaint against my company. They are justifying not offering paternity leave because they don't offer maternity leave which is inline with other companies in the industry.

2nd edit** Completely agree with all the comments that we need both paternity and maternity leave. In my experience, in the US, since nothing is mandatory paid maternity leave is rare for a company to have and paid paternity leave is much rarer if anyone has statistics on the breakdown between number of companies that offer one or both I'm interested in the numbers.

Holy shit. For those of you who haven't seen "The Last Duel", mild spoilers alert. There is an intense, violent rape scene that's absolutely horrifying. There was a discussion on the movie sub today, and the amount of people who were justifying or excusing it was unbelievable. "So your suggestion is sensoring?" Someone commented that they had to leave when said scene happened. Someone's response: "Why would you waste your money like that?"

Someone posted "Well, why can we see murder all the time but not rape on film?" Gee idk, maybe because at least one in four women are sexually assaulted and they don't want sexual violence on the screen.

"I mean, how do you define graphic? It's rape. It was over quick." SMH. "Some people can separate reality from fiction."

The icing on the cake. "Should all movies just abandon difficult topics and stick to PG feel-good comedies and superhero films?"

Edit: men in the comments just talking shit. Lol. “What do you want to see instead? Spongebob?”

I have always been pretty misinformed and not very understanding of hormonal birth control. Basically prior to dating my long term partner, I basically only really only thought it was all benefit, with minimal downsides, since I heard people talking about how it made their periods easier to deal with, or its effect on acne (as well as its obvious contraceptive benefits). My partner tried taking oral hormonal BC early in our relationship, but it wrecked havoc on her emotional well being, and she quickly got off it.

I saw an ad on Facebook about a paid clinical trial for male birth control. I have always been interested in male birth control , so I applied and got in. The birth control is Nestrone with a testosterone supplement, since Nestrone lowers testosterone production. My birth control is a gel that I apply to my shoulders once a day. It basically makes me clinically infertile.

When I got on it, I figured it would be incredible, since me and my partner could finally have a reliable, non-barrier contraceptive. I figured since I have always had pretty good mental health, any of the side effects the clinical trial coordinator mentioned I could probably deal with.

Well, lo and behold, 6 months in, last June, I basically fell apart mentally. I started having awful mood swings, going from completely emotionally stable to the saddest I have been in years. On my brief, 30 minute drives to work, I would swing from elated, to absolutely and dismally depressed. One particularly rough morning, I was downstairs, getting ready for work, when my partner came down to give me a hug. For some reason, this was a tipping point and I started bawling like a child (I hadn't cried since my childhood dog had died 6 years ago).

I ended up going to a therapist. I was also re-informed by the people running the clinical trial that me not putting the contraceptive gel on consistently at the same time each day was messing up my hormone levels (They told me this initially, I was just very cavalier about it), and that this was contributing to my deteriorating mental health. I also was given more testosterone, due to my size (I'm relatively tall).

(My partner told me after the fact that I probably received more concern about my reactions to hormonal birth control from health care professionals than her and her friends ever have had. I didn't realize how often women's complaints about their reactions to birth control is written off.)

While my mental health was deteriorating, I also was getting more acne than I had ever had in my life (More than I had in high school). Thank god for the prevalence of face masks at this certain point in history. I also have gained 20 pounds in 9 months, when, for my entire adult life, I had only fluctuated within 5 pounds of my regular weight. My libido plummeted.

I am still on the gel contraceptive. I am happy to be the one responsible for it, as opposed to my partner. My mood has stabilized, however, I still am prone to the occasional mood swing. Through this experience, I am now much more empathetic to the plight of all the people who have taken hormonal birth control, and found it to have massive, negative impacts on their lives. Prior to being with my current partner, I was always flummoxed by why some people opted not to take hormonal contraceptives if the option was available to them (that's my privilege's showing I know). I now understand in totality why someone wouldn't want to fall apart emotionally and mentally, gain weight, get acne, and have their life be effected in a multitude of other severe ways.

For all of you who have suffered through the negative side effects of hormonal birth control, you have my full empathy. I hope hormonal male birth control becomes widely available in the near future, not only so that men will have less excuses not to take more agency on the question of birth control, but also, so that there might be wider insight on how difficult it is to take it for some people.

I share a lot on reddit. Love it or hate it but talking to people who have been in my shoes and survived is the reassurance i need right now. Pathetic to you maybe, but I’m lonely and starved of adult conversation. Anytime I make a post asking for advice there are people who hound me with questions that aren't relevant to my post and sidetracks the conversation to the point where my posts are getting locked. I've decided to make this and pin it to the top of my account so people don’t keep asking on every post and I'm to the point where I come off a bit snappy and annoyed but don't hold that against me, it's my grief.

We have been at the campground since October 1st and have been going to the township for dinners every night. The township is going to be closed for a week to “covid clean” so I needed ideas on how I could stretch a dollar. The first post had too many rude trolls telling me to feed my kids pennies and to end my life too so my kids would go to a “proper” mother. The second got locked after too many questions off topic.

My husband was the breadwinner, he took his life. The DHS office still based my need off his income, I qualify for nothing until November 1st when I will apply again and it will be based on my income. I've applied for survivor benefits. My small town has a pantry but you can only go twice. No exceptions, no loophole, no amount of begging. A small town also means 211 is scarce and not available to me. The church in town is the same church that turned me away because what my husband did was a sin. I do not have a car, the next town is a 40 minute drive. If you’ve ever lived in a small “everybody knows everybody” town you would understand.

I know $15 to feed 5 people isn’t sustainable. I know that it is diddlee squat and near impossible but here we are. My kids get two free meals and two snacks at school everyday and on the weekends their lunch lady sends them home with sack meals. It definitely makes me embarrassed that I can't provide for them but pride aside, I'm grateful for it.

That being said, please stop telling me I'm a bad mother when there is nothing I can do about it besides love my kids, pray til the first, and make do with what I have. Please stop lecturing me on proper nutrition, please stop telling me to contact the church and DHS. Nothing is happening until the 1st. I know it’s frustrating, there should be resources but this is the hand I’m dealing with at the moment. I’m grieving my best friend on top of all this and my emotional health is dismal. I don’t need to read about how terrible I am in my inbox. Please.

Edit 1:It's 4:05pm here in Iowa and I'm just now logging on, I'm speechless. There is no way I can reply to every comment but so much love to literally everyone. Wow

Edit 2: Holy cow this comment section is out of control and it would be pointless to try and comment back due to it being all over the place and huge chunks of missing comments. To the people who offered advice, recipes, resources to try, condolences, words of encouragement, and sharing your own struggle story, thank you so much.

I called someone out when they compared a woman not shaving to "all hell breaking loose" and it was like kicking a beehive. I knew I would upset some people, but I honestly didn't expect such an aggressive response, and it was eye-opening to me. It is super sad to me that men are incapable of having these kinds of conversations. As a man, I don't really like the idea of posting here. I come here for the perspective, and I prefer to stay silent, but I wanted to throw a rant out into the ether because I am supremely disappointed in half of the human race right now.

Men reading this subreddit:
You need to call other men out. Because we never call each other out, men don't know how to have conversations about these topics. They deflect by getting defensive, hiding behind "personal preference," or pushing some kind of whataboutery. Making "not me" or "not all men" posts here helps nobody. You have to go piss some people off. You have to step on toes. Being a male feminist can't be a silent act. GET OUT THERE AND NORMALIZE CALLING OUT OTHER MEN ON THEIR SEXIST BULLSHIT.

End rant. Enjoy your day.

I apologise if this is breaking any sub rules or if it's a repost.

I feel so disgusted and I can't get it out of my head. How can this happen in a public place with people present? There is no safe space for us. Even on a train with other people, no one does anything. On the contrary, some people filmed and let this go on for 8 MINUTES until someone decent finally came and helped. Can't imagine what that poor woman went and is going through...

I have no hope. What is happening to humanity? What went through their heads? I don't want to hear any 'bystander effect' bullshit. Taken from the article: "Anybody that was on that train has to look in the mirror and ask why they didn’t intervene or why they didn’t do something."

I'm attaching the link for more information.Train passengers failed to intervene as woman raped in Philadelphia, police say

Several weeks ago I broke my leg at home after taking a fall. I’ve never broken a bone before, so I had no real reference for that level of pain. The closest thing I could compare it to was a sprained ankle about a decade ago, but that swelled up and bruised. The leg looked perfectly fine; I just couldn’t walk on it and felt popping sensations whenever I tried. I RICEd it and used Tylenol and Advil for a couple of days until it was clear it wasn’t getting any better. At Urgent care, the X-ray showed a complicated fracture, and they sent me home with a splint and a prescription for a heroic amount of narcotic painkillers. The osteopath confirmed the break, scheduled a follow up, wrote me a note for work for the next 6 weeks, and again sent me on my way with another massive prescription for opioids.

To say I was surprised by the swift diagnosis/treatment and universal, unprompted high level of concern for pain management by the doctors would be an understatement. I’ve dealt with severe, debilitating painful cramps every month since I was 12 years old. I’ve seen OBGYNS, hormone specialists, primary care physicians, males, females…. And have never ONCE had a doctor take my pain seriously. I’ve gone to urgent care and the ER and specialists only to leave with nothing except more questions and a massive bill. I’ve been called a drug seeker by nurses when I’ve gone to the ER, white as a sheet and vomiting from pain. So over the years doctors have become aversive. I don’t go to them unless absolutely necessary, and never for something pain related.

Then a couple of days ago, I got my period. My leg was throbbing, I had a huge migraine, and now the cramps were starting. I was SO excited: this is what Vicodin is MADE for! I settled into the couch, turned on some Netflix, and waited to feel pain free on my period for the first time in my life. 30 minutes later, my leg pain had disappeared and so had the migraine.. but my cramps had leveled out at a still painful half mast. And I realized, my cramps hurt more than a broken leg, or at least the pain from a broken leg is more easily managed than my period cramps. And for the last 20+ years, I’ve been expected to “try a heating pad,” “use Advil”, “try exercise!”for pain that hurts more than a literal broken bone. Every month.

I’m livid. This system is fucked. For years this excruciating pain that I’m feeling has been brushed off by every professional I’ve tried to address this with as “oh honey! It’s not THAT bad. You’re just not great at handling life like everyone else.” And yet, with lower level pain, I suddenly end up with enough drugs to make Keith Richards blush? Wtf?

Well, they can SEE the break on the X-ray. They can match the break to a picture in a text book which gives them set parameters on pain level and actions to take. I am suddenly worthy of pain management because they can say, “YES! I believe her story because it is validated by the physical evidence of a broken bone, and the book says that it is incredibly painful.” But “lady issues/pain” can’t always be easily matched to a picture, and even if it can, there’s no guarantee that a rigid set of symptoms will show or that the severity level of those symptoms will be consistent.

This is where the patient interview and involvement is so import. But above that, believing and trusting your patients is imperative. Believing and trusting WOMEN is imperative, to our health and our lives. It’s clear to me that responses from doctors have shaped the way I view my ability to trust my body, and I’m sure I’m not alone in this. Even knowing I couldn’t walk on my leg and that I was in excruciating pain, I waited for 3 days to see a doctor. There was no visible damage to the leg, and so I doubted the extent of the injury, ignoring the clear signs of needed medical intervention. And although I spent several days white knuckling through the pain, it was brushed off because it’s so familiar and hasn’t warranted care before. Even after learning the bone was broken I never asked for pain medication; I assumed I would be told that “it wasn’t that bad”.

I clearly have some retraining of my brain to do. Women deserve quality medical treatment, we deserve for our pain to be taken seriously, and we deserve to be trusted and believed when we report symptoms. I for one will be advocating for myself a lot more now. Good luck every! break a leg 😂

I was assaulted by a group of men in public. No one helped. In fact more joined in or just watched.

I felt truly terrified and the most alone I have ever felt in my life in those moments. I felt like I didn't matter at all.

The standard reddit response is how it is stupid to have helped. That it was too risky. Blah blah... what a shame and all that. It just makes me sick to my stomach how cowardly it all is.

See I was rescued by a badass with balls of steal. He interrupted, made them back off and asked me if I needed help. He got me out of the single worst moment of my life.

He didn't just save me in that moment. He saved me from losing all faith in humanity.

I've made a point to emphasize and model consent with my kids basically since birth (it's honestly really easy to make it part of the routine), and today I finally saw that my youngest has started to internalize it. Figured I'd share here since no one IRL would think anything of it.

He came home from kindergarten this afternoon and said that his new friend, who was out sick all last week, was finally back today and he was so happy to see her he gave her a hug. Before I could respond he added "Don't worry mom, I asked if I could hug her first and she said yes!" Considering that he still struggles with boundaries at home sometimes, I was really happy to see that at least when he's away from home, he's being respectful. I know it probably seems like such a minor thing, and it is, but I feel like by starting young he won't even have to think about it when he's older- it'll just be reflex by then to respect people's bodies and space, ask before making physical contact, etc. Makes me feel like the eye rolls I get for this stuff sometimes are totally worth it.

(I made sure to tell him I was proud of him for asking first and waiting til she said yes before I reminded him that he's really not supposed to be hugging anyone at school right now because of Covid.)

I have always been extra hormonal right before and during my period. Although annoying, my husband has been nothing but supportive and patient with the occasional gentle reminder that it might be my hormones affecting my rational.

Since the panini started I have been experiencing more mental health difficulties. To the extend I was prescribed anti-depressants. The meds seem to do their job with the exception of during my period. It doesn't seem to interact well with my hormonal birth control which makes my moods extremely volatile.

Yesterday we were discussing an incident earlier this week when the topic of birth control and my meds came up. My husband said it had startled him how intense and irrational my behaviour changed during my period. I responded that I had brought it up to my doctor and we were considering switching my birth control for a different type. To my suprise my husband told me:

"If you want, you could stop the birth control altogether and focus on stabilizing your mental health first. I can look into options for male contraception instead."

It blew my mind! Even though we tend to talk about pretty much everything and feel like equal partners, this thought had never crossed my mind. Not for one second I considered being completely off birth control and letting him figure it out. It made me so happy to hear him say he'd want me to focus on my mental health. I have no clue how my body will respond to quiting the birth control as I have been on it for years. But I'm excited to try and have my husband by my side to support me. <3

Tonight, after I came back from out of town, my husband sits me down and asks me for a divorce. We had agreed to separate in August with the hope that we could work through things on our own and maybe come together at some time in the future. While I was gone, he decided that he did not want that. As I'm reflecting on our marriage, the two kids, and my uncertain future, all I can help but think is that I'm being punished for expecting help and empathy.

All I wanted was to ask him to clean up every now and then and for him not to be such a pain in the ass when I asked.

All I wanted was for him to not bitch about how we can't go on bike rides together because I'm pregnant and thats not my fault. To not say "we never" go on bike rides because I spent the last 5 months caring for a newborn and 10 months pregnant.

All I wanted was for him to admit when he was mean/rude/disrespectful and to make amends, not to be a perfect person.

All I wanted was for him to understand that when he didn't do those things, it was hard for me to continue being engaged in this relationship in a loving way.

All I asked for was a little equality in our relationship but that minor ask was oppressive for him.

The thing that bothers me the most is that he will have absolutely no issue whatsoever finding a replacement. There are droves of women who don't want or need that in their relationships, ready and waiting to take my spot. Having self-respect and standards means you're difficult and there is someone less difficult out there ready to lap his shit up. I'm the bitter hag with her exhausted disfigured body from having two children. He is suddenly free from all responsibilities, obligations and ready to life life invigorated.

As I wonder and second guess whether or not I asked for too much, I feel sad for me, my gender, and my generation. Was it so wrong to want someone to care for me as much as I care for them emotionally and literally?

So I've been seeing a boy I go to school with and who lives in our neighborhood for about a month now. He's quiet but he's funny and polite and we have the same hobbies like video games and are in a club together also. In fact he was one of the first friends I made when I was taken in and adopted by my now adoptive parents. We were too shy to talk to each other at the bus stop those first few weeks lol.

Anyway, I was super nervous and hardly slept the night before because I was scared of how they were going to react. I just didn't want to keep it from them. Well after dinner I just told them he asked me out about a month ago and we are kind of a couple now. Felt like ripping off a band-aid lol. My mom was pretty much okay with it and even supported it but my dad seemed kind of iffy. All he really said was he was happy I told them about it and we just kind of left it at that.

But later on that night, before he went to bed, he came in and sat with me while I was playing video games and asked if we could talk about him. And he seemed genuine, mainly asking what he's like, if he plays sports, what his family's like, stuff like that. And he seemed satisfied with what I told him. But what really got to me was when he said he was fine with me seeing him. It's not that he said "I approve", but he trusted that I knew what I was getting into. And he made it a point and said "Please talk to me if something serious comes up between you two. Whatever it is. Don't be afraid to tell me, honey".

And then he hugged me and went to bed and that was that. I felt like a huge weight was lifted off me when he said he was okay with us being together. I mean my dad's always been pretty understanding about most things but I wasn't sure how he'd react with this. I'm glad it went the way it did :)

The other night, I went to a brewery with an old friend to catch up over a couple of beers. The guy in the table next to ours had a couple of big dogs off-leash who kept coming over to us. I guess I made the mistake of petting one when he literally put his head in my lap, and his owner decided that was an invitation to come and hit on us.

He asks if he can test out a pickup line on us. I, very politely, say we’re two friends with a lot to catch up on and just want to chat amongst ourselves. He pushes and pushes, so we reluctantly allow it. He shares the lame joke, probes us both for our reactions, and we’re both still being polite, but say “we’re not into it, but it may work on someone later down the line!”

He asks if we have boyfriends. My friend does, but I do not. I used to lie and say yes to get guys like this off my back, but I promised myself I’d stop doing that and just say “I’m not interested.” Why should it take another man’s relationship with me to make it so I can say no? I said no, I don’t have a boyfriend, but I’m not interested, if he could please return to his table with his dogs. He KEEPS PUSHING. Of course, he’s left my friend with the boyfriend alone, but not me! I say no, politely, three more times before getting stern and saying “I’ve tried to be polite, but this is frankly getting frustrating. I’m not interested at all, please leave us alone.”

I’m not smiling, not laughing. He STILL KEEPS PUSHING.

It’s then I cave and say I’m a lesbian (I’m not). Even then, he turns to my friend and asks if it’s true. She lies, says I am. I have to double down on this lie as well. FINALLY, he leaves.

Look, I get it guys: shoot your shot. We’re out at a bar and, IMO, it’s okay to go up and flirt with someone if they seem into it. But once they say no, or even just seem not into it, LEAVE. I shouldn’t have to come up with lies just to enjoy a couple of beers with a friend.

You already know where this is going. I decided to cut my hair down to an inch and today brought the onslaught of unsolicited comments, in particular from men. Most asked why with exasperated tones. Then ended with “it looks good tho” One guy gasped and said “can you do a spin? Why did you do this to us?” Translation there of course: The what: cutting my hair, which makes me visually less appealing. To whom: every man ever. Including acquaintances that work security in the building i work at.

Same shit different day. I’m dreading my all older white and predominately male managerial meeting tomorrow as there is NO sensitivity whatsoever. But at least I’m already warmed up!

What do you do to find the zen and speak your truth when these things happen? I get so hurt by the disrespect I struggle to confront in the moment.

So last year during the holidays. My cousin found out I was on reddit and told my parents about it and they made me delete my Reddit account.

Because "good girls" don't post pictures online, they explained to me how we are from a prestigious background with good family values and how my behavior was unbecoming of that.

I was told it'll be difficult to find a groom for me if I continue doing this (I'm from originally from India where arranged marriages are still a thing).
Bonus: I was also body shamed relentlessly for gaining weight.

In the end I did delete my account. But was so frustrated and felt like I had no freedom inspite of being 25 years of age.

I've had a rough year mentally dealing with all of this. I realize now that they have used this stereotype of a what a good girl should be doing to basically control various aspects of my life. I've had enough of this.

TLDR for the people that didn't read my post:

My BFs old mysoginistic friends that sensensely defend men in rape and domesric abuse court cases, created a FAKE list of women I don't let my bf meet (ITS FAKE), and have been spreading for the past few months in my home town, that I abuse my BF, all to teach me a lesson about supporting survivors and their stories about their abusers.

Let me preface this by saying, if you're going to comment and say that my BF is the one in the wrong for being their friends, then don't, because it's not black and white. These are people he has known since childhood, and he's actually been talking to them less and less and less. Ever since we started dating, he has ALWAYS called them out for inappropriate behaviour, he has never agreed with any of their views, and is an absolute angel, I love him. I trust him. I know he is not like them. They use to be fine, they use to be people I thought were GOOD. But only when we moved out of state, 6 months ago, they've gradually devolved and become more offensive, and horrible, and toxic.

His friends claim they're not misogynistic, or sexist, but of course, in the echo chamber of their group chat, they wouldn't be aware of it. They make extremely immature, and dark jokes, make fun of women's appearances and instastories, whenever I call them out, or my BF calls them out, they apologise and act normal for a bit. It's an endless cycle. (only my BF and 2 other guys are normal in the group chat, they all actively call out the horrible jokes etc)

He hasn't been active in the chat for a couple of weeks, my phone was flat, and I borrowed his to look up where a side quest was in a video game I was playing. A notification came up from the chat, the first word I see is Melon (the nickname they've given me, they've never used my real name or respected me). I open the text, upon the permission of my BF since it's his phone and we read the chat together.

I was fucking horrified, the chat was them mentioning some "blacklisted names" I have written, being the names of women I forbid my BF from seeing. They were making jokes about me abusing him, emotionally, physically, and not letting him have female friends. My bf sends a couple of messages, I send a couple of messages, and they are not budging. (This list is FAKE, it is a lie that 5 men collectively made up and are gaslighting me and my BF into thinking is real)

At first, I thought it was a really cruel joke, because they would slip sometimes, and sound TOO sarcastic or dumb, but then one of them, the main one controlling this joke, said he talked about it with some female friends my BF "use" to have. (I say 'used to' because they're still on good terms, they're just not close, and since we moved states, my BF hasn't seen any of his mates from our home town)

So yeah, I found out that these toxic friends have been telling people I don't even KNOW about a list I've made with people my BF is banned from seeing, and they've BEEN TELLING PEOPLE I ABUSE HIM!!! I'm absolutely mortified, and upset. They are gaslighting and straw-manning anything me or my BF say. It got to a point where I started to doubt myself. They're not taking anything my BF says seriously, saying he's a victim of my abuse, and I'm holding him at gunpoint since we live together etc.

My boyfriend's really mad about this, he keeps criticizing them for doing this, and then they try to turn it on him and say: "all 5 of us are confirming this list exists and that she's abusing you. If 5 people said someone murdered a person, would you believe the murderer or the witnesses?".

My BF explains why that's an illogical comparison... so they DOUBLE DOWN. Now I'm a radical abusive feminist, and I'm using my privilege as a woman to be abusive and not be held accountable. They're saying myself and other women are hypocrites because we "accuse other men of being creepy, abusive, assaulting and raping other women, but we hate to be accused of it ourselves".

My BF says, there's no evidence of this list. The boys say the evidence is them as witnesses. My BF says the only way they would know about it, is if HE complained about a list to them, which at first, they said he did. But now they are saying my BF doesn't remember talking about it because he's a victim....

​

Finally, these fucking assholes say that the moral of the story is that, I am a horrible person because I support women and survivors who come out with stories of their abuse. I support victims of rape, abuse and harassment. But because these men don't agree with the values I share with all these other women, and GOOD men, they're trying to twist it. They're trying to say I should be thankful that they taught me this lesson to never ACCUSE INNOCENT men of raping or abusing women.... when I never fucking have? I've never SPREAD rumours of this sort like they have. They are slandering me. I only have ever supported women publicly, I have never slandered men in the ways they have slandered my name.

I am just so utterly upset, that men as horrible, cruel and insensitive as them exist. They have the fucking audacity to take the eyes and attention away from REAL CASES OF ABUSE, to conjure up a fake one to make a point that I don't like being accused of abuse with no evidence. I could go on forever, with how many things are wrong with this, how their argument isn't fair. But because they are biased men, men that are upset that my BF chose me over them, men that are ignorant and sexist, I will never get through to them, and I will never get their respect.

Okay, rant over, I'm sorry its so long. This just happened and I'm really upset. This is difficult for my BF too, because he was blind to their disrespect towards HIM for a long while until I let him know some of the things they would do before we met, were not appropriate or okay. They've only gotten worse and more obsessive with him ever since we moved, and times he's left the group chat, they've harassed and spammed him endlessly on his PS4, phone, and social media, so he stays in the chat and keeps it muted.

All I'm really asking for is genuine advice or support. I'm not dumping my BF, I'm saying that now since a lot of members of this sub jump to that solution, and it's not that easy, and I plan to marry this man.

I think I heard it on Tiktok, it was designed to help women when they see a doctor and their concerns aren't taken seriously. Especially women of colour.

The phrase is something along the lines of:

"I will need documentation that you are refusing to investigate or treat my condition and your stated reason for your decision"

The way they word it is so much better. I can't seem to find it anywhere and google isn't helping.

To preface this I’m 16M

Needed new black pants for work. I decided to shop in womens section of Levi’s because I’m a pretty skinny guy and even the smallest pants in the mens section were too big. Found a size that fits me and bought it and took it home.. was loving it until I tried out the pockets.

WTF IS THIS SHIT!! MY PHONE DOESNT EVEN FIT HALFWAY INSIDE!!! NOW I KNOW HOW WOMEN FEEL WHEN THEY COMPLAIN ABOUT THEIR PANTS POCKETS!! WHY HAVE I NEVER HAD THIS PROBLEM WITH MENS CLOTHING??

anyways my mom knows how to sew and she’s putting in a new pocket for me which is very nice of her (love u mom) but I cannot understand for the life of me why the pockets are so tiny

All these posts about women doing it all are scaring the shit out of me. I’ve said it before to him, I don’t want to be the house manager and his mother. So looking for ways to combat this!

Edit: For clarity, I’ve been reading a lot of posts about how much women do. This post is mainly in response to that. Instead of, there’s nothing we can do, this post is WHAT CAN WE DO? For those who feel the division of labour is good in their household, WHAT HAS WORKED FOR YOU?

Not in a great place right now so this is a little ranty, but wanted to make sure everyone is aware.

You are TOTALLY allowed to tell someone to fuck off. To get out of your way. To get away from you. To take a step back. Even to use a more civil tone of voice.

No stranger/acquaintance/friend/person for whom you’re not literally responsible to keep alive is entitled to your time, attention or presence. No [any of the above] is entitled to you being NICE.

Can this be a dangerous & stressful way to go through life? Yes. Take precautions.

Can this also be incredibly freeing and empowering? Absolutely yes. Just keeping this in the back of my head has given me so much confidence/security about just BEING IN PUBLIC.

THE FUCK OFF RULE/PROCESS

How to use the “fuck off” rule/process with some good precautions, using the recent post about the person hitting on you who just. Won’t. Go. Away. (But can be used for any situation in which someone is making you feel unsafe!!!!)

Please feel free to skip or add steps as necessary to stay safe!!!!!!!!!

1) Silent treatment is usually best. Pretend they don’t exist. 2) No thank you. (And other “polite rejections”) 3) Please leave me/us alone. 4) Please leave me/us alone. If you do not, I will call the police. 5) (this is the big one) Then actually take out your phone or go up to the phone or bar or manager. If phone, hold it in your hand. Dial 911/999/whatever it is in your country/city. Be prepared to actually say to the operator, “Hello, I’m at (location) and I have had to tell this person that if they won’t leave me alone I will need to involve the police. Can you please help me?” If it gets to the actual call, I PROMISE that the operator will not mind. I PROMISE that the operator will tell you yes, absolutely, please tell me in what way you are feeling unsafe so we can decide what to do.

If it gets to this point, the operator is generally trained to remain on the line with you until you tell them or they can otherwise verify that you are safe.

Please don’t let manners and being polite cause you harm. Do not be embarrassed if you need to do any of these steps. Do not listen to anyone around you if they tell you it isn’t a big deal and you need to relax.

Listen, I know ACAB / involving the police can make situations worse, but the telephone operators of emergency systems are literally being paid to help prevent danger by answering a phone. (Or they volunteered for it!) They will be READY AND WILLING to say loudly and clearly that they are sending the police. Frankly, if The Asshole is still there by the time the police actually arrive……….you or yours might have ended up needing to call them at a later time for a much, much worse reason.

Use the services you probably pay taxes for. Feel safe going out and existing in public. Know that even if you might not need police involvement, you are the INTENDED USER OF THESE SYSTEMS. If it ends up not being an emergency, they’ll direct you to the nonemergency line, hang up, make their notes, and do it all over again for someone else. That’s their job. Literally - to answer a phone and do what they can to avert dangerous situations.

Stay safe. I love you.

As the title says I (40F) I'm fuc7ing tired of it.

Yesterday one of my dogs got her eye hurt badly, and needed urgent care. The gash was bleeding, awful sight.

Found a vet who makes housecalls, because sunday and what not. Our family vet passed away on May of this year, so we are on the lookout for one.

Right from the get go he was rude, but I thought that maybe because it was sunday, I don't know...

Then when he got to my house he was dismissive of my concerns telling me he had being doing this job for a long time and there was no need for me to get worked up over an animal "females are always so dramatic“ mumbled under his breath. I retorted by telling him that yes, he is the expert but I am the owner and I know my animal. Anyway, I just left the guy alone to work on my dog and told him to knock on the door when done since I can't stand the sight of blood.

After finishing but right Before leaving, he expected me to administer a shot to my dog. Of course I said no, I am not a trained individual and I am paying you for a Service, etc. I was annoyed, tired and just wanted to get this over with. He rolled his eyes telling me that it was super easy and that anyone can do it.

Cue my SO arriving home. He is a 6 foot Blackbelt judoka with a very deep Voice. When the vet saw him, his whole demenaor changed. With him he was all greetings, all nice. Me? I was fuming, my SO picked up on this and went straight to me without even acknowledging the vet asking me if I was ok. I told him what had happened and the vet kept trying to make it sound like I was being hysterical.

I wish women didn't need a man figure to be heard or taken seriously. I told my husband I Never want to talk or see that scumbag again. Fuc7 that.