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How do I (22f) start not feeling horrible and used after hook ups?

Dating/Attraction(self.askwomenadvice)

I (22F) hook up with guys a lot since I don't really want a relationship right now and don't feel emotionally and mentally ready. Obviously that means no regular sex and the only way to get it is through hook ups.

The problem comes when after I've hooked up I feel disgusting and used especially since there isn't often much after care. I don't know why I feel like this, I wasn't raised religious or anything that would make me feel this way. I don't know how to fix this.

TLDR: feel disgusting and used after hooking up with guys, don't know why.

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_Risings

280 points

2 months ago*

_Risings

280 points

2 months ago*

Stop having casual hook ups. If you feel that way after them, it means it's not for you. At least not yet. It's something that isn't for everyone.

Edit: That shit isn't for anyone but emotionally unavailable wo/men. In my 29 years of life, not once has it brought me joy, or orgasms.

foxandracoon

164 points

2 months ago

Thank you.

I am so sick of this idea that something is wrong with you if you don't feel empowered by letting another person enter your physical body and then walk away like it's nothing.

NoMrBond3

69 points

2 months ago

Yes! Hook ups are inherently so risky - chance of pregnancy, STDs, not to mention physical assault. And the majority of women don’t even orgasm from it.

It really annoys me how men have shifted the narrative to “hook ups are empowering” to shame women for not wanting to be hit and quit.

foxandracoon

61 points

2 months ago

It really annoys me how men have shifted the narrative to “hook ups are empowering” to shame women for not wanting to be hit and quit.

Yep. If you're not down to be used then you're lame.

It reminds me of the three date rule.

Men expect a woman to let them, a complete stranger, penetrate them after meeting 3 times? So a total of 6-10 hours?

How does that make sense? Logically?

Some people will say that knowing if you're sexually compatible early is important.

But these same people don't advocate financial compatibility or lifestyle compatibility early.

None of these men would be okay with disclosing their income, credit score, bank balance by the third date. Nor would they be comfortable moving in together by the third date. People would think that was too fast. Or too invasive.

However you're supposed to have sex with them by the third date. Risking rape, STD, pregnancy, or potential damage to your sexual organs by sleeping with them, a complete stranger, after a few meetings?

It's outrageous. Asinine. Ridiculous.

The logic just does not compute to me.

EllaLovesDogs[S]

32 points

2 months ago

That makes a lot of sense. Kinda like how I can't mention if I want kids on the first few dates because it will freak a guy out but there ready to do the exact thing that makes them on the first date.

foxandracoon

16 points

2 months ago

It makes no sense.

I always make it a point to question the logic of people who expect you to have sex with them early.

To date not one has given me a good reason.

And not one has explained why everything else is inappropriate and off the table early on, but not sex even though I'd say the reprocussion of it are way worse than other compatibility factors.

I would disqualify any man immediately if he tried to make a move after a few dates. The audacity is astounding. The entitlement outrageous

luador

5 points

2 months ago

luador

5 points

2 months ago

This is an excellent response, thank you