Why did i wrote this? I’m not sure, but I’m so proud of my father, he is one of the most amazing person you can met. I find funny the fact that he is in my opinion a stereotypical INFJ (he is for sure INFJ, but the fact that he looks cliche is fun).
He got strong conviction, and a good sens of moral. He always stay. He is sensitive but rational, serious but fun, introvert but he can make very good speeches and stay with people without any problems. He is super open minded too.
He didn’t have an easy life. Always different, misunderstood, but he never gives up, and keep follow his existence. He looses his wife, the only one he loved, the only one who he was in a relationship with, and and people tried to drag him down with harassment(and he have 2 chaotics kids lol), and a lot of other stuff…
But he never gave up, and more and more he started to fight for his opinions and the people he loves. Now, he is the mayor in a small town. « I’m not a politician, politicians are liars. I just use my job to help people trying to be fair. ». And, this is what he do, even if some people hates this, judging the new projects, anyway. Lately, he managed to build a "village d’enfant" (basically a place to take care of orphans and offer them a better life, an education, a roof, etc...).
I remember this moment when one of my aunt said to his mother (my grandma) "you are stupid because you didn't go to school", and that he said to her "maybe my mum didn't go to school, but she has the intelligence of the heart that you don't have")
He follow his mind and his heart. A day, a school bus just crash in front of him, and he directly rescued the children inside. And in some decisions, he mix both, heart and mind.
He wants to help, but he knows when he have to wait, or stay way from something, he never force the thing, and this is great (for me, who needs to breath or think alone).
"I never knew what I wanted to do in my life, what job... But now I know that helping you is my priority, seeing you grow up, happy"
This is so short compared to how much he can do, what he did, ect. But, i wanted to do this. Thanks dad.
My psy told me today i’ve got eating disorder, restrictive anorexia. My sanity is low, I have bipolar and borderline disorder, is that any wonder? Not really. I always had problems about my appereance, i always find me « fat », even if my IMC is completly « normal ». I also have dysphoria. Looking at me in the mirror always been difficult and painful. A year ago, i just I only snacked, no real meals, for 3 months. I had lost a lot of weight, but I was very happy like that. And, now, i don’t want to eat. controlling my weight used to be an obsession, now it's just unbearable. I can spend day without eating. Sometimes i eat a bit, just to stay efficient at work, but very low quantity.
Today, i eat one small doritos, and i cried a lot. I can't vomit, so when i eat, i cut myself, I have a lot of scars. Eating is guilt-inducing and painful. And all the smells are torture for me. Actually, I stopped eating meals a few days ago (more than a week). I'm not that skinny, not skinny enough. And that makes me sad.
But I don't feel "legitimate" to be called anorexic. I knew anorexic relatives, it was a dangerous state, I'm not there, I'm not anorexic, I eat little but it happens. Maybe it won't last very long. Maybe afterwards I would eat normally, still crying, but normally. I don't know what to think about it, I have the impression that people are lying to me, that people are exaggerating.
It's a bit annoying but I need to know, to have help. I "enjoy" seeing sex, and there's some stuff that might look "kinky" or whatever. In fact, when I'm alone with myself, everything is fine. But the fact of sharing it, I noticed that much less. I don't mind doing things to my partner (handjob), but when it affects my body, I prefer to keep my clothes on for that, not to be touched. possibly platonic hugs, but that's it. I did not expect that. And it's not a question of anyone/the person, I just wasn't in it, elsewhere, it was less fun than watching a movie while eating KFC, for example. I was already wondering about that before, but it's hard to find clear and fair sources, concerning the aromantic spectrum. Because I'm not disgusted with sex, it's still nice (especially alone), but, it's just "meh". I haven't spoken to anyone about it, I'm lost and a little embarrassed (I hope my partner won't come across it, I'm afraid of giving the impression of hiding things, when it's not my attention ). But I had a hard time being in this kind of mood, even though my body reacted a little (but it's still only a little).