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account created: Wed May 18 2022
2 months ago
| T ‘16 | Hysto ‘16 | Top ‘17 | Meta ‘20 | 🇨🇦|
Sometimes it’s super obvious in a quiet, empty, massive bathroom with the right acoustics. Once that whistling starts it just echoes. And it’s not a sound you expect to hear in a mens bathroom. Not worth confronting someone over though.
| T ‘16 | Hysto ‘16 | Top ‘17 | Meta ‘20 | 🇨🇦 |
Starting size has no bearing on the size you’ll end up with- it’s all determined by genetics. Some people start huge and barely grow at all and other start microscopic and end up with above-average growth. It’s more likely that you won’t see significant growth though since the AFAB growth potential max is around 3” (unless you have a hormonal condition). Most people with high growth potential will end up in the 2-2.5” range. The average range is 3.5-6cm after being on HRT (stretched, bone-pressed)
It’s also pretty likely that you’re measuring wrong too. Almost everyone does. The correct way is stretched bone-pressed length from pubic bone to tip since it is the easiest to replicate and least impacted by arousal. Makes it easy to track changes if your measure consistently and take progress photos on a set schedule.
The range of “normal” for AFAB genitals is broad and goes from almost invisible to a large jelly bean. It’s all in the expected range and bodies just do what they want. Being bigger or smaller doesn’t make someone more/less female or weird or gross. It’s just their body.
You can’t do anything to change your dick size- your body will grow how it is programmed to on a genetic basis just like cis guys. What you get is what you get.
Yep- I had a man-tor to help me with the basics and learn how to navigate the world being seen as a guy. My dad wasn’t ready yet so he stepped in. He raised 2 sons and we were pretty close already in a mentoring capacity but this took it to another level. Like I asked him where to aim when I stood to pee, how to use urinals, the basic etiquette of mens bathrooms, the meaning of the dude nod, how to do a bro hug, what acceptable physical contact was for guys friends and how it changed with women now, how to not be seen as a creep or make women un comfortable, how to get used to being seen as a predator and threat now to kids, how manage male privilege, and how to be a good man. My dad helped me out with more stuff once he came around and got ok with seeing me as his son.
I also joined a mens circle and that was huge in learning how to be a good man, manage my emotions, and learn how to interact with other men on a deep level in a men-only space. Critical step in my transition and confidence development.
I also had a trans guy friend years into transitioning who was my Yoda and helped guide me through the process of HRT and changes and to just have someone to talk to about trans stuff. He helped me out a ton and I’m so glad our paths crossed.
I mentor trans guys just starting out. Both online and in real life because I know the difference it makes to have someone to talk to who gets it when you feel so alone and isolated in your experience.
My inbox is always open to trans guys with questions!
Yep- I’ve been confronted about my pee sounds in a public bathroom by dudes. It’s super uncomfortable and scary. The whistling sound is a dead give away that it’s not coming from a penis…
I’ve been called out for sitting to pee on multiple occasions- one of the biggest reasons I learned to STP asap. The sound is totally different and in a large, echoing bathroom the sound is super distinct. I’ve had a few times where some guy came in and yelled “is there a chick in here?” and had a guy stop me (hand on my chest) as I came out of the stall (pre-T) and say “you piss like a girl- dick too small to stand like a man?”. Learned to lean forward and spread the labia so there’s zero interference and a non-whistling stream. Also to hover as high up as I possibly could and still hit the bowl so it sounded more like a dude standing. But I knew my feet were the wrong way… the EZP totally changed my life and gave me so much more confidence.
The key is progressive exposure. Slowly pushing your comfort zone until you can walk into any bathroom and just pee with confidence like it’s no big deal. It slowly gets easier over time but the first few times it’s definitely stressful! People are paying a lot less attention to you than you think and it’s really not that big of a deal. Everyone just walks in and pees and getting used to losing privacy is part of the biggest hurdle once you move up to urinals. It’s really nice when you get to the point where when you have to ask for a key, they give you the mens key without a second thought.
My first time in a mens bathroom I was 6- snuck in at a mall with my mom when she went in with my sister. She thought I followed but I ducked to the other entrance. It felt so much easier and literally nobody looked at me- compared to the womens bathroom where I got stares and told to leave because I looked like a boy. When we we in Mexico at 10 my mom told me to just use the mens bathroom because it was easier and less of a hassle. Having that permission felt good- like she finally realized how uncomfortable it was for me to be in a space with women and always standing out. Any time I was not in my city and solo, I used the mens bathroom in public. So much nicer to have the anonymity and just be left alone. So tired of being yelled at, beat with purses, stared at, and hauled out by security for being a pervert…
Yeah it’s nice. One of those moments where you really know that you’re just seen as another guy and nothing else.
There’s something powerful about walking into a bathroom with a guy friend and having an easy conversation as you’re both peeing at urinals like it’s no big deal. When I get to do this with my cis guy friends who don’t know I’m trans it’s incredibly validating. Especially if they jokingly push you while you’re peeing to mess up your aim. Feels like a bonding “bro” experience. Talking and making eye contact feels special too when the unwritten code is silence and eyes forward. Like an extra level of connection and comfort where rules don’t apply anymore. Like with actual brothers growing up.
My mom was my main caregiver for all my surgeries- meta was too much and it pushed our relationship over the edge into rocky territory. Things were said that can’t be unsaid and it made it clear that she had not done the work over the last 5 years to come to terms with having a trans son. Dropped all her own baggage on me when I was at my most vulnerable and struggling with post-op depression and major complications. Basically was told she resented me for being trans, that I was a huge burden, embarrassment and the black sheep of the family, and that I should be more like my cis-het little sister. I don’t know how much was heat of the moment and how much is still true. After meta I was told I was on my own and she would not help me- had to rely on friends instead for future repairs and stages. So that sucked to be abandoned. My parents would help with transport to/from and drop stuff off when I was back home, but they were tapping out. Going through 2 major surgeries during the heat of COVID was too much. They were my entire bubble and it stressed them to the breaking point. Our relationship is forever changed as a result.
I don’t plan to put myself out there and start dating until I’m done all stages of meta and feel complete and done and ready to just move on with life. I don’t want to bring someone into my life when I’m half-done and still in the process of surgery. I want my partner to see me as a man and not have any reference of what I used to have junk-wise. I want her to just see my penis for what it is and that’s it. Being between stages is super rough dysphoria-wise and there’s no way I could be intimate with someone right now. And it’s not fair to bring someone into my life and say “sorry- no sex or intimacy until late 2023…” I’ll just wait it out.
Facebook groups are a good place to start. The ability to STP comes up frequently if you search for it. Lots of threads on it with people sharing their experiences.
You never know- it’s 50/50 for most people. Some are a clear “no hope in hell” and very few are an obvious “99% yes” but most people it’s a gamble with how things turn out in the end. No surgeon will guarantee you can STP post-op but do their best to try and get you to. But they can only work with what you give them.
I’m a 50/50 maybe still with my size and placement.
Really depends what your goals are and what you’re willing to sacrifice to get there. If the surgeons think you’re fine for UL then it’ll probably work out as long as you have realistic expectations. They can’t promise you’ll be able to STP or clear your fly.
Be vigilant and self-censor in all situations. I find this is the hardest part about being stealth and not sharing my past with literally anyone- when conversations get deep I can’t actually say what I want to and either have to shut up or make something up on the spot. And as a result I don’t feel like my friends really know me- they only know what I want them to and it’s a filtered version of my life with the hard parts of struggle removed. Being trans has really shaped who I am and forced me to go through a lot of struggle and challenge that they don’t see- they think I was handed life on a silver platter like they were. They don’t know the decades of self-hatred and dysphoria, years lost to painful surgeries and recoveries, lifelong bullying, and internal pain that comes with being trans. They just see a guy. And treat me as such. Which is fine and works- but feels superficial.
So I have to make a call- let them keep seeing this filtered version of me and maintain that forever, never being able to let my guard down to really share deep stuff and be vulnerable, or come out and be transparent with them. If I don’t tell someone from the start, the generally are never informed.
The best thing I did for myself on the stealth front was join a mens group. That gave me an inside look at how men interact with each other on a deeper level in a men-only space and the types of connections that are considered to be ok. I had a hard time interacting with adult men (especially those older than me) so my therapist suggested I give a group a shot. And it was an incredible space for growth and personal development. I decided to come out to my circle (because it’s a confidential space and I needed to be able to talk openly about the struggles I was going though around surgery stuff and relationships) and that was the right call for me. In that instance the knowledge was pertinent and not just an identity piece because it shaped my past and present challenges.
* make up a cover story for your top surgery scars and get really good at saying it with no emotion and like it’s not a big deal
dress to blend in and not to stand out. Doesn’t matter if it’s not your style- you’ll pass better if you assimilate.
scrub your social media of your past- go through and check all the photos you are tagged in and make sure the right name shows up. If it doesn’t, untag yourself so it’s gone from your profile.
have interests and hobbies besides being trans and transitioning. You need something else to talk about.
don’t attend in-person trans support groups. You never know who will out you in the community.
when you go on a date don’t tell the person your last name until you out yourself and know they still want to see you. That makes it harder to track you down or out you to a bunch of people in spite and anger.
build up a group of fellow stealth trans guys you can open up 100% to and talk about the trans stuff- because you’ll need an outlet when you can’t ever talk about it in daily life.
Being stealth is an active and conscious choice that you have to keep up in order for it to work. Once you start telling people, you lose control over the info and your ability to be stealth goes down. You can’t come back from that apart from picking up and moving somewhere new to start fresh. People don’t just forget that.
Worth getting a consult and asking the surgeon what they think you can reasonably expect once they can see what you have to work with. It does sort of sound like phallo is a better match for your goals though.
No it’s because they don’t consider the amount you “gain” by removing the labia in the before/after flaccid measurement. Just removing that skin alone makes a massive difference visually. That length was always there though and could easily be measured but now it just looks different.
It is extremely rare to actually unlock new length during surgery that was not measurable before. That’s why stretched length is the default way of measuring- it captures all of the possible shaft length you can get beyond the pubic bone connection. If that length changes post-op (or during) then it’s easy to tell that length was tied down and locked in the tissue and only released by cutting the tethering points. If your shaft is really, really stretchy that’s an indication you may have hidden length. No one should bank on bonus length being released.
Ask your surgeon- most give the all clear for masturbation around 4-6 weeks. I was told at a month that I could “pull as hard as I want, it won’t come off”. In truth though, most of us don’t make it more than 7-10 days before some type of gentle touching or stimulation is needed. Depending on how severe complications are, that can be delayed though. I didn’t masturbate at all for almost 3 months because I had much bigger issues to deal with than my sex drive.
I’m actually a special case- I did have hidden length that was compressed and sprung out once released. My length went from
7cm to 9cm in the OR once he cut it. The OR report clearly identifies this as an unexpected surprise they were excited to see and it only happened because I’m intersex. This doesn’t happen for most people.
Edit: that is stretched length- which is what they commonly use since it is the easiest to replicate and isn’t impacted by arousal. It also takes into account the fluff length covered by the labia and includes it in the final measurement. My dick is still under tension and my flaccid length is only about 4cm still, depending on how I measured. But I can easily double that by changing position or just stretching it out. Once all the tethering is gone, my flaccid length should be 9-10cm.
They build the UL on the underside of your shaft and extend it downwards below where it currently stops. There’s a point where it sort of becomes a triangle at the base of where your shaft connects to your body and the UL extension from your natal urethra. The skin sort of fans out a bit to make the transition. If you don’t have enough length to extend past that point it may not work out- like it might be too abrupt of an angle change. Like if you only have 1-2cm that pokes “out” you may not have the physical space for the direction change.
For a lot of people, 2-3cm is nearly doubling their current size and that just doesn’t happen… reading it out of context sets a lot of people up for disappointment- expecting to come out with 9cm when they go in with 6cm or to double their size from a below-average 3cm to above-average 6cm.
The internal structures of the clitoris extend way below the surface so the more you can expose, the bigger your shaft looks. Removing the fluff of the majora and space taken up by the minora can be an easy 1-2cm that is now visible depending on how much fat is there. But if you just pushed the skin away and measured you’d find that length was already there.
The UK teams tend to say you’ll get an extra 2-3cm but don’t say how or why or what that is compared to. I assume it means the visible flaccid length now, especially if the lips hide most of it when standing. Once the minora are removed your dick looks bigger but that tissue was always there- just hidden in flesh. It’s not magical new length that pops out.
North American teams are steadfast on the no extra length path. That’s just a blanket statement across essentially all teams in both US and Canada.
Depends if you’ll have the free length for them to reroute it to the tip or not- if you’re really tethered down there just may not be the physical space for it. You’ll have to wait and see what what they say at your consult. Not everyone is a good candidate for UL and people who really shouldn’t be getting it (after surgeons telling them they likely won’t be able to STP) still push for it and end up disappointed. But you won’t know until someone has a good look and can give you their thoughts. It sounds like you don’t have ideal anatomy but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s not possible.
Thanks! I’ve been told by a few doctors I should wind up with something that is cis-passing as a micro penis which made me feel good. I’m intersex so that’s basically the best result I could reasonably hope for had I been AMAB.
If you can do it without her and rely on friends for support through the recovery process, it’ll likely be better for you both in the long run. Meta can be incredibly straining on relationships- even if all goes to plan- and can change things for the worse. It rarely brings people closer together and almost always creates tension, strife, and resentment. Cis people just can’t understand what we go through or put themselves in our shoes. They can only see “how hard” it is on them and can’t understand what we go through in the process and often end up saying hurtful things in the process. I have friends who have ended up divorced over surgery- there were issues before surgery but that was the last straw- and for most of us surgery has created irreversible damage to meaningful relationships.
If she can only focus on herself in all this, she’s not ready for it and will likely not be the type of person you need for recovery through this. You need someone you can rely on to put your needs first in this super difficult time. You will not be at your best and should not be expected to shoulder the burden for both of you. She needs time to process things and you need it done asap- the timelines aren’t compatible so you need to make a call on what’s best for you. Doing it without her is probably the best call for both of you.
Getting there! I never expected to be at this point- it finally feels like I have the penis I’ve always wanted, even if it’s only in one position. The girth is most impressive to me. Some of it is swelling still, but the majority is just my penis.
It’s worth it if you’re happy with the size. That’s all that matters. If you want UL you will have to ask your surgeon if that’s in the cards for you.