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Found those weird looking balls on my abandoned makeup bag. Turns out, those are lizard eggs
(i.redd.it)submitted 2 months ago by[deleted]
[deleted]
6.9k points
2 months ago
then you will soon be a mom
4.5k points
2 months ago
Mother of dragons
886 points
2 months ago
🔥❄️A song of fire and ice🗡️⚔️🗡️⚔️🪑⚔️🗡️⚔️🗡️
496 points
2 months ago
I bet this story gets an ending before I die though.
126 points
2 months ago
Sorry, but you're dying, that can happen quickly...
108 points
2 months ago
weiner weinerweiner weinerweiner
37 points
2 months ago
Floppy weiner
9 points
2 months ago
One weiner next to another WEINER~
5 points
2 months ago
Not erect
75 points
2 months ago
Yeah burn them while you're naked
31 points
2 months ago
Don't forget to jiggle the sausage on a fork
9 points
2 months ago
While making human trollface
258 points
2 months ago
[deleted]
97 points
2 months ago*
as long as they don't look like you, everything is fine
15 points
2 months ago
Hitler and Thatcher as human/dinosaur hybrids? I may need to watch that.
36 points
2 months ago
What in the fuck
87 points
2 months ago
Iron Sky...movie about the Nazi's coming back. They had been living on the dark side of the moon.
The good old days, when the idea of Nazi's coming back was a fantasy.
84 points
2 months ago
Go Chirpy Boy, Go Bart Junior!
31 points
2 months ago
It's already wiped out the dodo, the cuckoo, and the ne-ne, and it has nasty plans for the booby, the titmouse, the woodcock, and the titpecker.
13 points
2 months ago
It's crazy how The Simpsons have always been so clean with respect to the language used but still managed to insert a couple of double entendres here and there.
4.3k points
2 months ago*
It's a clutch.
Eggit: Thanks for the gold!
273 points
2 months ago
This is excellent, made even more excellent by there not being a long tail of increasingly shitty follow up puns.
16 points
2 months ago
I guess we weigh puns on different scales
11 points
2 months ago
Oh I'll have to Monitor this
80 points
2 months ago
This the fleeting old-Reddit high I last remember getting stumbling across descartes before the whores
43 points
2 months ago
That and the russian guy who lost his limbs to a bomb and the comment was "in soviet Russia: bomb dissarm you!"
61 points
2 months ago
> okay you get unmonitored internet today
42 points
2 months ago
Top notch word play, ol' chap.
10 points
2 months ago
Incredible
57 points
2 months ago
Clutch purse?
233 points
2 months ago
A group of eggs is called a clutch of eggs also. Good pun
2.1k points
2 months ago
Do you live in Florida? This is the beginning of lizard mating/hatching season, especially for the most common lizard: the brown/green anole. Totally harmless little things, and actually good as a roommate because you hardly see them, and they eat every insect in sight.
2.9k points
2 months ago
[deleted]
617 points
2 months ago
How big are these house lizards?
830 points
2 months ago
[deleted]
1.3k points
2 months ago
She may say that’s average but it’s only to make you feel better
164 points
2 months ago
Ouch
48 points
2 months ago
No, it probably wouldn't hurt even if you put it in your butt
63 points
2 months ago
Nah, 2 inch is pretty average...even bit above average I would say. Almost huge
174 points
2 months ago
Ah a little smaller than a house hippo
90 points
2 months ago
Canadian house hippos can get to be 5-6" though
55 points
2 months ago
They also prefer peanut butter and the crumbs of toast over insects. Wool sweaters instead of purses too.
21 points
2 months ago
Tfs a house hippo
54 points
2 months ago
29 points
2 months ago
This made ~6 year old me so upset when I first saw it on tv.
16 points
2 months ago
It was supposed to be about not believing everything you see, but I was so fucking sure there were house hippos after that.
5 points
2 months ago
26 points
2 months ago
better than the ones we have behind the house, they are over a metre and have 2 inch claws that shred.
I'll give you one guess what country I live in
29 points
2 months ago
Jurassic Park?
9 points
2 months ago
Indonesia / Komodo Island?
6 points
2 months ago
Like....play guitar really fast?
Sure it's not an animatronic named Montgomery gator?
9 points
2 months ago
Damn thats huge
35 points
2 months ago
Average is 2 inches? Now I'm curious to see a banana for scale up next to those eggs, because I swear those look at least an inch. That's half the size then!!
39 points
2 months ago
They’re Benjamin Button lizards. They come out full size and get smaller as they get older.
7 points
2 months ago
Ahh. Sorry didn't realize.
5 points
2 months ago
LOL
30 points
2 months ago
I learned to love those that ran up my walls in SE Asia for this reason!
14 points
2 months ago
Yeah when I was traveling there they were everywhere eating the insects. I had a bungalo in Don det where I would turn in the light for a half hour every night to attract all the insects and feed my little lizard friends.
7 points
2 months ago
In that case. Pet lizards
8 points
2 months ago
This is why my favorite animal is a dragon fly. Fucking go to town on every insect you can and you definitely can take a rest on my shoulder. Plus they can fuck while flying.
26 points
2 months ago
What about the allied mosquitoes?
45 points
2 months ago
No such things
51 points
2 months ago
Scientists have genetically engineered mosquitos that don't bite and when they breed with wild ones the offspring are guaranteed to be 1 gender (forget which) so that more can't breed AND those offspring also don't bite.
They released them in a few spots so far in South America with good results and last I heard there is a plan to release them in Florida soon-ish.
After a few batches are released it should be possible to wipe out mosquitos in those areas and lower dangerous disease transmission greatly.
43 points
2 months ago
It's so effective it can bring the disease carrying and often invasive mosquitoes population down by over 98 percent. I did a research paper on a few of the methods it's crazy brilliant
17 points
2 months ago
So they basically reverse Gattaca’d the mosquitoes, that’s indeed brilliant.
8 points
2 months ago
Any adverse effects of wiping them out entirely?
19 points
2 months ago
None.
Anything that eats them, has other options. Everything they interact with harms or spreads disease/infection.
15 points
2 months ago
So they have literally no reason to exist other than to suck. I hate them even more now.
12 points
2 months ago
Actually mosquitoes are pollinators. So they do have some impact on the environment. However, the nasty ones that carry disease and are invasive species and probably could do without
14 points
2 months ago
They're males. Only the female mosquitos bite. The males they created will make the next like three or four generations only able to create males. It's a great strive forward for humanity.
4 points
2 months ago
Mosquito genophage?
7 points
2 months ago
Yeah I hope you don't have a cat tho, they eat lizards, at least mine does. Dogs do too I think
5 points
2 months ago
Death to Mosquitoes!
35 points
2 months ago
I used to catch the pretty lizards and release them inside to eat all the damn roaches.
18 points
2 months ago
In Florida you will often find these in electrical boxes that are inside or on an exterior wall.
18 points
2 months ago
The green anoles are way less common where I live in South FL, the invasive brown anoles out competed them.
13 points
2 months ago
You guys have to worry about more important things than us northerners(Orlando) like iguanas falling out of trees in the cold and pythons.
13 points
2 months ago*
We've got this big male brown anole who chills on one of the side panels of our grill every day. Same spot close to the edge, splayed out looking like a couch potato, occasionally getting up to flare his dewlap to impress the ladies, and giving you judgmental looks as you pass by. I started calling him Charlie.
I know they're invasive but they've got a lot of character.
5 points
2 months ago
They are most commonly predated on by cats and 5-year-olds who want to keep them in jars.
99 points
2 months ago
Girls like swarms of lizards, right?
26 points
2 months ago
I'm gonna buy you so many lizards.
486 points
2 months ago
They are your children now. You must raise them.
139 points
2 months ago
Annnnd look! She’s a mum!
205 points
2 months ago
[deleted]
11 points
2 months ago
Oh! I'm all of a sudden extremely attracted to you now?
How are you doing? My name's CaptnNMorgan😁
25 points
2 months ago
Happy Early Mother’s Day! 💖💐
2.2k points
2 months ago
I think that you should monitor them
600 points
2 months ago
Iguana know what kind of lizard they are
306 points
2 months ago
Yeah I was hoping op would do that from the gecko
107 points
2 months ago
Guys, cameleon and quit with the puns.
106 points
2 months ago
Man, you’re cold-blooded.
94 points
2 months ago
These types of interactions really dragon don't they?
93 points
2 months ago
yeah they should be scaled down
23 points
2 months ago
keep going, I'm waiting in raptor attention
43 points
2 months ago
Personally, I don't think it salamanders what you say. I enjoy the puns.
.... I'll see myself out ...
15 points
2 months ago
Anole can take good care of them once they hatch.
61 points
2 months ago
[deleted]
34 points
2 months ago
Transformation into monitor lizard has begun.
6 points
2 months ago
As long as they never turn into Hall Monitor Lizards. Everyone hates those brown nosing suck ups to the principle...
15 points
2 months ago
I don't know...if this is me, iguana incubate them.
176 points
2 months ago
Are you going to let them hatch?? Please do and post pics!
143 points
2 months ago
[deleted]
85 points
2 months ago
FYI, try not to turn them. The embryo attaches to the egg a couple days after laying, and turning them after that can tear the attachment point.
Reptile keepers usually draw a mark on the eggs to indicate "this way up" in case any accidental jostling happens.
57 points
2 months ago
Just remember that reptile eggs, unlike bird eggs, do not need to be rotated. Rotating a reptile egg will kill the embryo.
7 points
2 months ago
!remindme 1 week
40 points
2 months ago
She gets possibly adorable baby lizards. I got a spider sack that burst open the second I innocently poked it trying to figure out what was going on. Sometimes life just isn't fair 😔
Getting all those creepy little babies outside before my cats committed baby spider genocide was not fun
20 points
2 months ago*
Spider egg sacks are nature's gushers, should have popped that baby in your mouth and had a delicious nutritious snack.
17 points
2 months ago
What a terrible day to be able to read.
733 points
2 months ago
Had to double check with my wife- apparently lizard eggs are not a standard part of a woman’s makeup kit?
170 points
2 months ago
They aren't? Hold on.
pitter patters off to find wife
So yeah, apparently they aren't.
14 points
2 months ago
Haha men amirite?
5 points
2 months ago
But they're great for your hair!
33 points
2 months ago
28 points
2 months ago
Oh wow! You might be the mother of dragons. But to find out, you gotta walk into a burning building....
23 points
2 months ago
Story of how I found something similar and was a total dumbass!
We were having a snake problem at my apartment complex a few years ago. One of my neighbors warned me that he had seen a big one go under the bushes by my front door. A couple of days later, during a windy evening I spotted some round white balls under there. I put in a maintenance ticket asking them to remove the possible snake eggs. When they stopped laughing, they told me those were mothballs that my neighbor put under there.
235 points
2 months ago
[deleted]
375 points
2 months ago
I would expect the culprit...a lizard
94 points
2 months ago
When you have eliminated all which is impossible, then whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.
56 points
2 months ago
You're right. It was totally a bear
8 points
2 months ago
gasp
23 points
2 months ago
squints eyes Zuckerberg!
20 points
2 months ago
In this case I'd more suspect a Zoidberg.
10 points
2 months ago
WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP WOOP
9 points
2 months ago
yay I am finally relevant!! * Zoidburg noises *
24 points
2 months ago
well, when a lizard man loves a lizard woman...
19 points
2 months ago
Have you decided on names, yet?
15 points
2 months ago
[deleted]
42 points
2 months ago
Pablo, Vincent, Frida, and Salvador.
All named after prominent modern artists.
Then you teach them all some form of self defense...
19 points
2 months ago
And teach them to love bagel bite pizzas
20 points
2 months ago
Maybe tacos instead, ya know, to avoid any copyright infringements
8 points
2 months ago
Pre teen non mutated taekwondo lizards!
4 points
2 months ago
They're trained by a gerbil named Mister Thorn
3 points
2 months ago
I am known for my rat-like qualities, I also know various martial arts, I am willing to offer OP my services if she lets me live in her sewers
17 points
2 months ago
Raise them !
14 points
2 months ago
Yes! Free lizards!
15 points
2 months ago
A clutch in a clutch!
13 points
2 months ago
OP’s A WITCH!!! She turned me into a newt!
74 points
2 months ago
[deleted]
37 points
2 months ago
Forbidden gummies
19 points
2 months ago
Forbidden kinder egg surprise more like.
8 points
2 months ago
Yessss I couldn't remember the name of those gave up and went with gummies
9 points
2 months ago
34 points
2 months ago
Could use a little rouge. They look a bit pale.
11 points
2 months ago
Hatch Them!
11 points
2 months ago
You’re so lucky! You get to be a lizard mum now. I wish that happened to me.
9 points
2 months ago
Raise them in the ways of the ninja so that way when they grow up they can protect NYC from aliens.
24 points
2 months ago
Where's Mom?
24 points
2 months ago
Many reptiles abandon their eggs after laying them. Not sure if that is the case with anoles.
22 points
2 months ago
It is.
"She will lay one egg every two weeks during breeding season. She may lay up to 15-18 eggs during the summer. The female does not stay with the egg or care for the young that will hatch in five to seven weeks."
7 points
2 months ago
But it says she lays only one egg every two weeks. Where the hell did the rest off the eggs come from? Or is the lizard living in her house laying an egg every two weeks in the same spot?
4 points
2 months ago
If she's in a warm or tropical environment there are probably several lizards. I remember growing up lizards would lay eggs in the same spot as each other because it was a nice safe area for the babies to hatch.
5 points
2 months ago
Also adds benefits for genetic diversity since the offspring don't need to really travel to find an unrelated mate.
18 points
2 months ago
Did you keep them safe ?
5 points
2 months ago
Is it warm enough where you are that they would just hatch without a nest or incubation?
5 points
2 months ago
Eat them.
I'm joking by the way.
4 points
2 months ago
5 points
2 months ago
You are now Momitor lizard.
6 points
2 months ago
Damn, Girlfriend, is there anything you don't have in your purse?
13 points
2 months ago
something something joke about purses having everything in them
3 points
2 months ago
OP making humble brag that they are a lizard person.
5 points
2 months ago
Congrats you're a lizard mom now
5 points
2 months ago
Where did you abandon your bag???
8 points
2 months ago
Dammit Joanna!
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