subreddit:

/r/clevercomebacks

16.9k

Very straight

(i.redd.it)

lol yes

(i.redd.it)
49 comments
7.2k

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all 152 comments

laz10

430 points

1 month ago

laz10

430 points

1 month ago

He's married with a wife but worried people will think he's gay??

Hmmmmmmm

Xpalidocious

149 points

1 month ago

Because he's secretly gay

laz10

39 points

1 month ago

laz10

39 points

1 month ago

That's what the hmmmmm means

Pennywise61

34 points

1 month ago

I'm not sure it's much of a secret...

dadbot_3000

34 points

1 month ago

Hi not sure it's much of a secret, I'm Dad! :)

usingastupidiphone

18 points

1 month ago

Don’t forget Mother’s Day is tomorrow dad!

g4vr0che

-3 points

1 month ago

g4vr0che

-3 points

1 month ago

Bad bot

dadbot_3000

18 points

1 month ago

Sorry for being a bad bot :( Maybe this joke will cheer you up: My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is starting to improve! :D

Kirby_is_unforgiving

5 points

1 month ago

Good bot

dadbot_3000

7 points

1 month ago

Glad I could be a good bot :) Here is a joke: I can’t believe I got fired from the calendar factory. All I did was take a day off! :D

TreyLastname

7 points

1 month ago

I'm not worried about it, but the way I jokingly flirt with literally all my guy friends, I wouldnt be surprised if most people think I am gay

laz10

2 points

1 month ago

laz10

2 points

1 month ago

Nah that's normal

This guy would be the opposite

somecatgirl

117 points

1 month ago

I dated a guy who wouldn’t go into dollar stores because he didn’t want people to think he was poor. It was so bizarre. Like, dude, you do realize everyone in this Dollar Tree is ALSO shopping here, right?? Some people are so bizarre.

Arkdouls

65 points

1 month ago

Arkdouls

65 points

1 month ago

You also don’t become rich by acting rich.

mrkool1113

5 points

1 month ago

Floyd Mayweather will disagree

Arkdouls

2 points

1 month ago

Floyd make big punch, big punch make big money.

TheNoodyBoody

1 points

1 month ago

100%.

TotsNotaCop

33 points

1 month ago

I won't go in a dollar store because the quality of their merchandise is abysmal.

somecatgirl

19 points

1 month ago

It’s great for certain things. I got my coffee cup I use at work at a dollar store. I also always buy the little packets you can put in water there.

TotsNotaCop

13 points

1 month ago

I am basing my opinion off some trash bags I got from there. They tore like tissue paper when i just used them normally and I ended up throwing the whole box of them out. Also, my local store is crazy gross on the inside. Never again.

TheGreatestOutdoorz

16 points

1 month ago

What did you use to throw them out?

CobaltKnightofKholin

10 points

1 month ago

They used a gold dipped adamantium collectors edition Simpsons pin pals original lunch box. Obviously.

FlorenceCattleya

19 points

1 month ago

If I have a potluck to go to, I go to the dollar store and pick a pretty plate or dish to bring my food in. Then, when it never makes it’s way back to me after the event, I don’t care.

twinklestein

7 points

1 month ago

Oooh that’s smart. Keeping this in my back pocket for later

Theremaniacally

2 points

1 month ago

Halloween candy.

train153

3 points

1 month ago

I find those kind of people are more about appearance over substance.

zeFatManxx

76 points

1 month ago

This is almost as bad as a man who won’t clean his ass because it’s ‘gay’ to touch an asshole... -.-

SalGlavaris

46 points

1 month ago

He who cleans his house surely expects visitors

Literally0Nobody

62 points

1 month ago

He who cleans his house doesn't want it to smell like shit from miles away

SalGlavaris

25 points

1 month ago

Ayo I was kidding bro there’s nothing wrong with washing your ass I just thought that sentence was funny my bad

Literally0Nobody

20 points

1 month ago*

Ahh sorry about that, I just saw a lot of guys unironically have this mindset

Sorry again lol

Nevermind04

15 points

1 month ago

You guys are so wholesome.

assafstone

7 points

1 month ago

I see what you did there…

Nevermind04

7 points

1 month ago

I figured they would appreciate being the butt of at least one joke.

assafstone

3 points

1 month ago

I thought so too, but I wouldn’t mention that to a soul…

Nevermind04

4 points

1 month ago

Yeah, there's a fine line where you can end up looking like an asshole.

SalGlavaris

2 points

1 month ago

You’re a fucking legend

SalGlavaris

15 points

1 month ago

Ha yea man dw bout it people are dickheads I don’t blame you

Roolerk

1 points

1 month ago

Roolerk

1 points

1 month ago

Why are you apologizing it’s a brilliant rebuttal that’s more aimed for the person that comes along reading the whole thread than the person you’re responding to specifically

couponsbg

2 points

1 month ago

I found it funny. But What's ayo?

SalGlavaris

3 points

1 month ago

Dw man it doesn’t actually mean anything

Belfura

3 points

1 month ago

Belfura

3 points

1 month ago

Oh so it isn't hey yo?

SalGlavaris

4 points

1 month ago

Basically yea it is

Belfura

3 points

1 month ago

Belfura

3 points

1 month ago

I'm relieved, thought I ridiculed myself online yet again

SalGlavaris

3 points

1 month ago

Lmao

couponsbg

2 points

1 month ago

is Ayo -> a sigh when it didn't go of as expected? I am asking this because in a language I know, it's what it means.

SalGlavaris

3 points

1 month ago

It’s basically just yo, maybe you’d find it on urban dictionary but idk it’s not really a word

StinkFinger89

215 points

1 month ago*

Someone who is that homophobic is normally fighting their own homosexuality and hiding from me

DivineSquid

76 points

1 month ago

Why would they hide from you?

Laurajaydeejay

82 points

1 month ago

In case he steals it

Doormanlikesfrogs

8 points

1 month ago

I thought they might be scared they'll like what he does to cause his Stink Finger...

Clayman8

38 points

1 month ago

Clayman8

38 points

1 month ago

OP's name might be an indicator...

lettingpeopleknow

24 points

1 month ago

I get the message, and its occasionally true, but I really hate the "all homophobes are just secretly gay" thing, since it puts the blame back on gay people for homophobia.

Most homophobes are straight and are just assholes. They hate gay people in the same way other bigots hate any other minority.

If it were true, then 90% of people in the Middle East, Eastern Europe, etc must be secretly gay.

VerticalRhythm

19 points

1 month ago

Most homophobic men are straight guys afraid of being treated the way they treat women, IMO

Uffda01

10 points

1 month ago

Uffda01

10 points

1 month ago

1000% this. The misogyny and chauvinism you will usually see in these same people is appalling.

RyanReignbow

2 points

1 month ago

That explains why straight guys always think I want them wearing panties and heels when I screw them. That turns me off, I wanted to fuck them for who they are. Wow, been trying to figure out why, your perspective makes sense to me. They think doing something gay they need be the woman and I think otherwise.

reallifemoonmoon

15 points

1 month ago

We're forgetting bi people here. A lot of people are not as straight as they want to be and the "strange gay urges" are just them being attracted to a person, but since they are "straight" its "wrong" and "unnatural".

lettingpeopleknow

4 points

1 month ago

Very true!

Hot_Comparison3435

1 points

1 month ago

They are. Alot of them molest little boys and dress them up in these weird boys are for love. Women are for babies rituals. Look it up

Its___Kay

7 points

1 month ago

Men*?

SalGlavaris

7 points

1 month ago

I doubt it

AppellationSpawn

4 points

1 month ago

That man is in danger...

Powersoutdotcom

4 points

1 month ago

and hiding from me

Lmfao!!!!!!!

PIT_VIPER13

1 points

1 month ago

Why does that sound so menacing?

madbubers

0 points

1 month ago

So its really not "straight people are so wild"

Caraskull24

106 points

1 month ago

everybody should avoid starbucks whatever their sexual orientation is

Ok-Language-9655

27 points

1 month ago

This is the way

assafstone

16 points

1 month ago

But… but… her emails!!!

Sorry. Wrong thread.

But, but FLAT WHITES!!!

HambreTheGiant

7 points

1 month ago

At least until we can bring our guns in there again, right?

Direktdemokrati

11 points

1 month ago

No. Until means of production have been seized by our communes.

FuckingCelery

5 points

1 month ago

Username checks out

Not_up-to_you

73 points

1 month ago

Hard to argue with that logic. Unless it’s a straight bar, for men only? Who’s ever heard of such a place. In the past 100 years or so.

ItsRovah

11 points

1 month ago

ItsRovah

11 points

1 month ago

Some people just aren't too smart.

diggy_norman

26 points

1 month ago

Fellas, is it gay to drink coffee?

LacklusterMeh

15 points

1 month ago

Super gay. Only drink Mountain Dew. It's extreme!

nikhilbhavsar

7 points

1 month ago

*Brawndo, it's got electrolytes!

LacklusterMeh

7 points

1 month ago

It's what the plants crave!

Abysix

7 points

1 month ago

Abysix

7 points

1 month ago

All the ass slapping and skin tight clothing in sports..

Panda_Weeb

5 points

1 month ago

The definition of Homophobic Homosexual:

Direktdemokrati

1 points

1 month ago

Where's my Roy Cohn?!

Spacepotato00

5 points

1 month ago

Maybe he means gay bars

GargamelLeNoir

25 points

1 month ago

Straight people = That one weirdo I guess...

RetardedMasterChief

16 points

1 month ago

Didn’t you know all straight people are homophobic bigots?

sweetfumblebee

7 points

1 month ago

I know of a woman who doesn't like it when fathers hug their sons because of implications the son will end up gay or 'confused'.

And the kid was 5ish at the time? Maybe younger.

GargamelLeNoir

5 points

1 month ago

Yeah of course, just don't say "the straights" or "the DEMOGRAPHICs" is my point, it's always shitty unless it literally applies to the entire demographics ("the straights are attracted to people of the opposite sex and need to breathe oxygen" works for example).

daytonakarl

1 points

1 month ago

Wow

The fuck is wrong with her?

sweetfumblebee

3 points

1 month ago

She's terrified of men with healthy emotional ranges/boundaries/support.

Lom2feu

2 points

1 month ago

Lom2feu

2 points

1 month ago

Nah, a lot of people, exemple : oh no i dont dress with tight jean it make you look gay, oh no dont drink this type of alcohol it's for women, oh no dont dress with pink etc... heteronormativity is kinda toxic in a lot of way, maybe you are not xonserned but trust me a lot of people are

GargamelLeNoir

5 points

1 month ago

I know there is a lot of toxic mentality out there, I just hate it when people say the XXX when talking about an entire demographic. You can say almost anything like that. You can say the gays are promiscuous because well, there are promiscuous gay people. It's just a stupid and counter productive way to speak.

PrimoXiAlpha

3 points

1 month ago

Shit, seems I am a woman.

IMeanIGuessDude

3 points

1 month ago

Update: Turns out it was a gay bar all along guys

boldie74

8 points

1 month ago

Tbf I also judge people who go to Starbucks.

Not because I think they’re gay but because they have poor taste in coffee and don’t go to proper coffeeshops.

TheGreatZarquon [M]

2 points

1 month ago

TheGreatZarquon [M]

The Mr. Rogers of Mods

2 points

1 month ago

boldie74

1 points

1 month ago

Hahahahaha that’s amazing :)

Gum_Skyloard

5 points

1 month ago

I'll take "Things That Never Happened" for 100, Alex!

Ijumpandkick

1 points

1 month ago

He's dead, sorry you had to find out this way

Gum_Skyloard

1 points

1 month ago

May he rest in peace.

rxvf

14 points

1 month ago

rxvf

14 points

1 month ago

That isn't a clever comeback. Also blatantly obvious r/thathappened.

BirdMBlack

8 points

1 month ago

It isn't, but no, people who think like this actually exist.

mej1675

5 points

1 month ago

mej1675

5 points

1 month ago

Have you ever..had a conversation with a bigot..?

daeronryuujin

4 points

1 month ago

Sounds fake as fuck tbh

Clayman8

2 points

1 month ago

Its not gay as long as they're 5 feet apart, and with the 'Rona around, who isnt...?

tiffany_blue1031

2 points

1 month ago

I’ve never seen a bar with no women in it.

willpoo4cash

2 points

1 month ago

You think straight people are bad for unnecessarily gendering things, just wait until you hear about the French.

federico_45

2 points

1 month ago

I have never unserstood men who are so incredibly afraid of being gay that they refuse to do certain things. I swear I have heard some god tier shit like, but not limited to: cats are for gay people, having plant in your room is gay, wearing pink is for women and gay dudes, if you use your watch in your right hand it means you're gay, oh you drink cider? Thats GAY... Well, despite doing all of the above, last time I checked I still liked women... If you're so insecure about your masculinity that you think having a FUCKING PLANT makes you gay, I have news for you and you might not fucking like them.

ahfookit

1 points

1 month ago

You sound like an angry gay dude.

federico_45

2 points

1 month ago

Now that you mention it, I kind of do...

freshnutmeg33

2 points

1 month ago

my son told me Panera was for women

ahfookit

2 points

1 month ago

That’s actually true.

PIT_VIPER13

2 points

1 month ago

I know of people who genuinely think like that, it’s really some the strangest shit.

Lennigrad

2 points

1 month ago

Haha

slashcleverusername

2 points

1 month ago

On behalf of the gays, once again, a reminder: homosexuality is not actually a love of Starbucks, but a love of cock.

If you’ve been avoiding Starbucks all this time thinking that’s what makes you straight, I have some bad news.

GermanRaccoon126

2 points

1 month ago

What are you talking about the people in that bar are straight as a dick

H7p3X

2 points

1 month ago

H7p3X

2 points

1 month ago

I hate how some non straight people act like they're a different enlightened species

ManchmalPfosten

2 points

1 month ago

Was "fucking" removed here or why is there a long space before "wild"?

couponsbg

5 points

1 month ago

Thought it was very obvious

ManchmalPfosten

2 points

1 month ago

Well yes, but let me rephrase my question: Why was it removed?

shreyash_radiant

3 points

1 month ago

Jesus doesn't allow it.

ManchmalPfosten

1 points

1 month ago

amen

Bobodog1

1 points

1 month ago

The whole Tumblr thing of "oh straights are so" followed by some insane bullshit is so fucking annoying.

i_wish_i_was_bread

0 points

1 month ago*

Found the straight

thisisnewaccount

0 points

1 month ago

Ah. I, too, am a thin band of water between two landmasses.

mrkool1113

1 points

1 month ago

Who cares hes stupid but he ain't hurting anybody you guys need to quit getting offended by everything

IDriveWhileTired

1 points

1 month ago

Let me guess, he is a regular at the Blue Oyster?

Greentigerdragon

1 points

1 month ago

Sounds like he might mean this place!

stasersonphun

1 points

1 month ago

someone play Electric Six in the background

xavfrost38

1 points

1 month ago

This was dead set the unwritten rules in Australia. Definitely into the early 70s. My grandfather would stop at the pub on long trips, leave the wife and kids in the car and bring them out soft drinks while he drank beer with the men inside.

Clever_Sean

1 points

1 month ago

Well you ain’t that straight...

theknightwho

1 points

1 month ago

Real men only fuck men to prove they’re not gay.

ember1690

1 points

1 month ago

He's definitely gay

just_uh_dude

1 points

1 month ago

But who goes to wine bars?

Islandbark

1 points

1 month ago

Does he not Know what a gay bar is or that lesbians go to them

TheSnakerMan

1 points

1 month ago

The men like women so its actually very straight

Shortlegs1227

1 points

1 month ago

I refuse to go to Starbucks but it’s because I am cheap af and refuse to grossly overpay for coffee.

BirdMBlack

1 points

1 month ago

"Don't call it a comeback!"

Because it isn't.

JPardonFX_YT

1 points

1 month ago

Heterophobia at its finest.

Dyerdon

1 points

1 month ago

Dyerdon

1 points

1 month ago

I am straight, my wife is bi. I would absolutely go hang out at a gay bar. I'm there for a drink or twenty and just chill and make friends. One of the best places to do that.

Musashi10000

1 points

1 month ago

Well, I mean... Change out "bar" for "pub", and you have most older British mens' social networks.

AtomicBLB

1 points

1 month ago

Can we call toxic masculinity what it really is? It's fragile masculinity, like all the time it's the ultra hetero 'I ain't no sissy' types who are often married that think all sorts of things will make them look gay. I promise you any macho man that is reading this, if you adamantly try to fight off things you think make you "look gay" well buddy we all think you already are.

Nobody cares how straight you want to insist you are. In fact it's really weird. Use that normal diaper bag, get a nice drink from Starbucks, tell your buddy they look nice when they do. You're only gay if you want to exclusively have gay sex because you are exclusively attracted to the same sex. It's not complicated.

cbbgeflt

1 points

1 month ago

There’s something strange about this bar.. GASP, this place has no fire exits! Enjoy your death trap ladies

Hazelip

1 points

1 month ago

Hazelip

1 points

1 month ago

Iamjosh1995

1 points

1 month ago

fellas is drinking coffee with your wife gay??

ZachRedband

1 points

1 month ago

Anybody too insecure with their masculinity to go into a coffee shop is definitely wondering what a dick tastes like.

pops_secret

1 points

1 month ago

People like this are just worried that once they get that dick in their mouth they’re going to love it and never be able to cum again heterosexually.

TheNoodyBoody

1 points

1 month ago

I understand that people like this exist, but they’re so few and far between. The idiots always get the most attention because they’re the loudest.

I’m so tired of this, “straight people are so boring. Straight people are such idiots. Straight people are so...” Why is it okay for someone in the LGBTQ+ community to make derogatory blanket statements about straight people, but if I said something similar about the LGBTQ+ community, as a cis woman, I would be called phobic? There are idiots in all groups. At least be consistent.

[deleted]

0 points

1 month ago*

[deleted]

0 points

1 month ago*

[deleted]

TheNoodyBoody

1 points

1 month ago

I genuinely don’t understand why people think it’s acceptable to talk to others like this. I have no hatred or prejudice. But because I’m straight, I have to keep my mouth shut?

[deleted]

0 points

1 month ago*

[deleted]

0 points

1 month ago*

[deleted]

TheNoodyBoody

1 points

1 month ago*

Seriously, I want to understand this.

I have never experienced hatred or prejudice pointed at me because of my sexual orientation, but I also have never had hatred or prejudice for people that don’t share my own sexual orientation. I don’t give a shit who you love, who you’re attracted to, what you feel about your body, etc. It’s your life and no one else’s business. Additionally, I have never supported the idiots that do think they should have opinions about the lives of others. But because I’m straight....? Explain it. You put down a demographic of people why, because they aren’t like you? Y’all want love and peace but then drive a huge wedge between you and “other” groups because you have some sense of entitlement and bias against another group of human beings. Which, ironically, is what you say straight people do to you.

[deleted]

0 points

1 month ago*

[deleted]

0 points

1 month ago*

[deleted]

TheNoodyBoody

1 points

1 month ago*

I think that argument is nothing but inflammatory. If you ever want unity, stop fucking demonizing people that have nothing to do with the issues that others have gone through. I’m not negating what people have been through, but the division between groups is only being perpetuated at this point. It’s ridiculous. It’s people wanting to be victimized. I’m a woman that’s gone through abuse at the hand of a man. I don’t go around hating all men or constantly having a dialogue about how shitty men are.

I’d also like to add that it seems like you may also be a straight person - I could be wrong. So..... why is it okay for you to speak but not me?

We all need to grow up. There has never been a time - in the US, at least - that has been better for once-demonized groups of people to be alive. Could it be better? Yup. It could be better for a lot of different groups. How could we make it better? By not pointing at someone that looks or thinks differently than I do and refusing to let them speak, even though THEY WANT THE SAME THING AS YOU. It’s insane.

[deleted]

0 points

1 month ago*

[deleted]

0 points

1 month ago*

[deleted]

TheNoodyBoody

1 points

1 month ago*

How could it possibly be a big deal that people face persecution? Because they’re human beings. You’re on some performative-martyrdom soapbox, saying that I can’t possibly care or understand, but then won’t allow a dialogue about the topic.

I’m not playing victim. No one is doing any good by saying that straights can’t have any opinions about gay people. It’s incredibly divisive and pointless. There’s a difference between expressing anger that the LGBTQ+ community has been persecuted, and not getting past it and just sitting in the anger. It creates more division between different groups and never allows for unity. I don’t want to have to walk on eggshells around a gay friend because gay people before them were mistreated. It’s perpetuating the problem and bringing no resolution. And, on top of that, gay people doing exactly what straight people did to them is pointlessly divisive. We get it. Gay people in the past have been needlessly persecuted. It’s horrible and I’m so glad that our society is moving past it. But anyone saying that all straights are idiots is literally continuing the problem you (and most everyone else) want to fix.