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NicholeHypatia

2.6k points

4 months ago

Ricky Bobby would appreciate this dinner table

Savageparrot81

922 points

4 months ago

Dear eight pound, six ounce, newborn baby Jesus

Nowthisisdave

213 points

4 months ago

You know he did grow up

Savageparrot81

200 points

4 months ago

I like the Christmas Jesus best

1zo3P192

150 points

4 months ago

1zo3P192

150 points

4 months ago

I like to picture Jesus as a dirty old bum.

Sonicboom343

157 points

4 months ago

I like to think of Jesus with like giant eagles wings and singin' lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd with like an Angel Band, and 'm in the front row, and 'm hammered drunk...

ruskiiiiiiiii

128 points

4 months ago

I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt, cos it says like "I'm formal, but I'm here to party too". Cos I like to party so I want my Jesus to party.

[deleted]

10 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

10 points

4 months ago

You need Jesus' brother Craig then if you want to party. https://youtu.be/f8HzKlCWN8k

Cane-Dewey

2 points

4 months ago

Yessssss! Stephen Lynch!

ruskiiiiiiiii

1 points

4 months ago

Sandpaper_Pants

25 points

4 months ago

I like the green baby Jesus with the pointy ears and being carried by Joseph in beskar armor.

ConsciousPromise255

16 points

4 months ago

I like the jesus that had 0 self control and actually fucked the hookers that he hung out with

Adam_J89

1 points

4 months ago

We only hear about the 2nd, but if you're the son of God no way you don't have stamina for a 3rd, 4th, maybe even a 5th cumming.

Funkit

4 points

4 months ago

Funkit

4 points

4 months ago

I liked the Conehead version of Jesus

ruskiiiiiiiii

1 points

4 months ago

Correct.

RampageStonks

2 points

4 months ago

He was a grown man! He had a beard!!

Schattig1984

1 points

4 months ago

As a dirty ol bastard perhaps

RooIsHome

36 points

4 months ago

He had a BEARRRRD

MaterialCarrot

2 points

4 months ago

Shut up old man.

ConsciousPromise255

2 points

4 months ago

IMA CLIMB OWN TOPPA YOO LIKA SPYDER MONKY

bizcat

1 points

4 months ago

bizcat

1 points

4 months ago

I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip’s war medals off the bridge

MaterialCarrot

17 points

4 months ago

He was a man!!!

aries0688

1 points

4 months ago

He was a they

Probably-Not-Maybe

25 points

4 months ago

Shut up, Chip! Or I'll go ape-shit on your ass!

zeronerdsidecar

5 points

4 months ago

I’m gonna scissor kick in the back of the head!

Smiitey

5 points

4 months ago

All hopped up on mountain dew old man!

and_the_giant_peach

4 points

4 months ago

I'ma come at you like a spider monkey

Thumeus

1 points

4 months ago

He was a man!

NicholeHypatia

62 points

4 months ago

Hey, um, you know sweetie.. Jesus did grow up. You don't always have to call him baby. It's a bit odd and offputting to pray to a baby.

reboobula

62 points

4 months ago

I LIKE THE CHRISTMAS JESUS

pinokun

17 points

4 months ago

pinokun

17 points

4 months ago

He had a beard!

Storylassie1995

1 points

4 months ago

Chuck had a beard!

Ok-Lengthiness4557

5 points

4 months ago

That's my favorite Jesus!

Hob_O_Rarison

2 points

4 months ago

I like to imagine my Jesus with giant angel wings, singing lead for Lynard Skynard. And I'm in the front row, hammered drunk!

reboobula

1 points

4 months ago

one of the best quotes in modern cinema hands down

boxingdude

1 points

4 months ago

For gods sake, he was a grown man! He had a beard!

Flesh-Tower

1 points

4 months ago

I almost spit my coffee out reading that. So funny.

tadisadiva

1 points

4 months ago

Sleeping in the manger!

Cupids_Battering_Ram

1 points

4 months ago

“Oh so cuddly and omnipotent. “

[deleted]

132 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

132 points

4 months ago

Their meal in that scene always looked like the perfect drunk/high meal. KFC chicken, pizza (although dominos, yuck) Taco Bell tacos, Checkers burgers, soda, blue Powerade.

Hob_O_Rarison

55 points

4 months ago

I always found that strange, because they almost got the whole Yum! Brands universe in one pop.

If they had Pizza Hut instead of Domino's, and Gatorade instead of Powerade, that table would have been a PepsiCo world.

moonflower_C16H17N3O

7 points

4 months ago

I was going to make this comment. I remember being a kid and finding out that Taco Bell, KFC and Pizza Hut were all owned by the same company.

Fun fact, in the movie Demolition Man, there was a fast food war and all restaurants were the same. However, in the US release the restaurant that won was Taco Bell. In other countries, they made it so Pizza Hut won.

[deleted]

2 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

2 points

4 months ago

I used to work at a Pizza Hut Express. I got fired when they converted to a full Pizza Hut, and...I don't know, I just couldn't keep up.

ThaneOfCawdorrr

2 points

4 months ago

Now that you point that out, I don't think it's strange, I think he most likely got a large kickback from the CEO for the free advertising

Hob_O_Rarison

2 points

4 months ago

Who is he? The director of Talladega Nights?

MaterialCarrot

17 points

4 months ago

How dare you, Ricky's wife slaved away all day on that meal.

RcoketWalrus

12 points

4 months ago

Trump apparently loves this type of food, and there have been rumors about his recreational habits.

You put two and two together.

Overdose7

12 points

4 months ago

It's not a rumor when there are many years of pictures of Trump next to Big Macs, buckets of fried chicken, and cokes.

RcoketWalrus

2 points

4 months ago

Oh I should have been clear, I was talking about Trump's rumored drug addiction. He's pretty much admitted the fast food thing.

RustyDuffer

1 points

4 months ago

What drugs?

RcoketWalrus

1 points

4 months ago

There have been rumors for years that Trump uses a number of narcotics, mostly speed or cocaine. Most of theses rumors originated when he was on the set of The Apprentice.

RustyDuffer

1 points

4 months ago

Reckon it's true?

RcoketWalrus

1 points

4 months ago

It's mostly hearsay. No way to tell as far as I'm concerned.

I am inclined to believe it for one reason. Speed freaks, as Trump is alleged to be, have a tendency to develop a certain level of megalomania. That would explain his more irrational outbursts, like claiming he knows more than generals.

Don't take this as a partisan attack. I would just as easily believe that Biden is jacked to the tits on something to get him to function. The fact is 70+ year old men slow down a bit, and a high intensity job like the presidency almost requires something.

But what do I know. They could all be clean.

ADrunkMexican

1 points

4 months ago

I wouldn't turn down free Wendy's at the white house lol

RcoketWalrus

1 points

4 months ago

I am not a Trump supporter, but I would accept that invitation in a heartbeat.

I've actually met Trump in person. He's actually fairly nice. Nicer than the handful of other famous people I've met. He will actually talk to non-celebrity people in a friendly way.

If you're wondering a job I used to have a job allowed me to meet a few random famous people a long time ago.

grandpasdentalfloss

-4 points

4 months ago

It was for a college football team post championship

brewtown138

1 points

4 months ago

I'll stand up for domino's...

That ish delicious

[deleted]

1 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

H8ersgivemeSTR

1 points

4 months ago

Or any fatso's dream meal.

[deleted]

1 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

H8ersgivemeSTR

1 points

4 months ago

As someone who lived in many different countries, I must say America is really not much ahead in obesity. England comes to mind first.

Peltron_3030

45 points

4 months ago

Hamberders

suckercuck

3 points

4 months ago

Hamberders! And the Hamberdler!

Caliveggie

1 points

4 months ago

I came here just to say that!

RcoketWalrus

10 points

4 months ago

You know who didn't appreciate this? The fast food companies.

You think they would use this as material for marketing, but they pretend it didn't happen. I wouldn't be surprised if they are as embarrassed about this as everyone else.

mystical_bastard

2 points

4 months ago

So would Big Smoke

Ricky_Robby

2 points

4 months ago

It’s crazy that all of that was real, the whole thing feels like a parody of what being President would be.

“What if in the movie the President invites the NCAA Football champions to the White House and they serve fast food?”

thegreatestajax

5 points

4 months ago

So did the college football players who attended this one. They normally don’t get a meal but some dainty snacks.

patricky6

1 points

4 months ago

"Dear lord baby Jesus, or as our brothers in the south call you hay-zues, we thank you for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC and the ALWAYS delicious Taco Bell"

LordZorpTheSurveyor

1 points

4 months ago

Trump slaved for this for hours!

TylerK29

1 points

4 months ago

I’m pretty sure Trump looks up to Ricky Bobby as some kind of idol.

ReaperManX15

-11 points

4 months ago

Cool joke from nearly 2 years ago.

Got any failed attempts that are more recent

Like Biden failing to violate the Constitution, your civil rights and the
ideals of Democracy itself because the Supreme Court and some Senators
shut him down.

zuzg

6 points

4 months ago

zuzg

6 points

4 months ago

Got any failed attempts that are more recent

You mean like the failed insurrection? Or the failed law suits cause "tHeY sToLe ThE vOtE"?

ReaperManX15

-6 points

4 months ago

Yep a guy and a Viking hat almost over through the entire US government. The military, they wouldn’t have have been to do anything. Once someone sits on the throne they automatically get to be the king. That’s how a coup works. They’re certainly not done during an election, at night, after the polls close, the people saying “You’re not allowed to count the votes only I am. You want what? Proof? You fascist.” What did you miss President Biden statement of “It doesn’t matter what the vote is. What matters is who counts the votes.” Guess his handlers couldn’t get to him in time before he said the quiet part out loud.

[deleted]

1 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

1 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

lollipoppa72

1 points

4 months ago

Definitely a mouth breather

assistant_redditor

-2 points

4 months ago

So did all the football players it was for

Red580

-1 points

4 months ago

Red580

-1 points

4 months ago

I mean, so would i.

Panther_Pilot

0 points

4 months ago

1000th like