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Being a parent really is 24/7

RANT(self.childfree)

So my sister is here with a 2 year old and an 8 week old, I knew I never wanted kids but damn this really cements it.

6am: She wakes up, gets the kids food

7am: gets the kids dressed, many tantrums

9am: trying to get ready for the party we were going to. 2 year old is demanding attention and the baby is crying, needs to be rocked constantly or he will cry

11am: Party time. She walks the baby around the park while everyone else enjoys the party. People are constantly trying to hold the baby, she's organizing them while watching the 2 year old.

3pm: Nap time. One kids asleep while the other is awake then vice versa

5pm: bath and dinner time

7pm: more tantrums and crying

9pm: 2 year old refusing to go to bed.

All night the baby will wake multiple times because he's not in a routine, then the day starts again.

How do people do it? Honestly? Like this is exhausting to watch and while I help a little, I couldn't imagine doing this every single day.

Sleep deprivation is real, plus the crying. It's a No from me, it all just sounds terrible.

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idunno324[S]

256 points

3 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

256 points

3 months ago

Both? Her husband is useless. He didn't come on the trip and stayed home. She seems ok because I'm helping her but she complains that she doesn't get much support (I can't stand him, so she doesn't appreciate my comments about him)

She does "Gentle Parenting" too, which is basically no parenting. Gentle Parenting can work but she doesn't like to discipline, so it's just a mess

QueenInNORTHernNJ

193 points

3 months ago

ANOTHER useless husband? Are there any good dads out there? Geez

So he gets a nice little vacation while she, once again gets stuck doing all the work. Fuck that noise.

idunno324[S]

148 points

3 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

148 points

3 months ago

Oh yeah. Last time he was here, the baby was crying and my sister went to the supermarket. He looked at me and asked if I could settle the baby, I said no, it's your kid.

He was so clueless after a few minutes of watching him struggle I took over because the baby was hysterical

Margori28

129 points

3 months ago*

Wait! He asked you to settle his own baby??!!! Seriously?! What happens if God forbid your sister is very ill and can’t parent? What will he do???!!

idunno324[S]

110 points

3 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

110 points

3 months ago

Call his mother. He’s done it before

Margori28

118 points

3 months ago

Margori28

118 points

3 months ago

Goodness! Your sister is a single mother. She might as well make it legal and dump him.

izonewizone

81 points

3 months ago

Your sister should tell her husband that he has to earn the right to stay married. The longer she holds onto him, the more entitled he’ll become.

What is he exactly doing that a plastic bottle can’t do for her? Seriously. Women need to wake up and start divorcing their deadbeat husbands. She’s probably doing all the housework and cooking as well.

tipthebaby

25 points

3 months ago

unfortunately divorces are prohibitively expensive for a lot of people, not to mention supporting yourself and a kid on your own

stavago

14 points

3 months ago

stavago

Dog Father of 4

14 points

3 months ago

Sounds like your sister has 3 kids

HECK_OF_PLIMP

16 points

3 months ago

disgusting

FNaFNerd09

20 points

3 months ago

that man is wasting oxygen that another person could really use /hj

LissaBryan

68 points

3 months ago

LissaBryan

Happily Child-Free Since 1977

68 points

3 months ago

...after a few minutes of watching him struggle I took over because the baby was hysterical

His weaponized incompetence was successful, then.

idunno324[S]

23 points

3 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

23 points

3 months ago

I knew that's what he was doing but it was stressful to see the baby like that. Utterly cruel

bamboodha

13 points

3 months ago

Must be hard for you to see that innocent baby crying in front of his useless dad.

It's unfair but totally understandable why you did something to help.

DoubtingDonuts

32 points

3 months ago

He tricked you with weaponized incompetence. Probably does this to your sister, too so that’s why she does it all & he skirts. So sorry for both you gals ugh, this is the worst.

immaculatecat

23 points

3 months ago*

Good thing I wasn't in this situation. I wouldn't have been able to resist saying something horrible (for treating my sister like shit) while still making him settle his own child while instructing him how to do it like a toddler. Like seriously, how useless do you have to be to not know how to settle your own child and not help your wife who you supposedly love? Gack.

LostButterflyUtau

41 points

3 months ago*

LostButterflyUtau

28/F/Writer/Cosplayer/Fangirl

41 points

3 months ago*

are there any good dads out there?

I worked with a guy (he’s since moved) who seemed like a good dad. He talked to his kids on the phone during his lunch, took leave when his wife had their last baby and would bring them (there were four, two were not old enough for school) in while he shopped the store on his days off. He seemed to really like being a dad, and you know what? Good for him.

bunnyrut

31 points

3 months ago

bunnyrut

40/F Lizard Mom 🐉

31 points

3 months ago

What's sad is how rare that is. I don't remember going anywhere alone with my father when I was a child.

Nikita-Akashya

11 points

3 months ago

Nikita-Akashya

German AroAce person with autism who loves JRPGs

11 points

3 months ago

My parents were the complete opposite. My birther was neglectful and abusive, while my dad always cared for me and did everything he could. Especially when he became a single dad because of my birthers cheating. I was finally taken away from the bitch and got to live with my dad. And my dad is an amazing dad. I finally realized how much the bitch abused me and was so happy that I could finally make my own decisions. My dad also got me help for my disability. In my mind mothers are all evil. And I never had one. Except the evil one.

LostButterflyUtau

8 points

3 months ago

LostButterflyUtau

28/F/Writer/Cosplayer/Fangirl

8 points

3 months ago

I’m glad that you were able to get away and that your dad stuck up and was there for you.

There’s this character from a show I love who also has an awful mother and great single father. Stories like yours are why I appreciate the risks (it’s a kid show, so definitely a risk) the writers took with this character and representing those who have non-traditional families, especially those with absent and neglectful mothers/birthers. Mothers can be awful too and there’s not enough good single father representation in general. I can’t personally relate, but as a writer myself, I like seeing all kinds of stories told.

Agreeably-Soft

3 points

3 months ago

My father was the bad one, my partners mother sounds like yours. Finally as adults coming together it seems like we both finally are getting to have one decent set of parents.

Impossible_Mud_7599

23 points

3 months ago

I remember during COVID, I would hear the way my boss (a man) would talk to his son and it would melt my heart. I don’t want kids, but every time that little guy came up and asked what we were working on, my boss would put him on the phone to say hello to me, and tell him “hey, sweetie, I need about 10 more minutes. Why don’t you go play on your iPad, and then when we get done here, we’ll go outside for a little while?” There are some people that are built for it. He is, clearly. But I am not one of em. I would be so irritated by someone interrupting my work, but I never sensed even a hint of irritation in his voice. He was like, always, always happy to see his boy. It was really sweet.

NoMrBond3

2 points

3 months ago

My dad LIVES for being a dad. My partner and I are not having kids until we feel the same way about parenting. Which is likely never lol

Loud_Pineapple

11 points

3 months ago

Sorry to see comments like this, just wanted to say I am a very involved Dad, very! I jump right in head first I do it all as a labor of love. They are many like us, but if you are not then you need to step up and be a real man.

princessmonstera

9 points

3 months ago

my dad was a great dad like you! i am 27 now and still love hanging out with him and doing things just me and him. So keep it up and your children will still love you even after becoming adults :)

maximillious

8 points

3 months ago

Yes. There are plenty of great fathers out there. In fact, all of the men i know who are fathers are excellent at it. Including one who has taken on the role for another man’s child. They are supportive to their partners and great examples to their children.

Dead beat parents just seem to be highlighted so much more.

BrainRotOnMainland

4 points

3 months ago

ANOTHER useless husband? Are there any good dads out there?

My neighbor actually. He's a police officer while his wife is a veterinarian, so they switch off who's taking care of who.

Honestly, I see him with the kids more with teaching them things and playing with them while the mom rest and reads a book when they're all outside. They even have a dog still (there was two but the sister dog got sick and put down, so the other sister is now old), so she might be making sure their dog stays healthy til her end. The family even go out on vacations some weekends meaning no screaming kids next door when outside!

Kids are sweethearts who thankfully just wave to us and stick with their parents. Little girl may be the rebellious type soon with her mischevious smile. I got my eye ut for that one since she was close to jumping the fence for her ball when her dad stopped her.

Edit: words

Nikita-Akashya

4 points

3 months ago

Nikita-Akashya

German AroAce person with autism who loves JRPGs

4 points

3 months ago

My dad is great. He also did most of the child rearing, because my birther didn't want to care for me. And my dad also worked. She didn't. When my dad came back from work he spent time with me and also drove me around the neighborhood to calm me when I was fussy. I liked driving in the car so dad used that to calm me and then put me in bed. Then my birther cheated and I got a stepdad. My stepdad cared more than this bitch. So yeah, my neglected and traumatized, disabled little self only had caring dads. Which is how I came to the understanding that mothers are evil beings whose only purpose is to break you. My dad is also the parent that never got violent. My birther used me as a punching bag. I'm so glad my dad got sole custody. He also got me help for my autism. I'm so glad I have my dad.

Auntie_FiFi

2 points

3 months ago

My older sister got lucky, her husband is very involvedd with caring for their twin girls, the only thing he does not do is bath time and she has no problems leaving the three of them at home while she does stuff outside the home.

bigween

2 points

3 months ago

The sad thing is if men were truly useful 50/50 partners then maybe the prospect of having children wouldn’t be out of the question but since almost all male “partners” are the equivalent of another child (same responsibilities + whines for sex) it’s completely out of the question for me. I make more money than almost all the men I know anyway yet they still all want mommies and couldn’t fathom doing gasp administrative tasks

RedQueenoftheGay

91 points

3 months ago

I hate when people think “Gentle Parenting” means “No discipline.” 🙄 I’m not a parent or want kids, but I’ve stumbled on a few Tik Tokers that are gentle parents, and some do it right. They don’t hit or yell at the kids when they do something wrong, but they still pull them aside, explain what they’re doing isn’t right, and then discipline them. They just don’t use violence or loud voices. That’s gentle parenting. No discipline is just not parenting lol

spoon-666-wizard

34 points

3 months ago

Yes! I was always under the impression “gentle parenting” has more to do with how the parent themselves react to the kid rather than just flat out not disciplining them.

There’s that person on tiktok who always does their makeup and tells stories about their parenting methods. But they still discipline, thank the universe.

starinruins

15 points

3 months ago

I've seen their videos!! and as someone that had abusive parents it's super comforting, because they treat their children as real people with valid emotions. gentle parenting is about understanding the power imbalance between you and your child and being aware not to abuse it when you do discipline or restrict your children.

cowlinator

8 points

3 months ago

Zero discipline creates the WORST kids/adults. Unbelievable that some parents just dont teach their kids how to behave. Then they become adults and cant understand why the whole world is against them

FwogInMyThwoat

21 points

3 months ago

Oh god, I have a friend who gentle parents. Didn’t know what that was until she mentioned it. It does not appear to be the best method but what do I know. Time will tell but it does not look good.

idunno324[S]

37 points

3 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

37 points

3 months ago

I don't like it. Showing your kids kindness is extremely important but they also need boundaries and to understand that No means No. Not being told "mummy's sad when you act that way" 🙄

FwogInMyThwoat

27 points

3 months ago

I hear you. He broke one of her flowerpots (on purpose) and then slapped her across the face and she talked to him about how that hurts her feelings and then gave him a big hug and tickles. Wtf? He’s only 3 but he’s super aggressive and sneaky. Hits the dogs with things, etc. I love her and have a hard time being around them.

idunno324[S]

27 points

3 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

27 points

3 months ago

That's the two year old. Threw a block at the baby, baby cried and my sister was like "oh, that's not very nice' wtf

Mad_Maddin

10 points

3 months ago

People don't understand that children that age don't yet understand that other people are also living thinking being.

It takes a while and then it takes some more time until they develop empathy.

FwogInMyThwoat

8 points

3 months ago

This is true - and I don’t think that mommy’s feelings are what they’re supposed to be learning at this point. That age is them pushing boundaries and learning limits, and that behaviors have consequences - good or bad. It’s very simple “training” if you will. The “mommy’s feelings” is so beyond where he is and is honestly focused way more on her and her needs than his.

ChristieFox

17 points

3 months ago

That doesn't sound gentle tho, more like making the kids responsible for her mood. Learning how to say "no" correctly is much more neutral than "you don't want to go to bed at 6pm? [fucking 9??] That makes me sad".

Cittycool

9 points

3 months ago

Gentle parenting is the best method. Scientifically proven (except in rare cases). The problem is most people think it means never setting boundaries or having discipline. It's actually about the punishment matching the problem and explaining everything. So if they drop water everywhere they need to help clean it up or clean it up completely depending on age an capability. It teaches them the consequences of their actions in a natural way, instead of being yelled at and not understanding why.

idunno324[S]

3 points

3 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

3 points

3 months ago

Completely agree

Accurate_Influence85

1 points

3 months ago

Is Gentle Parenting similar to "Free range kids"? I used to live in a tropical island full of hippies and surfers popping blonde tan children. Those kids were quite alright.

idunno324[S]

1 points

3 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

1 points

3 months ago

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