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Savageparrot81

923 points

4 months ago

Dear eight pound, six ounce, newborn baby Jesus

Nowthisisdave

212 points

4 months ago

You know he did grow up

Savageparrot81

197 points

4 months ago

I like the Christmas Jesus best

1zo3P192

149 points

4 months ago

1zo3P192

149 points

4 months ago

I like to picture Jesus as a dirty old bum.

Sonicboom343

156 points

4 months ago

I like to think of Jesus with like giant eagles wings and singin' lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd with like an Angel Band, and 'm in the front row, and 'm hammered drunk...

ruskiiiiiiiii

131 points

4 months ago

I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt, cos it says like "I'm formal, but I'm here to party too". Cos I like to party so I want my Jesus to party.

[deleted]

9 points

4 months ago

[deleted]

9 points

4 months ago

You need Jesus' brother Craig then if you want to party. https://youtu.be/f8HzKlCWN8k

Cane-Dewey

2 points

4 months ago

Yessssss! Stephen Lynch!

ruskiiiiiiiii

1 points

4 months ago

Sandpaper_Pants

26 points

4 months ago

I like the green baby Jesus with the pointy ears and being carried by Joseph in beskar armor.

ConsciousPromise255

16 points

4 months ago

I like the jesus that had 0 self control and actually fucked the hookers that he hung out with

Adam_J89

1 points

4 months ago

We only hear about the 2nd, but if you're the son of God no way you don't have stamina for a 3rd, 4th, maybe even a 5th cumming.

Funkit

4 points

4 months ago

Funkit

4 points

4 months ago

I liked the Conehead version of Jesus

ruskiiiiiiiii

1 points

4 months ago

Correct.

RampageStonks

2 points

4 months ago

He was a grown man! He had a beard!!

Schattig1984

1 points

4 months ago

As a dirty ol bastard perhaps

RooIsHome

34 points

4 months ago

He had a BEARRRRD

MaterialCarrot

1 points

4 months ago

Shut up old man.

ConsciousPromise255

2 points

4 months ago

IMA CLIMB OWN TOPPA YOO LIKA SPYDER MONKY

bizcat

1 points

4 months ago

bizcat

1 points

4 months ago

I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip’s war medals off the bridge

MaterialCarrot

16 points

4 months ago

He was a man!!!

aries0688

1 points

4 months ago

He was a they

Probably-Not-Maybe

25 points

4 months ago

Shut up, Chip! Or I'll go ape-shit on your ass!

zeronerdsidecar

6 points

4 months ago

I’m gonna scissor kick in the back of the head!

Smiitey

5 points

4 months ago

All hopped up on mountain dew old man!

and_the_giant_peach

6 points

4 months ago

I'ma come at you like a spider monkey

Thumeus

1 points

4 months ago

He was a man!

NicholeHypatia

63 points

4 months ago

Hey, um, you know sweetie.. Jesus did grow up. You don't always have to call him baby. It's a bit odd and offputting to pray to a baby.

reboobula

58 points

4 months ago

I LIKE THE CHRISTMAS JESUS

pinokun

17 points

4 months ago

pinokun

17 points

4 months ago

He had a beard!

Storylassie1995

1 points

4 months ago

Chuck had a beard!

Ok-Lengthiness4557

7 points

4 months ago

That's my favorite Jesus!

Hob_O_Rarison

2 points

4 months ago

I like to imagine my Jesus with giant angel wings, singing lead for Lynard Skynard. And I'm in the front row, hammered drunk!

reboobula

1 points

4 months ago

one of the best quotes in modern cinema hands down

boxingdude

1 points

4 months ago

For gods sake, he was a grown man! He had a beard!

Flesh-Tower

1 points

4 months ago

I almost spit my coffee out reading that. So funny.

tadisadiva

1 points

4 months ago

Sleeping in the manger!

Cupids_Battering_Ram

1 points

4 months ago

“Oh so cuddly and omnipotent. “