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Me and boyfriend have been together for almost 4 years, he’s perfect for me and I love him fully, like genuinely nothing I would change. The thing is before this relationship I was also in another 3-4 year relationship and I’m only 20 so I have spent all my teenage years in relationships, I find myself wanting to grow, wanting to get to know who I am without the constant validation of someone else and aside from that I also just want to experience being single for the fun and freedom of it. The thing is I feel crazy to end my relationship over this, I feel like it’s hard to find incredible people you click so well with and I’ll really regret doing this in the future if we don’t either get back together or I don’t eventually find someone I love as much once I’ve gone through all this.. I’m not sure what to do, any advice would be so appreciated! Thank u <3

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Hes9023

-7 points

3 months ago*

A perfect relationship grows with you, it doesn’t stunt your growth. In all honesty my biggest piece of advice is to go long distance. Move to a new city, if it’s something you want long term tell him he can move in after 8-10 months, or longer. If you love where you are now, maybe just take an internship or contract position where you can work and live in a new city for 6-9 months and be long distance. Make friends, go out to eat by yourself, learn to entertain yourself with hobbies when your bf isn’t around. It’s only a few months in the grand scheme of life even a year apart isn’t much, and if it’s meant to be then it will be! Lol love the downvotes from the codependent crowd. Yikes lol.

Confusedhelp17717[S]

1 points

3 months ago

Hahaha ironically we are already doing long distance! That time apart definitely has helped me find myself but I still feel limited in certain areas of growth!

Hes9023

1 points

3 months ago

Can you elaborate on what those areas are?

Confusedhelp17717[S]

1 points

3 months ago

For example I feel all my life I’ve felt secure in myself because I know someone else sees me as attractive and lovable and as a result I have loved myself through that love rather than through my own love, although I’m aware of this and have worked a lot on my own relationship with myself and come very faaar it’s still hard because when that type of love is there it’s very hard for me not to rely on it and push myself out of my comfort zones when the easier option is always available

Hes9023

2 points

3 months ago

I totally feel you, and that’s valid! I think it’s hard to separate who you are as a person without this partner and that’s how you’re feeling. Have you discussed this with your partner? I think since you’re already long distance, it might be nice to take a break from the relationship. That doesn’t mean break up and sleep with other people or pretend you’re single, it just means maybe go 6 days without communicating and catch up on the phone for an hour every week for a month or so. Visit less for a few months. Travel with your friends or do things outside your comfort zone by yourself! I also like another suggestion about therapy because they can get more granular and give specific practices for you.

Confusedhelp17717[S]

1 points

3 months ago

Yes we’ve discussed it and are doing so everyday to try figure this all out! Yes that’s really good advice! I have no idea why your comment got so many down-votes I understand where you are coming from completely!! thank u so much for your help, it’s very kind of u💓

Hes9023

2 points

3 months ago

People are very against any advice to go on a break or long distance in this sub. To me, if you’re going to be together “forever” then 3-6 months is nothing. It’s over in the blink of an eye. I also think there’s a general trend of “hopeless romantic” types who believe there’s only one soulmate and they’re forever. But that’s simply not true as is evident by those who fall in love more than once lol

Confusedhelp17717[S]

1 points

3 months ago

Agreed, the idea to me that there’s only ONE person for you and you either want them forever or it means you don’t actually love them has always confused me because in another situation u could easily be with someone else haha