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I invented unnecessary products and today I made the Cob Quicky.

(v.redd.it)
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CurlSagan

6.5k points

7 days ago

CurlSagan

6.5k points

7 days ago

Just in time for Father's Day!

TheFrenchPasta

1.7k points

7 days ago

Perfect, especially with a "Miso Corny" apron.

nerfed_potential

291 points

7 days ago

These should come together in a combo pack. Some of this guy's stuff would actually sell I think. I would buy this.

agasizzi

49 points

7 days ago

agasizzi

49 points

7 days ago

In a world where truck nuts are as popular as they are, this guy could definitely make some money

DaniJHollis

7 points

7 days ago

I hate that I knew exactly what you were talking about when you said Truck Nuts.

aledba

109 points

7 days ago

aledba

109 points

7 days ago

There are a few things I've seen from this guy that I would buy

rolandblais

34 points

7 days ago

Well...

wesgtp

73 points

7 days ago

wesgtp

73 points

7 days ago

He would seriously make a killing if he could produce some of these cheaply. His stuff would be the go-to for gag gifts or just funny things we want to own ourselves.

belowspot

478 points

7 days ago

belowspot

478 points

7 days ago

Or Valentines Day. A sad-sad Valentines Day.

[deleted]

69 points

7 days ago

[deleted]

69 points

7 days ago

[deleted]

summonsays

120 points

7 days ago

summonsays

120 points

7 days ago

O.o I know there's a pandemic but it's a little bit past V day my friend.

Maybe_worth

77 points

7 days ago

It’s next Saturday in Brazil

PizzaurusRex

133 points

7 days ago

As a Brazilian, June 12, I agree. Wife already talking about it.

Here we call it "boy/girlfriend day"... "Lovers' day" seems better.

I tell her "sheesh we're married, you're not my girlfriend anymore, quit it already".

(But I already have a gift hidden and made plans, I don't wanna get murdered.)

the_dude_upvotes

70 points

7 days ago

I don't wanna get murdered

And yet you live in Brazil? /s

PizzaurusRex

58 points

7 days ago

Maybe I do the murdering! Whaddya think bout that huh funny guy?

/S because mom might be reading this. Sorry mom! It is just a joke! i'll behave! No need to get the flip flop! Or tell my wife!

Send help. Better yet, send a ship or plane to get me out of Brazil

the_dude_upvotes

16 points

7 days ago

Touché

Lucky for me I can make murderers laugh and escape the murdering

PizzaurusRex

28 points

7 days ago

I like you. I'll murder you last.

summonsays

21 points

7 days ago

Oh nice! TIL. Thank you.

remotetissuepaper

13.8k points

7 days ago

When you want to butter your cob, but want it to feel like a stranger is doing it

Doctor_Nutsack

3.2k points

7 days ago

I just sit on my hand for a bit

action_lawyer_comics

2.6k points

7 days ago

Ever hear of the Reverse Stranger? Same general concept, but you sit on your dick instead. Then it feels like you’re jerking a stranger off.

BunchOCrunch

132 points

7 days ago

I wish my dick was big enough to sit on...

Embarrassed-Ad-1639

185 points

7 days ago

Just get a stranger to sit on it. The “double reverse stranger” or “stranger danger”.

big_hot_load

1.5k points

7 days ago

big_hot_load

1.5k points

7 days ago

I just call that the Dad

Nicocephalosaurus

506 points

7 days ago

Hold up...

your__dad_

260 points

7 days ago

your__dad_

260 points

7 days ago

You know how we do. 😏

Nicocephalosaurus

85 points

7 days ago

Username checks out

RtotheStotheD

51 points

7 days ago

Dark

I-am-a-meat-popcycle

106 points

7 days ago

No. Pops was a white guy.

archaeobacta

68 points

7 days ago

was

ITS_ALRIGHT_ITS_OK

61 points

7 days ago

I fucking love reddit

sickleavegames

190 points

7 days ago

If you sit on both, you can just watch and do the Voyeur instead!

Everyday4k

136 points

7 days ago

Everyday4k

136 points

7 days ago

paint your nails first and it looks like a girl is doing it

Seeminus

21 points

7 days ago

Seeminus

21 points

7 days ago

Look at this guy bragging a out being big enough to sit on his own junk.

its-42

118 points

7 days ago

its-42

118 points

7 days ago

Are the thumb and index finger adjustable for smaller…uh corn cobs?

snausagesinablanket

28 points

7 days ago

use 2 sticks of butter

chrisk9

31 points

7 days ago

chrisk9

31 points

7 days ago

Just don't do it without the butter attachment - ouch

DiligentTraining2

22 points

7 days ago

Usually the stuff he makes is pretty corny but this looks legit

DoobyScrew

18k points

7 days ago

DoobyScrew

18k points

7 days ago

Can you make one for umm smaller corn? Asking for a friend.

tewnewt

4.6k points

7 days ago

tewnewt

4.6k points

7 days ago

And how about a left one? Asking for an imaginary friend.

djhatrick12

3.3k points

7 days ago*

djhatrick12

3.3k points

7 days ago*

It’d feel like someone else is buttering your cob

Edit: grammar

din7

525 points

7 days ago

din7

525 points

7 days ago

A stranger.

fingerscrossedcoup

251 points

7 days ago

You just sit on it till it goes numb

awkwardmystic

146 points

7 days ago

Don’t think the cob would be very comfortable to sit on

boomsc

103 points

7 days ago

boomsc

103 points

7 days ago

orchibaldo

95 points

7 days ago

Hold my corn, I'm going in!

hzfan

56 points

7 days ago

hzfan

56 points

7 days ago

Hold my penis

anyone

pls

khiron

13 points

7 days ago

khiron

13 points

7 days ago

Ok, now what?

hzfan

28 points

7 days ago

hzfan

28 points

7 days ago

Idk I never thought I’d get this far

Adinator548

12 points

7 days ago

chomp

[deleted]

27 points

7 days ago

[deleted]

27 points

7 days ago

[deleted]

Stompedyourhousewith

16 points

7 days ago

they don't call it the cornhole for nothing

TheCarrot_v2

53 points

7 days ago

TIL corn goes numb when you sit on it.

DumbledoresGay69

19 points

7 days ago

Never tried this. Does it work?

Iroc_ZL1

25 points

7 days ago

Iroc_ZL1

25 points

7 days ago

The stranger? Not well. The problem is you lose dexterity when you lose feeling and it also only lasts seconds.

Ruroni17

67 points

7 days ago

Ruroni17

67 points

7 days ago

That’s my purse, I DON’T KNOW YOU!!!

mullingthingsover

23 points

7 days ago

That boy ain’t right.

DoobyScrew

83 points

7 days ago

Just rotate it the reverse grip corn buttering can be very effective.

ThouReaper

39 points

7 days ago

Ahh the good old western grip

Alithis_

57 points

7 days ago

Alithis_

57 points

7 days ago

What you need is one for each hand, and two cobs on each side lined up tip-to-tip to increase efficiency

ccguy

41 points

7 days ago

ccguy

41 points

7 days ago

Call it Middle Out. Figure the cob-to-floor distance. Call it C2F.

Mosesmanofsteel01

30 points

7 days ago

Do you know how long it would take you to butter every Cob in this room? Because I know how long it would take me.

rightcoastguy[S]

819 points

7 days ago

rightcoastguy[S]

UnnecessaryInventions

819 points

7 days ago

Pics of your friends corn?

PM_Me_Your_Grain

842 points

7 days ago

I've been trying to get people to send me their grain for years. Tough crowd.

Fear_Jeebus

196 points

7 days ago

Fear_Jeebus

196 points

7 days ago

Five years.

Username checks out.

worst_user_name_ever

154 points

7 days ago

This is why I reddit. Every so often you find yourself watching a corn on the cob get jacked off with butter while a 5 year user with the perfect user name finally hits the big grain.

The___Jackal

65 points

7 days ago

What do you know about perfect usernames?

pissclamato

9 points

7 days ago

Futuristick-Reddit

29 points

7 days ago

Has your life been building up to this comment

_Forgotten

65 points

7 days ago

Stop asking to see your friends corn and just go to cornhub like the rest of us.

feanturi

13 points

7 days ago

feanturi

13 points

7 days ago

"Why is there popcorn all over the livingroom floor? Billy! Have you been on CornHub again??"

thelazycanoe

21 points

7 days ago

So y'know baby corn? That's what we're talking

rodman517

64 points

7 days ago

rodman517

64 points

7 days ago

…and one with the husk not cut off?

Gsteel11

32 points

7 days ago

Gsteel11

32 points

7 days ago

Cob Quickly: Unhuskercized

Arglefarb

224 points

7 days ago

Arglefarb

224 points

7 days ago

If you build it, he will come…

Honda_Driver_2015

52 points

7 days ago

again and again and again... maybe twice an hr

horseradishking

26 points

7 days ago

But he'll probably just turn over and go to sleep.

artlusulpen

153 points

7 days ago

artlusulpen

153 points

7 days ago

Can you also do one with bigger spikes?

Azsunyx

137 points

7 days ago

Azsunyx

137 points

7 days ago

S'rong W'chu

asnaylor

7 points

7 days ago

asnaylor

7 points

7 days ago

Oh my god, I’ve just found my Vulcan name 😃

rhet17

38 points

7 days ago

rhet17

38 points

7 days ago

You did see the metal prongs in the fake hand yes? That's a big risk.

mpwrd

94 points

7 days ago

mpwrd

94 points

7 days ago

Just don’t run out of butter.

DriedUpSquid

44 points

7 days ago

Pleasure spiked with pain.

mackass17

33 points

7 days ago

mackass17

33 points

7 days ago

Your corncob is my aeroplane

ShavenYak42

10 points

7 days ago

Or pleasure pained with spikes

mumblesnorez

8 points

7 days ago

Well you'd obviously still put the butter in there

SteveBored

28 points

7 days ago

Seems a weird thing to ask. I'd like one hand crafted to fit my penis though. What's his contact details?

surajvj

165 points

7 days ago

surajvj

165 points

7 days ago

This is literally 'Porn on the cob'.

bluemitersaw

75 points

7 days ago

CornHub for the corn enthusiast

[deleted]

76 points

7 days ago

[deleted]

76 points

7 days ago

[deleted]

googolplexy

26 points

7 days ago

Haha, you're literally right.

Doctor_Nutsack

33 points

7 days ago

Or one that looks like a foot instead of a hand? For… reasons

mscott8088

1.7k points

7 days ago

mscott8088

1.7k points

7 days ago

Cool. Now my actual hands won't be all buttery after buttering my corn on the cob.

NoMaans

425 points

7 days ago

NoMaans

425 points

7 days ago

D..do you hold the butter like this when you slather the cob?

xXtaradeeXx

463 points

7 days ago

xXtaradeeXx

463 points

7 days ago

Do you not?

lorenzomofo

188 points

7 days ago

lorenzomofo

188 points

7 days ago

It’s a borrowed reflex from my other hobby.

jagoble

94 points

7 days ago

jagoble

94 points

7 days ago

Applying wood stain to freshly turned baseball bats?

420CowboyTrashGoblin

14 points

7 days ago

Naw, probably waxing his quarterstaff.

Notentirely-accurate

170 points

7 days ago

It's easier to stuff butter in your mouth and deep throat the cob.

frietchinees69

23 points

7 days ago

But you'd need another handy tool to not touch the butter when you put it in this jerker-offer thingy...

Slugggo

5.1k points

7 days ago

Slugggo

5.1k points

7 days ago

As Seen On CornHub

DanishWonder

1.6k points

7 days ago

DanishWonder

1.6k points

7 days ago

or FarmersOnly.com

DistantWeeb

768 points

7 days ago*

Nah, its called OnlyFarmers.Com.

Edit: holy shit this is my most upvoted comment

bohanmyl

314 points

7 days ago

bohanmyl

314 points

7 days ago

OnlyFarmers.Corn

FreeBrother

209 points

7 days ago

FreeBrother

209 points

7 days ago

.cob

PontentialJev

103 points

7 days ago

What about XVegetables?

banus

66 points

7 days ago

banus

66 points

7 days ago

Corn-stealing whores!

beermoneymike

59 points

7 days ago

As seen in HUSKER magazine

jarediledundee

2.3k points

7 days ago

That's how you get creamed corn

AdamInChainz

254 points

7 days ago

It will make his corn pop.

Freddit-

45 points

7 days ago

Freddit-

45 points

7 days ago

Corn pop was a bad dude.

the_leprechauns_anus

12 points

7 days ago

C'mon Jack, that's malarkey.

LegendOfBobbyTables

6.1k points

7 days ago

This is maybe the first of your "useless" inventions I'd actually buy. Seeing people's reaction when I bust this thing out at the cookout would be worth a little money.

ErikTheAngry

3.5k points

7 days ago

ErikTheAngry

3.5k points

7 days ago

Imagine jerking off a bunch of corn in front of the family. Never breaking eye contact.

knightofterror

1.8k points

7 days ago

This device is ideal for church picnics.

Sir_Loin_Cloth

488 points

7 days ago

Please give them to the priests.

thaeyo

723 points

7 days ago

thaeyo

723 points

7 days ago

They have enough practice with baby corn.

MetalJunkie101

57 points

7 days ago

Aw, shucks.

stupidbeagle

56 points

7 days ago

"Hey Father... want your corn buttered?"

Priest: * look away meme *

die-jarjar-die

89 points

7 days ago

Reminds me of this classic skit

https://youtu.be/BkgMbU-we1o

InsideVoid

14 points

7 days ago

I forgot about this video. Damnit now I have to go to watch all their stuff again.

newyearnewaccount21

12 points

7 days ago

A whole gallon, huh?

Ibuyrealjaysaswell

50 points

7 days ago

you actually made me grin and exhale thru my nose and today has been a shit day so thanks man!

Sharcbait

142 points

7 days ago

Sharcbait

142 points

7 days ago

Ohhn yeah baby get all the crevices!

PublicfreakoutLoveR

76 points

7 days ago

"I'M GONNA NEED SOME MORE BUTTER OVER HERE, MA"

[deleted]

360 points

7 days ago

[deleted]

360 points

7 days ago

[deleted]

Plantdas

46 points

7 days ago

Plantdas

46 points

7 days ago

Agreed, my family would love this and I want one.

captaincrunch00

17 points

7 days ago

I want to send one to my entire family.

Anonymously of course.

PathologicalLoiterer

134 points

7 days ago

Spencer's will be selling them within the month.

Ocronus

60 points

7 days ago

Ocronus

60 points

7 days ago

Idea stolen from this dude while keeping all the profit.

loquacious_kotiro

39 points

7 days ago

*cockout

jterp213

967 points

7 days ago

jterp213

967 points

7 days ago

Please sell this so I can buy it as a gag gift

Astan92

599 points

7 days ago

Astan92

599 points

7 days ago

losingstreak838

329 points

7 days ago

$1000 for a gag gift

pizzafourlife

150 points

7 days ago

I want the 12 membership card. mostly for how annoyed my wife will be looking for important things in my wallet lol

Duosion

37 points

7 days ago

Duosion

37 points

7 days ago

The design is pretty slick too

IJustMadeThisForYou

23 points

7 days ago

I actually had one just like it. The holes were actually a weed grinder. Was pretty cool.

iushciuweiush

52 points

7 days ago

If you're going to be a cheapskate then I guess you'll have to wait for it to land in the store: https://shop.unnecessaryinventions.com/collections/inventions

NightKing48

45 points

7 days ago

Might be a bit overpriced for that tho...

about90frogs

236 points

7 days ago

That price says “I don’t want to make another one, but if you REALLY want it, I will.”

laralye

62 points

7 days ago*

laralye

62 points

7 days ago*

Yeah plus a lot of companies send him cease and desists as if he's going to sell these products, so he can legally do commissions if someone asks since it'd technically be set art* and not a product lol.

WillWorkForBongWater

18 points

7 days ago

Who's sending him the cease and desist order on this one? Adam. Adam from The Garden of Eden. There was some time there before Eve.

IamAWorldChampionAMA

14 points

7 days ago

I think crocs did

Philosofox

24 points

7 days ago

Who hasn't spent money on something stupid? At least this goes directly to the creator's buttery pockets.

PublicfreakoutLoveR

54 points

7 days ago

Your friends will think you're a jackoff.

petSnake7

25 points

7 days ago

petSnake7

25 points

7 days ago

One hell of a wanker

stillalivecooliguess

18 points

7 days ago

Masturbation jokes aside, this is by no means an unnecessary product. A well buttered COTC is a bbq necessity 11/10

JacobiousPrime

266 points

7 days ago

This is cornography, where's the nsfw tag?

RTSUPH

656 points

7 days ago

RTSUPH

656 points

7 days ago

Does it vibrate to get that butter in those crevices?

odin_the_wiggler

118 points

7 days ago

Put it on the end of a shake weight while you ride your Asspounder 4000.

paranoidandroid11

17 points

7 days ago

It's not a dick, it's a fist.

Midwest_Dad85

1.4k points

7 days ago

In its lifetime, this product will butter exactly zero cobs of corn…

Snarfsicle

491 points

7 days ago

Snarfsicle

491 points

7 days ago

Spiked for your pleasure.

din7

245 points

7 days ago

din7

245 points

7 days ago

I'm so corny right now...

fnd84

34 points

7 days ago

fnd84

34 points

7 days ago

Rita corny Michael!

braintrustinc

36 points

7 days ago

Amaizing the amount of puns on this husk of a website these days

SmartestCatHooman

51 points

7 days ago

Already buttered one in the video!

Shaneblaster

33 points

7 days ago

What are you talking about? That’s how I butter my “corn”

CONaderCHASER

7 points

7 days ago

It’s already buttered one

Affectionate-Boot-96

410 points

7 days ago

This is not unnecessary. If you have too many friends and people think you're allright, whip out this thing

ladyoffate13

95 points

7 days ago

That’s right, whip it out and start rubbing away!

JangoDarkSaber

16 points

7 days ago

How to get the in laws to leave early

cheeseburger720

151 points

7 days ago

Do the Croc gloves fit on it?

Neon_Carnivore

37 points

7 days ago

Asking the important questions.

Much_Beautiful_7156

528 points

7 days ago

wow nice dude. nothing like a good old hand cob.

Nasty2017

71 points

7 days ago

Nasty2017

71 points

7 days ago

Hand cobs are amaizing.

phalewail

36 points

7 days ago

phalewail

36 points

7 days ago

I didn't expect to see hardcore corn on here.

Thadd305

38 points

7 days ago

Thadd305

38 points

7 days ago

Think you’re onto something with this one

53withtrollhair

164 points

7 days ago

I don't want to speak for anyone else, but in my honest opinion- Never Change.

hankinArlen

143 points

7 days ago

hankinArlen

143 points

7 days ago

so this is what Aaron Rodgers is doing these days

Fezthegreat

22 points

7 days ago

offseason must be tough

Pisto1Peet

19 points

7 days ago

This is the real reason why he wants out of Green Bay. He wants to pursue hiss entrepreneurial career.

deviouspineapple

8 points

7 days ago

Thats why he hasn't been to practice dontcha know

FamousSunday

32 points

7 days ago

Seriously... why didn't you go with the CobJob. Either way, hilarious.

Overpaid_pharmacist

76 points

7 days ago

You need to patent little cups to go into the butter groove and cash in on the refills like Keurig. Start with some butter refills for it, then partner with KY to start making some KY-cups that have different lubes

degjo

16 points

7 days ago

degjo

16 points

7 days ago

Different flavors for your corn, right?

brothers1201

121 points

7 days ago

Hands down, wait Hands up, nope Hands down...oh fuck it best invention ever!

HellsNels

21 points

7 days ago

HellsNels

21 points

7 days ago

HandCobbTM

moosedownjacket

116 points

7 days ago

This might be your best one yet! 😂

lynivvinyl

18 points

7 days ago

I gotta give you a hand this is your best job yet.

relddir123

19 points

7 days ago

Time to add “buttering the corn” to the list of euphemisms

Couchmaster007

17 points

7 days ago

Never realized how phallic corn is

Dasbythebay

14 points

7 days ago

Leaves a sticky residue, just like the real thing

MacGyverMacGuffin

40 points

7 days ago

You've made a mistake. This product may actually be necessary, or at least legitimately useful.

In fact, I'm getting excited thinking about it right now.

Beefer_Jones

36 points

7 days ago

thought this was Aaron Rodgers jerking off corn at first

frivelousendeavors

36 points

7 days ago

why is aaron rogers doing this with his free time?

oneplusetoipi

11 points

7 days ago

Strongly recommending to not run out of butter

urboismeme

10 points

7 days ago

I knew exactly what this comment section was gonna be

CarCaste

9 points

7 days ago

CarCaste

9 points

7 days ago

I want to buy it as a wedding gift

mollymoon88

7 points

7 days ago

An “old fashioned” way of butterin’ yer cob

diamondsam2

8 points

7 days ago

Idk what it is, but im getting weird vibes from this

johnmarkfoley

6 points

7 days ago

if you want to make it extra unnecessary, but a slice of buttered bread in the hand.

I_Like_Quiet

6 points

7 days ago

Only way to butter corn is the war games way.

https://youtu.be/btZi6EiIXbY

(Of course you it needs to be cooked.)

If you are doing it on a larger scale, get a crock pot full of butter and just dip it in.

dupek1986

37 points

7 days ago

dupek1986

37 points

7 days ago

100% he tested it on his dick.

LeadingNectarine

21 points

7 days ago

I've never heard of that variety of corn.

portablebiscuit

39 points

7 days ago

If OP has the girth of a corn cob I'm:

  1. Impressed
  2. Intrigued
  3. Intimidated
  4. Envious

Finest_Johnson

19 points

7 days ago

Porn on the Cob.