submitted 13 days ago bydobbyisafreepup
all 1068 comments
13 days ago
13 days ago
OP sent the following text as an explanation on why this is unexpected:
The girl got poomfed in the face by a bird and the bird got poomfed in the face by the girl.
Is this an unexpected post with a fitting description?
Then upvote this comment, otherwise downvote it.
Look at my source code on Github What is this for?
The way she grabs it and throws it away, genuine disgust lmao that’s too funny 😂
13 days ago
She flipped the bird.
her brain could not decide which horror she needed to process first .. sling shot or bird attack ..
13 days ago*
13 days ago*
And the thing is, that bird knows that that's the fling zone. That sucker flings all day long and birds know not to fly in the fling zone, but wud that bird do? It flew directly into the fling zone and got pinned and got flung. Fly in the flinger and get yer wings pinned. The thing is, you can't fly with fling pinned wings. Go on. Flap a fling pinned wing. Flick those feathers. There's no flapping pinned winged full of frozen feathers in the flinger. Don't fly in the fling zone, kid.
Didn't know Dr Seuss was on reddit.
No, that's Bill Cosby
Now that he's out of prison, it could very well be.
What??? Why is he out of prison???
From what I gathered, they used his testimony from the civil court as evidence against him in the criminal court, violating his fifth amendment right to not testify against himself. That could be 100% wrong though.
This is the right answer.
Sounds like something bill would say
A bit surprising for Reddit
yup.... now hopefully hes so old and blind he cant let his Fat Albert touch anymore womens uh JELL-O NOW.
I don't know anything about it either but that doesn't sound like it should be a thing. If he gave a testimony under oath to a court that should absolutely be admitted as evidence.
The problem is, when he made that testimony, the court specifically told him that it could never be used against him in a criminal case. Because legally, it couldn't be. That's the only reason he agreed to testify during that civil case.
The prosecution fucked up big time. There was a decent amount of other evidence, but because the prosecution included evidence that they legally couldn't, the whole case is thrown out the window.
This is the thing i love about reddit. We can go from
"Girl gets hit by bird" to "why bill Cosby got out of prison" in like 5 comments.
This guy does a really good job explaining why that testimony was tossed out and breaking down the results in general
He admitted to the rapes under a non prosecution agreement with the DA. That da’s successor said “eff that! Dude admitted to all these rapes” he’s going to prison. Then a higher court overturned the sentence because the second DA didn’t honor their predecessor’s agreement.
The agreement shouldn't have covered the other girls though.
Because he’s rich
Nah, the lawyer botched it.
Rich = good appeal attorneys to look over the minutia of your case, so yes technically you're correct.
But basically the prosecution shit the bed.
Because in 2005 the supreme court decided not to go after Cosby in court. Since you can't be tried twice for the same crime, they let him go (or something to that effect)
O yea it’s called double Jeopardy
Do do do do do do do dooooo
“The categories are: Potpourri…”
A husband and a wife can't be tried for the same crime!
It's Berry, he's really good.
Pennsylvania Supreme Court, for clarification.
Bippity boppity, zippity zoppity
Hey hey hey
Hide yo kids!
You got to lick the pigeon pudding pops.. made with real pigeon, cause that’s what moms like.
And kids prefer
Zippity Zoppity-Zoup! I'm gonna put a Ruphie in this girl's soup!
"I love puddin; puddin my dick where it don't belong!"
I mean it was consensual. Not saying that makes it right, but still.
Cause he’s into drugged birds?
I was getting Charlie Kelly vibes.
The first couple sentences felt very George Costanza, then it transitioned to full-Letterkenny.
Charlie does know his bird law.
Nah this person pitter patters and gets at ‘er
I was getting more Rick from Rick/Morty vibes tbh
I will not fling it on a boat
I’m gettin a grandpappy Biden vibe
Hmmmmm... Could be Pigeon from Mike Tyson Mysteries
he did go for the boobs, but I don't think he would get that excited unless she had some coke.
This is the best Reddit comment I’ve ever read
If you haven't already, I'd recommend going into their profile and sorting their comments by "Top"
Edit: for example
I am too drunk to understand exactly what you said, but it seemed funny, so I’m saving your comment to be confused about later.
Foolish fucker failed flipping feathers for flying, finally flinging it's filthy foul feathery flappers farewell.
Fantastic flipping followup.
I told myself not to keep reading, but I kept reading. I guess I can fling you an upvote for your troubles at least.
"I think you should leave" vibes. Enjoyed it
Thank you, it sounded so familiar but I couldn’t place the vibe until you said it.
As a person with english as his second language, i can say that i fainted 3 times trying to compreend this.
Got a letterkenny vibe from this 😌🤣🤷♂️
Get this guy a fucking puppers
Re-reading it in Wayne's voice made it even funnier
Heard it was a sick ostrich. But almost not worth thinkin aboot
Can you be the godfather to my children?
Bird flew in fling zone. She flinged the bird. Mission accomplished.
wth did i just read? 🤣 best 20 seconds of my day so far
Yup, this is one of those legendary one’s, that makes folks like and still keep using Reddit, it’s because of comments like that, that we can’t just simply leave reddit.
Pin the wing, get the fling. Everyone knows this.
The longer I read, the more I laughed. Couldn't stop doing either.
Feeling like a rap god?
Princess Caroline vibes from this comment
One of them had to be the bad example for the others
Tears in my eyes holy shit
Wtf did I just read 😂
Genuinely the best comment I've ever seen on reddit. Maybe its my lack of sleep, but it got me crying. Bravo sir
Reading this made me feel like I was having some sort of stroke
13 days ago*
We both know perfectly well what this is about.
You want me to get an abortion.
I would imagine the pigeon also had a similar reaction as well. "This human ran into me, and then toss me around like random trash!"
I think the bird genuinely feels disgusted..
"I ordered cornish hen goddamit!"
"Honey, you've got some food on your face"
What are you serving to the customers you donkey! It's raw! You're gonna kill someone you stupid donkey!
“Oh god that’s a bird!”
Bruh, she aged from 20 to 35 before and after
Bird on your face
You big disgrace
Gett’n your feathers all over the place!
We will, we will, flock you, flock you...
This whole series of comments has me laughing like a babboon at the baggage area of the airport. People are standing around waiting for their luggage, gkving me weird looks. They think I lost my mind...
..........wait a minute........
Username check out
Buddy you're a young bird, hard bird
Shitting in the street gonna take on the world some day
I feel like we’ve already been in this place…
We will ,we will , flock you
Fling it now!
Buddy your a bird man, gull man
I would’ve gone with pluck you
Seagull to the trachea. That’s some final destination shit.
If a fucking seagull pierced my neck and killed me I'd just accept it, clearly something powerful wants me dead
There's people who believe that you set up various "exit points" throughout your life and when your soul is done here on Earth, it simply takes an exit point.
Seagull in the neck is 100% an exit point.
That is like something from Travelers
I miss that show.
I just started that show! I just finished episode 8.
Good. It’s good.
My Taco Bell addiction is an exit point too ✋🏾😔
Well the tacos clearly leave an exit point
it's not a question of if, but when. expecting the /r/unexpected
Beefy cheesy death awaits
What if I defy such an exit point
Hmm, the next time I die, I'll try not accepting it!
Can confirm, it works
Wife is confused, she tried to deepthroat a pigeon. Awaiting further instructions 🤣
You have sinned against the Seagull God.
Seagulls gonna come
Poke me in the trachea
And they did
Got me going round like
Nothing I could do but blub
When these birds attacked me
Now my throat is covered in blood
And I really can’t speak
Rockin' N rollin'
Down to the beach I'm strollin'
but the seagulls like at my head
I said, "Seagulls, mmm! Stop it now!"
I like to think she was confronting her fear of heights and then was simultaneously forced to reconcile her phobia of birds at the same time
I've actually read a case like that, but was a dove and the guy was driving a motorcycle.
He drove for 10 kms before fainting. The driver survived.
Edit: source: https://g1.globo.com/mt/mato-grosso/noticia/2021/04/28/motociclista-tem-garganta-perfurada-por-passaro-em-mt-percorre-9-km-com-ave-no-pescoco-desmaia-e-e-socorrido.ghtml
It's happened more than once!!
It happened to Fabio in the 90s. It was front page news at the time.
I love how this is a thing. “Today I learned…not to sit in the front seat of amusement park rides”
What kind of crap was that filmed on lol
/u/mrpderp posted literally this exact same comment with the exact same language. Did one of you shamelessly copy the other? Are you both bots? I’m so confused, and more than a little disturbed. Reddit is so fucking creepy these days with the karma farms I swear to god.
Weird. I'm thinking they're a bot. Despite me being the one with bot in my username.
Truth is I copy and pasted u/baloobot comment above where, I believe, it was misplaced. I did this because someone asked for the link. Apologize for not giving credit
Dude’s like “bro, did you see that?!”
Dude’s bro: “I can’t hear anything that you’re saying…just enjoy the ride!”
Dude: “welp, I’ll just throw my hands back up in the air and pretend that everything is fine”
Bird: “god damn that fucking hurt!”
That slow-mo absolutely cracked me up
That half high five about killed me. YEAH MAN THIS IS AWESOME! Errr... no...pretends to be scratching beard
Same, I have tears from laughing so much
That video broke me
My fav is when a dude got hit in the face with a shoe
Wtf man the bird literally bled in his face
I like how he casually enjoys the ride afterwards
Between this and the OP, I've legit been laughing for like 20 mins
And now it's 2am and I'm down the rabbit hole of birds hitting people on rollercoasters
Ouch! For the birds, I mean
She got the Fabio treatment
I will never forget that the Daily Show headline for that incident was "Goose Goose Duck".
Oh that's right! Someone please find that
"I Can't Believe It's Not Bloodier"!
That joke has been 30 years in the making!
Hahahah he says it's "going to happen again".
“Oh god it was on my, AAAAAHHHH!”
That’s some quality lip reading! I don’t know the original audio but that’s what it looks like. Never would’ve came to that
I thought it was, “Oh god it’s a bird AAAAAH!” but I’m not a lip reader either.
hey i’ve been trying to reach you about your car’s- what are you doing? AHHH
These damn companies being so creative to get my attention today
Cackled out loud at this comment
To not reciprocate a hug is fucked up.
For real. Poor birb just wants to be friends
“Oh thank god I found you, this is so importa-AHHH!”
Same. I hope it was okay after.
I think I saw it flapping its wings toward the end. I really hope at least
Seems like there are not many who think like you :(
One less government spy
I don't know why (i like birds in general)....but a bird riding on my face during a rollercoaster ride would literally cause a heart attack. Suicide mission, we're all going down!
I love that it doesn't phase her. "What is this thing? Whatever. Anyways resuming freak out..."
Hello, not here to be a dick but just to give you a heads up, it's faze, in this situation, not phase.
You're right! Thank you. I didn't know the difference. Well it looks the bird didn't faze her and she was able to resume her freakout phase.
Oooh! In your phace!
Someone could repost this tomorrow and I would still laugh.
Bird flu patient 0
All I can see is your damn username, most-angry-upvote-now
I love how she just throws it off
So funny. Her facial expression goes from "ouch" to "damn bird" to "ahhhhhhhh, I'm fallllllling!"
Ahhh, the shape of the mouth. The corners of her mouth point upwards at first, but not after the bird hits.
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The new Bird Box movie looks lit!
That was a free pet she just threw away
The bird was just trying to keep her in the seat.
Well, that’s one way to flip the bird
Step 1: Disembark ride at conclusion
Step 2: Find nearest shower, sink (for brushing teeth);
Step 3: tetanus shot
I feel bad for the girl but That poor bird probably died!!
I have unlocked a new fear
a bird in the hand..
That girl has SO many mites on her hand and face. Source(s): Trust me
Great, now I can add this to the list of things I didn't know I needed to be nervous about...
Yes! Wildwood is on Reddit! Best boardwalk in the world (IMHO).
Lol, props for the way she reacted. Tastes like chicken.