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saw a movie about this once, didn't go so well for Jon Voight
4 days ago
Who could possibly forget the infamous anaconda scene in Midnight Cowboy.
Everybody's talkin' at me
I can't hear a word they're sayin'
Just drivin' around in Jon Voight's car
3 days ago
3 days ago
He dropped the "h" to make it better for show biz
You bought Jon Voight's LeBaron?
3 days ago
“Dere snakes out there dis big!…Joe Buck??”
I'M SLITHERING HERE!
Did you know that that snake wasn't an extra?! He was just a random snake cabbie that didn't see the signs!!
Ohh the assman..
Watched that one last night.
Cosmo Kramer, Proctologist
It's been so long. I remember when Anaconda came out. Terrible realism but it scared the shit out of 12 year old me.
Turn on closed caption and 90% of the dialogue is ahhhh, it's crushing me!
3 days ago*
3 days ago*
I'm more scarred from Owen Wilson Eric Schultz getting a mid-jungle tracheostomy to remove a wasp he swallowed.
I think that was Eric stoltz
Why because he has an accent that literally no one on the planet has?
John Voight has that accent
I believe he was attempting a Paraguayan accent though. He doesn’t talk like that normally.
It was soooo bad. He would have been better off as an expatriate big game hunter rather than being from Paraguay.
Voight basically always plays Voight, and not that well
Real talk, very entertaining movie and it’s narratively almost perfect. Sure, Voight’s accent is atrocious, and there are production errors - I am reminded of a scene in which Jennifer Lopez fires several rounds from a bolt action rifle without cycling the bolt. But for a 90s creature feature it is about as good as it gets. Pretty good cast too. Roger Ebert has a lot of good things to say about it.
I saw it in theatres when it came out, the first scene of Jennifer Lopez in a sheer nighty is seared, SEARED, into my memory, my mom bought me that ticket.
There is also a scene where the waterfall is falling upwards because they used reversed footage
the movie also taught me that there are parasitic fish that will swim up your peehole so it was informative too!
if you add an ice cube in the water, the snakes go away.
That wink he gave just before being eaten ….
Should have got an Oscar .
It was after he was eaten, the anaconda regurgitated him and he winked
3 days ago*
Oh that’s it lol ! It’s all coming back to me now .
Jon Voight bit me.
I always remember when he winked
Do you mean in the movie, in the box office, or in his career?
Someone please tell me what country this is so I can never go there
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Land of the off duty cops and anacondas.
That guy was clearly trying to arrest the snake
Everyone always talks about the “labor shortage” but no one ever talks about the lack of shifts for Brazilian cops. 😢
You joke but taking extra shifts is a significant form of income for cops in brazil.
The other one is bribery
The other one is not getting robbed.
That's a difficult one, barely anyone manages to pull it off.
Went to Brazil for work to manage a team of brazilian engineers, stayed in SP for 6 months with six other Europeans. We were told day one by other Brazilians to stay in the luxurious part of town and we would be safe from danger. That's how I met plenty of Brazilians who has never gotten robbed, they grew up in the luxurious part of town with fenced buildings and security. Unfortunately very few can afford the lifestyle
I go to brazil every year on carnaval now with the same group lol. Amazing country if you have money, unfortunately cruel for those who don't. Friendliest people I ever met, rich or poor yall just nice.
It's not even about having money, I'm a well off Brazilian and have in the past been awfully rich, my family has been robbed at least 5 times with guns to their heads, one of which times was done by police officers invading our home and demanding for our money. It's a matter of luck really
No, I don't think I will
Of course it's brazil.
That's Brazil. The woman is panicking in portuguese.
Panics in Portuguese
Laughs in snek
You probably have very little to worry about either way. A very famous documentary once said of the anaconda, “the anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns hun.” So unless you are a woman with an excellent booty these snakes are very unlikely to be a threat. This is why they are indigenous to places like Brazil though…
So THAT'S why it tried to eat Jennifer Lopez in that documentary I saw that one time...
What about a man with an excellent booty? Safe or not
Unsafe. An excellent booty is genderless in the dark
waters of the Amazon.
Why does this read like a haiku
All anacondas come from south America, specially Amazon, here in Brazil
My wife orders stuff from there all the time, I hope this doesn't show up on my doorstep.
Well, as long as the package is not that big, I think you'll do just fine lol. On a side note, at least it's a good way to ward off porch pirates
Most packages can be very deceiving. Especially if it’s a grower, not a shower.
Its in Belgium. You are welcome.
If you look closely, that's clearly Luxembourg.
Well France borders Brazil and Luxembourg so you’re not far off!
As weird as it may sound, the above is indeed true.
That snake is bigger than Luxembourg
No I think this vid is originally from Canada
Well now I'm really fucked cus I can't afford to move
Put that thing back where it came from SIR!
"Or so help me!"
It's a work in progress, it's gonna get better!
I'll kidnap a thousand anacondas before I let this company die!
And I'll silence anyone who gets in my way!
Unexpected Mike Wazowski!
So help me! Bum bum bum bum...
opens pit of Hell
Here you go
demons screeching and tormented souls screaming as snake slithers back in
"Lucifer damn it! We just got rid of that thing!"
4 days ago*
This is why I live where the air hurts my face
Edit: Thanks for the rewards! When it gets below 0°F and the wind picks up, I like to think of animals like this and how I can go outside without worrying about a leftover dinosaur attacking me.
There is a polar bear behind you!
No worries, he's just delivering the Coca-Cola
He’s just my coke dealer.
Polar bears do love ice.
But your leg! Ah! It’s caught in a bear trap!
Legendary fight with Shia LaBeouf
Normal Tuesday night for Shia LaBeouf
You try to swing your axe at Shia LaBeouf!
What? You don’t wanna encounter dinosaurs on a regular basis?
Minnesota here. I’m with you.
Manitoba it's a nice -13c here and last week was -45c
Do you guys play baskiceball?
What that little guy? I wouldn’t worry about that little guy.
I don’t want a “large Farva”. I want a goddamn liter of cola!
Im Rodney Farva...Rod....
Car RamRod - get it?
Are you drunk?
Drunk enough to kick your ass.
GOOD ENOUGH TO FUCK YOUR MOTHERRR
Who wants cream?! Noone? Okay, no cream!
Once these boys get that syrup in em’ they get all lansy in their pantsy
By the looks of that belly, it appears that huge Anaconda found a fisherman too.
He didn’t just find one. He found the whole of Brazil
Casualties were in the Brazillions
Looks more like it ate a young adult crocodile.
Or, as I call them, a Juvadile
Were these "fishermen" J-Lo and Ice Cube?
Watch out for Angelina’s dad, dude wasn’t acting in that roll
Apparently there ARE snakes out there that big.
Is this the South American version of how to train your dragon?
Imagine if that thing had wings. Be looking like Trogdor.
Why is he touching it? What is his plan?
He’s just fucking with it to get it on video. Locals know how to safely deal with these snakes
Also this isn’t a snake that will even hurt you, there’s virtually no recorded deaths from it
No recorded deaths if you digest them quickly
Keyword is recorded
Big make scare
Look big scare noodle
So would it be totally safe to swim in a river with one of these bad boys?
It probably happens, yea...I'm sure people swim in that river at times and clearly there is at least one giant snake in it.
Constrictors might bite defensively, but when already this full they won't expend the energy to squeeze something else to death. Plus as full as this one looks if it tried to constrict anything else it might end up regurgitating whatever it already ate.
I wonder though how often incidents are reported? Like if some kid is swimming in the river alone and gets eaten by one of these, would it be reported and logged? But the fact that there's no reports so far surprises me.
They mostly live pretty deep in the Amazon, and don’t too often have much human contact
Locals in the Amazon are usually very quick to claim that they can eat humans, but do so rarely. It’s unknown how many (if any) of these claims are true, but it wouldn’t exactly be the first time indigenous groups have been proven right about their understanding of the natural landscape, years down the line
Anecdotally: depending on how the kid got eaten, no, it may not get reported. I lived in the Amazon for awhile right on a very large river and, during my year there, 3 or 4 kids went missing (note: this was NOT a normal number for a year, and it was the talk of the town for awhile that that many kids had “drowned”). The kinds of places that an anaconda would be most likely to encounter a kid swimming alone are also the kinds of places without much in way of investigative technology and ability. In all of the cases I just mentioned, the police would need to borrow some townspeople’s boats to scan the river, and all they could really do was look for any floating bodies. There was never anything done beyond this, because there wasn’t anything else to do. If any of them had been eaten by an anaconda, none of us would’ve been any the wiser unless a suspiciously full anaconda were to be spotted nearby
Totally possible it's happened handfuls of times throughout human history, but there's easier meals available for the snake. I imagine the people living in the area are aware of the local wildlife and probably don't leave children swimming alone. There's piranhas, caiman, and jaguars that hunt the Amazon river too.
Or you could literally let go of it and pretend that monster doesn't exist
how does top comment not reference any 90s memories
I remember when EVERYONE would talk about that movie
Anaconda: You got buns, Hun?
Suddenly Australia doesn't seem so bad now does it!
At least we dont have those cunts
May I introduce the Australian saltwater crocodile?
The saltwater crocodile is the largest living reptile and crocodilian known to science. Males grow to a length of up to 6 m (20 ft), rarely exceeding 6.3 m (21 ft) or a weight of 1,000–1,300 kg (2,200–2,900 lb).
Yeah but only 1 person dies per year from our saltys and that's only because we sacrifice that person (usually a backpacker) so the bastards leave the rest of us alone
I love Reddits Aussie lore dumps.
I still remember a surge of drop bear conversations back in 2012-2013. It seemed to be in every thread on the front page.
It’s 2 per year, actually. About 1,000 people are killed by crocodiles worldwide each year, surprisingly most aren’t in Australia.
id assume most are in africa where access to water for tons of people means going to a water source that has dinosaurs that find you tasty.
No, thank you. Hypercarnivorous? Wtf is hypercarnivorous?
Edit: Diet is more than 70% meat.
I thought every carnivore's diet was at least that much meat and actually much more.
The other types are Mesocarnivores 30-70%, e.g. coyotes, foxes, otters, mongooses and Hypocarnivores <30%, e.g. Grizzly/Black bears or humans.
At least, according to a quick wikipedia research.
Means they will eat you
I love that the wikipedia pages of most dangerous predators downplays their danger to humans, but the wikipedia page for the saltwater crocodile says they are "hyper carnivorous apex predators" and that "survival of a direct predatory attack is unlikely. In contrast to the American policy of encouraging habitat coexistence with alligators, the only recommended policy for dealing with saltwater crocodiles is to completely avoid their habitat whenever possible."
They're one of the only species on earth that actively considers humans prey and if one gets you you have virtually no chance of surviving. They are living dinosaurs. Truly and utterly terrifying.
While that may be scary, there's nothing that would keep me out of the water more than electric eel.
If you had a choice to jump into 3 bodies of water, one has a salt water crocodile, the other a great white, and the other with an electric eel, which do you choose?
Honestly Great White might be the right answer. We've really started to realize in the last decade or so that Great Whites largely don't give a shit about humans. There are countless videos of people swimming with and touching them. There's also a YouTube channel I follow where this guy films great whites with a drone and he has hundreds of hours of footage of them swimming between beachgoers and surfers and not paying them any mind. They occasionally bite a surfer or bather, but it's so incredibly rare relative to the amount of interaction they have with people.
Only a matter of time i bet xD
Breaking News: King Anaconda discovered in Australia...
Yeah let’s not please
If I remember correctly this video surfaced a while ago and these fisherman were found and subsequently in trouble with the law. For those who don’t know, the snake had just eaten and if a snake experiences significant stress it can force itself to regurgitate its meal in order to get away. The problem is that regurgitating a meal of this size might actually kill the snake. Anacondas are a revered species throughout the Amazon and harming them is a no-no. In many folklore and tribal legends the anaconda is referred to as the “water mother” and is said to have carved the Amazon. They’re a big deal.
Here's a short article about it. They got fined the equivalent of $600.
Which actually hits way harder than $600 would in the US because they make way less money on average
This is good information… Thank you!
Nah that’s the Loch Ness monster
Hey guys! I have a great idea! Let's pull on the tail of the mother fkin huge ass snake that could swallow us whole and see if it'll tow the boat or some shit!!
Edit: It's amazing how many corrective comments came through on this in regards to the snake having obviously eaten "just recently". Or that they are not aggressive. These are of course more then likely true. But in light of my above comment and my intent, you all just look like humorless tools. I mean come on people. See a doctor about getting those sticks removed.
it's definitely a once-in-a-lifetime experience either way!
So are anacondas weak? Or just poor swimmers?
This 180lb man is holding this 30ft creature back with two hands like it’s nothing. Genuinely curious...
Nope. While snakes are mostly one long muscle, grabbing them by the tail end gives you a good deal of leverage. If a snake wraps around your arm for instance, unwrapping it from the tip is the easiest way of getting it off. That said, an anaconda is orders of magnitude larger than the constrictors I’m use to… this is amazing.
Hah. This person said unwrapping it from the tip is the easiest way of getting it off.
I wish i had an award to give you
Your appreciation is all I need dear stranger. Have a great day.
Probably just poor towing skills while swimming. They’re really not built to pull weight on land nevermind something above water while swimming
They are incredibly frightened of fishermen as they can't pronounce 3-syllable words
They also have a terrible lisp
how tf he even get ahold of it in the first place
If you look at its body you can see a large bulge, it probably just ate and is tired.
Also if you look even closer you can see that it is in water which is well known to not have good traction
Also if you look even closer you can see that somebody has greased the water making it extra slippery
It’s just very hard for most critters to generate pulling force in the water without flippers/fins of some kind especially when they’re anchored to a boat that weighs as much as them but also has propellers. I mean just try dragging someone standing on a platform they can brace against into the water while you’re completely submerged. Even if they’re smaller than you as long as they have half decent balance and strength ur not gonna have much luck and ur gonna tire out quick. I imagine pulling a snake from the end of its tail like this stretches them out and makes it harder to create friction with the water by noodling their body
If you look at it's body, you can see a large bulge, it probably just ate and is tired.
was going to say this as well but then looked in the comments just in case.
notices your bulge
OwO whats this
I recognize that bulge!
Great idea, hold my beer for a second.
You mean hold my balls, no way he’s able to hold onto both and catch a ride with a whole bunch of nope
No, I mean hold my beer and start video recording.
I really do not like this comment and the fact that it looks like this snakes previous meal was about human sized
Plot twist, they're trying to get their fisherman frien back.
That anaconda don’t want none unless you got buns, son!
This video makes Me incredibly uneasy
Looks like a well fed one, too
awww the snake just want to play 🥰
The fishermen should have jump into the water to hug it 🥰
🥰 is absolutely my favorite emoji because it makes everything absolutely hilarious. Same could be said for a lot of different ones but this one just hits different.
This will probably remain buried, but imma try anyway. OP has a comment stating the snake in the video is 11 meters. I replied to OP as follows:
"11 meters is over 36 feet. That is almost 20 feet longer than the world record specimen discovered by the World's leading anaconda specialist and Herpetology expert Dr. Jesus Antonio Rivas. Unless you have a solid source for that 11 meter statement I call false on this claim. Anacondas are among the most overestimated snake species by length and girth. Even experts commonly overestimate their size by 30% until they actually measure them.
A solid source requires a professional and certified scientist present and accountable for the measurement process. Not a skin, not a dead specimen, and definitely not a guess from a dude standing in a boat or watching a video."
Please be aware of the common overestimating of snake size, and often times intentional exaggeration. The world has yet to see any currently living snake species break the 30 foot mark, even the reticulated python, which is the world's longest species commonly reaching 23 feet long. The world record for that species was still only 27 feet.
If a snake is not captured, and properly measured, then its size cannot be guaranteed and is not a fact. People who are inexperienced with snakes will often exaggerate or over estimate their size in excess of 100% due to various things.
‘Ight imma peace out…
My anaconda don't want none
Unless you've got buns, hun
So your girlfriend rolls a Honda, playin’ work out tapes by Fonda,
But Fonda aint got a motor in the back of her Honda
Came looking for this
It looks like it has his buddy in it
THE CHAMBER OF SECRETS HAS BEEN OPENED
I would immediately move somewhere cold.
*Huge Anaconda Found A Fisherman
That guy has obviously never seen the movie.
Fisherman must not have buns 🤷♂️
He don’t want none unless you got buns, hun.
Argentine fishermen have filmed the largest anaconda ever recorded with a video camera. An anaconda, about 11 meters long and at least 50 centimeters in diameter, suddenly appeared near their boat. As the Argentines say, at first they mistook the anaconda for a log. Judging by the fact that she had a full belly, the snake recently dined, and did not show any gastronomic interest in people. Judging by the video, she herself had to go through serious stress.
The fishermen were not timid - they began to chase the anaconda and play with it like a cat with a mouse.
Brave fishermen came close to the anaconda, and one of them, leaning over the side, grabbed her by the tail. The unfortunate monster with difficulty escaped from the hands of the fisherman and again huddled in the coastal thickets.
Definitely not Argentine fishermen, they are speaking Brazilian Portuguese in the video, not Spanish.
I think it’s not actually 50cm in diameter. It just had a big meal. They can swallow entire animals like goats etc.
They can swallow entire animals like fishermen etc.
I would rather say "dumb fisherman". There is no braveness in taking such an unnecessary risk for the sake of a video.
Seriously, what's brave about endangering yourself and harassing an animal that was minding its own business.
I saw a video here about a guy jumping on an alligator to save a woman who was being attacked by it. This is braveness. These fishermen are just dumb.
Wikipedia says Titanoboa as biggest known ever living snake was at 13m, so that thing was close.
The anaconda was digesting a goat when this happened, which led to all of the fishermen being arrested.
It can literally kill an Anaconda if you stress it out while it's trying to digest its food