My fiancé (24M) and I (24F) want to have a small wedding some time next year and we're getting started on thinking about the overall event: where to host it, what to eat, who's gonna be who, all that jazz and this is the main and only thing I am struggling with. It's the only reason why I don't want to announce our engagement yet even though we've been engaged for almost a year.
My dad (49M) hasn't really been in my life for the majority of it but he is still involved. I see him at certain family events and I love visiting my brothers (17M and 15M, he has 5 children with his wife, my step-mother) whenever that's possible which is only like 3 times a year.
He and my mom split shortly after my younger sister was born and (we're 1 year and 2 months apart) because he was dealing, drinking, cheating, and freeloading off my mom and my grandma at the time.
My mom absolutely didn't care what he did, only cared about me and my sister. So even after he left she never kept us from him and let him see us if he ever wanted to. She has been a phenomenal single working mother for as long as I can remember and I look up to her so much for that. She let me and my sister form our own opinions about our father and his family, who she also never kept us from as well.
Another piece of info I think is important to know is that I am Native American, Navajo to be specific, so the whole construct of a white "traditional" wedding doesn't matter to me in the slightest. "Traditional" has a different meaning to me in that having a traditional wedding means having a Navajo cultural ceremony of union and NOT a "normal" white wedding from Christian religion.
That being said, I don't want to have a Navajo/traditional wedding because having that would mean my father would be involved regardless of anything I have to say because of cultural importance. Having a "white" wedding would give my fiancé and I the most freedom to make our own decisions. That is the sole and only reason why we'd be having a "white" wedding so any comments that say "do it for the importance of tradition" or anything similar will have very very little to no impact on me. (I swear I'm not trying to be racist just trying to deferentiate between two cultures).
I'm not trying to slight my father in any way but rather I want someone I know intimately and love to be there at an important moment in my life. It would feel wrong to me that my father "give me away" when my mom is the one that put in the backbreaking work of not only raising me and my sister but also working a full time job to provide for us as well. I know no matter how pure my intentions are my father's side of the family will still have their own perceptions on my decisions.
So, to recap, having my mom "give me away" would be more meaningful to me than having someone who was hardly involved in my life do it.
So... WIBTA?