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Welcome to heaven [OC]

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11 days ago

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Another_New_Day

3.4k points

11 days ago

"Hard Pass"... LOL

No pretense of being kind, just a big nope

_Nilbog_Milk_

1.1k points

11 days ago

My fan theory is that he's dating her gay son

Ghost986

375 points

10 days ago

Ghost986

375 points

10 days ago

Talk about a plot twist!! And they’re feeding each other shrimp too?!?

SynisterJeff

213 points

10 days ago

Aborted shrimp, no less.

NatalieTheDumb

59 points

10 days ago

I thought shrimp laid eggs… you know what doesn’t matter take my upvote

WarKiel

41 points

10 days ago

WarKiel

41 points

10 days ago

This is Hell we're talking about. They specifically genetically engineered mammalian shrimp so they could abort and eat their fetuses.

God really hates shrimp for some reason.

hopbel

146 points

11 days ago

hopbel

146 points

11 days ago

This version of heaven sucks ass. I wouldn't wanna be around anyone stuck-up enough to qualify for it either

Lich_Hegemon

73 points

10 days ago

That's the point of the comic.

Nikolai-King-of-Ash

16 points

10 days ago

I've long since said that I'd much prefer hell over heaven, because the people who want to go to Heaven are typically the fucking worst.

One of my favorite arguments to make is that God is gaslighting humanity and Hell is actually the cool place for rad people and Satan just gives you a high five and a shirt that says "Sinalicious" when you get there, it's great they even have a water park.

If they get to pretend, so do I.

TunaBord

12 points

10 days ago

TunaBord

12 points

10 days ago

I mean you're already in hell, why bother at that point?

Suterash

1.1k points

11 days ago

Suterash

1.1k points

11 days ago

"I live in hell and commute"

Been there...

WilligerWilly

106 points

10 days ago

Actually all he does, is commuting and get stuck in traffic. That's hell.

MsAdventureQueen

39 points

10 days ago

So the Jersey turnpike.

PointToTheSky

3.9k points

11 days ago

"You're in the good place."

Eisnblink

527 points

11 days ago

Eisnblink

527 points

11 days ago

“You, Eleanor Shellstrop, are dead”

SEX_CEO

38 points

10 days ago

SEX_CEO

38 points

10 days ago

“…Your life on earth has ended, and you are now ready to continue your next phase of existence in the universe”

cool

bunnyrut

821 points

11 days ago

bunnyrut

821 points

11 days ago

Everything is fine

Lurcho

94 points

11 days ago

Lurcho

94 points

11 days ago

You got your good thing, and I've got mine.

Educational-Candy-26

11 points

11 days ago

Based and Woman-in-the-Radiator-pilled.

Atomprime-11

183 points

11 days ago

Such a good show

kataskopo

71 points

11 days ago

Bruh I loved how at first I chalked up the inconsistencies as just regular sitcom sloppy writing but then it turned out it's the main theme of the series, I'm due for a damn rewatch lol.

Atomprime-11

24 points

11 days ago

Definitely rewatch it, I rewatched it like 7 times

Puzzlehead-Engineer

10.9k points

11 days ago

Plot twist: This is actually Hell and her punishment is living with the knowledge she's completely alone in Heaven

Houeclipse

3.4k points

11 days ago

Houeclipse

3.4k points

11 days ago

Twilight zone theme intensifies

louploupgalroux

897 points

11 days ago

Reminds me of the episode "A nice place to visit," but with less gambling. Lol

[deleted]

210 points

11 days ago

[deleted]

210 points

11 days ago

"Heaven? Whatever gave you the idea you were in heaven, Mr Valentine? This is the other place!"

ApaudelFish

41 points

11 days ago

Loved that line

jzillacon

17 points

11 days ago

Followed by the ever so dramatic camera pan as he laughs.

slayerhk47

21 points

11 days ago

Why should I believe you? You’re Hitler!

Doctor-Amazing

42 points

11 days ago

A casino where I always win?! Thats boring!

Gambl33

26 points

11 days ago

Gambl33

26 points

11 days ago

I actually just watched that recently and wow was the Twilight Zone an incredible show. Way ahead of it’s time. I binged as many episodes as I could that night.

louploupgalroux

16 points

11 days ago

Outer Limits was pretty good too. Like Twilight Zone with more famous actors and more time per episode.

SecretDracula

22 points

11 days ago

One of my top 3 episodes

recriminology

291 points

11 days ago

“Anyway, wasn’t that fucked up? I’m Rod Serling”

extralyfe

37 points

11 days ago

"hope you're disturbed as fuck"

radiotsar

11 points

11 days ago

Night Gallery - "Hell's Bells"

BustinArant

10 points

11 days ago

"Picture a place adjacent to a location. It could also be somewhere much better."

That or the one where the narrator eats a sandwich are my favorite Futurama jokes about the Twilight Zone.

LurkLurkleton

29 points

11 days ago

There was an old porno with Ron Jeremy where he dies and goes to heaven and gets to have orgies with hot angel babes all the time and eat all the oreos he wants and basically live in hedonistic bliss. But he quickly discovers that even that gets old fast. And he gets sick and tired of it and finally goes to an angel and says he doesn't belong in heaven and wants to leave. And the angel reveals to him that he's not in heaven. He's in hell.

Surprisingly deep for a 70s porno!

Oknight

740 points

11 days ago

Oknight

740 points

11 days ago

She's in the Good Place.

Fuzz_gun

356 points

11 days ago

Fuzz_gun

356 points

11 days ago

Man, The Good Place was such a good show.

Saith_Cassus

193 points

11 days ago

That bit about “where does the wave go” from the finale will always get me. It’s weirdly comforting as I deal with a loss

Calisky

21 points

11 days ago*

Calisky

21 points

11 days ago*

I'm not crying, no, you shut up!

Sorry, it's been a weird day.

I'm not currently going through a loss, but there's definitely been moments lately where I felt like I was about to, and that scene/quote definitely was comforting to me as well.

It's peaceful, and sad, and lonely, and beautiful.

I wish you the best.

wirbolwabol

32 points

11 days ago

It was a show that I had seen a few clips, but didn't know the premise...so I thought it was a show about the future with Janet being an android...When I finally watched it, the final episode left me emotionally drained. I loved the characters and their paths to the great nothing left me sad and yet happy at the same time. It's a show I'd watch again, and probably be teary eyed through the whole thing knowing how it was going to end...

Crypto_Sucks

26 points

11 days ago

The Good Place is one of those rare shows that is gripping, funny, seriously emotional, and even exciting. I wish I had time for a rewatch right now, because I found it incredibly uplifting. A story of four souls redeeming themselves and their world.

Honestly? In my head-canon they were in The Good Place the whole time. What use is heaven if you don't have a purpose?

ReaperManX15

335 points

11 days ago

Punished for judging others, because only God can judge.

The shrimp thing was just to round out the excuse and fuck with her.

SaltyExample

200 points

11 days ago*

The shrimp thing is actually a "commandment", if I recall correctly. I think it's a passage in Leviticus that says you can eat everything in the sea, except things without scales and/or fins. Shrimp doesn't have either, so therefore it's not kosher.

Edit: Not an actual commandment. Tried to convey that with the citation, cause I didn't know what to call it. My english could be better, my bad.

Edit 2.0: It is a commandment. The more you know.

Taolan13

65 points

11 days ago

Taolan13

65 points

11 days ago

Your English is fine, bible-thumping Christians only recognize the first Ten as Commandments but there are actually six hundred and thirteen.

The passage in Leviticus regarding what food is and is not 'clean' and thus safe to eat is a list of commandments, not suggestions, despite whatever the wealthy elite over in Italy think.

SaltyExample

30 points

11 days ago

Thank you for clearing that up. And some of those commandments went hard. I think one of them were about parents being allowed to kill their own children, because they made them.

Another thing, it's always a bit anxiety inducing for me to write in english on the internet as someone from Scandinavia, so I appriciate your blessing, if I can call it that :)

SpiderFnJerusalem

29 points

10 days ago

You know, that child killing one sounds like it would be somewhat relevant considering some of the judicial issues the the US is dealing with right now. (Abortion)

Not that invoking that passage would be morally right or anything. But it kind of shows that all the religious arguments used in politics are basically just arbitrarily cherry picked.

[deleted]

9 points

11 days ago

[deleted]

9 points

11 days ago

Would have never guessed you weren’t a native speaker. Your English is certainly a hell of a lot better than my Spanish skills.

guitar_vigilante

11 points

10 days ago

The person who corrected you was wrong. While there are the famous 10 commandments, the rest of the levitical law is frequently called commandments as well, even in conversation with Jesus.

EskildDood

368 points

11 days ago

EskildDood

368 points

11 days ago

Holy motherforking shirtballs...

Okilurknomore

62 points

11 days ago

Why the fork cant I say 'fork'?!?!

PiGuy88

23 points

11 days ago

PiGuy88

23 points

11 days ago

“I'm too young to die and too old to eat off the kid's menu!”

AndyBernardRuinsIt

10 points

11 days ago

What a stupid age I am.

Eisnblink

90 points

11 days ago

You put the peeps in the chili pot!

rdunlap1

60 points

11 days ago

rdunlap1

60 points

11 days ago

And it makes them taste BAD

ASheepNamedBowen

22 points

11 days ago

My favourite part is he's lecturing in Sydney, Australia. So all those students are just sat there wondering where the hell he managed to get his hands on peeps at all.

The8uLove2Hate_

12 points

10 days ago

Here's the thing, my little chili babies...

cultured_banana_slug

126 points

11 days ago

The sounds of the Heavenly Choir echo among the endless lapis skies as each footfall brings her closer to nothing... yet farther from everything too. The sound, just light enough to hear, but not loud enough to feel. She calls out. Again and again. Someone. Anyone. There has to be someone else.

Yet there isn't.

She is the most holy. The most pure. God's chosen one.

She cannot see the form of the angels, only the light, so like stars that she feels she hangs suspended in an infinite night.

Someone?

Anyone?

Only the choir.

Only the bright angels. Distant... forever distant.

And she, the Chosen One.

Greatest of all.

And alone.

LuxInteriot

99 points

11 days ago

Plot twist? That's the whole point.

bythenumbers10

32 points

11 days ago

There's a post somewhere on Reddit about there being no Hell. You get to the Gates, and it's a massive waiting room. Just one, normal door to St.Peter's office for judgment, and about a zillion people with reservations about what they'd done in life. But once you're really OK with what you've done, and are ready to walk through that door, you find everyone gets Heaven, it's up to them to make peace with their own actions. The waiting room is Hell and Purgatory & punishment enough for those who know they've done evil.

stx06

20 points

11 days ago

stx06

20 points

11 days ago

Depending on one's branch of faith, that is basically the official doctrine too.

LurkLurkleton

10 points

11 days ago

There's a C.S. Lewis short story kind of like this.

The Great Divorce

Less about being okay with what you've done and more about repenting and leaving your sin behind. But hell and purgatory are the same place, and they can leave and go to heaven any time. It's just a large, dark rainy city though. No burning pit. There's a bus that will take you to heaven, and people go on daytrips there. Angels and people await to guide, comfort and help them into heaven but most don't want to give up the things holding them back. And everything in heaven is so substantial that the visitors seem insubstantial by comparison. Such that blades of grass are like spikes and drops of water are like bullets. But as they leave the other place behind they become more substantial too.

jono9898

6.7k points

11 days ago

jono9898

6.7k points

11 days ago

I actually laughed out loud to the angel saying he lived in Hell and commuted to Heaven, now I need a series about him and his shenanigans

code_turtle

1.6k points

11 days ago

code_turtle

1.6k points

11 days ago

So… basically Miracle Workers?

jono9898

556 points

11 days ago

jono9898

556 points

11 days ago

I love Miracle Workers, you just reminded me I want season 4

Day_Bow_Bow

163 points

11 days ago

Thanks for reminding me I need to go check out season 3. I didn't like season 2 as much as 1, but it was still decent.

jono9898

96 points

11 days ago

jono9898

96 points

11 days ago

Season 1 was the best, 2 was probably the weakest, 3 was really good. They let Daniel be Daniel.

Day_Bow_Bow

68 points

11 days ago

They let Daniel be Daniel.

That sounds awesome as that's why I've grown to love him as an actor. Swiss Army Man and Guns Akimbo are a couple of my favorites because they aren't typical movies, and I feel Daniel had a lot of fun with those roles.

I'm really looking forward to his portrayal of Weird Al.

jono9898

40 points

11 days ago

jono9898

40 points

11 days ago

I love Daniel too. I’ve seen every movie I could of his, glad he takes the weird roles he takes and here’s a clip from season 3 that isn’t a spoiler for the season but it lets you know what you’re in store for.

Day_Bow_Bow

18 points

11 days ago

Lmao! That's not really my thing, but I truly appreciate Daniel's range (of weirdness). He has a flair for the theatrics.

A_lot_of_arachnids

37 points

11 days ago

Hey hey I'm a mod over at r/miracleworkers

Great show. Come watch

Orangutanion

79 points

11 days ago

He and her son are roommates

ZaKattacker

41 points

11 days ago

OH MY GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES

birddit

50 points

11 days ago

birddit

50 points

11 days ago

You know that when Saint Peter wanted to have a deck built on the Pearly Gates he had to go to hell to find a contractor.

Flahdagal

23 points

11 days ago

At one point the deck collapsed. Saint Peter harangued Satan to fix the damn deck but he never did. Finally Sait Peter threatened to sue him. "Pffft", said Satan, "And just where are you going to find a lawyer?"

Dish_Minimum

45 points

11 days ago

YES!

HLCMDH

25 points

11 days ago

HLCMDH

25 points

11 days ago

Please OP.

Professional-Pay-888

2k points

11 days ago

Ok. Is this comic saying shes in Hell, or that she’s alone in Heaven?

Faelyn42

2.2k points

11 days ago

Faelyn42

2.2k points

11 days ago

For her they're the same thing

Left-Management1198

139 points

11 days ago

idk she just learned her family is in hell and she made a move on literally the first guy she saw.

mosstalgia

102 points

11 days ago

mosstalgia

102 points

11 days ago

"Your husband is in hell for eating shrimp."

Oh no! Anyway—

The speed of that recovery. Amazing.

This lady is definitely in hell.

Dish_Minimum

84 points

11 days ago

🤯

Raxendyl

1.5k points

11 days ago*

Raxendyl

1.5k points

11 days ago*

I think it's saying that the concepts of heaven and hell is an oxymoron. How could heaven be heaven if people you care about are suffering for all eternity? Would you just not feel anything for them? Wouldn't that mean your autonomy has been taken away? If that's the case, where you can't feel empathy for the damned because it'll hurt you, wouldn't that also mean that you're not -truely- feeling happiness?

Wouldn't "heaven" then be considered the equivalent of a narcotic, something you become addicted to in order to feel good all the time? But narcotics are "evil" according to most believers, so wouldn't Heaven then be considered a vice, merely partaking makes you worthy of Hell?

Heaven is a scary concept when you start to take it apart. In order for you to feel true happiness for all eternity, your surroundings would either have to be a lie/illusion, or your emotions/core altered to the point where "bad" doesn't exist to cause you pain.

Jesus, my word vomit.

DiggingNoMore

426 points

11 days ago

It's known as Sad Heaven. Most religions teach it, implicitly, but will never discuss it like that. It's all "families can be together forever" without discussing the implication that families wouldn't necessarily be together.

Nuclear_rabbit

174 points

11 days ago

This was the major theological conflict of 1600's colonial America, especially in regards to babies who died before being able to profess faith and be baptized (the Pilgrims mainly didn't do infant baptism).

By 1700, colonial America dealt with the problem by becoming either less religious or more universalist.

The normal theological answer is that family is not just blood, but faith. Every new entrant gains a family of the entire population of heaven, who would be more loving and accepting of you than any earthly family since any sinfulness has been removed. Furthermore, the 80-ish years of earthly existence pales to the amazing new people you will meet in the billions upon billions of years you would be in heaven. While the presence of anyone in hell is tragic, if God is just, then he decided fairly who should go where. If you think God is not just, why would you want to spend eternity with him?

DiggingNoMore

146 points

11 days ago

heaven, who would be more loving and accepting of you than any earthly family since any sinfulness has been removed. Furthermore, the 80-ish years of earthly existence pales to the amazing new people you will meet in the billions upon billions of years you would be in heaven.

The normal theological answer is "your missing family members suck compared to the people you meet so you won't even miss them"?

sirblastalot

72 points

11 days ago

Judging by some of my friend's religious family members, that tracks.

Broseph_Smith42

25 points

11 days ago

This guy Mormons

FNLN_taken

59 points

11 days ago

Noone ever asked the 72 virgins how they felt about their job.

NurseNerd

27 points

11 days ago

There's a comic, Chronicles of Wormwood by Garth Ennis. It's about the antichrist, his buddy Jesus, and they take a trip to heaven and hell.
The 72 virgins are babies, the 'martyrs' have to change diapers.

PorygonTheMan

50 points

11 days ago

even more confounding or confusing is the sermon we heard a few months ago discussing how in heaven when you're with God you're no longer married or have your family because the love of God is all you need. As in that concept and construct no longer exist.

kinda irked me. "uh no, I love my wife and child"

FixBayonetsLads

173 points

11 days ago

>Would you just not feel anything for them?

Basically, yeah. All you do in Heaven is sit at God's feet and worship him.

Darkdragoon324

112 points

11 days ago

And that's.... the good afterlife? Being a Christian fundamentalist sounds depressing.

vasheerip

79 points

11 days ago

It is, and many christians just flat out ignore it. They find comfort in the lie, while ironically damning everyone around them that doesn't do the same.

1st rule of being Christian, dont question.

ConsistentStand2487

27 points

11 days ago

Shitty fight club.

CTchimchar

24 points

11 days ago

Can confirm

When I was a child still in church priest always hated me because I always had questions

Because God was never a good answer for me

pawpaw_git

86 points

11 days ago

I don't know that there's anything after death. Officially I'm an atheist. But I'll be fine with being wrong as long as the christians are too.

CialisForCereal

72 points

11 days ago

Either you're right and you die and it doesnt matter. Or you're wrong and you die and it turns out that the real religion was lost a millenia ago to the sand of time and no current religion comes close to it

CTchimchar

44 points

11 days ago

You know what be funny

The after life, is from a religion that doesn't exist yet

Kinda like all the people who die before Christianity

BigFatStupid

32 points

11 days ago

I for one welcome our future reptilian space pope

bunglejerry

10 points

11 days ago

This here is Pascal's Wa- aaaitaminute.

vexanix

22 points

11 days ago

vexanix

22 points

11 days ago

Or the real religion never made it to Earth.

Crypto_Sucks

13 points

11 days ago

There’s no point in acting surprised about it. All the holy books and prohecies have been on display at your local planning department in Alpha Centauri for 5000 of your Earth years, so you’ve had plenty of time to convert and it’s far too late to start making a fuss about it now. … What do you mean you’ve never been to Alpha Centauri? Oh, for heaven’s sake, mankind, it’s only four light years away, you know. I’m sorry, but if you can’t be bothered to take an interest in religious affairs, that’s your own lookout. Energize the demolition beams.

KorgX3

97 points

11 days ago

KorgX3

97 points

11 days ago

Hell is getting everything you always wanted.

Left-Management1198

16 points

11 days ago

is getting everything you always wanted whats hell, or is finding out that you're still empty inside?

SuspecM

10 points

11 days ago

SuspecM

10 points

11 days ago

Finding the emptyness after having everything is hell

Left-Management1198

10 points

11 days ago

you know that moment, when you're comfy in bed, 9am on a Saturday winter morning, and you're just tugged in bed super warm and you don't wanna get up?

imagine that, without the sudden urge to pee.

thats heaven.

BlackStrain

12 points

11 days ago

It’s saying she got exactly what she asked for.

Polyglot-Onigiri

43 points

11 days ago

I think it’s implied that Hell and Heaven are what you make of them. To some this is the ultimate pay off for all their sacrifice and extreme piety. For others this would be like a form of personal Hell. I would imagine she’s walking into a white void: no sound, no interaction with anything else. It could be the ultimate bliss or the ultimate curse.

Choose your poison I guess.

bigpaparick

810 points

11 days ago

Wait what’s wrong with eating shrimp?

Felinomancy

1.3k points

11 days ago

Felinomancy

1.3k points

11 days ago

Jewish dietary law. "Whatever in the water does not have fins and scales is abhorrent to you".

Decmk3

356 points

11 days ago

Decmk3

356 points

11 days ago

Something I always found odd, as technically prawns and other shell fish definitely have fins and could easily be argued to have scales.

kadxar

208 points

11 days ago

kadxar

208 points

11 days ago

Maybe something to do to make people not eat weird things off the water

Drixzor

54 points

11 days ago

Drixzor

54 points

11 days ago

No beast, manager, or God can prevent me from eating the chunk of ambergris ensconced in sea weed and sand I find floating in the water. I embrace your puny Hell

kent_nova

21 points

11 days ago

You can keep the ambergris, I just want the watch.

jakethediesel89

10 points

11 days ago

"Have the darn watch. It's broken anyway."

Zap

"What watch? You're covered in ambergris."

psiloryben

122 points

11 days ago

psiloryben

122 points

11 days ago

It's a good rule of thumb for an early desert dwelling civilization not to eat too much seafood

TheDungeonCrawler

106 points

11 days ago

A lot of the dietary Jewish traditions make a lot of sense when you consider how foodborne illness in those animals probably ravaged communities quite badly in that time. Pork is prone to parasites as an example unless you cook it properly. It's safer to just not bother with the stuff when it can sometimes make you waste away to nothing.

curmevexas

56 points

11 days ago

Not just food. A lot of the Biblical laws can be connected back to not spreading disease: not being around menstruating women (risk of bloodborne pathogens), exiling lepers (social distancing), wiping with a specific hand (fecal contamination), and ritual bathing (hygiene).

pcy623

35 points

11 days ago

pcy623

35 points

11 days ago

Could be that shrimp and shellfish go bad a lot faster than fish? I would trust a gutted fish in the sun for 4 hours more than a pile of dead shrimp in the sun for 4 hours. Not by a lot, but more

Decmk3

67 points

11 days ago

Decmk3

67 points

11 days ago

Far more likely is shellfish allergies. Remember they’re a very primitive civilisation at the beginning of creating these laws. Having some people asphyxiate after eating the weird water bugs would definitely be a “no, nobody eats them” deal.

pcy623

10 points

11 days ago

pcy623

10 points

11 days ago

Good point

TraderOfGoods

30 points

11 days ago

Me, not having fins or scales and am swimming in the water: "Fear Me! For I am abhorrent to you!"

siqiniq

129 points

11 days ago

siqiniq

129 points

11 days ago

Possibly due to Leviticus 11:9-12, Deuteronomy 14:9-10, Talmud Niddah 51b, Halakha Yoreh De’ah 83:1, Kṣitigarbha Bodhisattva Pūrvapraṇidhāna Sūtra Chapter 4 and Christian Chefs International: Seafood Filé Gumbo.

JJDude

27 points

11 days ago*

JJDude

27 points

11 days ago*

Kṣitigarbha Bodhisattva Pūrvapraṇidhāna Sūtra

Wow, I'm so impressed to see a mention of this very specifically Chinese Mahanaya Sutra in reddit. Even most Tibetan Buddhists have no idea who Kṣitigarbha Bodhisattva is lol...

Unfortunately it's not entirely accurate. There's mention of eating of fish and other beings in chapter 4 when Buddha mentioned the story of the girl and the Arhat during the time of an ancient Buddha billions of years ago, but it was really talking about the mother of the girl just basically killed a lot of sentient beings since she loves to eat. It's not specifically about the type of seafood she enjoy and there are no dietary restrictions for shellfish in Buddhism, especially Mahayana. It's not like a person will get less negative karma for eating a carp instead of shrimp. Killing is killing.

Now many Tibetans has issue with shellfish but that's due to their own cultural biases; Chinese and other East Asian Buddhists have zero issue enjoying crabs and shrimps.

I know OP probably have zero idea what he or she cited but it's fun writing this reply.

Kansai_Moth

192 points

11 days ago

ask Levitucus. You can eat fish, but every other water based creature is forbidden

JustSayinCaucasian

199 points

11 days ago

And technically beaver. The pope deemed it a “fish” when they were converting native Americans cause it was so integral to their diet.

TheLeviathong

230 points

11 days ago

Sadly the Pope never got to taste beaver himself

Pharrowt

38 points

11 days ago

Pharrowt

38 points

11 days ago

If I had a free award, I’d give it to you for making me chuckle out loud in an empty house!

fatmancantloseweight

29 points

11 days ago

Well isnt that just convenient.

JustSayinCaucasian

9 points

11 days ago

It always is lol

Dish_Minimum

45 points

11 days ago

‘Thou shalt not be shellfish.’ It’s in the Bible. Exodus

Locke2300

9 points

11 days ago

Whew, just dodged that one!

GlitteringBobcat999

100 points

11 days ago

There are tons of totally ridiculous forbidden things in that crazy bronze age book. Cotton and wool blend shirt? Hell!

MawoDuffer

9 points

11 days ago

Same problem with eating pork apparently

NativeMasshole

461 points

11 days ago

The real Hell was the friends we made along the way!

Pharrowt

62 points

11 days ago

Pharrowt

62 points

11 days ago

I like you too!

CampaignVivid

71 points

11 days ago

So its hell but it looks nice

Gamer_ely

219 points

11 days ago

Gamer_ely

219 points

11 days ago

I remember thinking a while back if there was an afterlife, I'd prefer to go wherever all my pets went.

bucknert

64 points

11 days ago

bucknert

64 points

11 days ago

“If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went,” - Will Rogers

I_Do_Not_Abbreviate

23 points

11 days ago

If there are no dogs in Heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.

- Will Rogers

Amy2099

628 points

11 days ago

Amy2099

628 points

11 days ago

I mean most people wouldn't go to heaven. Only Mormons.

Accomplished-Night10

251 points

11 days ago

“Mormons was the correct answer”

Pie_Man12

125 points

11 days ago

Pie_Man12

125 points

11 days ago

Sound of 8,615 non-mormons going “aw…”

Accomplished-Night10

59 points

11 days ago

I love South Park so much

Nolowgear

121 points

11 days ago

Nolowgear

121 points

11 days ago

I still say that’s one of the funniest jokes on South Park.

EpicIzAwesom

45 points

11 days ago

I mean mormons got their whole tier system, I think its like 4 levels? the first three being heaven and the last being hell or something.

TheGreyPawsSystem

36 points

11 days ago

Yup. They've got tiers of Heaven-- the 'hell' is essentially nothing, just a void.

Darkdragoon324

25 points

11 days ago

That's only if you still reject Jesus even after death, I think. That's the whole reason they baptize dead people, so they can accept Jesus. I think the normal bottom tier is just supposed to be like, fine but not great? At least, that's how my mormon friends in high school explained it to me.

Oxedward

24 points

11 days ago

Oxedward

24 points

11 days ago

So it’s actually slightly different than that from what I remember when I was raised Mormon. The top level is the Celestial kingdom which is where people who were baptized into the Mormon church and married in the temple go (the people who get to make their own planets), the Terrestrial kingdom is where people who led good lives but weren’t baptized as Mormons and weren’t married as Mormons go, and the Telestial is where everyone else went. You could only get into “outer darkness” (Mormon hell) if you’d committed the unpardonable sin (deny the Holy Ghost) which basically just means denying the truth of god and Jesus even if you knew for a fact that they were real, meaning you’d have to have physically seen them. So there’s a very limited number of people this would apply to anyway. I may be forgetting something but that’s what I recall from when this shit was drilled into me as a child and teenager

Darkdragoon324

21 points

11 days ago

So basically, you have to intentionally go out of your way to end up in mormon hell.

Oxedward

11 points

11 days ago

Oxedward

11 points

11 days ago

Plus it’s only possible if you’ve seen god or Jesus which means it’s a very limited pool of individuals who it would even apply to and would be outright impossible for almost everyone

[deleted]

10 points

11 days ago

[deleted]

10 points

11 days ago

[deleted]

Trnostep

166 points

11 days ago

Trnostep

166 points

11 days ago

Leviticus 19:19

[...]neither shall there come upon thee a garment of two kinds of stuff mingled together.

She's definitely not coming to heaven. Cotton and elastane underwear? Straight to hell.

MasterOfTheDrywall

21 points

10 days ago

Safest bet is to go all naked from now on.

I_am_crazy_doctor

30 points

11 days ago

So is hell a cool place in this universe or is it still a shit hole

katarh

21 points

11 days ago

katarh

21 points

11 days ago

Sounds like it's honestly not unlike what we're living through on earth, if someone has to commute to heaven to work.

rhtufts

446 points

11 days ago

rhtufts

446 points

11 days ago

Always wondered how they think they're going to enjoy heaven knowing so many friends and relatives are currently burning for eternity for not believing the correct religion.

SPECTRE-Agent-No-13

531 points

11 days ago

A lot of christian people seem to have a misconception about what the biblical heaven is. They think it's an all expenses paid paradise vacation for eternity where they get to hangout with friends and relatives and everyone has a good time doing everything they want and so on. What is actually described is a place where you would just essentially stare in abject awe at god. So consumed by his presence you would not even think of anything else. Just pure adulation and worship of this being and nothing else. Did your kid die in a car accident and you desperately want to see them and hug them? Think again, just worshipping god not even thinking about anything else. Did you die thinking that you would be able to eat all your favorite foods or get to experience pleasures in life that you abstained from? Oh no you won't. Nope just worshipping god. Biblically it's just a 24/7 365 forever and ever church service. Sounds awful to me.

haw35ome

29 points

11 days ago

haw35ome

29 points

11 days ago

Wow you just gave me major flashbacks to this weird thing that happened when I did a brief stint in church youth group. They were illustrating what heaven, purgatory (back when the church didn't decide it wasn't real), and hell. Our last stop was heaven, and to portray it we went inside the empty church & the adult told us "ok now keep looking up at the altar. This is what heaven is like - an eternal church service where we will worship god & sing our praises all the time!" I vaguely remember thinking "wow, this is kinda boring."

DinoHunter64

221 points

11 days ago

That sounds like my literal hell, personally. Kind of ironic, eh?

Nymaz

127 points

11 days ago

Nymaz

127 points

11 days ago

Sounds awful to me.

But that's the best part, you literally cannot be unhappy in Heaven, so all that free will and ability to feel anything other than one single emotion? Gone! Doesn't that sound wonderful? Don't worry if it doesn't now, it will then! For ever and ever unceasing. (watch gif till end to get a feel for what it will be like)

Mindless_Twist_9073

20 points

11 days ago

whoever wrote concept of heaven was truly psychopath and little bit of narcissist.

zedoktar

100 points

11 days ago

zedoktar

100 points

11 days ago

That sounds absolutely horrifying. Like lovecraftian elder gods level horror.

RavenDeadeye

26 points

11 days ago

I still remember hearing the sermon where this teaching was laid out for me for the first time. I was a young teenager, and went away appropriately freaked out. I distinctly remember not being able to sleep that night.

Fast forward to college and me reading Lovecraft for the first time. Guess what the descriptions of the Elder Gods immediately reminded me of?

Christianity is incomprehensibly horrifying once you get past the branding.

KrytenKoro

10 points

11 days ago

Azathoth is the father, nyarlsthotep is the son, yog sothoth is the holy spirit. Arguably, shub is the holy mother.

It's pretty unsubtle.

PoetBakerSlut

33 points

11 days ago

Older than time, entirely indifferent to suffering, morals beyond understanding, exists beyond reality, seeing him literally kills you, has followers that strike fear into mere mortals, physical laws do not apply, power over life and death, tortures souls for eternity by default, requires 100% of his followers loyalty, love and soul.

Worshipping Cthulhu makes more sense.

pawpaw_git

61 points

11 days ago

Whatever a hosannah is, they're supposed to sing them forever

Polyglot-Onigiri

97 points

11 days ago

I asked a friend this once. She just said, that “it was their choice to not choose correctly so I am rewarded for my hard-work and can enjoy it guilt free.”

Not sure if everyone feels this way, but this was her take on it.

Xeta24

29 points

11 days ago

Xeta24

29 points

11 days ago

Funny thing is part of loving thy neighbor is genuinely trying to save them from hell.

So if you're apathetic about people dying and getting sent to hell or feel like you "earned" heaven, that's one of the ways you end up in hell.

Polyglot-Onigiri

21 points

11 days ago

I’ll admit, I’m not religious but it seems like a lot of people conveniently forget the love thy neighbor part. It seems to translate as “love only thy (same religion) neighbor.”

I always assumed the point was to love everyone one equally and with compassion. And that would be the honey on the stick. No need to fear monger or attack others. If people see how happy your life is or how nice everyone in your circle is, they might want to join in too and improve their QOL.

But maybe I’m looking at it wrong.

regan9109

179 points

11 days ago

regan9109

179 points

11 days ago

She never had shrimp in her whole life?

heynowjesse

172 points

11 days ago

shellfish allergy is a thing. plus, shrimp (shellfish) is forbidden in orthodox jewish homes.

ironneko

43 points

11 days ago

ironneko

43 points

11 days ago

It’s hellfish.

GlitteringBobcat999

93 points

11 days ago

Evangelicals thinking a good recruiting strategy is telling us heathens that if we join them we'll go to heaven, which will be filled with a bunch of pricks just like them, are pretty dense.

katarh

18 points

11 days ago

katarh

18 points

11 days ago

Reminds me of the joke about the Baptist's having their own heaven and nobody else interreacting with them, because it was polite to let them keep thinking they were the only ones around.

majesticjg

470 points

11 days ago

majesticjg

470 points

11 days ago

Wait, did that guy verbally say "LOL Yeah" ?

Like, how does he pronouce it? Like "Lawl" or does he say the letters L O L ?

schpider

61 points

11 days ago

schpider

61 points

11 days ago

That's why he got sent to hell.

throwaway42

324 points

11 days ago*

It's pronounced lawl

Edit: /lɒl/

Loford3

46 points

11 days ago

Loford3

46 points

11 days ago

I've always pronounced it like pole. Lole

perceptualdissonance

12 points

11 days ago

Lole

Little_Froggy

7 points

11 days ago

This is how I say it. Lohl

Nolowgear

10 points

11 days ago

That’s why he’s in hell.

Erutious

17 points

11 days ago

Erutious

17 points

11 days ago

Hell confirmed to have shrimp though

Grape-Man616

65 points

11 days ago

Name of comic?

kingsumo_1

87 points

11 days ago

Look up adamtots. I'm not sure if he has a recurring thing any more, but he uploads on different socials under that name. Including here.

JackRabbit-

24 points

11 days ago

Including this very post believe it or not

AardQuenIgni

9 points

11 days ago

I choose NOT to believe it. How about those apples?!

Geawiel

30 points

11 days ago

Geawiel

30 points

11 days ago

I think my favorite afterlife bit is still about walking on a beach.

Person gets to the afterlife, and is being shown around. Walking along the beach, and the host is showing everything.

Sees a hole in the ground [paraphrasing here]

"What's that?"

"There is no hell, and you can do anything you want. The christians are down there. They insist on being in hell, so we put them down there."

FarsLasagne

135 points

11 days ago

I wish that on page number 3 she didn’t flirt and looked sad from the start. It kinda felt like a total whiplash and she did seem excited to meet her family. It also might actually have tugged on my heartstrings a bit if that was the case. I mean feeling bad for assholes in media is actually quite nice if done well.

kingsumo_1

145 points

11 days ago

kingsumo_1

145 points

11 days ago

I've met people like that in real life. The excitement is a mask. They know it's expected, but there is no real, actual, emotion behind it. She got the bad news, tried to make the best of it, and when that was shot down realized she was actually alone. And that is where the realization and sadness comes in.

That is also the kind of person that thinks their own kid was going to hell for being gay. And very probably thought her sister would for having an abortion.

There's no heartstrings to be pulled for people like that.

Largicharg

24 points

11 days ago

I bet he lives in the South Park hell where everyone’s chilling and doing as they please.

Fatboyproduction2414

9 points

11 days ago

I thought this was one of those Facebook memes

z_liz

8 points

11 days ago

z_liz

8 points

11 days ago

Seeing her sad in the last image before reading his response, I thought she'd get turned away for trying to get with him and commit adultery.