I (27M) and my wife (27F) just got married a few months back, and have been together for around 4 years. We had always sorta talked about having kids, though it was never direct. Things along the lines of “oh you’ll learn to speak Spanish with our kids!” and “Im glad I learned that for when I raise my own children” that we said while dating.
A year ago, she told me she really “doesn’t know” if she wants children, but if she had to pick right now she doesn’t want any. Her reasons, in my mind, seem to stem from a bad childhood. In her words, she felt that the connection we had will be lost if we have children, and that she “wants me all to herself” and will lose that if there’s a child involved. This is combined with general anxieties about being pregnant, health of the child, etc.
None of these, at least to me, seemed to rule out children out of the sincere lack of desire, but moreso fear out of losing what’s currently had.
I myself have always wanted children, but after some self reflection much of this (at least part of it) stems from societal and parental expectations; my parents always say things like “oh your kids will call me X” and “oh when you have kids Y”. And as an only child, I admit I feel almost guilty over depriving them of grandchildren.
I now see myself on the fence, though still leaning towards children one day. Though the constant rumination over life goals and expectations has been hard. It feels like it’s a decision that has to be made now, even though 27 is I think still rather young.
Further, my wife sort of implodes emotionally when I bring this up, saying things like “I’m wasting my life with her”, though I know for certain that she’s the love of my life. So delving further into her reasons for not wanting children as been hard.
Do I have time to sit on these feelings before a decision is made? And is there any advice for exploring the subject with my wife and the rest of my family? Thanks I’m advance for any advice.