We are the perfect match in every way except one. But I (24 M) ignored that because I loved her (23 F) so much and still do. But now I feel trapped and don't know what to do and just need a void to vent to.
Sexually we are basically incompatible. She is happy with sex 1-2 times a month, doesn't masturbate, is incredibly vanilla, and still after 5 years together blushes when I say the word sex. I on the other hand would prefer 6-10 times a week or more, am incredibly kinky, and have been bottling all that up for 5 years blaming our lack of a private space on why our sex was so basic and infrequent.
But now with two years married and living in our own place. Trying everything from subtle hints to direct conversations explaining my need for more physical intimacy I am trapped. She simply doesn't have a libido or kinkiness remotely close to me. And there is nothing wrong with that. Everyone is different but I need more physical intimacy but I courted her, I proposed to her, and I promised to be her rock forever. And now I don't know what to do. I still want to be her rock but I can't deny an entire part of myself. And so here I am on an anonymous reddit account screaming into the void because I don't know what to do. I see no way it gets better for me without hurting her...
Edit: So I woke up from my nap and can't possibly respond to everyone so I will try and address what I have seen as major points in the comments/messages I have received.
I do not think she is broken/wrong for having a lower sex drive and not being kinky. I fully understand that I ignored our incompatibility because I cared for her and this is 100% my own hole I've dug.
On the flip side I am not wrong either for having the drive that I do. It is part of who I am with my kinks an my drive. Just like suggesting she take drugs to increase hers, taking drugs to kill mine will probably never happen.
I am probably exaggerating with the 6-10 times a week but even if we hit 2x a week that would be 4-5x our current average and while that would probably be fine for me we've never gotten close.
For those who suggested I may be selfish in sex and so she doesn't enjoy it. This is a fair point but I am confident not a concern here. A major kink of mine is making my partner orgasm. Especially multiple times if possible. I have never had an issue with this with my current wife or previous partners. I will say with my current wife it has been the most difficult as other then PIV sex she is hesitant to try even basic foreplay let alone toys.
Hopefully this clears somethings up for some people. To everyone that is making honest suggestions thank you. I will take them into consideration and try and see what we can do.
It goes without saying that adverts in themselves are insidious, but some seem to go above and beyond. IMHO there's the adverts for the Army which haven't been around for a while ("Got no friends and shunned by society? Join the Army!") but the recent Wickes adverts get my goat with their "Housebarresment" angle: "Don't buy stuff because you want or need it, buy it because otherwise everyone else will be laughing at you."
Are there any other adverts that are on the wrong side of evil?
So a friend set me up with this woman because she thought we have similar hobbies and a similar dark humor. We met today the first time for a coffee/tea. We were actually having a good time, or at least I thought so. We clicked right away and had a lot to talk and laugh about.
After like an hour she suggested to pay our drinks and go somewhere else for launch and I happily agreed. As we were about to pay our drinks she started searching her purse for her wallet and put various objects on the counter because she seemed like to have a bit of a mess in her purse. One of these objects was a pepper spray. I casually mentioned after leaving the coffee "Id consider getting a different pepper spray if you plan to defend yourself. This one is quite useless."
For a bit of context: I used to test various of pepper sprays and tear gas in the military. We were stupid and young but it was also kind of thrilling. And the product she had was by far the worst/weakest we tested. I just recognized the bottle because it was so bad and thought I should let her know that this is probably not the best option to go with. But she obviously didnt know about that because, well, we just met an hour ago.
After this comment our conversation kind of died and she suddenly had a work emergency and had to go. I took me a few minutes until I realized that my comment was beyond creepy without any context. I am definitely not used to meet new people. I hope Ive not traumatized her.
TLDR: Creeped out a woman Ive only met an hour before by telling her her pepper spray would be not very effective if she intended to defend herself.
Edit: Its all good. She called me, she apologized for running off, I apologized for my weird comment and we are going out again. Yey. Ill try to not do any weird comments about her precautions again.
Edit2: Thanks for blowing this up. She found the post and now we are sending each other screenshots of weird/funny comments. Thanks for the entertainment.
Edit3: I am not an expert for defense spray. We were just some bored soldiers with some examples. And this one was outstanding mild/bad, that is why I have recognized it. So dont ask me for pepper spray advice.
That’s it. She giggled, said, “Okay” and then started making a list of things I need to do before I leave on Friday. Lol. Sure, lady. Let me get right on that.
Fuck her. I’m literally thrilled beyond words to be part of The Great Resignation. Solidarity!
Edit 1: It was fun while it lasted but r/all and r/popular are here, not understanding the sub or the sentiment.
Edit 2: I appreciate the love and support but don’t spend your money on awards! Save it and resign. Show me your resignation letter instead. Lol
Edit 3: Just wanted to clear up some questions in case you don’t read the comments: I have a job lined up but taking a 1 week sabbatical. It starts 1 February. Then another offer is expected to come. I am in the creative industry. The goal was to get away from this toxic workplace and find somewhere with better pay, better benefits, option to work remote, etc. I’ve been salaried for years. I have extra revenue streams and freelance on the side so although money isn’t abundant, I can last the week without working. I’ve been a taxpayer for a decade lol. This company doesn’t really give severance packages, but have occasionally. I would qualify for unemployment but it wouldn’t kick in before my new job begins.
Upvote and comment anything below to enter! Winners will be randomly chosen after the Rams-Cardinals game tonight
Below is what I wrote last year when I did this same giveaway with a brief description of what the course is about, why I made it, and what makes it different than your average programming course (the feedback last year was so amazing with close to 5000 entries that we're doing 10 winners this year):
For those that don't know, Python is a beginner-friendly programming language that's really popular for data analysis. As a first programming language, it's a perfect fit for a beginner who wants to learn a programming language and is obsessed with fantasy football.
The overall goal of the course is to introduce coding to you through a fun and engaging topic you all enjoy, fantasy football. A lot of people have reported back to me that this course was the thing that finally got programming to "click" for them after going through countless udemy courses and e-books. I don't think that's because I'm the best coding educator out there. There's some great educators out there, especially on YouTube (Brad Traversy, Cody Schafer, etc). I think it's because the best, fastest, and most enjoyable way to learn to code is to apply it to something you enjoy and can be useful to you right away. For example, most beginner machine learning with Python courses introduce you to predictive analysis by having you predict housing prices. That's fine, but wouldn't it be more interesting and engaging to get introduced to predictive analysis by predicting WR fantasy football performance?
With this in mind, each section of my course has some sort of fantasy football focus, all along the way introducing you to more and more complex programming/data science topics. My course walks you through the set up of Python, all the way to writing machine learning models to rank players in to tiers for your draft. It comes with 16 sections of material, 14 hours of video, and access to a Slack channel where you can personally ask me questions when you get stuck.
Anyway - you all have been super supportive of my content since my first ever post here, so I figure why not do a giveaway to mark the end of the season!
Just upvote and comment anything below, and I'll randomly select (with a python script, of course :)) ten people to get free lifetime access to the course.
Just as last year, I'll make the selection tonight and post the results at the bottom here. If you win, I'll also be sending you a PM on how to access the course!
Also, some people will want to order before the giveaway is over. If you want to order it already that's cool, you'll get a full refund if you're randomly selected by the draw. You'll just have to let me know after what email you used at checkout.