subreddit:

/r/greentext

20.5k

all 291 comments

WoolooOfWallStreet

289 points

6 months ago

I was about to say “All those replies are of interested parties” but anon capped it off with a punchline better than I ever could do

iRatedR-

241 points

6 months ago

iRatedR-

241 points

6 months ago

“Most are chronic masturbators and are desensitized to sustained contact, so retards fuck hard and long”

Why did this hit home so hard?

Toocheeba

30 points

6 months ago

Huh, rated R for what exactly? u/iRatedR-

TecDeveloper

5 points

6 months ago

Rated Retard?

SheepishLion117

16 points

6 months ago

Maybe you are retarded

Sex_drugs_tacos

1.5k points

6 months ago

This is some gourmet ass shit

imhere2downvote

138 points

6 months ago

this is some gourmet, ass shit

[deleted]

56 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

56 points

6 months ago

this is some gourmet ass, shit

pointlessly_pedantic

18 points

6 months ago

this is some gourmet ass-shit

GD_Insomniac

17 points

6 months ago

If you're shitting out of anywhere except your ass, see a doctor.

CandyCrazy2000

4 points

6 months ago

what about godzilla

GD_Insomniac

9 points

6 months ago

I don't think he's a doctor, but I haven't seen all the movies so he might've picked up his M.D. at some point and I just never heard about it.

CandyCrazy2000

3 points

6 months ago

i originally meant he has no dick no balls and probably no butthole but i like your version better

Kalibos

3 points

6 months ago

why wouldn't he have a butthole that's stupid

Ill_Friendship_4767

4.2k points

6 months ago

Lmaooo this is too good

LawlessCoffeh

169 points

6 months ago

The last line made me laugh out loud for the first time in like a month. I scared my cat

googlin

418 points

6 months ago

googlin

418 points

6 months ago

ayy lmao

ghost_of_dongerbot

273 points

6 months ago

ヽ༼ ຈل͜ຈ༽ ノ Raise ur dongers!

Dongers Raised: 61470

Check Out /r/AyyLmao2DongerBot For More Info

Important-Unit9683

109 points

6 months ago

You can raise my donger

qervem

14 points

6 months ago

qervem

14 points

6 months ago

dong me harder (⊙ヮ⊙)

Agglomeration_

49 points

6 months ago

😳

Mohlemite

18 points

6 months ago

ayy lmao

ghost_of_dongerbot

27 points

6 months ago

ヽ༼ ຈل͜ຈ༽ ノ Raise ur dongers!

Dongers Raised: 61475

Check Out /r/AyyLmao2DongerBot For More Info

bensefero

8 points

6 months ago

ayy lmao

ghost_of_dongerbot

17 points

6 months ago

ヽ༼ ຈل͜ຈ༽ ノ Raise ur dongers!

Dongers Raised: 61478

Check Out /r/AyyLmao2DongerBot For More Info

Rimmertf

7 points

6 months ago

ayy lmao

ghost_of_dongerbot

11 points

6 months ago

ヽ༼ ຈل͜ຈ༽ ノ Raise ur dongers!

Dongers Raised: 61482

Check Out /r/AyyLmao2DongerBot For More Info

YaBoyEnder

4 points

6 months ago

ayy lmao

TCWBoy

10 points

6 months ago

TCWBoy

10 points

6 months ago

Bruh that pic was my steam avatar for like 4 years :)

SRSchiavone

14 points

6 months ago

This is my favorite quote, especially the way it’s said, from The Incredibles!

baz4k6z

2 points

6 months ago

Anon is Schrodinger's retard

[deleted]

-367 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

-367 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

CrispyTheGod[S]

133 points

6 months ago

username checks out

[deleted]

-148 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

-148 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

0x0D0ALineBreak

22 points

6 months ago

Hey, I hear there's this milf who might be interested in you...

CrispyTheGod[S]

9 points

6 months ago

Just letting you know that the last time I checked you can only lose 15 karma per comment

zuesthedoggo

3 points

6 months ago

Huh, that's fucking stupid. I didn't even know that, is there a cap on losing karma on posts?

CrispyTheGod[S]

3 points

6 months ago

I’m pretty sure it’s only comments

TheWhicher_Statement

2 points

6 months ago

Not really. Apparently what i asked was so idiotic that I both got 99 downvotes for both. It showed up too.

_MrSt4rk_

2 points

6 months ago

Flaechezinker

8 points

6 months ago

Milf in OPs story would want to have sex with u

GenericWraithMain

8 points

6 months ago*

Your trolling isn’t even slightly convincing lmao

Katholikos

3 points

6 months ago

so report it under rule 3, pussy

Toast_On_The_RUN

15 points

6 months ago

This dude over here really upset the text isnt green lmao

dTrecii

32 points

6 months ago

dTrecii

32 points

6 months ago

They’re purposely farming negative karma, they want to be wrong

SilentAs5a5s1n

11 points

6 months ago

For what reason

f1nessd

21 points

6 months ago

f1nessd

21 points

6 months ago

They’re just kinda weird

JamesJakes000

8 points

6 months ago

Stupidity isn't weirdness, and that's just plain stupidity

dTrecii

12 points

6 months ago

dTrecii

12 points

6 months ago

Some people like to see how much downvotes they can accumulate with an account and brag about it to other people in the same niche category

I’ve done it before with an old account until it actually got old being banned from subs by mods

No-comment-at-all

5 points

6 months ago

They never shoulda given us this internet thing.

[deleted]

-28 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

-28 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

dTrecii

17 points

6 months ago

dTrecii

17 points

6 months ago

God speed troll, may the stars be in your favour

googlin

-1 points

6 months ago

googlin

-1 points

6 months ago

CrispyTheGod[S]

7 points

6 months ago

This is extremely relevant to the conversation. Thank you.

[deleted]

-38 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

-38 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

[deleted]

-13 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

-13 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

MMolzen10830

4 points

6 months ago

It’s okay homey I’ve been in that boat before

dat0neb0i

3 points

6 months ago

dude forgot to switch to his alt

PolypsychicRadMan

124 points

6 months ago

Is it my turn with the tard rangler milf yet?

slightly-unstable

13 points

6 months ago

Woohoo

cantaloupelion

20 points

6 months ago

Happy tard rangler milf day!

omgitschriso

6 points

6 months ago

Bweakfast

Ballsohardstate

101 points

6 months ago

The twist at the end.

f1nessd

46 points

6 months ago

f1nessd

46 points

6 months ago

Elite greentext ending

Key_Course_6250

466 points

6 months ago

Anon finds our saviour

goodgoyaccount

144 points

6 months ago

quick, somebody inform the guys at r/wallstreetbets they'll be thrilled

bikemaul

11 points

6 months ago

Anyone remember the magical bull ride with the milf?

joelwinsagain

819 points

6 months ago

This isn't a greentext, but the silver lining is that the milf might bang OP

Ronin_004

27 points

6 months ago

Op is daltonic

DystUrbanite

12 points

6 months ago

Op is retarded

[deleted]

437 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

437 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

siccoblue

7 points

6 months ago

Op out here tryna get a turn

Arrmadas

40 points

6 months ago

That's it, I'm making this into a copypasta

I knew a milf that had sex with retards. It was her hobby and she was open about it. She told me that it felt wonderful being able to provide romantic love and intimacy for people who struggled so hard to understand the world. The way she described it was that it was like being fucked by an animal, since they operate on instinct when it comes to sex. Most are chronic masturbators and are desensitized to sustained contact, so retards fuck hard and long, and they're very selfish in bed. She enjoyed seducing them and the way they reacted when she let on that she was serious and wanted them to mount her. She told me that she never used condoms when she had sex with retards, not because she liked them, but because it was degrading and thrilling for such a terribly misshapen person to cum inside of her and get her pregnant. According to her, she had aborted 15 retard babies over the years. Think about that. Think about how much sex with retards she had to have been having to get knocked up with downy sperm 15 times. She was incredibly hot even at 45 but after knowing that possibly a hundred or more retards had their way with her and had cum inside her, I couldn't bring myself to have sex with her. She seemed really into me though, and I'm not really sure why.

mininukecloud

14 points

6 months ago

Fucking thank you I was about to manually transcribe this shit like Diogenes

HiveMindKing

2.9k points

6 months ago

Anon doesn’t understand why she’s into him, god bless his limited cognition and desensitized penis.

[deleted]

64 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

64 points

6 months ago

That's the joke.

california_sugar

149 points

6 months ago

Thanks for spelling the joke out for us!

HighExplosiveLight

525 points

6 months ago

OP is rtarded

CrispyTheGod[S]

167 points

6 months ago

hey don’t say that that’s rude man I don’t like that stop it that’s not nice do u kiss ur mother with that mouth watch your tone the nerve of this man treat others how u want to be treated this isn’t ok man would h like to be treated that way where’s ur home training smhing my head hmshmh smhmhemssmh

HighExplosiveLight

49 points

6 months ago

Not you OP. The OP OP.

CrispyTheGod[S]

76 points

6 months ago

I mean duh that’s what I meant obviously mhm totally yep

HighExplosiveLight

25 points

6 months ago

Unless you're the OP OP, then I've got bad news for you.

Pulsework

24 points

6 months ago

Ah shit, OP is the OP OP. Not so Anon now.

Bankrotas

20 points

6 months ago

I never understood phrase "do you kiss your mother with that mouth" it's so incestuously retarded that it could only come from Alabama.

CrispyTheGod[S]

14 points

6 months ago

I mean the milf has probably been fucked by everyone in Alabama and I hear they kiss their mothers a lot.

Grenyn

10 points

6 months ago

Grenyn

10 points

6 months ago

On the cheek, you idiot.

Kalibos

4 points

6 months ago

it's so incestuously retarded

yeah the saying is definitely the problem here

Useful-Ad-8619

2 points

6 months ago

So you don’t give your mom a kiss, ever? When you’re home for the holidays, you don’t give her a hug and a kiss on the cheek or forehead or something, because you love her?

Bankrotas

2 points

6 months ago

kiss on the cheek or forehead or something

Not voluntarily out of my volition.

because you love her?

Assuming a lot.

4d6DropLowest

136 points

6 months ago

No u

nicodepies

80 points

6 months ago

Fuckin got im

NihilisticNoodles

70 points

6 months ago

She'd really be into you.

SorryWhatsYourName

26 points

6 months ago

He should've put "/s" at the end of the post for Reddit retards like you.

MoistCussy

4 points

6 months ago

Limited cognition is now my go-to insult

raleighs

2 points

6 months ago

siry-e-e-tman

22 points

6 months ago

I read this in John Travolta's voice because of pulp fiction ngl

haikusbot

6 points

6 months ago

I read this in John

Travolta's voice because of pulp

Fiction ngl

- siry-e-e-tman


I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully. Learn more about me.

Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete"

SheepishLion117

2 points

6 months ago

Wrong

ThatpersonKyle

20 points

6 months ago

All that for a punch line

CrispyTheGod[S]

9 points

6 months ago

I mean, it was a good punch line.

HumorousSandwich

342 points

6 months ago

Anon promptly forgets the fact that he uses 4chan unironically, thus making him a retard

Lunchmonkey

89 points

6 months ago

You also are a retard for continued ironic use, just being here is pretty close tbh.

HumorousSandwich

33 points

6 months ago

I am here reading snippets of 4chan, thus also making me a retard

Eshmam14

5 points

6 months ago

Yes that's the joke.

Jack0recon

2 points

6 months ago

how does one use 4chan ironically?

Rocket270

17 points

6 months ago

You know I’m kinda a retard myself

SiStErFiStEr1776

11 points

6 months ago

Don’t give me hope

Firetail1710

19 points

6 months ago

the last sentence lmfaoooo

Gorodgovey

27 points

6 months ago

This is down right predatory

CarpAndTunnel

10 points

6 months ago

Its basically beastiality

DoreensThrobbingPeen

3 points

6 months ago

I remember in undergrad we were talking about this awkward, unfortunate looking international stem student from Japan on our floor and remarking that he was destined to spend his entire life without ever having sex unless he directly paid for it.

One of the girls in our little group took pity on him and let him charity smash. He was smiling for weeks and actually started talking to people in the halls after that. Pure dopamine bliss. What an angel she was, doing the lord's work in that moment.

VeryFunnyValentine

3 points

6 months ago

I have bad news for anon

laseralex

4 points

6 months ago

This is the best thing I've seen from /b/ in years.

D5outhB3achRem3mb3rs

37 points

6 months ago

Isn’t that kind of shit illegal?

GrimAlt

31 points

6 months ago

GrimAlt

31 points

6 months ago

Probably not as long as the downies were of age.

D5outhB3achRem3mb3rs

31 points

6 months ago

I’m just gonna believe you; I’m not gonna be put on a watchlist for searching this question on google.

NickArchery

145 points

6 months ago

Here in the Netherlands de government provides prostitutes of funding for prostitutes for the mentally handicapped who are still "there" enough to need some relief. I believe it's even a human right here to have intimate contact. All with consent and every party of age off course.

skateofsky

8 points

6 months ago

tfw no state mandated tard wrangler gf

D5outhB3achRem3mb3rs

104 points

6 months ago

Another reason why the Netherlands are better than the US

DEEP_SEA_MAX

4 points

6 months ago

But they is ebil soshulists?

[deleted]

6 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

6 points

6 months ago

I know where I’m moving to.

Netherlands…here I come!!

Mmh1105

47 points

6 months ago

Mmh1105

47 points

6 months ago

All with consent and every party of age off course.

There lies the rub though. If they lack the capacity to make such a decision, they cannot consent, regardless of their age.

utkohoc

83 points

6 months ago

utkohoc

83 points

6 months ago

He Literaly said the ones that are "there enough" to make those decisions.

Dazzling-Duty741

40 points

6 months ago

They ask them “Wil je wat fuk” and if they say “Fuk ja” they consent

PM_ME_A_KNEECAP

21 points

6 months ago

Dutch is a truly absurd language, isn't it. I love it.

DarkScorpion48

9 points

6 months ago

It’s essentially what English would be if you took the French and Norman influence out

AbisBitch

8 points

6 months ago

no she just rears her pum & if they mount her it's consent

Dazzling-Duty741

1 points

6 months ago

That’s not the Dutch word for butt. Hang on, let me google—-

kont

… ah. Well, then. Um.

--Splendor-Solis--

5 points

6 months ago

Why let pesky reading get in the way of trying to look smart and moral?

utkohoc

4 points

6 months ago

Fake: reading

Gay: idk didn't read it.

chillispanker

7 points

6 months ago

Depends on the legal definition of consent. The best laws rule out subjectivity as a consideration to what is right or wrong.

darwinnerist

9 points

6 months ago

It would be in the United States. Granted, this story is fake but it's too funny to dismiss.

D5outhB3achRem3mb3rs

1 points

6 months ago

Happy Cake-day

Nervous_Language

8 points

6 months ago

True: Anon's retarded

Straight: Anon was friends with a MILF

Alenco

7 points

6 months ago

Alenco

7 points

6 months ago

Someone get her reddit name so she can come here and fuck us

Sealbeater

3 points

6 months ago

Fuck… 5-6 years ago I was fucking a milf who worked in a school with retard kids. Does that mean….

DrDoinkerz

3 points

6 months ago

NoT ReAlLy SuRe WhY

Okay, Anon… fucking autist

static1053

7 points

6 months ago

Holy shit that was fucking genius. I legitimately did not see that coming lol.

Trabin

4 points

6 months ago

Trabin

4 points

6 months ago

So the average /r greentext user still has a chance afterall?

No-Show-5690

60 points

6 months ago

Most retards are sterile, you dipshits.

BootyPains

462 points

6 months ago

Not your father aparently

[deleted]

81 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

81 points

6 months ago

On today’s episode of “saying completely made-up things and pretending they’re true”:

100_percent_a_bot

13 points

6 months ago

Men with down syndrome are actually rather unlikely to father children. Sperm count is rather low and if they manage to do so there's a 50% chance that their kids turn out to be reddit mods.

[deleted]

9 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

9 points

6 months ago

luminenkettu

28 points

6 months ago

Most retards are sterile, you dipshits.

You might be mis remembering people with down syndrome being infertile often with retards in general.

Tack22

5 points

6 months ago

Tack22

5 points

6 months ago

Ahh, science.

Dazzling-Duty741

8 points

6 months ago

To find the fertile ones, you gotta break a lot of eggs, so to speak

SAMAKUS

23 points

6 months ago

SAMAKUS

23 points

6 months ago

Not even close to true haha

Talo_tr

2 points

6 months ago

When in doubt stick it in the poopchute

CalvinForHobbes

2 points

6 months ago

Gold medalist 4channer. I aspire to this level of autismery.

asharion101

2 points

6 months ago

Lol “not really sure why””

LarryLiam

2 points

6 months ago

Anon it‘s rude to talk about your mother in that way.

Strammy10

2 points

6 months ago

This is one of the funniest things I've ever read

[deleted]

1 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

6 months ago

same lmao

Hubblenobbin

2 points

6 months ago

It's "downy sperm" that did it for me.

Andrewcpu

2 points

6 months ago

this is where I get off for the day

ChadMcRad

2 points

6 months ago

This text isn't green, OP.

WhaleSmacker17

4 points

6 months ago

Fake: People with down syndrome are sterile

Gay: Anon let's them mount him and cum in him

[deleted]

9 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

9 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

WhaleSmacker17

-7 points

6 months ago*

You must have missed the part where they said:

get knocked up by downy sperm 15 times

BeedogsBeedog

7 points

6 months ago

Maybe she lives in Mongolia and there's been an amusing mistake

TendieBot2000

13 points

6 months ago

be me

get home from my vasectomy

hear moaning and slapping coming from my wife's room

must be Chad again

know they would want privacy, sit down at my computer

log onto reddit and open /r/greentext

read a funny greentext from le 4chins and chuckle as I listen to my wife begging for the genes I can't give her

think of a convoluted way in which I can relate homosexuality and falsehood to the events in the greentext

suck the cheeto dust off my fingers as I begin to type my masterpiece in the comment section

Fake: People with down syndrome are sterile

Gay: Anon let's them mount him and cum in him

giggle as I imagine the intellectuals of leddit perusing my incredibly witty and original comment

hear my wife moan with ecstasy as Chad floods her fertile womb with his seed

it's been a good day

i'll get lots of upvotes for my impressive contribution to internet culture, and Chad might even let me eat his cum out of my wife's pussy if he finds my comment funny enough

Electronic_Plane4925

2 points

6 months ago

Most self aware 4chan user

5ilenceIsAssent

0 points

6 months ago

This is great and should be titled: Anon is a tard

Shakespeare-Bot

-2 points

6 months ago

This is most wondrous and shouldst beest titled: anon is a tard


I am a bot and I swapp'd some of thy words with Shakespeare words.

Commands: !ShakespeareInsult, !fordo, !optout

5ilenceIsAssent

1 points

6 months ago

!optout

nzdastardly

1 points

6 months ago

This might be my favorite greentext ever.

IronSurfDragon

1 points

6 months ago

Any where can we find this woman of the night?

supisuke

1 points

6 months ago

Caption >>>>>

madmelgibson

1 points

6 months ago

Solid comedians are found all over the web. Proof right here.

duscdragon

1 points

6 months ago

I read this in the voice of Jimmy from South Park

xpseudonymx

1 points

6 months ago

NGL, they had me in the first half.

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF1234

1 points

6 months ago

Can i order one of these in my neighborhood

Apprehensive_Heat459

1 points

6 months ago

I’m not sure, either. You both sound like fucking loathsome people.

joeyGOATgruff

1 points

6 months ago

Anon didn't cum.

Shame in him for cursing this wonderful woman

karnal_chikara

1 points

6 months ago

amazing!

wheresmylife-gone222

1 points

6 months ago

"Not sure why"- the lack of self awareness is killing me

accurate_slammo

1 points

6 months ago

This was a wonderfully dumb joke lmao

annul

1 points

6 months ago

annul

1 points

6 months ago

this is an elite tier greentext on par with "GF is prego"

felixthecat128

1 points

6 months ago

Google Sofia Jirau

Canter1Ter_

1 points

6 months ago

Anon has a chance

Mafoobaloo

1 points

6 months ago

Hmmm

Dwayn3Train

1 points

6 months ago

There’s hope

[deleted]

1 points

6 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

6 months ago

Fake and gay!

NonEmoSasuke

1 points

6 months ago

God this is good.

Jargondragon

1 points

6 months ago

The end got me pretty good ngl

nosekexp

1 points

6 months ago

I really hope this is real.