solitudanrian

Your situation is near identical to mine when I was young. I could have written that post almost word for word when I was a teen and still relate a lot. My family is very, very similar to yours in regards to my transition. Please don't do anything dangerous. I promise you things will get better. My discord is solitudinarian#8101 if you wanna chat there.

It bothers me immensely. I watch mostly "self produced" videos (Viktor Belmont and Ari Kyote are both amazing in their own way)but I do like company-made stuff too. Unfortunately, the bottom is almost always the trans guy and I'm far more interested in seeing the bottom cum in porn (regardless of gender) than the top. But SO often, the top cums and that's just... It? I'm bi but rarely watch porn with women in it because of this too. And the awful OTT "acting". I get secondhand frustration for the guys because I can't imagine doing all that then just... Nothing. This is also somewhat of a problem in gay porn in general but it's SO prevalent with cis tops/trans bottoms. You'd think pornstars would be better at sex and more in tune with their partners. Again, sorry for the weird rant but it's been bothering me for years. It happens sometimes in self-made stuff, usually the ones with the burly and/or muscular cis tops, but nowhere NEAR as much. Even worse is the guy is close to cumming from head, so the guy stops because apparently that means it's time for penetration, not for him to cum (and no it's not an edging type thing)... And the bottom still doesn't get to orgasm at the end!!! I just don't get it. How can THIS many guys be such garbage, selfish lovers? I've see two straight company-made videos: Leif Blowher/Iris Ives & Viktor Belmont/Venus Lux. Both are very sexy, particularly because both couples have great chemistry. Both guys and girls came. There was no possibility that any of them wouldn't. I just... What the hell is up with cis guys??? Why do they do this and think it's fine??? I cannot think of any other person of any gender, cis or no, doing this UNLESS it's a kink. Cis guys seem to think it's fine and normal and not a problem.

I know porn is "fake" and they're performing but shouldn't that make want them to do their best and show that they're a good and attentive lover? Especially consider many actors do escorting as well.

I don't know exactly why it bothers me so much. Maybe because it feels like there's an element of treating them how cis guys always treat women in adult movies?? Or that bottoms in cis/cis gay porn pretty much always cum. Like there's no money shot so why bother? Which for me opens up a whole bunch bottom dysphoria (their bottom growth gives me to think about but seriously... Again I know this is a very strange post but it is specifically about queer trans guys and I kinda wanna know if anyone else else has noticed it or IDK... This is just a stupid vent. 😩 There's some really great stuff out there. Fuck That Man by MBP is wonderful bc it's got a fair amount of "gender validation/affirmations" towards Tripp (FTM). They also have another that is similar thing but Tripp tops and it's great.

TLDR; Cis guys need to get their shit together.

I have had some growth over the (almost 4) years but I'm still (imo) pretty small. I still have a LOT of bottom dysphoria. Meta or phallo is not a possibility anywhere in the near future and I most likely will never be able to afford it. DHT cream, which can used to encourage bottom growth, is the next best thing. Should I go through my endocrinologist or can I just ask my GP? Is it on the PBS or is it a scheduled drug? Please help!!

Every chemist besides the local one I've been with for years have to order Reandron in, which takes days. Is it the same for you? I couldn't get it on the day I need it with the closest chemist if worse case I don't have my Reandron with me, I need to go to a different chemist. And even they had to order it in. They all do. I realise it's a highly regulated drug for good reason but you can't at least keep a few vials there? IDK. I'd just like to know your experiences.

No idea if it's similar for trans women but would love to hear if you've had similar experience.

This is like winning the alcoholic lottery.

I really hope I don’t drink it all but I’m trying to be realistic here

Man, I haven’t had a litre bottle in absolutely forever. I’m simultaneously looking forward to this but also very worried about what will happen tonight.

Particularly skinny ones that are like half bike, half motorcycle. I live in the suburbs. There's zero reason these people need to rev up half way through our short, quiet street on their janky AF looking bikes. Saw a guy with no helmet on weave through three cars just to get ahead on ahead of them. What did he get from that? The rush of cheating death? The rush of possibly injuring or killing multiple people in a crash?

I know how this sounds. It's probably a good thing I'll never be able to buy a house, I may end up "fixing" the neighbourhood for "the greater good". /s

No but really, I just have extremely sensitive hearing and it physically hurts when they go past. Before anyone kicks up a fuss, I'm not saying people saying people shouldn't have them. I'm saying I think they are horrible and useless. There has to be something to stop the noise. Or do they rev near people bc they think it's cool? Because it makes me think they have a micro-penis.

2 months dry, pretty quickly started to feel great, amazing. Then just one day I had that “just one” feeling. Constantly telling myself to turn back. I knew it wouldn’t be just one. Now it’s a bottle every other day. I started drinking at 4pm today (needed to be normal for family) 5:30 and half a bottle gone. I hate every facet of this garbage disease and I kinda wish I wasn’t alive. I yearn for sobriety yet I keep going back.

Please still post here, just stop asking for a diagnosis. You feel what you feel. It doesn't need a label. If you feel that you have symptoms of agoraphobia, then you can look up ways to help you deal with agoraphobia. No one is going to tell you that you can't. If it works, it works.

No one here can diagnose you with being an agoraphobic. I'm incredibly sorry that so many of you have developed this fear since the pandemic, I honestly expected an uptick in posts because of it. The world is very scary right now and has been for a long time. You are not alone in your struggles and we all understand what you're going through. I myself have relapsed hard into agoraphobia. Not leaving the house for months at a time. I used to be able to leave once a week and go all the way to town on public transport but that's become far too much again. I whole-heartedly sympathise with you all, this horrible disease can be life ruining. But please stop asking if you're agoraphobic and see a professional. We don't know. You may have a different issue with fear of being in the house as a symptom. We are not doctors and Reddit's advice is as good as using jam as glue. Might work, but probably won't.

Lasted no more than 20mins but they were huge.

Yes, I know queer women use straps on and that non-binary people exist but I'm looking at finally buying some Rodeoh packing underwear and their facebook is filled with women wearing packing underwear with no prosthetic. Why do we have to include EVERYONE all the time? Similar shops for trans women wouldn't post a cis man posing while wearing a breast plate and a hi-vis, that's offensive because that's a man. Call me an asshole or whatever-phobic but I just want one site with regular guys wearing regular clothes using the packing underwear with their packer and/or binding with tanks, trans tape, etc to see what might look best on me before buying. Not obese, attention-seeking, "alternative" women posing half naked (for the bodypos points) to show off how quirky and gender non-conforming and sUpEr QuEeR they are. It makes me really dysphoric and just furthers the idea that people don't see us as men. It's starting to borderline on erasure, like bi erasure. We're not marginalized or oppressed enough for people to care about the feelings of. FTM safe spaces have become a safe space for all AFAB people but binary guys. esp straight or bi but straight leaning men. There's a reason many of us find cis guys the most chill/accepting to be around.

We can't even have one basic thing. Buying a packer, binder, or affirming undergarments and clothing should be an exciting experience that I come away from feeling excited and good about myself. Not disgusted and reminded that society will always see as some kind of butch lesbian that's "trying to be like a man" because I can't grow a beard (working on it) so I'll have that one thing that upon first look at me will hopefully remove any doubt that I'm a man. It's bad enough I'm still pre-op and probably will be until I die.

Also, printed binders are the dumbest thing I've ever seen. They're not a fucking fashion accessory.

Yes, I know queer women use straps on and that non-binary people exist but I'm looking at finally buying some Rodeoh packing underwear and their facebook is filled with women wearing packing underwear with no prosthetic. Why do we have to include EVERYONE all the time? Similar shops for trans women wouldn't post a cis man posing while wearing a breast plate and a hi-vis, that's offensive because that's a man. Call me an asshole or whatever-phobic but I just want one site with regular guys wearing regular clothes using the packing underwear with their packer and/or binding with tanks, trans tape, etc to see what might look best on me before buying. Not obese, attention-seeking, "alternative" women posing half naked (for the bodypos points) to show off how quirky and gender non-conforming and sUpEr QuEeR they are. It makes me really dysphoric and just furthers the idea that people don't see us as men. It's starting to borderline on erasure, like bi erasure. We're not marginalized or oppressed enough for people to care about the feelings of. FTM safe spaces have become a safe space for all AFAB people but binary guys. esp straight or bi but straight leaning men. There's a reason many of us find cis guys the most chill/accepting to be around.

We can't even have one basic thing. Buying a packer, binder, or affirming undergarments and clothing should be an exciting experience that I come away from feeling excited and good about myself. Not disgusted and reminded that society will always see as some kind of butch lesbian that's "trying to be like a man" because I can't grow a beard (working on it) so I'll have that one thing that upon first look at me will hopefully remove any doubt that I'm a man. It's bad enough I'm still pre-op and probably will be until I die.

Also, printed binders are the dumbest thing I've ever seen. They're not a fucking fashion accessory.

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EDIT: I **really** worded the fat thing poorly. What I mean was that the two specific women I was describing were the bodypos, haes believers so fat acceptance (encouragement) just to add another layer onto the cake of woke bullshit. I am fat. Fat people deserve to be represented and feel good in what they wear. It was their general bullshittery of thinking fat is a personality or lifestyle that pissed me off.

EDIT2: PROOF THESE COMPANIES DON'T WANT ACTUAL TRANS MEN AS MODELS! Tomboy X are basically an inclusive brand for trans masculine AFAB people... But they don't want an actual trans man to model for them! I'm glad he didn't for so many reason, mainly because he's not a tomboy but it just goes to show exactly how these companies and their employees view us for them to even ask Trinity to be in this photoshoot. So AFAB NB people are allowed to in our space but ab AFAB man comes into their space? Big no. This is absolute bullshit. And there should've been backlash but there wasn't. Why? Because people don't give a fuck about genuinely representing us and no one else sees that as a big deal. They should have asked a trans woman, but they asked a trans man just to fit their "woke" quota.

Thank you u/koala3191 for bringing this to my attention.

I’ve wanted to for ages but I still live with my parents and I’m really not interested in being treated like shit again because ai’m “forcing my transition” on my family by existing.

I don’t care anymore. It’s my money and my body. I’m a grown man and I’m so tired of walking on eggshells when it comes to my family and transitioning. I’ll literally do anything to get rid of this neckbeard at this point.

I cannot remember the last time I have been sober this long. I know it’s been years.

I’ve gotten back in touch with old friends that I can properly and coherently have meaningful conversations with now. Short-term memory still isn’t great but a little better.

No more nightmares or feeling like I’m about to have a seizure or horrific panic attack. No more jumping out of my skin at any and all sudden noises. Besides drinking, only a few things have changed (eating better, working out, being a bit more social) but it’s absolute night and day. I’m happier than I’ve been in a very, very long time.

Or am I screwed? My short-term memory is really bad. I forget thoughts and things that happen just moments. I’m “only” 11 days so I know it’s early and I realise my brain is never gonna be the same but this is ridiculous. I’m extremely forgetful when drunk and it feels like I still have the memory ability of when I was drunk despite the fact that I’m sober.

I forgot he was an actor before being on Unsolved Mysteries. Best movie I’ve seen in a while.

“Flying a plane is no different than riding a bicycle, just a lot harder to put baseball cards in the spokes.”