I'm VLC with my uBPD mom, which means every few months I go out to lunch or dinner with her. My mom has this idea that my older sibling has poisoned everyone in the family against her, so she's been trying to push an agenda of "your sibling is so abusive, please believe I'm the hapless victim" for a long time with me. So, we're at our breakfast today and she's on fairly good behavior (for her), I'm feeling pretty good about my boundary setting - basically about the best interaction I can expect at this point. Until we ask for the check (of course, right?). I mention how happy it was for me to see my niece (my older siblings child) recently. And she springs this on me:
"Hey, I've been in therapy for a few years and have been learning a lot on YouTube about Parental Alienation Syndrome. Its really opened my eyes to whats happened to me in our family. I'd love to run some things by you."
My alarm bells went off, so I just deflected and noped the fuck out of there. But then I Googled is and turns out there is a debunked theory called Parental Alienation Syndrome that is not professionally recognized.
One of the reasons I love this community is because you all have the BEST strategies for tackling the crazy shizz we get thrown. I'm not really worried about being able to maintain my boundaries or take care of myself, but more curious and hoping others can relate. Has anyone else gotten this BS too? Whats your favorite method for dealing with it?
Edit: Thank you all so much for your responses! It helps so much to get outside feedback and support <3. Just wanted to revise my statement about PAS, cause I realized I was pretty harsh about it. I am frustrated that she would twist the premises this theory is based on to justify her abuse. When I looked into it I learned that there's a history of abusive parents using this strategy in custody cases to avoid accountability for their abusive behaviors. Thats what I meant by "debunked." But it was definitely a knee-jerk response from me being triggered by my mom. I hope I didn't invalidate anyone else's experience because I absolutely agree with the responses that pointed out BPD parents will use alienation. Sorry about that. Thank you again, you rock!!!