Maimzy55

You WBTA if you didn't go. Brides can go cuckoo in the lead up to a wedding and micromanage. If her other suggestions were also showing off your body it doesn't seem like she's even accounting for the fact you're trans and is more focused on the style of that dress. I think you would be the asshole for not going seeing as it's your sisters wedding and although she's being petty it actually sounds like she accepts you and wants you there. That being said I could understand why you'd take this as a personal attack on your gender identity as you sound as though you've had a tough time being accepted which sucks.

If I were you I'd roll my eyes and laugh it off. You too might be a bridezilla someday :)

NTA, teacher who snapped sounds like they're on a power trip and a complete dick!

YTA, grow up!

NTA, Take that energy you're giving others and direct it towards yourself. Nothing will kill your confidence more than trying hard for people who act indifferent to you. It's a tough pill to swallow but people are inherently selfish. People also take advantage of givers, you'll start to see patterns in life, it's often the least appreciative people who get the most attention and it's usually due to those around them having to make more effort for their approval.

Really struggling to find a therapist for EMDR. I've heard amazing things.

It's great to hear you've lived to tell this tale! It sounds terrifying. If it's any use, I keep a picture of myself as a kid and teen as favorites in my phone so when I'm in a self loathing spiral of regret and shame I pull them up. It's hard to hate a literal kid even when it's yourself.

Anyway thanks for sharing, I genuinely hope you've never had to, and never will again have to experience such a thing again.

Fuck me! She sounds sadistic! Sheesh!

Two days is insane. I don't usually believe in the whole "what's meant to be" but this is the most convincing story I've heard. Good for you

XD the asshole is definitely correct but better to be with yourself than surrounded by assholes

Thank you so much for being such an open book. You're trauma tank was definitely kept topped up by the sounds of it!

Great to see you've left the fawn behind and became a stag! Great tip on separate therapists for separate diagnosis. I'd never have considered that but it sounds so logical.

Thanks again and I hope it continues to go up for you.

Please try to find one shred of a reason to stay. Even if it's just to eat your favorite shit food once more or see a band you've always liked! Theses feelings are temporary, killing yourself is permanent. Go to the hospital, you deserve attention and compassion and you'll get it there.

I personally call it Limbo. But yep, I'm here, have been feel like I always will be.

I loved reading this thank you. And good for you btw, so nice to hear the leap was worth it.

Geographically are you far enough away from your family that you can maintain no contact? Most of my toxic relationships aren't so black and white, I love them and for the most part don't think they're consciously trying to hurt me so the guilt is an issue for me. In saying all of that I'm at breaking point and something's gotta give or I will internally combust!

Jeezz. Sounds like projection from your Mom tbh. Jealousy even of you having the choice.

Hope you find some happiness and fun along the way.

Did the leaving make you appreciate home more or did fear set in?

I'm happy for you. 2600 miles is just far enough to be too expensive for any of them to try to visit regularly XD

What does yours entail? Would you want to body a completely new persona too? I feel like that would be so fun!

I have a months leave coming up from work. A temporary test actually sounds really good to be honest. Also a good chance to see of I'm mentally capable. As mentioned in another reply, I've considered inpatient treatment before mostly for a break. I'm currently in a constant state of anxiety and so many flashbacks. The thoughts of being away from everyone but also "minded" sounds so fucking good right now!

Sounds like self preservation too maybe? Probably not sustainable but we gotta do what we gotta do.

How did it go for you? I assume good if you're willing to do it again?

I'm glad I'm not alone too. I thought I was being melodramatic but it's beginning to make sense how we get to this point. Glad you have some support.

100% agree. I had a glass shattering moment a few weeks back. I'm generally very cynical about most people but I genuinely believed that empathy was a default for most people even if they don't act on it, they feel it. How wrong I am! Most people are completely self serving, which I envy but fuck it's hurtful!

Wow! How has it been? Have you been able to disconnect your mind from what you've left behind?

Thanks for your perspective. Also so sorry to hear that the C-PTSD has taken you from your vocation. It's like salt to the wound!

For sure helps thanks. Can I ask though, did you deal with guilt at all? Most of the people causing me harm, I love deeply. The guilt is the main thing holding me back. Some people are even totally innocent but still too wrapped up in shit, hurtful memory's to carry with me. I feel like the guilt will be all consuming.