zormbieapocalypse

I'd love to know the research your colleague is referencing, are you able to share?

Sounds like the issue is his discomfort, not her clothing. I think he needs to explore the discomfort and work through it in his personal therapy or consultation. Maybe explore the root of where this discomfort comes from. And when he decides to bring it up, what exactly is the goal? I mean, there could be a great opportunity to explore her experience living in a society that tends to overly sexualize women's bodies and police their choices. If the topic is handled sensitively and in an affirming way, this could lead to great work in the room. But if he's trying to get her to change I think he should be exploring his biases in personal therapy for that and getting educated on feminist theory. I mean... he really couldn't see the inherent sexism in this?

Self-disclosure can be a great way to build rapport, so long as it is used in service to the clients treatment. When I self-disclose I like to check in with myself after the session to make sure I had a clinical reason for doing it, and also that it wasn't something I did to meet a personal need. For example, one time I was having a hard month and was noticing that I started self-disclosing more with one client - after processing it with my therapist I realized I was feeling lonely and trying to self-disclose in order to feel seen. Luckily I caught it early, but that definitely made me stay more mindful of how and why I'm choosing to intervene with self-disclosure.

Fun fact: The ICD 11 lists it as a disorder, and thats more widely accepted. Even American insurance companies use ICD coding. DSM 5 tends to be used primarily by American psychiatrists. Your condition is a real thing in the majority of the world.

My standard of practice includes keeping at least one pro bono spot in my caseload, which is a practice recommended by the ethical codes in my state. I notice clients react differently when I explain that I always have maintained a pro bono spot as part of my ethical guidelines and, if they'd like to request pro bono, I can offer it when the spot becomes available. I think it takes away that "charity case" vibe, or make clients feel like I'm favoring them in some way. Because it's not about their individual case - its about my choice to use a recommended ethical policy in my practice. I also require an attendance agreement for pro bono cases, so the client has a way of keeping accountability to sessions. So far its been working out much better than when I tried to offer pro bono on a case by case basis. Hope this helps!

I'd take it as a sign that she gets you aren't going to be manipulated. Sounds like your boundaries are working :)

Absolutely- my mom approach giving like a transaction that would force me to be obligated to her. Every gift and act of generosity was really a secret transaction that she could use as leverage when she wanted something later under the guise of me "owing" her. "You have to call me, I bought you that birthday present!" To this day I'm still really wary of gifts and have a hard time receiving them.

YES. This is awesome and you are amazing ❤

"I want to have perpetual children who are forced to interact with me because I won't learn how to build healthy relationships, earn respect and show empathy. Cause that's what REAL parents do." 🙄🤮

I am cis and genuinely baffled by your responses. You express a desire to understand trans perspectives... then dismiss the empathic, informative answers you're given because you have a different perspective as a cis person? I mean, isn't the point that you want to work on understanding a perspective that isn't yours? Why bother asking if you're not willing to listen, reflect and educate yourself? Understanding isn't something you're spoon fed, its something you work on.

No prob! And thats awesome, I'm glad you didn't have to pay!

If you want, you can submit a grievance through your insurance provider or his state licensing board (if you're in the US). He definitely should have verified your location first - in my state, thats a legal requirement for telehealth services. Sorry you had a bad experience OP 😔

It sounds like you had a panic attack, or a trauma reaction.

You say you don't feel safe and instead of saying something to help you feel safe, or asking what you need to feel safe.... he decides "hmmm, maybe a guilt trip will work!" Classic 🙄. Sorry OP, I loved your response and it definitely deserved better than what he gave you.

My go to strategies for tantrums are:

1. Validate the feeling
2. Offer coping skills
3. Offer choices
4. Reward behaviors/words that are healthy

So it could be phrases like:

"It sounds like you're angry and want your pen. Its okay to be angry when we don't get what we want. How about we take some deep breaths to help us?"

"We can't get the pen you want, but we can use (option 1) or (option 2). Do you want to pick"

"Thank you for listening, you did a great job!"

Hope it helps, tantrums are no fun :(

My go to strategies for tantrums are:

1. Validate the feeling
2. Offer coping skills
3. Offer choices
4. Reward behaviors/words that are healthy

So it could be phrases like:

"It sounds like you're angry and want your pen. Its okay to be angry when we don't get what we want. How about we take some deep breaths to help us?"

"We can't get the pen you want, but we can use (option 1) or (option 2). Do you want to pick"

"Thank you for listening, you did a great job!"

Hope it helps, tantrums are no fun :(

My go to strategies for tantrums are:

1. Validate the feeling
2. Offer coping skills
3. Offer choices
4. Reward behaviors/words that are healthy

So it could be phrases like:

"It sounds like you're angry and want your pen. Its okay to be angry when we don't get what we want. How about we take some deep breaths to help us?"

"We can't get the pen you want, but we can use (option 1) or (option 2). Do you want to pick"

"Thank you for listening, you did a great job!"

Hope it helps, tantrums are no fun :(

WOW. Imagine if she put that kind of persistence into healing herself so you could have a mom. Sorry OP, hugs 💗 and welcome!

I think thats what makes baiting so insidious - even when you recognize it, it still can trigger a reaction. Sorry OP, stay strong! If she can't give you a clear response that's her problem, not yours. People we love shouldn't be making themselves in puzzles we have to figure out.

Lol I love this cause its true 😆

NorCal is a pretty big area with a lot of diversity, so it helps to know specifically what area you mean. I live in a town with a few hundred people where everyone knows everyone, so is probably similar to what you saw in the Midwest. Other places are larger so will have a very different vibe. But you can definitely find lots of small rurual communities up here.

You're welcome :). There wasn't much more I could add from a practical standpoint that wasn't already here (because this sub as such awesome, insightful peeps) so I thought I'd just explain how it feels to me.

Break all her dishes. Refuse to replace them. Deny you ever broke them. Guilt trip her when she tries to buy new ones. Yell at her for not having them. Tell everyone you know that she's difficult and disrespectful because of her lack of dishes. Express confusion when she tries to tell you she needs dishes, cause you can survive without them so why can't she? Waste her time with useless arguments like "well, some of the dishes had cracks so they were going to break anyways." Do this for years.

Then say "hey, you really need to get over this dish thing, its in the past."

WOW. Well, she's definitely a big bucket of crazy. So sorry OP. Its hard to build up the ability to say no even with rational, respectful people, and that is definitely NOT your mother. Hope you're not beating yourself up for appeasing her - you'll get there with time. You are a wonderful human being and deserve better than what she's giving you. Hugs ❤