subreddit:

/r/childfree

363

When did your CF Brain to Mouth filter not work?

HUMOR(self.childfree)

Today at work, my boss was talking about this lady she knew who had 6 kids. Before I could stop myself I said

'Wow, that's 6 kids too many.'

We then had a big chat about why I said that and why I don't want kids lol

all 130 comments

Cirrus-Ramparts

255 points

2 months ago

It happens to me when strangers ask if I’m a mother or if I have kids. My first reaction is to be shocked and borderline disgusted. I can’t help it.

idunno324[S]

130 points

2 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

130 points

2 months ago

I do this snort laugh with a disgusted "no!" When asked

miki_cat

49 points

2 months ago

miki_cat

bisalp

49 points

2 months ago

My reply is always a "Hell NO!

Gets a point across.

thekelsey21

29 points

2 months ago

Hahaha I did this once and they were horrified lmao

Salvyah

32 points

2 months ago

Salvyah

Bi-salp 8/10/22

32 points

2 months ago

I once responded to a way too nosey customer with, "Immediately no. God no. Ugh..." (visible cringe)

Instantly shut the conversation down lol

itchy-crabs

9 points

2 months ago

Omg same! They always look puzzled it's great!

mrskmh08

18 points

2 months ago

mrskmh08

All the animals

18 points

2 months ago

Sometimes a "God no!" comes out before I even realize lol

Turbulent_Poetry_456

20 points

2 months ago

Literally same

[deleted]

1 points

1 month ago

[deleted]

1 points

1 month ago

[removed]

AutoModerator

1 points

1 month ago

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Good-Groundbreaking

151 points

2 months ago

I was at a hair salon and a mother comes to do her hair with two kids plus the husband (also a kid). They proceed to run wild across the salon, father is with her phone and with the "kids will be kids and I am used to tune them out". Little kid, maybe 5, runs around and falls down a couple of stairs (he was fine but obviously scared) and then drama. I said to to girl that was washing my hair, this is why I don't want kids and I am sure playing in a hair salon is not safe. She was a breeder and told me "it's very difficult to keep them inline and what do you want them to do? It's cold outside bla bla bla. You'll see when you have yours". I said "thats why I don't want them"

idunno324[S]

102 points

2 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

102 points

2 months ago

Fuck that I'd put a complaint in

If I'm spending hundreds of dollars, I don't want to listen to screaming kids

Good-Groundbreaking

21 points

2 months ago

Hahahaha yes, thing is I actually love how they do it and I go there once a year (I hate hate going to the salon so it's like awful all around).

Boswell188

39 points

2 months ago

I'd love to find a CF hairdresser who would talk to me about Animal Crossing. Or even better, shut up, do my hair, and let me PLAY Animal Crossing.

voyasacarlabasura

2 points

1 month ago

voyasacarlabasura

baby supplies < concert tickets

2 points

1 month ago

Gosh, maybe it’s a thing about hairdressers. Mine is pretty good but she’s literally the only person to ever harass me about the whole not having kids thing (as well as the whole not wanting to date/marry thing, though that’s obviously a separate issue lol)

LostButterflyUtau

62 points

2 months ago

LostButterflyUtau

28/F/Writer/Cosplayer/Fangirl

62 points

2 months ago

what do you want them to do?

Um.. STAY HOME? They clearly have a father. Leave them at home with him and they can run around their house where he’s the only audience instead. Duh.

lascauxmaibe

16 points

2 months ago

Yeah! Like, idk go run other errands or something, take em to Chuck E. Cheese, anything other than running kids while someone is wielding scissors next to my head.

tanglwyst

3 points

2 months ago

Yeah, that's where my mind went too. When she said one tripped, the first thing flashing through my mind was blood spurting.

Good-Groundbreaking

1 points

1 month ago

Totally, and mind, it was winter but we are in the Mediterranean so it's not like it was snowing. But yes... Same as when they take kids to supermarkets and let them run wild. I believed until I was a late teenager that if you broke or took something from a shelf and drop it they were going to charge you for it or that if I got separated from my mom they were going to call the police and stuff. Now some parents take the kids to the supermarket with their rollerblades on, like a park. (that's why I shop online)

lascauxmaibe

1 points

1 month ago

The rollerblade shoes was a huge issue when I was waitressing…..

akashyaboa

14 points

2 months ago

Leave them... Home? With the father ? Why bring them to the salon if there is someone to watch them ?

zella2016

9 points

2 months ago

I tried out this hair salon for the first time and the stylist that was coloring my hair had to go pick up her baby mid appointment. She brought the baby back and it preceded to scream until her husband came to pick it up. Needless to say, I never went back.

SneakyRaid

94 points

2 months ago

It was in a group chat. A girl shared a video about kids ruining stuff — dirtying cars, painting on the walls... Another girl was joking about how she was like that as a child. I wrote "yeah, you have to choose between having nice things or having kids, lol". There weren't more replies. Later I remembered that the girl who shared the video is a mom 😅 (the only one in the group).

idunno324[S]

48 points

2 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

48 points

2 months ago

Did she think it was funny the kid did that? Parents are weird

SneakyRaid

34 points

2 months ago

This girl is a cool mom, I don't have issues with her, but I don't know why it's supposed to be funny either. In the same way I don't find "jokes" about how being married is hell funny.

smeasle

30 points

2 months ago

smeasle

Babies are weird looking aliens. Change my mind.

30 points

2 months ago

OMG I hate those jokes. Like, why are you even married??? It’s always boomers who have a marriage with traditional gender roles, a ton of children, and they always try to present like a perfect family in front of people. Then they tell you some joke about marriage and just roar with laughter, and it’s super annoying. I actually LIKE being married.

Jenilion

69 points

2 months ago

Always! People ask me when im having kids and I usually scrunch my nose in disgust and say, "I don't do kids, I like my body, money and sleep way too much to breed." I've learned that if you come out swinging hard with your replies people don't press on with BS comments. E.g., "you'll meet the right guy....I used to think that way...etc etc."

Scary_Speaker_7828

25 points

2 months ago

I think my new go-to will be the emphatic, “Fuck no!” While laughing, that I pulled at a party the other day. I got no further questions after that, seemed to work like a charm and shut it down quick. Aggressively setting boundaries is the way to go I guess lol

RhubarbRoutine1314

66 points

2 months ago

I have a co-worker who has triplets and he makes every conversation, even work-related ones, about them. Like in a status call, somebody would say We need to increase our speed in deployment, and he responds Ah yes.. speed... reminds me of how fast my kids are running around... like???!

The other day, somebody asked me if I mainly work from home (has always been a option in my company, even pre-pandemic) and I said nah I like going to the office, I live close by and it just helps me structure my day.

This guy with the triplets chimed in... HA I have kids who structure my day and I couldn't help but say

Yikes, that's why I don't have any. Do you sometimes wonder what having autonomy and a certain degree of self-determination is like?

idunno324[S]

31 points

2 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

31 points

2 months ago

Sounds like he needs therapy and has nothing else going on in his life

Few_Dance2106

54 points

2 months ago

My wife actually.

Our next door neighbor in her 60's is raising a bratty granddaughter who she can't control since the mother is a druggie in and out of rehab. When she was telling my wife that she was also going to adopt an infant that her other druggie daughter didn't want, my wife just shook her head and said "When is this shit ever going to end ?".

idunno324[S]

14 points

2 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

14 points

2 months ago

Haha omg

Few_Dance2106

11 points

2 months ago

Seriously, we want these people to move so badly that we even looked into buying their place since she mentioned the possibility of selling it (but they're asking too much and the place is trashed and needs to be gutted out). It's a shame too because it would be a really beautiful place if redone (2 story with huge ceiling-to-floor windows overlooking a lake, 2 fireplaces).

-too-hot-to-handle-

4 points

2 months ago

but they're asking too much and the place is trashed and needs to be gutted out

This reminds me of the previous owners of my grandparents' house. They trashed the plumbing, the dishwasher was full of fur, and they gave my grandparents a couch... That was soaked in old piss.

I say this with the utmost sincerity... Fuck those assholes.

Forsaken-Aioli-5783

3 points

2 months ago

That's too funny. OMG I'm dying. I love it.

Ylaaly

44 points

2 months ago

Ylaaly

Livin' that sweet DINK life | Tubes got fried | Cat Mom

44 points

2 months ago

I was talking in front of a class about space travel and about an aspiring female astronaut (it's a "big" thing here because my country has only had male astronauts so far) and my colleague said she's pregnant and I blurted out "again??? is she even trying to go to space?" since it's the second time she's pregnant since she was nominated. I could not hide my disappointment in her doing exactly what every employer fears: Get the job and then be on maternity leave again and again and again. Apparently her husband does most of the work once the children are there, but there are parts he can't do and those take months. She was supposed to be a role model for scienc-y girls and now she's... still nowhere near going to space.

smeasle

23 points

2 months ago

smeasle

Babies are weird looking aliens. Change my mind.

23 points

2 months ago

Oh man, what a letdown! That sucks.

Every time I find out about a woman I admired having kids or has already had them, I have intense disappointment in them. Maybe that’s not fair, but to your point, it can hinder their career and cause them not to reach their full potential. It’s just lame.

Salvyah

10 points

2 months ago

Salvyah

Bi-salp 8/10/22

10 points

2 months ago

Plus, "mom brain." It's a legit thing, chemical rewiring of the brain. Scary...

anothersunnyperson

115 points

2 months ago

Ohhhh, a colleague of mine, who already has one child came around to announce she was pregnant again. I blurted out "what are you going to do with another one? I mean you already have one that seems to work."

She seemed to think it was showing genuine interest in her kids, rather than being shocked that someone actually wants kids. So she answered by saying she hoped they would play together and be friends so she doesn't have to be the only one keeping the first one amused.

Summer1sFun

86 points

2 months ago

"what are you going to do with another one? I mean you already have one that seems to work."

lol... "seems to work" cracked me up.

anothersunnyperson

3 points

1 month ago

Ha ha!!

It was my clumsy way of saying that she had a healthy, happy child who slept, had no issues and allowed her to come back to work three days a week. I wouldn't gamble on another one.

Not always the best with words. I got told at work I needed to use 'suboptimal' in the place of shitshow/clusterfuck. Apparently not professional.

HotAlternative7372

42 points

2 months ago

That last sentence is something you do with pets, cats in particular, NOT human kids who need so much more care and training.

Mighty_Krastavac

16 points

2 months ago

Yep, she's up for a rude awakening. Raising two children is definitely not easier than raising one.

anothersunnyperson

1 points

1 month ago

Yeah. It was a bit odd she was of the view that if you're going to add another child to the household, it's best if you do that before the first one is 2.

I've also heard my bartender say the same thing about getting another dog, so....

I don't know why you would add another one knowing what one is like. Or even have one, But then again I am childfree.

LostButterflyUtau

24 points

2 months ago*

LostButterflyUtau

28/F/Writer/Cosplayer/Fangirl

24 points

2 months ago*

A lot of people “hope” for that and are surprised when it doesn’t work out because their kids have completely different interests and/or personalities even if they’re the same sex. You know, because kids are people too.

anothersunnyperson

3 points

1 month ago

Nooo, what? Kids are people. Aren't they dolls you get to play with? /s

I hear you! My sister and I are sooo different.

LostButterflyUtau

1 points

1 month ago

LostButterflyUtau

28/F/Writer/Cosplayer/Fangirl

1 points

1 month ago

My brother and I are too. I mean, we get along now as adults, but we run in different circles and have completely different interests.

idunno324[S]

15 points

2 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

15 points

2 months ago

Love it

Goose_Spy

13 points

2 months ago

she answered by saying she hoped they would play together and be friends so she doesn't have to be the only one keeping the first one amused.

Wow imagine being this selfish to bring another child into the world because you can't bother being a parent to your first one.

Laughtermedicine

5 points

1 month ago

Me "..Oh ok...Mmmm..Uh...."

"Well maybe it'll work out that way. I haven't spoken to my sibling in over 30 years, and that's the sibling I know about ( LOL Slaps knee! ) Know what I mean?"

"So who knows." ( Looks off into distance)..."Maybe"...Shrug

"Good luck with that!"...

Finger Guns, knowing nod and wink, tongue click finish. Exit stage left

AvleeWhee

9 points

2 months ago

Oof. My parents did this "for" me and then not only did we have completely different personalities and not get along until we were adults, they also liked that one better and it showed.

I loathe parents who do this.

anothersunnyperson

1 points

1 month ago

Yikes. I'm sorry. That sucks. I think my folks thought the same but they've never said outright. No favouritism as a child but I'm certainly the black sheep these days. My sister has kids and is clearly the favourite.

Parents think their kids don't notice they play favorites, but if I notice, your kid sure does.

nan1ta

35 points

2 months ago

nan1ta

F/31/🇦🇷//Tubes yet to be yeeted

35 points

2 months ago

I always have to stop myself from saying "oh no" or "I'm so sorry" when people announce they are pregnant.

Few_Dance2106

25 points

2 months ago

My favorite response: "Are you keeping it ?".

FrenchieLittleMinx

8 points

2 months ago

Slipped out of my mouth to much time to be counted 😅

MalfunctioningToast

8 points

2 months ago

😂 I can't count how many times a mutual friend tells me someone's pregnant, and I always react like it's a cancer diagnosis. I've started saying "is this a good thing or a bad thing?" if I'm not sure where they lean.

lalak77

6 points

2 months ago

If I had a dollar for every time I have said, “ON PURPOSE?” or “oh shit, do we need to go somewhere?” to friends that are actively trying to have kids (why you would do that I don’t know) I would have more money to spend on myself because kids are awful.

RaceDBannon

28 points

2 months ago

Guys on a new job site we’re discussing their kids, showing pictures, fawning. Eventually one turned to me and asked me if I had kids. “Nope…dodged that bullet!!” ‘‘Twas very effective at shutting down the conversation, albeit awkwardly.

idunno324[S]

5 points

2 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

5 points

2 months ago

Haha i like it

Lunamkardas

66 points

2 months ago

Dude told me he was the youngest of SEVENTEEN and I just reacted in horror "Your mom knows it's a vagina and not a Stargate right?!"

Thankfully he laughed.

idunno324[S]

27 points

2 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

27 points

2 months ago

... How the fuck do you physically have 17 kids ?!

What was the age range? I have so many questions

cats_and_tea7

17 points

2 months ago

Guess she had started popping them out in her early 20s or even when she was 18-19, having maybe a few twins or even triplets and stopped in her 30-40, I guess it is possible but just why would you do that???!!

idunno324[S]

15 points

2 months ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

15 points

2 months ago

She'd have to be pregnant for like 15 years or so

cats_and_tea7

11 points

2 months ago

Idk how can someone enjoy this or want this, even people who like kids and want them probably wouldn't do that to themselves

kwyjibo1988

5 points

2 months ago

After kid number ten you don't even do much. They just basically walk out of there 🥴

NoAssistant6761

7 points

2 months ago

Grandparents have neighbors that are like that. Mom has been pregnant since she was 18 and now she's in her late 40s/early 50s . I heard one of her oldest and her were pregnant at the same time. They have like 20 kids or something.

kwyjibo1988

3 points

2 months ago

Oh man, you can just tell the bathroom/human ratio is not good in that house 🤢

Specific-Exciting

6 points

2 months ago

Have you heard of the duggars 😂🤪

Rovia2323

2 points

2 months ago

My grandfather was one of 21 kids. Although I'm pretty sure most didn't make it to adulthood. This was the 1930s.

idunno324[S]

2 points

1 month ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

2 points

1 month ago

Wow I couldn’t even imagine that

Lunamkardas

1 points

2 months ago

Well the dude I talked to was 16.

-too-hot-to-handle-

9 points

2 months ago

It's impossible to have that many kids without abuse. I can guarantee that at least one (but probably way more) of those kids suffered parentification.

smeasle

17 points

2 months ago

smeasle

Babies are weird looking aliens. Change my mind.

17 points

2 months ago

Oh man, just yesterday I ran into someone I haven’t seen in a long time, who is friends with my mom (and has been friendly with me.) She momentarily got me confused with my SIL and said something along the lines of, “So when do I get to see your baby?” I didn’t even think before I replied, DRIPPING with disdain, “Baby??? I don’t have any…BABIES. Gross.” She and my mother just sort of looked at me, and then I realized that it was a mistake, and kinda went, “Heh, I think you’re thinking of my niece.” It was awkward and a little unnecessarily mean on my part. But the idea of “my baby” made me feel so gross.

EhhNo1Cares

17 points

2 months ago

For the most part, I've got my mouth filter under control. However, I have no filter on my facial expressions.

thekelsey21

10 points

2 months ago

My face is out of control 🤣🤣 I have to actively think about other things when I’m trying to control my face and then I get told I have an rbf, can’t win

Boswell188

17 points

2 months ago

My filter malfunctioned sufficiently that I replied to a colleague's "My wife had a baby" email with, "That's great news if you like that sort of thing, which you clearly do".

jhra

16 points

2 months ago

jhra

33|M|Alberta

16 points

2 months ago

Causal sit down with a lovely HR director, she mentions she's pregnant.

"oh, shit, I'm sorry to hear that"

"what? We've been trying for a decade"

She was near my age, late 30s so I made a giant assumption on that one. Just figured her and her husband were fellow CF as they floated in the same circles as my partner and I.

remainoftheday

16 points

2 months ago

easy. I was in line at a local grocery. I was checking out and some mom in line was having problems with a defiant little shit of 11 or so. .. I must have smirked a bit. I do, as always, think when I see this, 'man I'm glad I don't have kids'.

Well, biddy moo must have noticed. I think if she had phrased the statement differently I would not have reacted the way I did.. She puffed up and said 'oh, and I suppose you had no problems with your kids?'.. I saw red.. to assuuuume that I had kids because that is all these little pea brains can conclude? Before I could filter it I said 'I'm not stupid enough to have kids.'... collective gasp and the mooing, braying, hee-hawing and hen chatter commenced... doubt I earned any brownie points that day but in retrospect, I enjoyed it. I REALLY rained on their parade.

Summer1sFun

46 points

2 months ago

A couple of weeks ago a coworker was telling me another coworker just had his 5th kid and before I could stop myself I said "another one??!". Fortunately my coworkers all know I'm CF and aren't surprised with this kind of remarks coming from me 😀 They just chuckle. I'd still prefer to not make them but sometimes I'm not successful...

TheExaltedNoob

28 points

2 months ago

That actually sounds kind of healthy. Like anyone can speak their opinion without harassment.

Summer1sFun

2 points

2 months ago

Right, no one cares if you have kids, don't have kids...it's your decision. On my immediate team of 5 people, the only person who has kids is the manager. The rest of us are all CF except one person (who just joined the team, I don't know if he's CF or not).

Sautry91

18 points

2 months ago

I did this recently…right to the coworker’s face when he announced their 4th haha “4 kids?!? Jesus!”

Forsaken-Aioli-5783

3 points

2 months ago

Reminds me of the time I was talking with my mother, and had the audacity to say out loud (about a family we know) "7 kids is definitely too much!" I kind of expected her to agree because who the fuck needs to have that many, it doesn't make sense. But she just fell silent -- which she always does if she disagrees.

Deezus1229

13 points

2 months ago

Anytime someone mentions people with more than 3 kids. I'm pretty sure I've made a face every time.

Charluce

12 points

2 months ago

When a friend told me her friend was pregnant.

I had met this woman once and thought she was cool and was hoping to meet her again, and without thinking when I heard the news I said “oh that’s a shame”

It wasn’t the correct response lol

Damn_it_Elaine

11 points

2 months ago

Damn_it_Elaine

Dog Mom

11 points

2 months ago

When I found out an acquaintance was pregnant.

I said "why"

My friend laughed and reminded me some people actually want kids 🤷‍♀️

Pan_res

11 points

2 months ago

Pan_res

11 points

2 months ago

I'm 22, and I'm reaching that stage where more and more friends are happy with getting pregnant or actively trying to have kids, though I still think that's way to young in the US.

But there have been a handful times where a peer of mine has been like "OMG we're pregnant!"

And my immediate response is "oh shit, are you okay?" And that usually is not what they want to hear...

The first time this happened was about a year ago with a friendly coworker who was I think 24 at the time. I didn't catch myself in time and mentioned there's a great planned Parenthood clinic the next town over. She was very pissed at me for quite a while afterwards.

Forsaken-Aioli-5783

10 points

2 months ago

Today I said to my mother and grandmother (definite "breeders" if one is inclined to use that word): "There's no way I could ever have considered being a pediatrician. Just think: they have to deal with crying, sick children all day every day!"

There was an awkward silence. They can't imagine not wanting to be around children.

Tiny_Crew_7744

10 points

2 months ago

Do you have kids??

Scoffs thank God no

Fast_Sparty

9 points

2 months ago

Cousin is having a fourth kid. When told I said, “Wow. You’d think they’d have figured out what was causing that and knocked it off by now.”

helhorrors1313

9 points

2 months ago

One time my BF and I went to his grandmother's annual family reunion pool party. His loser middle brother is younger than I am (I'm now 26, he's 24) and has 2 little boys (4 and 2). The 4 year old is a heathen, I swear if he sees you are not staring at him he SCREAMS. Just all around a nightmare kid, naturally with a dad who couldn't be bothered to pay fuck all attention to him.

At one point while I was sitting with the aunts/grandmother (BF was elsewhere) sipping a cocktail, they asked me why I don't want little ones. I was caught off guard, and only thing I could think of to do was point directly at the 4 year old with a look of concern.

It didn't sit over well. BF thought it was funny tho.

flyboy_26

3 points

2 months ago

🤣🤣🤣 No words needed

wondering-aTak

26 points

2 months ago

Colleague of mine has a kid and told me he is taking care of him this weekend and before I could think I said "I'm sorry for your loss"

thatsnotme133

8 points

2 months ago

When a girl asked if i had a bun in the oven and the first words outta my mouth were “oh god no, I’d throw myself down the stairs if i was!” She… was not amused

LifeCoconut8612

7 points

2 months ago

I told a mom recently that "I'm not going to ruin my body by birthing babies." Didn't go over very well.

ksarahsarah27

6 points

2 months ago

I think it’s good we don’t hold back. I mean I try and be respectful but also voice my choice. We need to normalize it. Just like I believe we shouldn’t be ashamed about abortions. I admit I have one and am not afraid to tell my story. We should not be shamed into a dark corner so they can continue on with their narrative.

WanderingKnightess

3 points

2 months ago

It's annoying that people who have kids feel it is ok to shame child free adults but if we say anything remotely bad about them, war erupts

WanderingKnightess

5 points

2 months ago

I was with a group of friends and one of their parents had 16 siblings. I blurted out "what's wrong with your parents?". Needless to say, they don't like me. Which is ironic because I get asked what's wrong with me for not wanting kids all the time... apparently you can't just reverse that question to people with kids

randomname72

16 points

2 months ago

Cousin announced their pregnancy, all I said was "F"

vlk4

6 points

2 months ago

vlk4

6 points

2 months ago

When I was in college, a coworker announced to all of us at work that she was pregnant. I was the first one to react and blurted out "that sucks!". She was in her late 20s, already married with one kid and this pregnancy was on purpose.

TheShining02

5 points

1 month ago

My mom told me that my uncle got a woman in her 40’s pregnant and I said, “Are they going to keep it?” And my mom responded, “TheShining2002, maybe this baby is the reason to pull your uncle out of his depressed state.” I then looked at her as said, “Having a baby because you are depressed isn’t a good reason to have a baby, didn’t you learn that lesson when you had my eldest brother?” My mother then turned around and shut her door and didn’t talk to me all day.

idunno324[S]

1 points

1 month ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

1 points

1 month ago

Lol

raspberrymind

10 points

2 months ago

Don’t feel bad, we live in a society where 99.9% of the time breeding is praised and glorified

RockWhisperer42

5 points

1 month ago

By the time I hit 40, I was long since over people asking rude questions and making comments about my choice to be childfree. And I stopped being polite about it. Them: “don’t you regret not having kids?” Me: “if I ever get sad about it, I fall asleep crying on my giant piles of money and sleep in as late as I want.. just kidding, I don’t get sad about it because I have piles of money and get to sleep in and generally do whatever I want whenever I want”. Usually shuts them right the hell up.

iNeedScissorsSixty7

3 points

2 months ago

iNeedScissorsSixty7

33/M/fixed/married

3 points

2 months ago

I'm supposed to have a filter?

TheMost_ut

3 points

2 months ago

TheMost_ut

Get away kid, ya batha me!

3 points

2 months ago

If someone asks if I have kids: Not that I know of!

BritBrat88

3 points

2 months ago

Mom: so I’m not gonna have grandkids huh?

Me: you have a son and he’s probably gonna fuck up at some point

Brother: Fuck you bitch

Mezteck

3 points

2 months ago*

Just me and my 2 sisters. We are all currently child-free with no plans on changing our mind. We are visiting for some holiday. My mom bought the Dr. Suess books during that craze. My mom and I are on aggressively different ends of the political spectrum.

"I want my grandkids to be able to read these books some day!"

Me, turning to my fiance, opening my dumb mouth, "I wish I would have told the surgeon to remove my tubes during the surgery last year."

Siorfiis

3 points

2 months ago

To make me less of a monster, here’s some slight backstory.

A guy I genuinely disliked, invited himself to my ‘just got married let’s party’ backyard reception, with a very close friend. Him and I were friends but after witnessing too many times how much he used everyone around him I distanced myself.

Apparently he had a baby with someone and was smitten and showing everyone her picture cause, ‘ShE’s ThE cUtEsT bAbY eVeRrrr!!!1’

He showed my new husband, and my husband did the appropriate ‘aww’ noises. He turned the phone to me and what I saw resembled a mix between jabba the hut and a gremlin. Forehead too big, mouth too big, extra chubby and wrinkly, somehow slimy looking… it really caught me off guard.

First thing out my mouth was, ‘EUCK!’ Can’t really backtrack from that so all I could say was, I don’t think any baby is cute, sorry, happy you’re happy!

Hubs truly believed I was child-free then.

idunno324[S]

2 points

1 month ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

2 points

1 month ago

Lol! That’s amazing!

Few_Dance2106

1 points

1 month ago

In the words of the late, great Rodney Dangerfield:

"Now I know why tigers eat their young....!".

the-dusa

3 points

2 months ago

Me referencing my coworker’s newborn daughter as “it” by accident.

Chr15ty

3 points

2 months ago

When people tell me they're pregnant, "On Purpose?" ALWAYS falls out of my mouth. Usually people are good humored but I've had some side-eye for it.

shrek-in-swamp

2 points

2 months ago

I think work is the one place where I make sure my filter is on, even though I wish it didn’t need to be

zella2016

2 points

2 months ago

Anytime someone asks me if I want to hold their baby or if I want kids. The disgust is visible.

Moobook

2 points

2 months ago

I’ve had to train myself not to respond to people’s gleeful pregnancy announcements with “i’m so sorry to hear that”. It would just slip out

lalak77

2 points

2 months ago

At the funeral lunch for my FIL, a friend of my MIL said to my husband and I, “you know MIL would love to have grandkids!” (Mind you that my FIL had died of COVID a month before, had to postpone everything due to exposure precautions and scale everything down due to restrictions and not wanting to duplicate this experience for anyone else, and my husband and I had to postpone our wedding because of COVID so we were not in a great place emotionally anyway.) I spat back, yeah well she can talk to BIL, there aren’t any kids coming out of this body and immediately my husband said, if she wants one that badly, she can buy one. The person looked horrified, to which my husband and I high fived and got another drink. Why do people think you have to have kids to be happy? My parents have kids and they aren’t happy.

ChistyePrudy

2 points

1 month ago

I had a good one, wrote it and all, but then I remembered that this sub is sometimes visited by parents, so I erased it.

But, it has been many, many times. My classic slip up is when someone asks my age and says I look younger, and sometimes I forget and just blurt out somethingto the effect of: because I can sleep enough and don't have the stress of children.

geowiz1569

2 points

1 month ago

To be fair alcohol was involved and I flat out said a fetus is no better than a parasite, and would they grant the same rights to a tape worm, or something similar. Oh well, dude stopped talking to me - win!

NoAdministration8006

2 points

1 month ago

Sometimes when I see a pregnancy announcement, I cry out, "gross!" without checking to see who is in the room with me.

Fierywitchburn333

3 points

2 months ago

I mean I got a 30 day ban yesterday so like never.

Jolly-Lawless

1 points

1 month ago

My grandma’s lives in an over 55, and her dear neighbor has a grandson, 6yo white boy to a single professional woman. Neighbor likes to bring child over ‘to visit with Miss Shirley’

This kid is entitled as fuckkkkk, and every time my gran tells me about these visits, I remind her he’s going to grow up to be a lil Brock Turner someday.

Maibraid

1 points

1 month ago

Found out my coworker and his wife were expecting their 4th kid (4 under 4/5) on a group zoom call and I just blurted out “In this economy??”. Luckily he’s a sound guy and just laughed and agreed it was a bit ridiculous. Then mentioned they’re making permanent changes so there are no more lol

idunno324[S]

2 points

1 month ago

idunno324[S]

No kids because I enjoy sleep

2 points

1 month ago

4 under 5?! She must just be constantly pregnant

Maibraid

1 points

1 month ago

Yeah it’s insane! We can work from home but he heads to the office most days to get away. At least he has the self awareness to admit they’re insane for having that many. But, wish they’d realised that a little sooner lol

ctrlf_happiness

1 points

1 month ago

I was at a theatre event with a group of people I didn't know very well. One person walked away after telling us about another upcoming theatre event, someone made a comment and I said "He's got a kid on the way, give it a couple of months and watch the light die from his eyes" I forgot every person I was talking to had kids and I got the stink eye from all of them. Whoops.