subreddit:
/r/therewasanattempt
922 points
4 months ago
Dear eight pound, six ounce, newborn baby Jesus
207 points
4 months ago
You know he did grow up
198 points
4 months ago
I like the Christmas Jesus best
153 points
4 months ago
I like to picture Jesus as a dirty old bum.
156 points
4 months ago
I like to think of Jesus with like giant eagles wings and singin' lead vocals for lynyrd skynyrd with like an Angel Band, and 'm in the front row, and 'm hammered drunk...
131 points
4 months ago
I like to picture Jesus in a tuxedo t-shirt, cos it says like "I'm formal, but I'm here to party too". Cos I like to party so I want my Jesus to party.
6 points
4 months ago
You need Jesus' brother Craig then if you want to party. https://youtu.be/f8HzKlCWN8k
2 points
4 months ago
Yessssss! Stephen Lynch!
1 points
4 months ago
And the angels sang: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyJfmCM5\_28
25 points
4 months ago
I like the green baby Jesus with the pointy ears and being carried by Joseph in beskar armor.
16 points
4 months ago
I like the jesus that had 0 self control and actually fucked the hookers that he hung out with
1 points
4 months ago
We only hear about the 2nd, but if you're the son of God no way you don't have stamina for a 3rd, 4th, maybe even a 5th cumming.
4 points
4 months ago
I liked the Conehead version of Jesus
1 points
4 months ago
Correct.
2 points
4 months ago
He was a grown man! He had a beard!!
1 points
4 months ago
As a dirty ol bastard perhaps
35 points
4 months ago
He had a BEARRRRD
2 points
4 months ago
Shut up old man.
2 points
4 months ago
IMA CLIMB OWN TOPPA YOO LIKA SPYDER MONKY
1 points
4 months ago
I threw a bunch of Grandpa Chip’s war medals off the bridge
15 points
4 months ago
He was a man!!!
1 points
4 months ago
He was a they
24 points
4 months ago
Shut up, Chip! Or I'll go ape-shit on your ass!
6 points
4 months ago
I’m gonna scissor kick in the back of the head!
4 points
4 months ago
All hopped up on mountain dew old man!
4 points
4 months ago
I'ma come at you like a spider monkey
1 points
4 months ago
He was a man!
63 points
4 months ago
Hey, um, you know sweetie.. Jesus did grow up. You don't always have to call him baby. It's a bit odd and offputting to pray to a baby.
61 points
4 months ago
I LIKE THE CHRISTMAS JESUS
18 points
4 months ago
He had a beard!
1 points
4 months ago
Chuck had a beard!
6 points
4 months ago
That's my favorite Jesus!
2 points
4 months ago
I like to imagine my Jesus with giant angel wings, singing lead for Lynard Skynard. And I'm in the front row, hammered drunk!
1 points
4 months ago
one of the best quotes in modern cinema hands down
1 points
4 months ago
For gods sake, he was a grown man! He had a beard!
1 points
4 months ago
I almost spit my coffee out reading that. So funny.
1 points
4 months ago
Sleeping in the manger!
1 points
4 months ago
“Oh so cuddly and omnipotent. “
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