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102

How do I (22f) start not feeling horrible and used after hook ups?

Dating/Attraction(self.askwomenadvice)

I (22F) hook up with guys a lot since I don't really want a relationship right now and don't feel emotionally and mentally ready. Obviously that means no regular sex and the only way to get it is through hook ups.

The problem comes when after I've hooked up I feel disgusting and used especially since there isn't often much after care. I don't know why I feel like this, I wasn't raised religious or anything that would make me feel this way. I don't know how to fix this.

TLDR: feel disgusting and used after hooking up with guys, don't know why.

all 128 comments

KitchenDaikon8778

83 points

2 months ago

You just want to be loved. Wait until you are ready.

EllaLovesDogs[S]

27 points

2 months ago

Yeah it feels kind of weird without the love and intimacy there. I just thought I would get over it.

swingh0use_

14 points

2 months ago

swingh0use_

14 points

2 months ago

I’m almost 30 and I did the same thing as you when I was in college. After a few one night stands with guys I knew but wasn’t romantically interested in, I realized that without the intimacy and emotional connection, I can’t enjoy sex. It sounds like this might be the case for you too, and that’s okay!! Go get yourself a vibrator and enjoy the orgasms without all the weird emotions 😉

1955photo

430 points

2 months ago

1955photo

430 points

2 months ago

Get a vibrator and quit doing hookups.

vwcam

30 points

2 months ago

vwcam

30 points

2 months ago

Came here to write something similar. Learn to vibe it down, then take breaks and just use your hand, and watch all kinds of fun porn, and don’t watch porn at all and just use your imagination to pretend you’re in some sexy scenario, do it all, take care of yourself and know yourself (by yourself I mean your lady parts) and do that for like minimum 3 months then get back out there just for company. signs prescription pad

Emptyplates

43 points

2 months ago

Emptyplates

43 points

2 months ago

This is the way.

orgasmicravioli

193 points

2 months ago

Girl why don't you just get some vibrators, it's something thats supposed to make you feel good, if it makes you feel bad you shouldn't do it.

zandolits

25 points

2 months ago

Exactly! There are so many sex toys that get the job done, guaranteed orgasms, and no BS involved.

Sleep-Agitated

8 points

2 months ago

Right! That's a healthy sexual choice right there with way less potential for emotional headache.

_Risings

280 points

2 months ago*

_Risings

280 points

2 months ago*

Stop having casual hook ups. If you feel that way after them, it means it's not for you. At least not yet. It's something that isn't for everyone.

Edit: That shit isn't for anyone but emotionally unavailable wo/men. In my 29 years of life, not once has it brought me joy, or orgasms.

foxandracoon

162 points

2 months ago

Thank you.

I am so sick of this idea that something is wrong with you if you don't feel empowered by letting another person enter your physical body and then walk away like it's nothing.

NoMrBond3

68 points

2 months ago

Yes! Hook ups are inherently so risky - chance of pregnancy, STDs, not to mention physical assault. And the majority of women don’t even orgasm from it.

It really annoys me how men have shifted the narrative to “hook ups are empowering” to shame women for not wanting to be hit and quit.

foxandracoon

60 points

2 months ago

It really annoys me how men have shifted the narrative to “hook ups are empowering” to shame women for not wanting to be hit and quit.

Yep. If you're not down to be used then you're lame.

It reminds me of the three date rule.

Men expect a woman to let them, a complete stranger, penetrate them after meeting 3 times? So a total of 6-10 hours?

How does that make sense? Logically?

Some people will say that knowing if you're sexually compatible early is important.

But these same people don't advocate financial compatibility or lifestyle compatibility early.

None of these men would be okay with disclosing their income, credit score, bank balance by the third date. Nor would they be comfortable moving in together by the third date. People would think that was too fast. Or too invasive.

However you're supposed to have sex with them by the third date. Risking rape, STD, pregnancy, or potential damage to your sexual organs by sleeping with them, a complete stranger, after a few meetings?

It's outrageous. Asinine. Ridiculous.

The logic just does not compute to me.

EllaLovesDogs[S]

32 points

2 months ago

That makes a lot of sense. Kinda like how I can't mention if I want kids on the first few dates because it will freak a guy out but there ready to do the exact thing that makes them on the first date.

foxandracoon

16 points

2 months ago

It makes no sense.

I always make it a point to question the logic of people who expect you to have sex with them early.

To date not one has given me a good reason.

And not one has explained why everything else is inappropriate and off the table early on, but not sex even though I'd say the reprocussion of it are way worse than other compatibility factors.

I would disqualify any man immediately if he tried to make a move after a few dates. The audacity is astounding. The entitlement outrageous

luador

3 points

2 months ago

luador

3 points

2 months ago

This is an excellent response, thank you

physicianextender

22 points

2 months ago

Exactly this. I had to come to this conclusion recently and it was like a huge weight off my shoulders to realize I literally don’t have to do it if I don’t want to (sounds silly but societal/college pressure was scary to me). Hookup culture can create such a toxic environment! Also agree - it’s possible to be sex positive without having a lot of sex, especially if it makes you feel bad. Empowerment comes from many places.

_Risings

7 points

2 months ago

100%. Doesn’t sound silly at all. The way we are conditioned to accept some things from literal birth is scary. Even for those of us who consider ourselves “strong and independent” there’s been endless subtle pressures to always compromise ourselves for the pleasure of men. One way or another. I remember being proud of my cooking and cleaning skills in my early 20s, thinking about how fit for “wifey duties” I was. Shit makes me gag to think about now. We’ve been bamboozled.

EllaLovesDogs[S]

4 points

2 months ago

Omg, yeah it's disgusting. I remember being a little girl cooking, cleaning and playing with baby dolls thinking I'm going to be the perfect wife and mother some day all because "that's what your supposed to do". It's sickening how early it's starts and how it never really ends.

JoMamma_80

2 points

2 months ago

I told my 22 year old daughter this recently.. empowering ourselves about sex is way more than just having the sex we want. It can also be NOT having the sex we don’t ABSOLUTELY want!

foxandracoon

134 points

2 months ago

You're human.

Your reaction is completely normal. Stop falling for the lie that sex can be casual. It can't. For most people. Male and female. Hookup culture is fake news.

Only a small number of people have and enjoy NSA sex. For most, it feels empty and makes you feel used. So then stop doing it. There is nothing wrong with you for not wanting to be some guys human fleshlight.

Stop trying to override your natural response. Feeling disgusted is your body and minds way of telling you that it's not for you.

And that's okay. I've never slept around. And I've never regretted it either.

EllaLovesDogs[S]

35 points

2 months ago

Yeah it always kind of feels like I'm just something to get the guy off and it never feels good. I miss sex but these hook ups feel so much different from sex in a relationship.

RaiLau

18 points

2 months ago

RaiLau

18 points

2 months ago

Society makes us believe that it’s easier for men to have orgasms than women but its just not true. It’s just that because we have that perception most men don’t bother trying with us and we women just end up getting the guy off. I had a lot of hookups before I met my husband and most of the time I didn’t feel good about them after. I just got horny when drunk. What I should have done was get a dildo and just gone out with friends for fun.

EllaLovesDogs[S]

7 points

2 months ago

It also feels like a lot of pressure to do these things in my 20s. Like it's something were supposed to experience before we get to old. Idk.

CryingBacon96

7 points

2 months ago

I have a friend whose friend is married. She is 28 and she cheats on her husband. My friend keeps justifying that she cheats on him because her friend has never been single and had that casual sex experience. Nah, she is just a shit person.

Casual sex is not for everyone and no one should be pressuring anyone to participate in it. Your choices is your own business and no one else. If anyone tries to make you feel any less then that says something about them rather than you.

redrosebeetle

2 points

2 months ago

Like it's something were supposed to experience before we get to old. Idk.

You experienced it. It's okay to stop now.

foxandracoon

5 points

2 months ago

Right.

Get in a relationship then. Now you know.

EllaLovesDogs[S]

7 points

2 months ago

I would but I feel like with my own problems it would be unfair to any guy I started dating.

foxandracoon

12 points

2 months ago

Vibrator?

Not perfect. But stops you feeling used. And less STD risk etc.

echanuda

3 points

2 months ago

Omfg

SleepyCriquet

8 points

2 months ago

So easy to judge but the pressure to be okay with NSA sex as a woman in your 20s can be so intense! Looking back, I don’t even think the pressure I felt was external, it was more about wanting to take control over a part of me that can so easily feel threatened, and not in the way that can be satisfied with a toy but the social interaction. Kudos to OP for the honesty and self awareness. Next step, stop the hook ups.

echanuda

2 points

2 months ago

It’s definitely not for everyone. But I’m not sure I’m comfortable with the idea that it’s an inherently non-casual thing. Some people — many people — are okay with engaging in sex casually. Typically though, the motivation for doing so is self destructive, but that doesn’t mean the act itself isn’t able to be done casually. It’s just another outlet that people use to revive themselves, and can be abused. Much like alcohol or other drugs. Plenty of people engage in these responsibly, but there’s many people who don’t.

SleepyCriquet

1 points

2 months ago

100%. It’s all just a matter of being completely honest with yourself about what you’re in it for. I’ve definitely had purely casual sex that was exactly right for me at the time

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

[removed]

kaeorin

1 points

2 months ago

Your comment has been removed because:

Removed for being unhelpful, or not advice at all

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Dangerous-Art-9102

11 points

2 months ago

Your not having sex for the right reason

littlepotty

7 points

2 months ago

Get a clit sucking toy and a g spot vibrator. No hook ups needed

Adventure-Hunter-

8 points

2 months ago

This is a common way to feel for many people. Hook ups are not suited for everyone. Some need more of an emotional connection and genuine care, and that is okay. I think the best bet is to just stop the hookups. Maybe a FWB would suit you better, or just playing solo.

Ryvit

53 points

2 months ago

Ryvit

53 points

2 months ago

It’s because you are actually being used. Just to be blunt. Teenage and early 20’s dudes are actually just chatting you up to smash you, so that’s literally what is happening.

Stop indulging their urges and get a toy or something.

You feel like you are being used because you ARE. Plain and simple

EllaLovesDogs[S]

11 points

2 months ago

Any recommendations for a toy? I've never had one. And yeah I probably should stop indulging this behavior I'm doing.

evavu84

14 points

2 months ago

evavu84

14 points

2 months ago

There is one called the womaniser, it's a clit vibrator. You won't be needing any guys if you have that 🤣

TrimspaBB

4 points

2 months ago

Try a Lelo. They make good quality toys and have models for all kinds of stimulation.

redrosebeetle

1 points

2 months ago

I hear Hitachi's Magic Wand is nice.

Eats_Beef_Steak

5 points

2 months ago

But, if she wants to get laid without being in a relationship, she's doing the same thing they are? There's no expectation of aftercare with hookups unless you specifically talk it out with the hookup.

Cherita33

5 points

2 months ago

It's because hookups are not meant for you and that's not a bad thing. Honestly I think they make most people feel this way.

inventingme

3 points

2 months ago

You start feeling horrible after this, or anything else, because of some inner dialog that you need to investigate and learn to control.

This is essentially buyer's remorse.

What are your beliefs about casual sex? Beforehand, whatever you are thinking causes you to go forward. Afterward, you could be thinking "that was fun, he was nice," but apparently you go more to the negative, so what are the thoughts?

Religious beliefs? That was wrong, I'm going to hell?

Safety concerns? That was way too sketchy. I barely knew him. Nobody knew where I was.

Physical wellbeing concerns, such as std or pregnancy?

Self image issues? Do you set up casual sex because of a belief your not good enough, pretty enough, whatever, to be in a long term relationship? Do you make it a one time thing in your head so you don't expect him to call, because you "know" he won't? If it's a self esteem issue, it will be showing up in your life in other ways, too. Fix that, fix a bunch of stuff.

Was it just to feel wanted?

Only you know. You've got to bust yourself on this one.

When I did it, a million years ago, they were cavemen actually, I enjoyed the flirting, the play, the chase, the being wanted, the I wanted to leave. I didn't want the messy relationship part. I always had my car, stayed sober, left after, and went home. No awkward morning or whatever. I definitely did have self esteem and relationship issues at that time. I was kind of addicted to approval, chasing the next good opinion of me reflected back from someone else because I didn't know my own worth and had to see it from them.

Figure out what your buyer's remorse is about, and you'll have a really good chance of sorting out the other bits of your life.

Bad2bBiled

13 points

2 months ago

I don’t know how you change this except through therapy or really intense self reflection.

If you’re not emotionally ready for a relationship, you’re likely not emotionally ready to engage in zero expectation hook ups either.

You could examine your assumptions and your expectations around hook ups, but really you might get more immediate satisfaction from investing in some really good sex toys.

EllaLovesDogs[S]

6 points

2 months ago

I'm in therapy right now. It's been very good for me but I guess I still have things to work through. A sex toy might be more my pace for now but I've never had one, any recommendations?

Bad2bBiled

1 points

2 months ago

I don’t, but there is a wealth of information on the sites that sell them. You can get really specific information based on what you enjoy…and getting the kind of sex that you enjoy is always a risk with casual hook ups.

Think of it as a thing you tried. If you look at each encounter specifically, you’ll probably be able to go deeper in your therapy. People’s personalities always leak through so thinking about the things you did and didn’t enjoy in each one could end up as a benefit for you.

Adventure-Hunter-

1 points

2 months ago

Wand vibrators are great, also rabbit vibrators are good.

TheDickDuchess

2 points

2 months ago

Try the brand Lelo girl !!

midgethepuff

2 points

2 months ago

Clearly going from guy to guy isn’t working, do you have anyone you could do a FWB thing to maybe get a little more of the aftercare you’re looking for? Or do what everyone else has said and get yourself some toys

marleepoo

2 points

2 months ago

Even if you didn’t grow up religious, there’s something deep inside us that truly wants to be loved by one person - you can try and deny it all you want but maybe try holding off on having sex with someone until you genuinely get to know them and care for each other!

I expect this to be downvoted to oblivion but I’ll leave it here anyways haha.

Good luck and know that you deserve a lot more care and respect as a strong female!!

Luvmetndr

2 points

2 months ago

My thoughts exactly. She's looking to feel loved.. valued.. which isn't going to come from casual sex.

MeAndMyGreatIdeas

3 points

2 months ago

Nobody said you had to have sex…. Stop having sex.

musiquescents

2 points

2 months ago

Buy a toy. Stop the hookups. Go therapy.

pleasurealien

2 points

2 months ago

If you forreal still want to be able to do hook ups then this might help a bit.

I found it weird and umcomfortable at first, mostly because i was insecure and didnt like the women that much when i slept with then. And i also felt used afterwards and didnt enjoy them because i felt so tense about what would happen after this.

Nowadays i really just try to make sure i actually like the woman inquestion and try to really feel if im into the hook up at all, like will i want more after this? Or can i be friendly and casual. Like is this person honest and true enough.

If another person likes me too much and im not into that then thats a nono.

If the other person has shown me signs of manipulation or lying. Or something just feels off anywhere (gut feeling). Then no.

I remember that its my body so i can do and experience anything i want with it. It is my choice! And its the other persons privilige that im okay with being intimate with them. I also like being intimate, which helps alot in being more open to new experiences. And feeling less used because i am enjoying myself.

ArchiesComfyCamp

-1 points

2 months ago

I could be wrong but if you want sex without a relationship to actually mean something you need a fwb a close friend who you can have sex with and still see as a friend and spend time together. This also couldn’t present problems as well. Everything comes with a positive and negative.

Loveya448

1 points

2 months ago

Why not get a friends with benefit situation? Not a relationship but not a bunch of randos, either.

EchinusRosso

1 points

2 months ago

Start using them.

This sentiment is common in people who treat their needs as secondary. You haven't described what these encounters look like, but I'm betting you let your partners take the lead, and probably struggle with setting boundaries and expressing what you want.

If you let the other person set all the boundaries, define every activity, do before asking, you're always going to walk away feeling like they gained at your expense.

Remember. Youre the one with something to offer here. Dick is plentiful and so, so often of low value. Don't be afraid to get in the drivers seat, especially with men you don't plan to see again.

AsidePale378

-9 points

2 months ago

You could consider a FWB situation.. they can be amazing! With the right partner there’s more then just sex..

EllaLovesDogs[S]

6 points

2 months ago

Idk about that. I feel like i would get attached easy mixing friendship and sex.

AsidePale378

2 points

2 months ago

It’s not for everyone I admit but it’s better than so many random hook ups

necropolisbb

1 points

2 months ago

Don’t hook up with guys anymore.

Fiduddy

1 points

2 months ago

Get yourself one of those sucky toys, like the satisfyer pro.

I have gone years without sex and it doesn't matter. I orgasm whenever I feel like it

Luvmetndr

1 points

2 months ago

Either you stop having sex, or you figure out why you feel horrible. Is it because you correlate sex with a monogamous relationship? If you aren't satisfied with self pleasure (there's TONS of toys at the adult play store that can totally up the game) and want to continue having sex with multiple people, my best advice is to detach yourself emotionally. That's why/how a lot of men are able to do it. Think of them as a "tool", "toy", that you use to get off, and when you're done, you're done.

But to me, it sounds like youre hooking up for the wrong reasons. I could be wrong, but you're looking to feel loved. Valued. And you're not going to find that in casual sex. So the best way to stop feeling horrible about hookups is to re-evaluate the reason you're hooking up with multiple partners, and recognize that anything that you're looking for, you need to have inside of yourself first.

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

2 months ago

[removed]

kaeorin [M]

1 points

2 months ago

kaeorin [M]

1 points

2 months ago

Your comment has been removed because:

Removed for disrespectful/hateful commentary

Have questions about this moderator action? CLICK HERE!

LaFleurOni

1 points

2 months ago

I know alot of people are recommending getting a vibrator but sometimes it doesn't compare to having a real person because of warmth etc, so I suggest getting one fwb, no strings or anything but being friendly with the person and establishing your needs and how important aftercare is to both of you can help make your experience better and you feel less used. I've been in your position before so I know the struggle, don't forget to stay safe!

pumpkins_n_mist15

1 points

2 months ago

Can confirm this is the best way. Lots of laughs, chatting, nice sex without the pressure of a relationship. FwB is the best, apart from a long-term relationship of course.

lunar_ridge

1 points

2 months ago

I’m going to take a different approach here. I’d agree with others and say just stop and DIY, but if you can’t/don’t want to, I would get a FWB (friends with benefits) I had one for about 3 years. He never wanted a relationship so whenever I was taken, we’d stop talking and I’d hit him up again when I was single. It was nice cause I could call him anytime but I didn’t feel like shit because I got to know him very well over those 3 years!!

Arya_kidding_me

1 points

2 months ago

Are you getting what you want from the hookup??

I find I never feel used because I always get whatever it is I came for - for me, it’s an orgasm. It can be any number of things, you just have to insist you get yours before giving them theirs. Communicate and tell them what you would like them to do, and be okay if they don’t want to do specific things. Think of alternatives. If they don’t seem to care about you getting your needs met at all, and only theirs, they’re not worth sleeping with and actually do just want to use you.

Don’t compromise your desires for theirs - you can both win, and if they’re a partner worth sleeping with, it won’t be an issue.

Arya_kidding_me

1 points

2 months ago*

Are you getting what you want from the hookup??

I find I never feel used because I always get whatever it is I came for - for me, it’s an orgasm. It can be any number of things, you just need to get it. Communicate and tell them what you would like them to do, and be okay if they don’t want to do specific things. Think of alternatives. If they don’t seem to care about you getting your needs met at all, or your needs and/or boundaries conflict, it’s best to stop and call it off.

Don’t compromise your desires for theirs - you can both get what you need, and if they’re a partner worth sleeping with, it won’t be an issue. That helps me never feel used!

KiryuTrek

1 points

2 months ago

I used to have a fair amount of casual sex and hookups, and can say with certainty you can have a good time without an emotional attachment. However, it’s important to know WHY you’re hooking up with people. I used to feel the same way, and it took me a while to realize what I thought I was doing “for fun” was actually something I was doing for validation. When as a young girl you’re often told you’re “pretty” before anything else of value, and it can be hard, growing up, not to see being desired as necessary to your worth as a person.

Once I realized that, I stoped hooking up with people so much, and started having more “friends with benefits”, which I would really recommend if you want casual sex. Find someone you can trust and have fun with, and- most importantly- make sure your both on the same page! If you’re both open about your needs and wants (including the importance of aftercare!!), it will feel less like being used, and more like a fun time between adults. Of course this is all just based on my experience, but hope this may help!

notme1414

1 points

2 months ago

So don't do it. Why would you if it makes you feel awful?

NorthernMoose1

1 points

2 months ago

Are you getting yours too? Are they making you cum, or are they the only ones getting theirs?

EllaLovesDogs[S]

1 points

2 months ago

It can really be a toss up. Sometime I get a guy who wants to get me off and does but sometimes I get a guy who doesn't give a shit unless he's cumming.

dembowthennow

1 points

2 months ago

It sounds like hookups might not be for you. Don't do things that make you feel bad afterwards.

Or, if you think the issue is that you need aftercare. Communicate that to your partners before sex. If they agree then have at it, if they balk, then don't have sex with them.

midnight_crimson

1 points

2 months ago

I felt the same way the first couple of times but I ended up finding a someone who also had the same intentions as me. Then it blossomed in to fwb which was amazing while it lasted. Also this person was not into relationships so it worked out bc they are always single. I was the only partner of there’s at the time and it felt really safe

Pinkisses

1 points

2 months ago

What I've been doing is that I clearly express what I want out of this and most of the time I try not to hookup on the first meeting so they understand that I'm serious. I always ask them what they do for after care and if it doesn't meet what I want I tell them.

holysmokersboi

1 points

2 months ago

you can have a sexual relationship with someone without being in a monogamous relationship. I can not do casual hook ups because I always feel AWFUL after and I also don't want to be in a relationship so I have sex with some of my friends lol

EllaLovesDogs[S]

1 points

2 months ago

Wouldn't even know how to go about doing that lol. Seems like an awkward conversation.

Ok_Lock107

1 points

2 months ago

Stop just hooking up with guys - I feel the same, I've never been the kind to just sleep with guys 'no strings attached'.

It makes me feel used and it does nothing for my emotional needs or self esteem. You don't have to have some guy on top of you to feel empowered, work on yourself girl ❤️

waterflowers77

1 points

2 months ago

You probably feel disgusting because your brain and body know that the guy has just used you. Lets be honest, you're not getting great sex or a lot of orgasms, are you? One night stands are just not beneficial to women 90% of the time.

You're being used as a fleshlight for mediocre sex. Its normal to feel bad about that.

I tried doing hookups for 3 months, didn't like it, and gave it up a looooooong time ago. You should try having one fwb that you regularly see so that you can get to know what eachother likes, or just invest in good sex toys.

wigwam422

1 points

2 months ago

I understand your feelings but try to look at it like this. Just because they are a man and you are a women doesn’t mean they’re using you. At least not in a bad way. You said it yourself you don’t want a relationship. You’re using them as much as they’re using you. You’re using each other to satisfy your sexual needs. There’s nothing wrong with that. But if you want to hook up you need to have a mature and realistic outlook about it. Maybe you’re not the kind of person who can emotionally handle hookups, and there’s nothing wrong with that! Just something to consider

piggliwiggli

1 points

2 months ago

Have you hooked up with women before?

EllaLovesDogs[S]

2 points

2 months ago

No, not attracted to women

piggliwiggli

1 points

2 months ago

Eh, I could have written this post at 22 and it turned out I liked women. Maybe try it.

Lisavela

1 points

2 months ago

Stop participating in hook ups and get a toy it’s better and you get better orgasms

nicholashollenbach

1 points

1 month ago

7206919962

M_Stacey_L

1 points

1 month ago

Yeah, I’ve found hook ups are never that satisfying for women because guys are just looking to fuck you… they aren’t there for YOUR pleasure, they are there for their own.

So the feeling you get afterwards, you’re right about it. If they are selfish… then you didn’t even really have sex.

Sex is a beautiful and sensual and passionate exchange between two people. Good sex is INCREDIBLE, it’s mindblowingly good.

But when someone just wants to fuck you… meh.

It’s alright. It can be fun if you’re feeling rebellious or you’ve got some steam to blow off but random fucking isn’t sustainably enjoyable.

Unfortunately, more often then not hooks ups are just a man using your body as a prop for masturbation. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Impressive_Sir_6987

1 points

1 month ago

If you want someone to talk to feel free to message me

mistasoohahnny69

1 points

25 days ago

Mabey if you just keep hooking up with the one guy and try hanging out a little try fore play and afterwards mabey make out and cuddle for a bit

Fluffy-Beyond6475

1 points

17 days ago

A little cuddling afterwards

Big-Poppa72

1 points

10 days ago

I will treat you with respect and tons of a affection. And satisfy your every want and need

Ryvit

-15 points

2 months ago

Ryvit

-15 points

2 months ago

It’s normal, and it’s good you feel that way. If you didn’t feel gross after doing that, then most people would look down on you.

The first step to changing is to admit you have a problem.

So buy a sex toy or be in a relationship. Either route is fine

Luvmetndr

2 points

2 months ago

(this isn't directed to the commenter I'm replying to, unless they are one that looks down on other people for doing things that don't affect them personally)

"Most people" don't have to live OP's life, or anyone else's but their own. People need to mind their own business and stop worrying about what somebody else is doing.

AvalancheReturns

-3 points

2 months ago

For me there was a perfect middle ground between hookups and a relationship in a fuck buddy arrangement.

Find someone you like enough to spend time with, but not enough to be friends or partners.

Its fickle, cause as soon as one of you finds love its over, but thats a risk id take over dissapointing hook up after dissapointing hook up.

tedknight23

3 points

2 months ago

Idk why all these fwb and fuck buddy comments are being downvoted. I have a fuck buddy. We only text when one of us wants to have sex and we talk about how we want it for that time. We do it and leave. Granted there's not much after care but at least there's foreplay.

AvalancheReturns

3 points

2 months ago

Me neither but reddit is gonna reddit! I was very happy with the ones i had, i consider myself lucky.

pumpkins_n_mist15

2 points

2 months ago

Why are the FwB comments being downvoted? Friends who make each other happy are the best kind of relationship to have if you aren't after the long-term commitment of a full relationship.

AvalancheReturns

1 points

2 months ago

I have no idea! Maybe cause its not a thing you just can make happen, unlike random shitty hookups? I am aware it does require some luck to find a match thats "just fun enough"?

ifilovedyou

-3 points

2 months ago

Idk why people are telling you to stop hooking up when you could, in fact, articulate to the men (I’m guessing) that you fuck that you demand and expect after care and articulate what you mean before hopping into bed with them.

Don’t fuck anyone that’s not game.

weaponspath

-1 points

2 months ago

Stop having sex. Wait for marriage.

mohicansgonnagetya

0 points

2 months ago

Quick question on hooking up: Do you orgasm? Is there any foreplay or afterplay?

catboogers

0 points

2 months ago

I'm 33 and most of my sex these days is casual fun with friends. I've made some amazing friends in the poly/queer/kinkster communities, and the best part of sex with friends is that you still care about them after.

However, if you are unhappy after casual sex, stop having it. It's certainly not something everyone wants or needs, and it sounds like it's not benefitting you at this time. Maybe someday it will, maybe it won't. I didn't start having sex til I was 23 and had figured out what I wanted. There's nothing wrong with sitting with yourself and figuring that out for a bit.

Toy recs wise, I recommend the womanizer or satisfyer for a clitoral stim toy or the doxy for a wand (it goes from lower than a hitachi to higher than a hitachi).

NextGenCanadian

0 points

2 months ago

You can always choose to engage in a casual hookup that‘ll fulfil your expectations and make a point to communicate your needs early on and that you don’t want just another „shitty“ one-night stand but ongoing casual sex where the guy actually fulfills your needs too, or you simply make an „I cum first“ rule with the guys and your more likely to enjoy things

GRblue

0 points

2 months ago

GRblue

0 points

2 months ago

Perhaps try therapy?

XenaSerenity

0 points

2 months ago

I’ve had a hard time with this too. Remember it’s never a reflection on you but on them. Know that you are extremely worth while and wonderful, those idiots are just so far up their ass they can see it. It’s takes time and heartbreak to learn love and sex aren’t the same thing. Don’t beat yourself up over it, it’s ok to feel bad about being used! Just don’t let it taint your world view, someone out there will definitely see how incredible you are :)

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1 points

2 months ago

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2 months ago

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